cool keith

Finished reading this magazine this morning. Once again, Keith is a star.

new labour poster

This is a spoof poster, but I wish it was really used by them.

nozzer's return and back to work

I am glad to say little Nozzer has come back from the vets and he has survived another operation on his cheek. He is still a bit subdued, but a lot better than yesterday, and as is plainly visible from the before and after pictures above, looking a lot worse for wear. He has to go back on Wednesday, and at the moment he has a pellet in his cheek, plus he has to have antibiotics until his return to the vets. At least he is back home, I was a bit worried something might go wrong this time, and let's face it, like his daddy, he is no longer a spring chicken (think he is about seven years old). It did say however (in the Observer giveaway about small animals), that rabbits can live to about twelve years old. Let's hope so.

In other news, I returned to work yesterday and finished at 2.30pm today. Oh it was great too be back, back amongst the thick of it and keeping myself out of mischief. At least I could sit around watching the first leg of Arsenal v Barcelona while getting paid for doing so (Barcelona relaxed too much and should have hammered Arsenal). I had to get a 'OK to return to work' note from the doctor, and was praying he would say he couldn't give me one (that's another story), but unfortunately, the note was no problem. I never bothered getting a sick note for Tuesday either, so I used one days holiday when I could have got it back. Never mind, it was still marvellous to be off again last week. It was no trouble cycling to work, but coming back I had the bloody wind blowing directly at me and it is nearly all uphill. Christ my legs were aching by the time I managed to drag myself off the bike. I was cursing all the way home, but it's character building I suppose. Legs like tree trunks for the summer.

toodle pip

handsome men's club

My t-shirt is in the post
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life - bah humbug!

What a crappy day it is today. Still getting over last nights 2-1 defeat to Bayern in the first leg of the quarter finals (1-0 up from the start, then lost in injury time.) Rooney also hurt himself, so he is unlikely to play on Saturday against Chelsea, and probably the return leg against Bayern next week. Damn.

Also, little Nozzer is not himself. The little blighter is very quiet and doing very small hard poos, plus his cheek has swollen up again. He is off to the vets tomorrow morning, as there were no appointments available for this afternoon.

I am also back to work today (extra special DAMN!!), so will be cycling in in aprox one hour. I wouldn't be surprised if it pissed down as well, just to rub it in. If I believed in a God I would be cursing him now. The milk has run out again so I can't even have a coffee. Certainly don't want to go near the soya milk again.

At least I finish work tomorrow afternoon until after the Chelsea game on Saturday, plus there is Friday in the Boro to look ahead to (Good Friday day out/piss up). I also still have my dents in my skull to fiddle with, so I suppose I will struggle on.

Damn again! It has just started to rain a little bit!

toodle pip

latest collapsing news

Just got back from the doctors again, as he wanted me in to discuss the results of my tests. Everything is fine at the moment, my heart seems to be in tip top condition (like a 21 year old), and all my blood tests were fine, except for one that showed a possible under active thyroid, which the doc does not have too much concern about, as there is no family history of it and I do not have intolerance to cold, or feel tired a lot (the opposite in fact).

I have to return in two weeks for more blood tests and get strapped up with a heart monitor for 24 hours. I will look like a suicide bomber when I go out. If nothing is found then, it's a call to a neurosurgeon and a cardiologist for further detailed investigation.

As for the dents in my skull, as long as I am suffering no pain from them, they are nothing to be worried about. Still feel impressive though, I hope they don't heal up.

Back to work tomorrow. Damn!

Highly coincidentally (or not), I have also just received the above in the post. Talk about striking for a new market straight away. Cheeky bastards. I definitely do not need a pro skid chair, that's for sure.

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the sky from our house

I took the dark pictures while out feeding Tubbs the rabbit, very late on. The rainbow was early on in the day from the spare room window while at the computer. It's a pity I couldn't find the decent camera for the night ones as it looked really spooky. Sadly, these were taken on my mobile and I didn't know how to zoom in and capture the scene effectively. Never mind.

apt correspondent

Vienna Boys’ Choir caught

up in

sex

abuse scandals

Roger Boyes, Berlin Correspondent of The Times

• 43 COMMENTS

RECOMMEND? (780)

(Alberto Pellaschiar/AP)

Georg Ratzinger has admitted hearing of cases of ill-treatment during his time as director of the Regensburg choir

The most famous choir in the world has been caught up in the wave of paedophile scandals sweeping Germany and Austria, with eight former choristers denouncing their teachers in the past few days.

An open letter from the management of the Vienna Boys’ Choir to parents expressed regret at the incidents, which were recounted by former singers now aged between 40 and 70

This report goes on for longer, but the main thing I noticed was the name of the Berlin correspondent. Didn't anyone else spot this? The world's a funny old place (not for the boys involved though)

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google books

Google books is great - loads of books on it for free and also loads of old magazines. I have just been wasting some more of my precious time looking at old issues of Spin (USA music magazine). There is definitely not enough time in the world to read everything. It would help if I was off work permanently.

http://books.google.com/books/serial/ISSN:08863032?rview=1&rview=1&source=gbs_navlinks_s

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footballers as pop stars

Dimitar Berbatov with Spandau Ballet

Joey Barton with the Small faces

This could keep me entertained for hours, footballers who look like they should be in a pop band.

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head caved in

I am getting grief off the FPO as I have discovered I have a couple of dents in my skull from collapsing, one of them being pretty impressive, even if I say so myself.

As they do not hurt, and try as I may, I can't push my finger into my brain, I am not bothered about them, (apart from to show off and let people feel them - fnaarr). Unfortunately, the FPO wants me to make an appointment at the doctors to get them checked out. As I have to phone about my tests last week, I think I will just explain on the telephone and only go in if they really think it is necessary.

It's a good job I've got a thick head or I would be dead by now.

Sadly though, the dents are not as impressive as the fellow above. He had an accident which caved his skull in (still lived) and he was like that for a couple of months. I can't remember now where he was from. Anyhow, he makes my dents look rubbish (the git).

No work till Wednesday though, as they phoned today and said they would cover my Tuesday shift - result!!

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tory posters

When watching the Russell Howard show last night, he featured a couple of piss taking Tory posters. Well here's two more that I was just about to post. Damn! He beat me to it, although they have been knocking about for a while, so it serves me right.

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Sistine chapel

This is a link from the Vatican, showing the Sistine chapel, and it is so outrageously good. Those painters knew what they were doing (Mike and Joe?)

http://www.vatican.va/various/cappelle/sistina_vr/index.html

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carra

I borrowed this off someone at work on Sunday, as 'Carra' is from Bootle like me, so I was curious to read about his early days. Sadly, he is from Marsh lane, very close to where I was born (the other side of North park) but it meant he went to a different primary school than me. Didn't plan on reading the whole book, but decided I might as well as I am off work. Skimmed a lot of the talk about Liverpool and was not interested in the stories about their triumphs (so long ago now!), so overall it was not that interesting for me. Think it's good that he is so proud of his roots though, still hangs around with his old Bootle mates and although he plays it down in the book, I know he has helped out supporters financially when they have been stuck. Just a pity he plays for Liverpool really. Admits as well that he would rather Liverpool were successful rather than England. Substitute Manchester United in place of Liverpool and I am in agreement.

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oranges are not the only fruit and new york dolls

More fun and games as I am still off work. Finished watching Oranges are not the only fruit, as I had Sky+'d the series when it was being repeated recently. It was still great after all the years that have passed since it first came out. The book is good but I prefer the series for the dialect and accents. reminds me of the FPO and her family.

Still downloading and listening to lots of music as well. Just got the above bootleg of the New York Dolls, recorded live in the studio before their first album. I can't explain (and I am not in the Who) how chuffed I am with it. Easily the best Dolls bootleg I have, with great versions of all their classics (Jet Boy, Pills, Looking for a Kiss etc), and in great quality. They also talk a bit between songs ("Why are you being so macho? Chill out, you've both got dicks"). What more could they do to improve it? - nothing. If there was such a thing as heaven, I'm already there!. Sod work, I'm never going back.

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hippie coffee

As there is no milk in the house and I can't be bothered going out to get any yet, I thought I would have a cup of coffee with the FPO's soya milk. This is what it goes like - disgusting. Plus this is after it had been stirred a couple of times to try and make it better. It appears as though it has settled down, then goes like this again. It also tastes how it looks, not very good at all. No wonder I keep collapsing, trying to drink this crap. Looks like it's back to the flavoured water for now.
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cocaine cowboys

As I am still off work (hurrah!), I have been sitting around as usual, watching TV and reading. Finished watching the Cocaine Cowboys documentary this afternoon, which was pretty damn interesting. It's about the rise of Miami and how it was related to the smuggling in of cocaine from Columbia, speaking to the police and ex smugglers. The money involved was ridiculous, one of the smugglers estimated he had spent 50 million dollars, and there were many times they just did not know what to do with all the excess money. Once they had bought houses, planes, boats, land racehorses etc, they ended up stashing it anywhere, going so far as to dig holes and bury it for later. Obviously it all went pear shaped, gangs from Cuba got involved, then there were lots of killings and assassinations. It does make you think how much money is enough. The smugglers were clever guys, so you would think they might pack in the trade before getting caught, especially once you have about 50 million. As they admitted, the main thing was the power they had (which the money provided). It all became too addictive, and that was without them doing their own drugs. I like to think I would have got out early and avoided prison, but you never know (I didn't last time). Serving seven years is still not too bad for having that kind of money (if you can do your time without any hassle)
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David Essex - Rock On

What a great song, and what a fine good looking gentleman

collapser update

I have now had my blood pressure checked (like a sleeping 21 year old) and had an ECG today, which was fine. Blood tests tomorrow morning and I may have to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours to check for any abnormalities. Just been lazing around today (apart from the visit to the Doctors). Had a long soak in the bath and tried to avoid hurting my neck or back, both hurt more now but it's fine and manageable. Exciting stuff!
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the collapser returns

Once again I have been having a fun old time, collapsing again and banging my head again. This happened after the United win against Liverpool (2-1 on Sunday). I had some food and went to JT's to celebrate, but zonked out again. This is the first time that it has happened when I have had food, so it is a bit of a turn up to say the least. I have been to the Doctors and have to have more tests done, but he is ruling out seizures at the moment and thinks it may be a problem with my heart. First time I have heard that, but at least I have not been stopped from driving, as I thought I might do. At least I am off work again till next Tuesday, so there's always a good side (even though I am a bit sore at the moment). Lets see what the tests show up and take it from there.
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the death of bunny munro

Finished this book by Nick cave today, about 5 minutes before setting off to work, so it was a close one. It's a pretty good book, although very dirty (Naughty Nick). I think I may have to investigate his other stuff, I like his music a lot, but have never bothered reading anything by him before. The Ass Looked at The Angel (or whatever it is called) will be the next one of his to tick off, I can feel a purchase from Amazon coming on.
I am at work at the moment, nothing much to do apart from waiting for Match of the Day to come on. I say there is nothing to do, but there is, I just don't feel like doing it at the moment, as I have been poking my ear again, so my ear and jaw are pretty sore ... again (idiot that I am).
I won't be able to put in my earplugs or earphones tonight, so I hope it's quiet.
Really looking forward to the United v Liverpool game tomorrow. I'll be watching it as soon as I burst through the door back home. I will hopefully be able to get away and home for 1.30 (kick off time). Hope United don't blow it.
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night in with sport relief

Spent the evening at home tonight, watching bits of Sport Relief and some of the stuff that had been Sky+, Mad Men, American Office and Question Time. David Starkey was on Question Time tonight - what a knob he is. Talking of knobs, the fat one from Gavin and Stacey was on Sport Relief, which I was not keen on as I don't normally rate his stuff, and don't think he is that funny. he did however, make a good speech tonight, slagging off the celebs in the audience (who were obviously in on the joke), ending in a rousing 'Come on' for England. I must admit it was pretty good, although booze had been drank beforehand. Called in at the paper shop on the way home from work and got two bottles of wine (they foolishly thought I was in to pay my paper bill, which is now £25). After the wine was gone, drank all the cans and bottles in the house (about eight). The FPO was very tiddly and disappeared off to bed, leaving me with Nozzer and the last can in the fridge (always a bad idea). Let's just say me and Nozzy will look a bit sheepish in the morning, but I can live with it if he can.
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notes from a defeatist

Damn! Back to work this afternoon for the next eight days (including four sleepovers). Can't wait for it, as you can imagine.
I have just got out of bed after finishing Joe Sacco's 'Notes from a Defeatist'. It was pretty good in some places, mainly about the air strikes during the wars (Second World War over Germany and Japan, and the first Gulf). Some of the other stuff was not that great though, I much preferred his other books (Safe Area Gorazde and Palestine).
Off to check Sky news and see what time the footie starts on Sunday. United play Liverpool, so I think I may have to finish work early to get back for it. My favorite game of the premiership season (as long as United don't get beaten like they did last year).
At least that's something to look forward to at the weekend - it had better be a good result!
Ah well, may squeeze in a quick bath before heading off on my trusty steed to work. Deep joy.
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at home

Another normal day and night at home. I was at home listening to music, reading, and watching some TV. Nice and quiet and lovely, snuggling up to Nozzer, ignoring St Paddy's day and avoiding the pub.

The FPO turns up early. Complaints about work, her dad, being emotional and not feeling 100%.

She then fell down the stairs.

Luckily there was no harm done (or a nursing home beckons). We then went to Tesco for food and wine, then spent the night watching a bit of TV (Shameless, Oranges are not the only fruit), then I went upstairs to read and listen to music while she relaxed and watched the cookery programmes.

The stuff I listened to is above, and I am now off to watch the Barcelona game I recorded (Barcelona will stuff them). Feeling a little tiddly, let's hope I don't kill the neighbours.

toodle pip

chelsea out (again)

Splendid result! I have just watched the Chelsea v Inter game (at the Bridge) and Inter won 1-0, to knock out Chelsea. Great result as far as United are concerned regarding the European Cup (old money), as Inter will be easier to beat, although they did play well last night. In fact Inter should have scored more, except for poor finishing (I would have buried their chances). It gives Chelsea more time off between League games, but that is definately a price worth paying. They will be sickened by the fact that they are out again, and it makes it sweeter that they feel they should have had a penalty (or two) and Drogba lost it and got sent off again. Hillarious!

Barcelona are still in it though (they play tonight) and their midfield is still awesome (especially Messi). Let's hope it's another United v Barcelona final, but United turn up for longer than 15 minutes to try and get revenge for last year.

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killer and gran torino

Ticked off two more films today, the newish Clint Eastwood one (2008), and a 1996 film based on a journal by Carl Panzram, a killer who was hanged in 1930.

Both were OK, the Clint one was better, but not too sure about all the racism in it and the message it is trying to put across (even a grumpy old racist can have a heart of gold?). The killer one also had a message that a nasty murderer could have been a nice person if he had been given the chance (or a different backstory).

I actually agree with both points, but just think it was not presented in a believable way.

I have got to get round to putting Nasty Nick's poems up. He is an example of someone who comes across as a nasty racist, but has a soft spot somewhere (it's just hard to find!)

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mark owen and shaun ryder

Shaun making an honest man of himself (again)

Mark with Neve, his mistress of five years

So little Mark Owen has admitted he has had a few (maybe 10?) one night stands and he has also had an affair for the last five years. First of all, what a surprise. He is a good looking international pop star with lots of opportunities while he is away on tour or recording. Secondly, there is no way he wanted to come out and admit all this. The Sun obviously had the story, but rather than just print it, gave Mark the chance to tell it from his side, getting more sympathy for himself and them not alienating Take That, thus losing stories and exclusives in the future. They would have told Mark that if they did not print the story, some-one else would, so it would all come out anyway, therefore leaving him no choice except to spill the beans. More damaging to his marriage is the long term affair with Neve (above), as that will be looked upon by his wife as more of a betrayal, rather than a drunken one night stand. Mark says he has been faithful since getting married (good man - four long months), but I also reckon he would have had a lot more than 10 one night stands. That is just a good figure to give, as it does not seem too many, but will explain away any women coming forward trying to sell their story, as he will be counting on the number coming forward being less than 10. I bet he is forgiven, will have to stop drinking and make more statements about how sorry he is, how stupid he has been, and how he has now cleaned up his act. It will never last.

In other news, Shaun Ryder has got married again Doesn't he look great when he's straight? Another one that will never last, unless he dies before the divorce.

Pop stars eh!

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life is good (for some)

Marvelous day today. I stayed in bed till 4pm reading, then had a bath and food, before watching some TV. Didn't even bother going to The Wine Bar to see Joe. I am now going to pratt about on the computer until the early hours.
Someone who did not have it so good was this slave (no name). He has been whipped for trying to escape, and I do mean whipped properly. Look at those scars. I bet that smarted a bit.
As the title says life is good (for some)
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little green man

Just finished reading this, which I picked up in the Oxfam shop. Not a bad book at all, although I didn't think it was that great. Barney decides to get in touch with some old mates and do dares like they used to do when they were all at school, treating the little green man (an ornament) of the title a s a God. He tells them that it has been valued at £750,ooo and whoever keeps doing the dares till the end can have (people are eliminated if they refuse to do the dares). There are some good plot changes near the end, which I was not expecting at all, so it was a good book in that sense, and it did keep you guessing what was going to happen. After I finished it I was not that impressed, but thinking in hindsight about it, I changed my mind. It would certainly make a good film.
In other news, United stuffed Fulham today, I am off work till Thursday afternoon, so celebrated with three bottles of Pinot (between us). Bliss.
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japan is great

This looks like an ordinary container of noodles, but of no! Them crazy Japanese have only gone and made another device for having sex (if you are a man).

As in the picture, there is a gap for the penis and it comes (fnarr fnarr) with lubricant.

Genius

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Cute bunny

Thinking about the Alice film yesterday, I tried to dress Nozzer up in a little waistcoat (OK, not so little in his case). As he was having non of it, and I couldn't catch Tubbs, here's a picture of a cute rabbit.

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alice in wonderland

I saw Sherlock Holmes the other night

The wife's idea, she thought it'd be alright

But like the Thames is full of flotsam

Jude Law was playing Watson

It was directed by Guy Ritchie

It was shite

JD Jan 2010

Not really
As I am putting the hours in and wanted to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D, decided to drive to Teeside Park to watch it there, as it was only showing in boring old 2D in Richmond.

This was not a bad idea in itself, chose the 2pm viewing as there would be no kids in the audience, then get something like a KFC afterwards, maybe setting off at 1pm to ensure there was plenty of time for the journey, just in case there were roadworks or suchlike.

The FPO had other ideas. Before I knew what was happening, I was woken up and dragged out of bed to set off on the journey. I took a picture of the time on the car clock (didn't show up properly), as it was 11.16am and passing by Scotch Corner. The reason for the early start? Lunch beforehand of course, as the FPO wanted to go to Pizza Express (even though it would be like breakfast for me and I had just had a slice of toast and some coffee to try and wake up). When we got there, it wasn't open for another 30 minutes, so it was off to Morrisons to stock up on sweets, chocolates and drink, before heading into Imperial City for an all you can eat buffet.

Eventually the hours passed and the FPO had finished her 4th plateful, so I finally got to go to the pictures and relax, trying not to fall asleep from exhaustion.

The film was a lot better than reports had said. Even the attendant in Morrisons asked if we were off to see it (when he saw the massive bags of goodies), and advised us not to go. When I said I wanted to see the 3D effects, he told me not to bother, and I would be better off closing my eyes instead (something, at the time, I would loved to have done as I was so tired).

The effects turned out to be fantastic, I was really impressed and would definitely go and see more 3D films, maybe even travelling to an Imax theatre to watch one in all its glory.

Called in Tesco on the way home for more Chinese food and bottles of wine, then sat around watching Mad Men and The Office (USA version), trying not to explode.

Those bloody hours I am putting in! Next trip to the pictures will be to the Station, straight there and then back again afterwards. I like the pictures now and again, it's just the hours and hours of entertainment before and after that I am not so keen on. Straight in and out (like the SAS), that's what I say.

At least Liverpool were beaten in the Europa league as well, so it turned out to be a decent day after all.

toodle pip

4-0 against milan - the return of beckham

Hurrah! Finished work again for a couple of days and Manchester United have just beaten Milan 4-0 to reach the quarter finals of the European Cup (In old money). The game was a bit dead as United scored early and dented Milan's hopes (Milan were already 3-2 down from the game at the San Siro). Good to see Beckham back though. he got a great reception off the United fans, but they also took the piss, singing "Fergie Fergie sign him up" and booing him when he touched the ball. At least Beckham had a decent game, even though the game was already decided and there were only about 30 minutes left when he came on. He nearly scored as well, with a stonking volley from just outside the area that went straight at Van de Sar. That would have been a dream goal, but it wasn't to be. Although he distanced himself from the action afterwards, it was also good to see him don a yellow and green scarf after the game, to go along with all the protests on the night (especially the two big Glaziers out banners).
Rooney was the new white Pele again and scored another two goals, to bring his total so far this year to 30. Can't see him beating Ronaldo's 42, but you never know. Let's hope he doesn't get injured, because United certainly need him.

toodle pip

wine bar

A splendid day was had by all yesterday. I spent the morning in bed, watched a bit of TV, and then had a surprise when Robbo called round, as he had taken the day off. Had a bit of a chat, then went down to the Wine bar, even though I don't normally go down there until after 3pm on a Monday. Ended up staying till 6pm aprox, and had a good laugh with Joe, Dave the Health and Safety guy, Ritchie, his brother Dave, Mandy and Cavanagh.
Managed to contain myself and not collapse when I got back (which is always a bonus these days). Christ knows how long Joe is going to keep going. His mind is not as sharp as it was after a few drinks (mainly once we hit the whisky), but he is still very switched on. I think he is nearly 80 now (78?) so he is doing well. Cost me a bleeding fortune over the years, but the place won't be the same without him.
At least I remembered to have some crisps and food when I got back, can't believe it, I am looking after myself! (sort of).
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respect to the captain

Wow. I have finally found someone I respect.
There was an article in last weeks Observer magazine about Charles Veley, a self made millionaire who is only 44 now, but decided to see the world a few years ago, and at the time of printing, he had been to 806 different countries.
That is something I would really like to do. Then again, visiting a lot of the countries, he had more or less landed, got the photo, then buggered of elsewhere. I know it is time consuming, but if I am visiting somewhere, I want to stay at least one night, so I can go out and experience it. Mr Veley (as I call him), has still done pretty good though, and it must be fantastic to retire and do what you want at such an early age (he was 35 when he made his fortune).
That is not the full story though, and he is not the person I respect in this tale, not by a long chalk (oh no, not at all).
The real man I look up to is the captain of the boat Mr Veley (as I call Him), hired to get him away from Christmas Island. After Mr Valey (as I call him) had waited for three days for the boat, he went to introduce himself to the boats captain. The captain was drunk, stoned, naked and masturbating. What a man! It takes me back to the old days in Amsterdam, when I was served by a man who was watching porn and masturbating behind the counter (Did he have his penis in full view mister? Oh yes, he certainly did!).
The captain is the most recent person I shout out my respect to, although someone else in Leeds is already nicknamed the captain, so he can't be called that.
I will lead my life like the captain from now on (Damn, too late, I already do). What a man. Respect.
toodle pip

putting the hours in

Oh what a gay day I have had today.

I didn't go to bed till about 5.30am, and was then woken up with tea and toast at 9am, with suggestions that "it's a nice day, let's go for a walk".

As I still want the marriage to work, off I went to Easby Abbey by Richmond. Wandered round by the river, checked out all the middle class walkers/wankers, then went inside the Church next to Easby Abbey (and nicked the postcards I have scanned). That just shows it wasn't all bad and at least I gained something from the day.Luckily I still had the memory of United's scrappy win against Wolves in my mind, so at least I had something to think about while I was bonding with nature and history.

To tell the truth, I don't mind going somewhere and having a walk about as long as there is something interesting to see. That (to me) means outrageous natural beauty, or something historical and interesting. Otherwise it's the pub, computer, decent stuff on the TV, music, reading or football for me. Notice how I have not mentioned ladies or porn. I mean solitary pursuits (damn! porn is one of them!).

Met nasty Nick on the way home, who was surprised I had been to Church (but that was good for my crazy credentials, as I also had postcards on me to prove my tale was correct, and I was carrying a plastic bag full of bottles of wine - hurrah!). I will have to put up some of his poetry soon, as long as I have not already done so when pissed. Not that I am that bothered, I will stick it up anyway.

Once back at home, watched a decent programme that talked about Hogarth (especially ' The Rakes Progress'), and Hitchcock's 'Dial M for Murder. Both really good - the hours fly by in Cleveland Road.

I will probably stay up late again tonight, the FPO is tucked up, Nozzer is in his cage, and there is a great world of information at my fingertips. What's not too like? (Oh, I nearly forgot, the wine has been drunk and I am off work). Fantastico!

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