Wednesday 19 January 2011

le diner de cons (1998)

Watched this tonight and it was really good. People are invited as guests to a dinner because there is a competition to see who can bring the biggest idiot (my invite was lost in the post). Pierre Brochant (Thierry Lhermitte) invites Francois Pignon (Jacques Villeret), but foolishly asks him to come to his house first. All sorts of calamities then occur, with lots of twists and turns. Even the FPO liked it.

toodle pip


the drinker - hans fallada

The FPO got me this at Christmas as l had enjoyed reading Fallada's 'Alone in Berlin' when l was on holiday in Turkey last year. I think the 'Alone' book is written better, but l enjoyed this one more (probably because l can relate to a lot of it). It is about a man (Erwin Sommer) and his descent into alcoholism (although he was apparently unwell beforehand), his anger towards his wife (Magda) and the consequences. It immediately made me want to go out and get some wine (which l did). It was that good.

toodle pip

slaughterhouse 5 - kurt vonnegut

This l read years ago, but got the urge to buy it again at Christmas (it was going cheap) when l was getting books for my nieces. Re-read it and it was as good as l remembered, an excellent book. Billy Pilgrim gets captured by the Germans in the Second World War, witnesses the bombing of Dresden (as did Vonnegut in real life), and also travels in time. What more could you ask for? A classic.

toodle pip

the gambler - katherine ogden, charles cohen and nick dear

Read this at Christmas time. It's a screenplay (haven't seen the play) about Dostoevsky trying to finish his novel 'The Gambler' in time to pay off his gambling debts, with a love story thrown in. I didn't realise that it was based on a true tale of Dostoevsky writing the book under such conditions, but hey ho, you live and learn. Didn't think much of it.

toodle pip

Tuesday 18 January 2011

ricky gervais on distorted headlines

I was looking at Ricky Gervais' blog (yes, it has been confirmed before and it is still true, l am a sad git), and he was on about how the papers distort things. Talking about the Golden Globes, he said he chatted afterwards with a lot of the people he supposedly offended (Tim Allen, Paul McCartney etc) and they took the jokes in good humour (no matter what the papers or TV say). He also points out in an earlier article how things can be distorted. Take the following example where he writes:

This is an article in today's Evening Standard...

The 49-year-old comedian denied he had been pressurised by Hollywood into losing weight.

He said: "I got fit after Christmas, running around Hampstead. I've got a gym in my house - well, it's more like a spa. But it was nothing to do with Hollywood. I just thought enough is enough - I'm nearly 50'.

"It's not for a role or anything, my next two movies are animations so it doesn't matter what I look like. This is for my health. I lost 20lb in three months and it's stayed off. I've not stopped eating anything - it's just exercise."

The comedian was speaking at the launch of Sky 1 comedy documentary An Idiot Abroad, in which his podcast co-star Karl Pinkington is sent to the seven wonders of the world after he claimed they were "a bit s***".


Glad they managed to mention the show that we were meant to be talking about at the end.

Anyway the facts are sound.

All this is entirely true. The quotes are accurate.

This is the Headline they went with though...




toodle pip

Monday 17 January 2011

ricky gervais at the golden globes


I think he may have pushed some of the boundaries a bit when hosting The Golden Globes this year, but in my eyes, he was pretty damn funny (funnier than most of his films).

toodle pip

Sunday 16 January 2011

weekend off watching - shameless - the men who stare at goats - sex and drugs and rock and roll - crazy heart

Stayed in all weekend with bottles of wine, the FPO's sausages and mash (no, that is not a euphemism), and a load of things to watch on the goggle box (including the footie - Spurs v Manchester United 0-0). Great stuff, it's always good to be off work, especially now there is a new computer to prat about on as well. How on earth do people get bored when they are off, it sure beats me, there are never enough hours in the day for my liking. Anyhows........


The new series started this week and it has been on every night. Bloody hell, it has certainly overstretched itself and lots of it was just rubbish. I didn't like all the imaginary sequences (Dr Who etc) and l definitely do not like the new characters (and Franks new woman and her mother are just plain annoying) . Obviously it is a comedy (and supposedly a biting satire on the state of merry old England), but l only ended up watching the whole weeks worth out of a curiosity to see it through to the bitter end. Also, the new black family would never be living on that estate (he is a teacher) and would not be drinking in the jockey all the time. Count me out for the rest of the series.

This however, was really good. The film (2009) is based on the book by Jon Ronson (2004) and has just the right amount of comedy touches, some of them when least expected. Although l knew of the army experiments, you were still unsure whether George Clooney's character (Lyn Cassady) was deceiving himself, or just plain crackers. The beginning of the film wasn't taped, so although only a short bit was missed at the start, l think l will watch this again to see it all. Much better than l imagined.

Andy Serkis plays Ian Dury in this biop (2010), and plays him superbly. It concentrates on Dury's relationships with his son Baxter (Bill Milner) and Chaz Jankel (Tom Hughes), plus of course the ladies in his life and his handicap (he caught polio when he was swimming as a child). The film shows that Dury could be difficult at times (especially after drink had been taken), but didn't go overboard with this. Also, although Andy Serkis is a really excellent character actor, my Gollum was better than his. We will have to have a Hobbit showdown.

I had high hopes for this film (2009) as l like Jeff Bridges a lot and it had got some great reviews. He won an Oscar for it and his acting was of his usual high standard, but l thought the ending was a bit of a let down and there were some unbelievable scenes in the film which just annoyed me (being handed cheques before a show/losing the kid and not calling the cops from the bar etc).
Colin Farrell was also pretty good as his protégée Tommy Sweet, and Bridges's portrayal of Otis 'Bad' Blake was really believable, but l was expecting more. Still, l always have 'The Big Lebowski' (1998) to watch if l want to see Bridges in an excellent movie.

toodle pip

mexican film posters





They make me want to go and see every one of them, especially 'La Loba'.

toodle pip

Saturday 15 January 2011

train wankers


This picture was taken by Dan Bullock and it is on the District Line in London, by Wimbledon. Genius!

toodle pip

toilet notice

This is straight to the point. It's from Endemol, the people who do Big Brother. Seem like a nice firm to work for.

toodle pip

Thursday 13 January 2011

make nick clegg dance

http://theuglydance.com/?v=kgiismvynb

badr shakir al- sayyab (rain song)

Because l am a very sad man, l have been reading some poetry tonight (most of which was shite)
But l did like these lines from

Badr Shakir al-Sayyab (Rain song)

Do you know how gutters weep when it pours down?

Do you know how lost a solitary person feels in the rain?


Each to their own l guess. Maybe l should just start having a life and get into snogging Tubbs more ( l know it's what he wants).

toodle pip

we are all in it together

I work in removals, have most of my working life. I’ve been at the same place for 15 years moving “corporate professionals” all over the world. It’s called relocation now, we now offer home search, school search and expense management which is essentially paying their bills and charging their firms a percentage for the privilege. Since the banking collapse our prices have been driven down despite the bankers still being moved across the world and receiving huge bonuses. Our contractors who do the physical removals are suffering badly with fuel costs spiralling, insurance companies running scared and charging through the nose for public liability and goods in transit cover.

Reading this tonight on 'The Word' blog, the main thing that (obviously) struck me was ' despite the bankers still being moved across the world and receiving huge bonuses'.

Don't get me started on the differences betwen the rich and poor. Eat the rich - solve some problems


toodle pip




Tuesday 11 January 2011

trip to leeds to see paul

Back from sunny Leeds (Beeston) to see Paul and family to drop off the Christmas pressies (money basically - for me and Paul - £50 each!).
Myself, the FPO, Linda, Hayley and Kelly all went down there for the (usually) once in a year experience (Shayne was in Stockton).
Bit of a turn up for the books this year as Paul made us all some chips (which were very nice - deep fat fryer and crinkle cut). Still called in on the way home at the KFC at Roundhay (I think, next to where the Ffyord green was). Still a mental area and also (showing off) where l saw/met Def Leppard and could have stuck with them as some kind of mad fan/believer/stalker/serial killer. Listening to some of their later stuff, l wish l had hung around a bit longer (they let me down so much).
Got a load of LP's off my laddie boy Paul (which pleased the FPO no end) and had some mad chats about the past (remember smashing up the Jag - remember the pig running around the house as mums new partner and his mate tried to kill it with a hammer etc).
No wonder we are mental (my brother and l).

'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother,
Nor customary suits of solemn black,

Nor windy suspiration of forced breath,
No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,

Nor the dejected 'havior of the visage,
Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,

That can denote me truly: these indeed seem,

For they are actions that a man might play:

But I have that within which passeth show;

These but the trappings and the suits of woe.


Anyway, it's all character building and l have just had the busiest day of my life today (inspection tomorrow), which has certainly kept me on my toes.
In the great scheme of things, who give a fuck (life's too short etc etc). Therr is always the sweet relief of death to look forward to.

Plus....

There's always football and the hope of a lottery win to fall back on (l wish)

toodle pip

Monday 10 January 2011

larry griswold - the diving fool


Christ on a bike, that must have taken a Hell of a lot of practise and I bet he still got hurt doing it. What a gymnastic genius (and he helped invent the first prototype trampoline with George Nissan)
Todays entertainers? Pah! Rubbish in comparison - this is old school physical comedy at its best.

toodle pip

sherlock holmes film by guy ritchie

I repeat the poem here that I wrote at the start of last year.Tried to watch this last night for the first time and yes, l did think it was shite. Didn't hang around for the end of it as life's too short, but did enjoy the recreations of old London town though. Probably reminded me of my early childhood in Bootle.

I saw Sherlock Holmes the other night
The wife's idea, she thought it'd be alright
But like the Thames is full of flotsam
Jude Law was playing Watson
It was directed by Guy Ritchie
It was shite


Toodle pip

elliot smith - between the bars

After looking at You Tube footage yesterday and thinking about how great Elliot Smith was, here's the proper version of 'Between the Bars'. Time for the tissues (again).



Drink up baby, stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now
And forget all about the pressure of days
Do what I say and I'll make you okay
And drive them away
The images stuck in your head

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air
Waiting to be finally caught
Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
Separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still


Toodle pip.

Sunday 9 January 2011

the zombies care of cell 44 - elliot smith - between the bars







I love the Zombies album 'Odyssey and Oracle' (a forgotten classic) and have been playing it a lot recently while falling to sleep. Elliot Smith (RIP) does a good cover of 'Care of Cell 44', which demonstrates what superb taste he had when covering songs. None of them where as good as his own 'Between the Bars' though, one of my favourite songs ever, and if l am feeling emotional, it's a song that often makes me cry like a baby ( big soft idiot that l am)

toodle pip

Saturday 8 January 2011

caledonian crow using three tools


This clever little bugger uses three tools to be able to get food.
I want one now, it's not as clever as me though. I just shout the FPO.

toodle pip

Friday 7 January 2011

somalia's new laws about mixed sex handshakes

According to the BBC

Men and women have been banned from shaking hands in a district of Somalia controlled by the Islamist group al-Shabab.

Under the ban imposed in the southern town of Jowhar, men and women who are not related are also barred from walking together or chatting in public.

It is the first time such social restrictions have been introduced.

The al-Shabab administration said those who disobeyed the new rules would be punished according to Sharia law.

The BBC's Mohamed Moalimuu in Mogadishu says the penalty would probably be a public flogging.

This is great news.The sooner it happens here the better. It will stop me getting pestered by the ladies and having to be nice to females, freeing up my precious time to go drinking and bonding with the lads.Don't just flog them though, that's being too kind. Stone them!


toodle pip

back to work and a normal life with exercise

Back to work tomorrow/today after the nice long break this week. Can't say l am looking forward to it, bound to be loads of work to do and l also know l have to go to a meeting at Northallerton hospital tomorrow. l am sure there will be problems to solve as soon as l walk through the door in the morning until l leave in the evening (it's also a long day at work tomorrow - 12 hours).

Time to stop eating and drinking so much, and get back to a normal life. I may even take up some exercise like the chappie above (but l doubt it). At present, l am waiting for a new computer to arrive, so l will be sitting on my lazy fat arse in front of that in the next few days (hopefully).

Ah well, Manchester United v Liverpool at the weekend to look ahead to. Praise the Lord there's always football.

toodle pip

toodle pip

Thursday 6 January 2011

spider-man pants

I got these for Christmas off Louise and Dazzer - Steve Dikto and Johnny Romita drawings on them so l was well chuffed (and gave away what a geek l am). Never mind - loud and proud is what l say - embrace your geekness and it will still be cool.

toodle pip

recent books finished - nikki sixx - the heroin diaries, soft - rupert thomson and hunter s thompson - fear and loathing in las vegas

This was a Christmas present from Robbo, sex drugs and rock and roll all the way (and l don't even like Motley Crue). A bit repetitive but amazing the kind of lifestyle that he was living at the time. Of course he was fucked up from his childhood and has now discovered God and sobriety, but what a life he had (Nikki, not Robbo).


Bought this second hand a week or so ago and really enjoyed it. It involves subliminal advertising and interlinked characters with more than a hint of menace, but I was very impressed with it. I will have to get some more of his stuff (if l see them cheap)

Another book about drugs, wild times and being way out there with your buddy. I read it again just before Christmas and also bought it for Robbo as one of his Christmas presents. I guess we had the same kind of idea regarding the books as he had got me the Nikki Sixx one (see above). This is a classic, a mad episode covering a race in the desert and a police conference in Vegas, and thus inventing Gonzo journalism. The DVD is pretty good as well, l can relate to the acid trips etc as l used to be wilder when l was younger. Now it's boring old fart time, which is probably why myself and Robbo thought of these books, it reminds us of a happy, carefree, drug filled time of exploration and buddyship. Happy days.

toodle pip

kate bush omnibus documentary from 1979


Christ, this all seems so long ago. Even l was young then.

toodle pip

Wednesday 5 January 2011

wine bar talk about help for heroes and predeterminism


Had a good night in The Wine Bar this evening, met up with Old Joe, Ritchie, Joe Lynch, Larry and The FPO and argued about various subjects, but mainly Help For Heroes and Predeterminism /Predestination.

Although troops who have been wounded should have the best possible care, l hate all the Help for Heroes talk around the troops as l feel that it serves as a propaganda tool which has the effect of more people joining the Army. I would not mind this so much, but most of the people joining up would have had a poor education, be working class, and more than likely be from the inner cities, with no great career or University places looming ahead of them. Obviously some poshos go to Sandhurst or join as officers, but at least they will be making more of an informed choice and have a lot more options in life available to them. There is also a lot of bravado involved, going with your mates and 'looking forward to some action'. The reality is a lot of ruined lives. We might as well go back to having the old Lord Kitchiner 'Your country needs you' posters.

As for the philosophical talk, some around the table were believers and did think their whole life was already mapped out, which l found amazing. To me, life is just a series of random events which we can try and control and make the best out of, but then that is it, no Heaven, Hell or judgement. The sweet relief of death. Only joking at the end there (the sweet relief bit), but life should be lived and enjoyed as much as possible, just try to be good and not hurt anyone else. Easier said than done and l have been a right bastard in the past, but at least l am trying to be better. As for death, when l have too many aches and pains and life becomes not worth the effort, l would have no problem with killing myself, as l would rather choose my own death rather than slowly dying in a nursing home or hospital. Pass me the extra morphine l say.

toodle pip

Tuesday 4 January 2011

keith richards - life

I finished this the other day (It was a Christmas present from Rook and Deb). Much as l love Keef (the old bugger) and have a lot of respect for him, it was also a bit dispiriting with him going on about 'bitches', 'poofs' and threatening people with knives, shooting his way out of drug dens etc. He is an obviously intelligent man, and this does come across a lot in the book, but he also lets himself down (in my eyes at least) as it seems as though he is trying too hard to be 'heavy' or a bad mofo. I enjoyed the book a lot, but also felt a little bit of my respect for him fade away. Damn!

toodle pip

recent films seen - date night, the punisher, eric and ernie, and bob monkhouse


The FPO bought this on DVD and l managed to get about half way through it. What a crap film it is. I already liked both of the stars a lot, Tina Fey is great in 30 Rock, and Steve Carell is superb in the American version of The Office, but this was just not funny at all. At least it got our own Date Night out of the way for January (a New Years resolution by the FPO).


Thomas Jane plays the Frank Carson/The Punisher fighting Jigsaw (Dominic West) who have a bit of a grudge against each other (to say the least). Very violent and graphic, pretty fast moving, but also pretty silly in places (after all, it is based on the Marvel comics of the same name). Not bad at all really, l may even get round to watching the first ones.

Eric and Ernie (2011) is by BBC Wales and starred Bryan Dick as Ernie and Daniel Rigby as Eric. It was really good and the portrayal of Eric Morecambe was outstanding, such a difficult thing to pull off, playing Eric and also trying to be as funny. The film concentrated on the early years when they first met up, the (overbearing at times) encouragement of Eric's mother (played by Victoria Wood), the quiet support of Eric's father (Vic Reeves) and them struggling to make a name for themselves. I didn't realise that Ernie was well known before meeting Eric, but Eric was still a hell of a lot funnier.

The secret life of Bob Monkhouse, was a documentary about him, but concentrated on his archived collection of movies, videos, comics and audio recordings. I was drooling with envy looking at his collection, l would loved to have got my dirty little mitts on it. As l said to the FPO, you would never find the time to play them all, but it is good to have them there for when you want to play something specific. I had also forgotten what a great cartoonist he was. Somebody should reprint his old joke books exactly as they were, including all his doodles and drawings in them. They are works of art in their own right. Pity he was such a Thatcher supporting Tory.

toodle pip


homeless man with the golden voice


Give the man a job!

toodle pip

Sunday 2 January 2011

what a long strange trip it's been

New Year has come and gone -We all had a great time - probably have to keep most of it a secret, but did go out in Catterick on New Years Day (which was packed and fun) and was in Super Boro on New Years Eve (stayed in at Robbo and Kerry's). Manchester United won 2-1 on New Years Day against WBA (watched it before driving back to Catterick), but are also still playing shite. That's it - transmition over and out

toodle fecking pip

Friday 31 December 2010

adverts you don't see nowadays


Ah, the Golden age of advertising in the Good ol' U S of A. I don't think they could use those adverts now (and still stay fashionable).

toodle pip

Thursday 30 December 2010

bad day at the office for the bullfighter

Hurrah! I have finished work until late on next week, so l am pretty damn happy. I have the odd email to send and some stuff to sort out, but lots and lots of lovely time off. Life for me is sweet!

Unlike the poor sod in the bullfight photo above. I bet that stung a bit. Good to see the bulls getting their own back now and again.

toodle pip

Wednesday 29 December 2010

beer from the bottom



Genius - pure genius (and it does 20 pints in a minute)

toodle pip

Tuesday 28 December 2010

the haymarket pub, newcastle

I was thinking about Christmas shopping and going into the Percy the other day, and remembered this old beauty, The Haymarket pub, which used to be in the Haymarket area of Newcastle, on the same side as The Percy. It was pulled down in 1987 to build a car park for the University (bloody town planners and students). What a pub it was, very rowdy indeed, with some excellent bar staff, a 'couldn't give a fuck' attitude, great juke box, and even a space upstairs for bands to practise in. It's a real shame when places like this (and The Broken Doll) get torn down, they are part of the towns history. Forget all these chrome and plastic pubs that are everywhere, some of the old ones need preserving. Probably my favourite time in The Haymarket was before the Rolling Stones gig at St James' Park in 1982. A load of us crammed in there (all pretty drunk), loads of spare tickets, and l also met a guy who called himself 'Telegram Sam' and was a huge Bolan fan. As you can imagine, the conversation was very geeky. I also managed to get some passes for the gig and stole a huge advertising banner from up the scaffolding inside the ground, borrowing a knife off a hells angel to cut it down. I am surprised l didn't kill myself climbing up the scaffolding drunk, but it was worth it (later sold in London at auction). Happy days indeed.

toodle pip

Monday 27 December 2010

christmas is over

Right, that's Christmas pretty much out of the way for another year. Everyone has been visited apart from my brother, and now it is time for relaxing and eating. Called round to my sister's yesterday, then on to Joe's and had some whiskeys with him. Not in the FPO's good books afterwards for staying longer than agreed at Joe's (and probably drinking too much whiskey), and had to go back to work today, but l have taken tomorrow off. Going to chill out all day and do bugger all, just reading, watching TV and stuffing my fat face. Bliss.

toodle pip

Saturday 25 December 2010

christmas day

Good do last night. The FPO went to bed early as she was unwell, then Kerry also went up as she was knackered. That just left myself, Robbo, Rook and Deb drinking and talking crap. Rook and Deb left about midnight and me and Robbo stayed up chatting for about another hour. l know l went to bed at 1.30am, so it wasn't too late. We also stayed in all night as Robbo was also a poor little wounded soldier and said he didn't want to go out (although l bet he regretted saying that, as he called into The Wine Bar for 15 minutes on the way here and had a great time). Ponce.

Up early this morning as Robbo and Kerry stayed over and they got up early to stick in their goose (a bargain at £58). We all swopped pressies and had some bubbly and drinks, then we left them to burn the house down as we went to Stockton to Ann and Ken's for Christmas day. As usual, got loads more presents (including the new undies and socks). l took a load of photos while there but they are on the internal camera memory and l don't know where the lead is to get them off. Little fat head was quiet all day, mostly asleep, although l don't know how with all the noise. Lots of bottles of red wine was drunk and the FPO drove Debs car home so Rook could have a drink as well. Time for the old Christmas TV to work it's magic now, as l managed to phone my brother and sister earlier in the day, so l have bugger all to do now.

toodle pip

Friday 24 December 2010

party time

That's it for now. Finished my work for a couple of days and am now waiting for guests to arrive for a Christmas Eve get together. The FPO has been preparing way too much food (as usual) and is still ill. l am still ill but shall overcome it. The guests tonight are Robbo and Kerry, and Rook and Deb. Dazzer and Louise have backed out, probably too scared of the killer virus we have. l remember Dazzer having his (so called) swine flu a while ago and crying like a girl "The lights are hurting my eyes etc". Amateurs. More booze for us l say. Let the mayhem commence!

toodle pip

Thursday 23 December 2010

newcastle shopping




Went off to sunny Newcastle today with the FPO to do the Christmas shopping. It took bleeding ages getting into the car park by the Haymarket, as there was a traffic gridlock for some reason. It was also freezing, but luckily l knew what l had to get so it did not take too long, plenty of time for a swift ale in The Percy Arms, one of the few old pubs in town that is still rough. To tell the truth, l felt like being sick when l was swigging my drink, but traditions have to be adhered to. Went to The Tyneside Theatre cafe for lunch (on the FPO's orders), and then she left her eggs on toast. Pah! Back home and wrapping up pressies, both coughing and a spluttering. Nice. Last day at work tomorrow for at least two whole days! Can't wait.

toodle pip

Wednesday 22 December 2010

back at work and still bleeding grotty

What a pain this flu is (or whatever Godforesaken illness it is). Back at work again today and everyone is ill. Thought l would be a good lad and show my face to prevent other people skiving (as l would usually have done). Now the first one to be off will look like a right girl. Going Christmas shopping tomorrow in Newcastle, so that had better not be too cold, or l am writing a strong letter of complaint. early to bed tonight methinks.

toodle pip

Tuesday 21 December 2010

bloody ill again and l am off work

I have been in bed all day (well, till 2pm, then in a hot bath, as l have a bad case of the swine flu again. Luckily (or not) l was off work today anyway, so l have just been suffering, dozing, watching TV and reading. Back in at work tomorrow, cant wait. The only bonus is that a lot of other people are also ill with the same thing - HA!

toodle pip

Monday 20 December 2010

working while ill

Still struggling on and going to work, although no-one else would manage it (l actually feel a bit better today). Still busy as anything, still going to the hospital all the time, l am ploughing through everyone's supervisions and l have also had to make another visit to the cop shop with a client.
Happy days indeed


toodle pip