aneurin bevan on the nhs

Well said matey boy. We'll certainly miss it when it has been fucked up and disbanded.

toodle pip

the dodgy looking tomato sauce packet

After making some sausage sandwiches yesterday to watch the football with (the crunches and keep fit regime can always wait), l discovered that l'd run out of tomamto sauce. However, after a search of the cupboards, l discovered these satches of tomato sauce, bought while on holiday somewhere or other.
All well and good, but the trouble is, l know they are at least a few years old, don't know where they are from, and don't know how long the sauce will be edible for.
Did l google it to find out, or just slap it on the bread and take the risk?
What would Keith Richards do?
Reader, l think you know the answer, but l'm still alive and OK (maybe a matter of opinion) today.
Hopefully this won't be updated from hospital later on, and l still refuse to check how long the sauce lasts for.
Keith would be proud.


toodle pip

l knew l'm not colour blind - eye of an eagle!

While arguing at work about colours, l'm obviously convinced my views are right (as l am with just about everything). After doing a recent test to see if l could notice slight changes in colour, apparently my vision is superb, and l have the eye of an eagle.
Hurrah!

toodle pip

photographing lunatics with hugh diamond

At one time, the study of physiognomy was widespread, and one of the early pioneers in photography, doctor Hugh Welch Diamond, took photographs of his patients at the Women's Surrey County Lunatic Asylum between 1848 - 1858, hoping that they may be helped on the way to recovery by looking at their own photographs, realising and discussing how they presented themselves.
Of course we realise now that it is nonsense, but it was taken seriously for a long time, and let's face it, most people judge others within seconds by the way they look and present themselves (including me).
Here are some photographs of some of the ladies, and one of Mr Diamond himself.
Rather sadly, although Mr Diamond may have been a fine, upstanding example of morality, looking at some of the women, l would put good money on the fact that they would have been physically and sexually abused, probably outside in the community before entering the asylum or while they were incarcerated within it.
A cynical view?  Maybe, but a correct one in my estimation.
For more information about this, and some more photographs, go here.

Here's Mr Diamond, and below are some of the women. 

toodle pip

heart screenings available

I don't know if they are just targeting me, or if everybody is getting sent them, but l got this leaflet through the door the other day, offering heart screenings in a nearby village.
Cheeky sods, l'm indestructible now, plus l noticed it was about £150 to get screened.
I'd rather keel over dead than hand my money over to these scaremongers gits (possibly my famous last words!).

Nearly forgot - On a related note, l always assumed that when someone has a heart attack as a result of a blocked artery, all the arteries were cleaned and opened out afterwards, but it turns out they have an emergency angiogram and then only  stent the affected one.  Now to a common everyday idiot like me,that makes no sense.  After all, if a persons lifestyle has caused the artery to become blocked, surely all of them will also be at some stage of being narrowed, so to me, it would make sense to check and sort them out as well.
It turns out, what seems so bleeding obvious is now being implemented after recent tests at The Golden Jubilee National Hospital, which were actually halted before completion as the results were so overwhelmingly one sided and positive.  Prof Colin Berry, heart specialist at the Golden Jubilee and the University of Glasgow, said: "They were some of the most striking results for a treatment that I have ever seen. The results of this trial really challenge clinical practice.".
Obviously the treatment would cost more, but in the long term it would surely be cost effective, as the hospitals would only have to deal with later problems anyway. Naturally some heart specialists want longer tests, but they are all blithering idiots (or may have a hidden agenda)
I'm still amazed it wasn't performed as a regular procedure in the past, and as l have always said (to the annoyance of everybody, l should be in charge of everything.  Street wise and intelligent - what a lethal combination!

toodle pip

the cotton bud from my ear

One of these days l am going to deafen myself, as there is nothing l like more than rubbing a cotton bud in my ears (well, there are other things l enjoy more but let's stick to this story), but with the consequence that l sometimes get some bud stuck in my ear.  This happened to me again the other day, and l (once again) had to use tweezers to get the (not so little) bugger out.  That's it above, next to a pound coin, looking all innocent, but it drove me mad when it was lodged in.
No doubt l will be repeating the same behaviour in the not so distant future, and probably with the same outcome ( the sign of a true madman).  There's only going to be one winner, me or the buds (and sadly, l know who my money is on)

toodle pip

injuring myself like a drunken fucking idiot

 My knee after being cleaned up

My now filthy tracksuit top

 Some scratches on my face after being cleaned up

 My swollen lip after cleaning

My bloody nose just after l got home

I had a bit of a mishap yesterday evening, purely my own fault, as l am a fucking idiot.

I had been working overnight, and then in the morning, and called round to see Joe afterwards.  From there, l went to The Wine Bar, where l was pleasantly surprised to see Fred, as l had passed by a military funeral at Hipswell earlier in the day, and thought it could have been his, as he has cancer, is not well, and he used to be high ranking in the army.  I ended up staying out with him and others, and as l am trying to behave myself and not drink and drive, l left my car and decided to run home.  This may have been the slight flaw in the evenings entertainment, as l fell over about halfway home and pretty much landed on my face.  I obviously leapt back to my feet again with the reflexes of a meerkat and foolishly decided to carry on running, resulting in a second fall, with pretty much the same result.  What a drunken buffoon you may be thinking, and you could well be right, but that was not all.  When l eventually arrived home in my bloody and scratched up state, I went upstairs to clean myself up a bit, and then fell down the stairs.  It was like a one man display of top notch stupidity from start to finish.  The FPO had been house sitting at her parents while they are away on holiday, but we went to Richmond today to buy some books for my nieces birthdays, and she was openly laughing in my face at my cuts and swollen lip. I can't say l blame her, as l look like daffy duck at the moment.  My current injuries are:

Both knees scratched, swollen and sore

Both shoulders (and my bum) are sore from falling down the stairs 

Both hands scratched trying to halt the forward falls

Large scratches on my left cheek (plus it's swollen)

Scratches on my nose, and lip, plus my lip is swollen

Two scratches on my forehead, plus one small dent in my skull (again), and another cut on my scalp (again)

It's a good job my nose had already been broken playing football, and l am indestructible.  This sort of thing would have been the death of a lesser man.

Next time though, l'll order a bleeding taxi.

toodle pip

paul o'grady - at my mothers knee

I picked up this book cheap and second hand (like me), as l had enjoyed Paul O'Grady's follow up book 'The Devil Rides Out - The Second Coming', last year, but must admit, much as l like his media persona, and what little l know of him, the book was disappointing for me.
I'm sure a lot of it must have been interesting (and hard work) for him to write, dealing as it does with a lot of his family background, but l just wasn't that enthralled by his relatives and family tree.
I did enjoy it more towards the end, when he starts coming out, going to the gay bars, and moving to that there London for work (and his subsequent police record).
The last part of the book however, was really moving.  An honest and thoughtful account of his mother and fathers heart attacks, and his reaction to them.  A really moving piece of writing, and with a surprise at the end, which would have been enough by itself to make me want to read the second volume (if l hadn't already done so).
I will however, be looking out for the third one 'The Savage Years', and hope that his own heart doesn't give up in the near future, as he has had some past trouble with that.

toodle pip

cutting my head open

One of the more stupid things l have done recently, was cutting my head open, by standing up in the kitchen and catching it on an open cupboard door (with a sharp metal corner). This resulted in the above hole in my skull, which l quickly cleaned up (see towel above) and held together while a work colleague sprayed some glue on it to hold it in place.  The scab has now gone, but l have another scar to add to my collection.
And yes.....it hurt like hell.

toodle pip

I'm back again! (this time from leeds)

Well, l've finally got around to posting again, and not before time.  Christmas and New Year have long gone, and it's back to the grim reality of life.
While l've been away l haven't read much, but have been watching plenty of TV, going out, and working way too hard. Trying to sort out repairs to our house and life in general, and l also banged and split my head open, resulting in a new and improved man (who still has a cab from the cut).
I have just returned from Leeds, where Robbo and myself went to the comic fair at the Town Hall on Saturday, met my brother Paul (as it was his birthday), and pratted about all day and evening, ending up in the Stone Roses bar, dancing with some Leeds fans, before heading for some samosas and bhajis.  Then it was a taxi home for Paul, and back to the hotel for me and Robbo.  The  hotel room was nothing special (we shared a room), but the hotel itself (Bewleys) was pretty good as far as the bar, stag and hen nights, and lounging around chatting in large leather chairs went, so that suited us down to the ground. They were only messing about (I hope) but I still haven't recovered from seeing Paul and Robbo kissing in one of the gay bars.  A more hideous sight l can't imagine, and l'm sure l will be traumatised and scared for life (even more that l already am).
We returned to meet the girls in Middlesbrough the next day, then went to Cross Keys for a couple of pints and some food, before heading back to sunny Catterick, JT's, then wine, chocolate and food at home, followed by a disturbed night due to somebody snoring (I won't say who). Back to reality now and work again this afternoon, but at least there's the Manchester United against Real Madrid game to look forward to this evening. It's going to be close, and it sure is squeaky bum time.
Life goes on, and it least it is nearly summer.

toodle pip

walking to joes

One of the joys of living next to lots of countryside!  I foolishly decided to get some fresh air and walk to Joes yesterday, forgetting how wet it would be.  The journey itself doesn't take long (through the woods to Colburn), but it's a pain in the arse trying to miss all of the puddles and horse crap.
Still, it was probably the most exercise l've had for a while, so l'm obviously full of piss and vinegar now, and with my 'new heart' l felt like l could have hopped all of the way (if it wasn't for that pesky mud).

toodle pip

cotton wool in the ear

One of the many joys in life is sticking a cotton bud in your ear and having a good root around.  That is until the stinking cotton comes off the plastic part, and becomes trapped in your ear, which is what happened with this piece of cotton.  I obviously managed to retrieve it in the end, but believe me, it took some getting out.  Will it stop me repeating the actions that caused it to become stuck?  Of course not.  If anything, l now consider it a challenge,  a battle of wills between myself and the cotton buds.  There's only going to be one loser....

toodle pip

chocolate from joes

As they say in the 'Airplane!' film,  I've picked a fine day to give up chocolate.  I called round to Joes earlier  this evening as his leg/knee was playing up, and he may have to go back into hospital.  He is seeing how he gets on in the next couple of days, but before l headed back home, l was presented with a box of goodies that contained a mixture of chocolates from Cadbury's.  Joe gets them free for some reason (maybe because he owned/owns shares?) but doesn't eat the stuff, so the FPO was happy, and l attacked the Liquorice Allsorts watching United pull back a 0-2 deficit to win 3-2 against Braga.  What a pleasant evening.  Now l'll have to find a place to hide the rest of the chocs or we will be sitting and stuffing our faces every night.

toodle pip

the pacemaker is up and running

I had to go for my check up at Northallerton Friarage Hospital yesterday morning to see if my pacemaker has been fitted OK and is working properly.  I'm glad to say it is, and it is currently kicking in and rebooting my heart about 4 hours or so a day, due to my hearts laziness and it slowing down.  This sounds a lot worse than it is, as the pacemaker is set to activate and take over in if my heart drops below 60 beats a minute, and as mine is a pretty lazy son of a bitch (like it's owner), that is pretty often.  The battery charge  was lowered to make it last longer, but apart from that, lt will be another check in six months, then yearly.  I am now officially bionic. Hurrah!

toodle pip

chest update

Ah it's fantastic being off work.  I can potter about, drink and eat what l want, read, watch TV and go on the computer, but l can't do anything like stretching to change the cat tray or clean out the rabbit.  What a great result!!  The footie has just about started again, and with a bit of luck, we may even get some sunshine.   This is what the wound is looking like at the moment, still sore, and it is preventing me sleeping properly, but that's a price worth paying.  Hurrah! to modern medicine.

toodle pip

the james cook experience (two more from them later)

 My original bed (and operating gown)

Jacking up before the operation

Notes after the operation

 More notes after the operation

My evening and night time bed

The Bridge entrance at James Cook

 The covering l have to leave on at the moment

Well, it was off to the James Cook Hospital to have my pacemaker fitted yesterday.  I was already knackered by the time l got there, as l was up late the night before (my fault) and then had to get up and leave Catterick at 7am to be at the hospital for 8am (not my fault).  The FPO drove through and stayed with me for a couple of hours while l got settled into my ward (31) and told what was going to happen.  I then read until about 11.30am, when l was wheeled through for the operation.  I stayed conscious throughout (with painkillers of course), and getting the loop recorder out first didn't hurt that much, but the pacemaker part afterwards certainly did.  I asked for extra relief (pain - settle down at the back), but l had to grit my teeth on a few occasions, due to the pain and discomfort (and not just because Meat Loaf was being played at the time).  There were no photos of the op, and they wouldn't let me keep the loop recorder as a memento, so that was a disappointment, and l am 100% going to be sedated and knocked out if l need another implant like this.  One good side is that l could get back to my reading, change into my trackies and top, and have some food straight away, until l was wheeled down into ward 29 for the evening and night.  Robbo visited and bought an NME, sweets and lager (l didn't have the lager), and l had a stroll around the hospital by myself at about 9pm, to stretch my legs a bit.  When the lights went off (about 10pm), l listened to podcasts on my ipod, as l couldn't sleep properly, due to the discomfort. An old fellow in the bed next to me got confused as to where he was, and the nurse had to come to get him back in bed and re-assure him.  There were also the usual snores and farts (not from me for a change), and the day started again veeeery early (about 6am).  by then l was really shattered, but laid on my bed all morning reading and dropping off a bit, apart from when l was wheeled off to get the pacemaker checked and have an X Ray.  Got the all clear to go home at about 1pm, and the FPO drove back again.  No work for about 5 or 6 weeks as l've got holidays booked for when l could probably go back, but the bad news is l can't drive, lift my left arm much, and l am pretty sore, both in my chest area, and in the small of my back (as l am probably using different muscles to overcompensate and protect my chest and arm).  Have to type with only one finger due to the way l am sitting, but at least l can manage to go on the computer.  A box load of comics arrived for me yesterday, but l will have to wait to sort them out until a bit later.  Not looking forward to trying to get comfortable in bed tonight, but l'm off to give it a bash (NOT THAT) as l am still tired.

toodle pip

update on the old ticker - operation coming up!

The FPO had a check up at Northallerton Friarage hospital yesterday, and as l was going along with her, l thought l'd ask how to record off my loop recorder, as l had forgotten.  They decided to rig and wire me up for a quick check up, and discovered a new record. My heart has been stopping for 20 - 24 seconds, (when my previous best was 18), and had also stopped 77 times since September last year.  I asked if the gaps were a long time, and was informed that 10 seconds is usually the most without it having any affect, so they were impressed with me, as l hadn't noticed anything.  The consultant was summoned, and he told me that he was going to get me in straight away, and would be going up to Middlesbrough that afternoon to arrange a slot, so l will probably be operated on within a week or so.  I do have to stay in hospital at least overnight, and that is the bit l am cursing, as l don't want to be sharing any kind of ward with a bunch of old bastards who have pacemakers (although the FPO wasted no time in informing me that l am one of them).  I can be sedated if l want, as the consultant reckoned it would hurt more that getting the loop recorder fitted, although l will also have pain killers.  I'm curious enough to want to be awake during the operation, but l am also a cowardly individual who doesn't like to be in pain, so it's 50/50 at the moment. If l do get sedated, l expect a recreation of the scene above when l come round.  I can't drive until l am incident free afterwards, but l should be off work for a couple of weeks resting.  I won't be able to lift my left arm up or use it much for a while, so it's a good job l am right handed.  Bring it on - I'm indestructible!!!!

Oh, by the way - the FPO was fine.

toodle pip