bad teacher (2011) - jake kasdan

Cameron Diaz is Elizabeth Halsey, the (eponymous?) Bad Teacher from the title, who has to stay on at school when her rich boyfriend ends their engagement. She has little interest in the job or the pupils, and is just after doing as little work as possible and having a good time (who isn't?).  While she is killing time, she is also on the lookout to find and snag another rich man, this time to marry and retire with.  Nerdy and dull substitute teacher Scott Delacorte then arrives on the scene (in the form of Justine Timberlake), and as he is from a very wealthy family, Halsey tries to woo him.  Unfortunately for her, she faces competition from another teacher, the neurotic but dedicated Amy Squirrel, played by Lucy Punch (as though that would have happened in real life).  Deciding to save for a boob job, Halsey then discovers there is a monetary prize for the best class results, so she changes tactics, and decides to win the money by any means possible.  All the while, she herself is being wooed by the gym teacher, who, because of the fact he is just an ordinary joe with no money, she bats off (but of course, grows to like).  Don't bother asking me who she ends up with, l think it wouldn't take much brainpower to work that one out.  There's drug use, swearing a plenty, boob inspecting by Diaz (I thought that was my job), drinking and a general all round bad attitude (once again, my job). A much better film than l anticipated, but although it is not as good as 'Bad Santa', it is still one of the better rom com films out there (although let's face it, that's not saying a lot).


toodle pip

the madness of the bedroom tax has already started

 This is a letter from Richmondshire District Council to somebody l work with, claiming that there appears to be 5 unused bedrooms in their house, and that the persons Housing Benefit will be reduced.  This person lives with other people and has full time care, 24 hours a day.  She is also on the councils polling information at the same address with the other people, so they should be aware of how many people live in the house and how many bedrooms there are.  Luckily, this is being sorted out for her, but if the councils are making such glaring errors without proper checks at such an early stage of the benefit changes, think of how many others will also be sent letters, stating they might be subject to reductions.  Not everyone has carers to sort the mistakes out, and a lot of the recipients of the letters will be old, confused, worried by them, and may possibly even accept the cuts without protesting, being from the generations that didn't question authority.  If you notice on the letter, the reductions to benefit were to come into effect less than two weeks after the letter had been sent out.  Because of this, there is also the chance that someone might not receive their letter, and the payments would be automatically reduced, possibly without some vulnerable folk noticing until much later.
The bunch of bastards in government are to blame for this, but frankly, they don't give a fuck as long as they can demonise the poor and bang on about the welfare budget and how Labour's mistakes have forced them into the cuts.
All in it together?
Ha!!  Don't make me laugh (my face is still aching from Friday)

toodle pip

the dubai police's new car

This is apparently the new patrol car that the Dubai police are going to be using.  It's a Lamborghini Aventador (or so l have been told).  The Dubai state reckon they will not have to go chasing criminals in it, but it demonstrates how rich and classy they are.   It sure does that all right.
Saying that, my brother in law is a copper, and l bet he would love to go swanning around (if that's possible in a car) and hightailing it after the baddies in this bad boy (if that's also possible in a car).
My language skills, and my knowledge of cars for that matter, leave a lot to be desired.

toodle pip

more spiders to be worried about

While l was watching some of Sir David Attenborough's series featuring the Galapagos Islands last night, something disgusting was revealed to me.  No, my pants hadn't suddenly fallen down, and l didn't pass by a mirror.  I wish it had been one of those options.  Instead, I saw some Amblypygi, (which are half spider, half scorpion) for the first time.  I'm scared of spiders, but not scared of crabs or anything else, but these look just as frightening as the spiders l already detest.  What is the bleeding point of them, if not just to add to my phobias and prevent me visiting certain places? Bloody hideous things.  As usual, I blame God.

toodle pip

the strypes on jools holland and dr feelgood on the geordie scene

After the last post featuring female singers who are past the first flush of youth, l thought l would re-affirm my rowdy rock and roll tastes by posting about how great l thought The Strypes were on 'Later With Jools Holland' on Friday evening.  They are between 15 and 17, look about 12 to me, but they have got that swagger, dress sense, haircuts and attitude that gets my old juices flowing (and not in a Jimmy Savile way).
They are obviously in debt to early Rolling Stones, Yardbirds and Dr Feelgood, but they have got it all going on at the moment, and if l was 15 again, l'd be off to see them like a shot.
Funnily enough, l have just received a new Dr Feelgood compilation and DVD, which includes them performing on 'The Geordie Scene' back in 1975, which l skived off school to watch.  Classic stuff indeed, and l hope the DVD is excellent quality, as l already have a bootleg of it, and it was the main reason l wanted the compilation (only £14.99 from Spin!).  At one time, Dr Feelgood were huge.  Their live album (Stupidity) went to no 1, (when it mattered) and they were an escape from most of the crap in the charts at the time, and like The Strypes, were a throwback to early blues and rhythm and blues records.  Throw in some great sweaty and loud live performances (including my first proper concert), with the bug eyed speed freakery of Wilko Johnson, and they were unstoppable   That is, until  punk came kicking the doors down shortly afterwards.  They then appeared ancient, even if they still had the swagger and sound, the image didn't fit with the youthful energy that was everywhere.  Something The Strypes don't have to worry about.  Sadly, Wilko currently has cancer, and not long to live. At least he has certainly left his mark.






toodle pip

iris dement and bonnie raitt get meloncholy

I've been listening to some Iris DeMent recently (when l am not busy injuring myself), and this song (My Life) in particular, as it was used at the end of Mister Lonely, which l saw for the first time the other day.



It also reminds me of the rather marvelous 'Angel From Montgomery' by John Prine, which has become one of Bonnie Raitt's signature songs.
I prefer the 'Angel' song, as l think the lyrics are better, but both of them capture that melancholy feeling superbly.
Enjoy!



toodle pip

hand painted walls

I don't know who the artist is, but l'm impressed, and l got the images from a Polish site here.

toodle pip

injuring myself like a drunken fucking idiot

 My knee after being cleaned up

My now filthy tracksuit top

 Some scratches on my face after being cleaned up

 My swollen lip after cleaning

My bloody nose just after l got home

I had a bit of a mishap yesterday evening, purely my own fault, as l am a fucking idiot.

I had been working overnight, and then in the morning, and called round to see Joe afterwards.  From there, l went to The Wine Bar, where l was pleasantly surprised to see Fred, as l had passed by a military funeral at Hipswell earlier in the day, and thought it could have been his, as he has cancer, is not well, and he used to be high ranking in the army.  I ended up staying out with him and others, and as l am trying to behave myself and not drink and drive, l left my car and decided to run home.  This may have been the slight flaw in the evenings entertainment, as l fell over about halfway home and pretty much landed on my face.  I obviously leapt back to my feet again with the reflexes of a meerkat and foolishly decided to carry on running, resulting in a second fall, with pretty much the same result.  What a drunken buffoon you may be thinking, and you could well be right, but that was not all.  When l eventually arrived home in my bloody and scratched up state, I went upstairs to clean myself up a bit, and then fell down the stairs.  It was like a one man display of top notch stupidity from start to finish.  The FPO had been house sitting at her parents while they are away on holiday, but we went to Richmond today to buy some books for my nieces birthdays, and she was openly laughing in my face at my cuts and swollen lip. I can't say l blame her, as l look like daffy duck at the moment.  My current injuries are:

Both knees scratched, swollen and sore

Both shoulders (and my bum) are sore from falling down the stairs 

Both hands scratched trying to halt the forward falls

Large scratches on my left cheek (plus it's swollen)

Scratches on my nose, and lip, plus my lip is swollen

Two scratches on my forehead, plus one small dent in my skull (again), and another cut on my scalp (again)

It's a good job my nose had already been broken playing football, and l am indestructible.  This sort of thing would have been the death of a lesser man.

Next time though, l'll order a bleeding taxi.

toodle pip

celebrities as ordinary people

 Britney Spears

 Johnny Depp

 Lady Ga Ga

 Madonna

 The Pitts

 Rihanna

John Travolta

What celebrities would look like if they were real people, just like you and me.  I don't know which one scares me the most, Madonna, or Britney Spears.

From Planet Hiltron, via PopHunter (where more pictures can be found)

toodle pip

anita pallenberg

Old age - it happens to us all, even the once beautiful icons of the 1960's.
It was while watching Mister Lonely the other day that it started to bug me that l kind of recognised the person who was playing The Queen.  It was only when the credits came up at the end that l realised it was non other than Anita Pallenberg.
She was once infamous, due to being one of those at the epicentre of the 60's bohemian culture and lifestyle, mainly with The Rolling Stones, and is still seen out and about with that other iconic 60's Stones girlfriend and pop star, Marianne Faithfull.
Partner of Stones guitarist Brian Jones, until she left him for Keith Richards, she also starred (and slept with)  Mick Jagger in Performance, and appeared in Barbarella alongside Jane Fonda.
Her and Richards had three children.  A son (Marlon), a daughter (Dandelion - later changed to Angela), and another son, Tara (named after their friend Tara Browne) who died after 10 weeks.  They were heavily into drugs (it was while the Canadian police came to arrest Pallenberg in Toronto, that Richards was busted in 1977), but although seemingly suited to be together, ultimately, the relationship ended.
Pallenberg was also arty and intelligent, heavily into black magic (as a lot of stars used to be - hello Mr Jimmy Page), and became newsworthy again when she had an affair with her 17 year old gardener, who proceed to shoot and kill himself at her home in 1979.
Now a fashion designer, friend of Kate Moss, and occasional DJ (of course she is).

toodle pip

a relaxed cat and lolly

It's hard to believe that this is in the middle of a room with a lot of people having loud and drunken conversations in.
The relaxed cat (Archie?) and Lolly, at Louise and Dazzers last week.

toodle pip

the teapottery at leyburn

While out and about with the FPO last week, we ended up visiting The Teapottery, just outside Leyburn (North Yorkshire).  There was plenty of interesting looking tea pots inside (as you would expect), but there was always the dreaded thought that you might accidentally knock one off the shelves, as a sign states that all damages have to be paid for (and they are not cheap).
I prefered the odd looking ones or the rock and roll related ones (no surprise there), but despite my collecting bug, novelty teapots are something l can live without.

toodle pip

mister lonely ( 2007) - harmony korine

This was a strange film whichever way you look at it, which l am all in favour of, but ultimately, at the end, l felt as though there was something missing.  It looked great, and the storylines were certainly surreal enough for my tastes, but it was just a bit flat and unfulfilling.
There is a slim chance that is how the film is supposed to make you feel at the end, as it concerns stories about faith, hope, and aspiration, that all ultimately turn out to be worthless, but l very much doubt it.
Mister Lonely has two stories running concurrently.
The first concerns a Michael Jackson impersonator, who is living and working in Paris.  He meets a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, who he then follows to Scotland, to live as part of a commune in a Scottish castle, help build a theatre, and put on 'The Greatest Show on Earth' in it. Did l mention the commune houses other impersonators only, and the Charlie Chaplin one is Marilyn Monroe's partner?  All is sweet and hunky dory at the commune, until Chaplin's dark side presents itself, and the sheep have to put down due to disease.
Is that surreal and dark enough for you?
What about the second story, in which a nun accidentally tumbles from a small aeroplane, and survives the fall, supposedly due to her faith in God while falling.  This leads to other nuns testing and confirming their faith by also leaping out of the plane.  News of this reaches Rome and The Vatican, and the nuns are invited to meet The Pope, but while flying there, the plane crashes into the sea and kills them all.
Did l also mention that there are roles for Samantha Morton, Anita Pallenberg, Richard Strange, James Fox and Werner Herzog (amongst others)? Plus the soundtrack features Jason Pierce from Spiritualized?
That, to me, sounds like one hell of a magnificent movie, but as stated above, something is not right about it, and despite the stupendous ideas behind it, plus some worthwhile performances, it ended up being just a little bit............................well, boring actually.
What a shame.

toodle pip

billy bragg and harry styles on margaret thatchers death

Once again, Billy Bragg has expressed my feelings much more eloquently than l could have done myself.  On his Facebook page he stated  :

This is not a time for celebration. The death of Margaret Thatcher is nothing more than a salient reminder of how Britain got into the mess that we are in today. Of why ordinary working people are no longer able to earn enough from one job to support a family; of why there is a shortage of decent affordable housing; of why domestic growth is driven by credit, not by real incomes; of why tax-payers are forced to top up wages; of why a spiteful government seeks to penalise the poor for having an extra bedroom; of why Rupert Murdoch became so powerful; of why cynicism and greed became the hallmarks of our society.

Raising a glass to the death of an infirm old lady changes none of this. The only real antidote to cynicism is activism. Don't celebrate - organise!

Top Man!  I'd vote for him as a new Labour leader.

Meanwhile...
Don't get me started on the One Direction fans replying to Harry Styles' tweet (below)

With the less than clued up responses of..

Bloody scrounging  layabout kids and welfare hoodies nowadays (etc etc).  They need a damn good thrashing (and a decent education).
From here

toodle pip

the return of the polyphonic spree

I'd kind of forgotten all about The Polyphonic Spree, until l saw a video of them performing Nirvana's 'Lithium' on The Afterword blog, despite the fact l have three of their CDs and have seen them live.  Maybe this is because they have not had an album out since 2007's 'The Fragile Army' (if you ignore the Christmas album), or maybe it's my crappy memory.  Either way, they are back with a new album in May (Yes It's True) and their new song can be heard below (from Consequence of Sound).



A friend described them as sounding like Beatles psychedelic out-takes when we saw them in Newcastle, but he meant it as a bad thing, whereas l call that high praise indeed.  I'll be looking out for a UK tour later in the year (hopefully with all 22 members), and maybe try to sneak on stage wearing my grandad's old nightgown..  Time to stock up on the acid and ecstasy, and recreate the old days!



toodle pip

baby milk being rationed

On the same day that Margaret Thatcher (milk snatcher) dies, it is announced that baby milk is being rationed.
You couldn't make it up.

On a related note....

She's only been in hell for

a couple of hours, but has already closed six furnaces and sacked 2000 demons. And privatised two of the nine circles.

(From here)

toodle pip

the agony of phil jones

A pretty funny picture from tonights game.  The agony of Phil Jones as Aguero scores. Click on it to enlarge it for the full effect!
Nicked from here.

toodle pip

capitalism poster

This has been posted before, and it will be posted again in the future.
How capitalism works.

toodle pip

contrasting press photographs - debbie harry and zz top

Both of these photographs are for press and publicity.
That is where the similarity ends, as the Debbie Harry (of Blondie) one oozes sex and punk attitude, whereas the ZZ Top one features three raggedy old blokes coming to your town to scare the crap out of the ladyfolk.
Saying that, l actually like ZZ Top a lot, especially on their early albums, and have seen them on more than one occasion.
On the other hand, if Debbie Harry was appearing nearby as she was in the photograph, l would happily trample 'The Top' (as l call them) down as l made a beeline for her, and sod the southern fried blues based riffola that they might be producing at the time.
After all, I've got eyes.

toodle pip