two recent funny items - muslims angered and jesus flying a plane

Nothing to add really, apart from they both made me laugh.

toodle pip

charles moore on david cameron's wealth

This was actually printed a while ago, but l never got around to updating the blog. Charles Moore in The Telegraph, taking pity on our esteemed Prime Minister.
Stop sniggering at the back, and try to feel sympathy  for David Cameron, his inherited wealth, and his (to him) 'normal' lifestyle.
Sometimes you couldn't make this crap up

toodle pip

the rather rude weather forecast

As the sunshine has finally arrived, it's an appropriate time to show this old classic.
A rather suggestive weather forecast from America.
You can't convince me that the artist didn't know what they were doing, but l am surprised (yet happy) the paper printed it.

toodle pip.

praying for tubbs

After the rather sad recent death of Tubbs, my old (and ancient) rabbit, l was reminded of this.
I'd like to think that he is now skipping around in rabbit heaven with his long deceased brother Sid, but unfortunately, l very much doubt it.

Tubbs refusing to move from the living room rug

Tubbs' hair on my crotch after lying on me

toodle pip

joe cole in america

Joe Cole is currently seeing out the end of his career playing football in America for The Tampa Bay Rowdies.
Doesn't he look happy to be doing so. It looks like a prison mugshot.
He should cheer up. He's living in America, and will be earning a hell of a lot more money than me (but that's not difficult).

toodle pip

steve priest from the sweet looking good

Steve Priest from The Sweet - looking good!
Good to know he has still got his own hair, but l don't know why l am mocking him. This will be me in 10 years*

*Some would say now

I used to love them though. Here's a couple of their classics.






toodle pip

muhammad ali - the greatest

Muhammad Ali was certainly a flawed and sometimes hypocritical human being, and l have a lot of misgivings upon his attitudes towards women (including his wives), homosexuals, Joe Frazier, and 'White Devils', but he was also an intelligent*, quick witted, devilishly handsome, supreme athlete and entertainer, who wasn't afraid to stand up for his beliefs, no matter what the cost. Just a shame that he didn't retire after regaining the title against Leon Spinks in 1978. If you haven't seen them, check out the interviews Ali did with Michael Parkinson over the years. Fascinating stuff.

The Greatest - and probably the most famous man in the world.

See him fight Superman here.

* Yes, l know he supposedly had a low IQ when tested for call up, but any one who thinks Ali was stupid, is a fucking idiot.

toodle pip

jimi hendrix in darlington

Everyones seen plenty of photographs of Jimi Hendrix over the years, and here's another one, from February 2nd 1967, hand coloured by Ian Wright. Why am l putting it up? Only because he was in super Darlington, near to where l live, as he was playing in Darlington that night (in The Blue Pad Nightclub, part of The Imperial hotel). Now l'm not trying to cast any aspersions about the place (after all, l'm from Bootle), but Jimi also had his black Fender Stratocaster guitar stolen that evening. Supposedly it was later bought for £20 (see here) and sold on, but it's hard to know the truth, especially if you are as cynical and untrusting as me.

Another minor footnote in the history of rock and roll, and as well as Jimi himself, most of the people who attended are probably dead (or in their 70's).

toodle pip

optical illusions

I've just completed a course on Intensive Interaction, and as part of the course, we were shown various optical illusions, an art form l've always liked.
I'm not going to show any that we were shown, in case anyone does the course in the future, but here are two recent ones that took my fancy on Facebook.
It took me some time to spot the wall one, but once seen, it can never be unseen.

toodle pip

the wizard of oz pantomine

My first ever visit to a pantomime - The Wizard of Oz, starring Bobby Davro and Dani Harmer (from Tracy Beaker) at Darlington Civic Theatre.
Can't say it was the best thing l've ever seen, but it was a lot more risque and enjoyable than l anticipated.
Plus, Bobby Davro was a lot funnier than l expected, and had the crowd (children everywhere) eating out of his hands (or the other way round, as he was nicking their crisps etc).
Well worth the money.

toodle pip

a tasty new whisky, and summer's about here

This has made a change from the usual whisky l've been drinking round at Joe's. A cheeky Chivas Regal. Very smooth, moorish, and currently my favourite.
If l wasn't so strong willed. l'd be addicted.
Plus, the walks home are becoming more enjoyable, as the weather has started to improve.
About bleeding time as well, as l start wearing my shorts on April 1st each year. This is because l consider that (in my whisky sodden tiny brain) to be the start of summer.

toodle pip

jeremy hunt being a smug arrogant twat (again)

As if any more proof was required to prove Jeremy Hunt is a smug, arrogant twat, here is is being admonished by John Bercow for blatantly ignoring any counter views to his by ostentatiously fiddling around on his phone while in The House Of Commons.
The speaker should have taken it from him and smashed it up (preferably over Hunt's head).
Video from The Daily Mirror

toodle pip

slightly over the top packing

I don't know about anyone else, but this arrived yesterday, and I feel safe in stating that the packaging here is a tad excessive.
I thought the box was pretty light when it arrived, but would never have guessed that all it contained was a solitary fork. I'll admit l removed some of the packaging before taking the photograph, but it was only a plastic bag that the fork was in (therefore could have been sent without the box).
Like me, the world is going mad.

toodle pip

gary lineker's photograph wall

Am l the only person who may have spotted this last night?
While everyone was celebrating Leicester City winning the Premiership, thanks to the Tottenham v Chelsea draw, Match of the Day showed footage of Gary Lineker and family celebrating at his home. In the background, was an impressive looking wall covered in what seemed like framed family photographs. However, what caught my eye, was that, if you look closely, the pictures are duplicated, which leads me to believe that it may be wallpaper.
That got me thinking even more (a dangerous thing). Maybe they are family photographs, made into strips of wallpaper. Maybe they are different photographs, just very similar. Maybe they are the same photographs, each framed a few times.
Otherwise, it's just crap wallpaper.

I'm amazed my brain doesn't explode with all the useless crap l spend time thinking about.

toodle pip

the ken livingstone interview - antisemitic?

Interested in what Ken Livingstone actually said?
Here goes...(Taken from here)

Feltz/Livingstone Transcript

Vanessa Feltz:
Do you still maintain that they [Shah’s remarks] were not [antisemitic]?

Ken Livingstone:
 No. She’s a deep critic of Israel and its policies. Her remarks were over the top. But she’s not antisemitic. And I’ve been in the Labour party for 47 years. I’ve never heard anyone say anything antisemitic. I’ve heard a lot of criticism of Israel and its abuse of the Palestinians, but I’ve never heard someone be antisemitic.

Feltz: She [Shah] talked about relocating Israel to America. She talked about what Hitler did being legal. And she talked about the Jews rallying. And she used the words Jews, not Israelis or Israel. You didn’t find that to be antisemitic?

Livingstone: No. It’s completely over the top [but] it’s not antisemitic. Let’s remember, when Hitler won his election in 1932 his policy then was that Jews should be moved to Israel. He was supporting Zionism. [He then] went mad and ending up killing 6 million Jews. But the simple fact in all of this is that Naz made these comments at a time when there was another brutal Israeli attack on the Palestinians. And there is one stark fact that virtually no one in the British media ever reports: in almost all these conflicts the death toll is usually between 60 and 100 Palestinians killed for every Israeli. Now any other country doing that would be accused of war crimes, but it’s like we have a double standard about the policies of the Israeli government.

Feltz: You see some people will say there is a double standard operating in the Labour party. That’s that, really, a flagrant antisemitism, a deeply embedded systemic antisemitism, is hidden behind a mask of anti-Zionism or criticism of Israeli foreign policy. But that’s not what it really is. It is really, as John Rentoul, the political commentator said ... ‘These are long-term Jew haters, and they can use criticism of Israel as a cloak behind which to mask that sentiment?’

Livingstone: He’s lying. As I’ve said I’ve never heard anyone say anything antisemitic. But there has been a very well orchestrated campaign by the Israel lobby to smear anybody who criticises Israeli policy as antisemitic. I had to put up with 35 years of this, and then being denounced because back in 1981 we were campaigning to say the Labour party should recognise the Palestine Liberation Organisation. We were accused of antisemitism but then 12 years later the leader of the PLO is on the White House lawn, shaking hands with the prime minister of Israel.

Feltz: How could it be then that you would think that it is alright for Naz Shah to mention Hitler at all? If her comments were anti-Zionist, or anti-Israeli foreign policy, why would that be part of the argument? Why would Hitler’s name even come into it.

Livingstone: I don’t think she should have done that. As I said, she was over the top. But we need to step back and look at the anger there is at the sort of double standards. We have just had a decade of painful standards against Iran. We invaded Iraq because we thought they were going to get nuclear weapons, but Israel has had nuclear weapons for 40 years at least and there’s never any sanctions, never any complaint from anyone in the west. And it is these double standards that make people angry.

Feltz: What do you think over the top means? Over the top of what?

Livingstone: Basically to think of antisemitism and racism as exactly the same thing. And criticising the government of South Africa, which is pretty unpleasant and corrupt, doesn’t make me a racist, and it doesn’t make me antisemitic when I criticise the brutal mistreatment by the Israeli government. And let’s look at what someone who is Jewish actually said, something almost very similar to something Naz has just said: Albert Einstein. When the first leader of Likud, the governing party now in Israel, came to America he [Einstein] warned American politicians: “Don’t talk to this man, because he’s too similar to the fascists who fought in the second world war”. Now if Naz or myself had said that today we would be denounced as antisemitic, but that was Albert Einstein.

Feltz: Lord Levy says that Ken Livingstone, in saying that those things are not antisemitic, and I quote “must be living on another planet. Vanessa, will you ask him is he living on another planet and which one is it?”

Livingstone: After Jeremy [Corbyn] became leader I was having a chat with Michael [Lord Levy] and he said he’s very worried because one of his friends, who is Jewish, had come to him and said the election of Jeremy Corbyn is exactly the same to the rise in power of Adolf Hitler. So, frankly, there has been an attempt to smear Jeremy Corbyn, and his associates, as antisemitic from the moment he became leader. But the simple fact is we have the right to criticise what is one of the most brutal regimes that’s going in the way it treats its Palestinians.

The Nazis sending Jews to Israel?
Have a look here

toodle pip

flyboards - the space age future is nearly here!

At long last, the space age future of personalised jet packs and flyboards is nearly upon us. Franky Zapata has just broken the flyboard record, and the video above of an earlier test is amazing.
Bring it on I say - And about bleeding time!

toodle pip

a record seller knows his customers

While recently checking out Ebay for an old record (or 'Vinyl' as the kids now call them), l was also shown this selection of other albums available from one of the sellers.
Now, because l am a sad old git, l do already own all of them, but the seller either really knows his market, or Ebay/The Internet are targeting me pretty damn precisely!

toodle pip 

the banned list from the half moon in herne hill

This is the banned list from The Half Moon pub in Herne Hill.
I rather like some of the nicknames - they're pure genius, and something l can really relate to, as myself and friends have also had some stupid ones bestowed upon us.
Found here

toodle pip

animation of the titanic sinking

This animation of  The Titanic sinking in real time, is actually (to me at least) pretty relaxing, until just near the end. Obviously some of the images must have been just a close approximation, as witness accounts even straight after their rescue would have differed, but l'm so glad there are people out there in the world willing to put the time and effort into making films such as this. It also has time captions of some of the events as they happened, and sound added at appropriate moments. The caption about the passengers still on board about 2 minutes from the end reminds the viewer of what a tragedy the sinking was, as, by then, because it takes so long, you are lulled into believing everyone must have got off, despite already knowing what had happened through numerous films and TV specials.
I've only skipped through chunks of it so far, but if l ever find a load of spare time and a hidden box of acid, l'll be entertained for half the evening, and probably blubbing like a baby at the end.



toodle pip

dom joly is unwell

Or at least Dom Joly has lost weight and been bitten a lot by sand flies during his recent travels into 'The Heart of Darkness' (the Panamanian jungles).
He tweets here

And for those of you who may have been to The Coach and Horses, or seen the play / film of it, yes indeed, the heading idea is a play on Jeffrey Bernard is unwell.

toodle pip

the strongest argument yet for staying in europe

After a night arguing (in a friendly fashion) with a possible future Conservative MP on Sunday evening, l now wish l had already had access to this photograph, and the best reason yet for wanting to remain as part of Europe. It may even have improved my argument (although a lack of information has never prevented me from arguing).
From here.

toodle pip

me playing football as a kid

I didn't know there was footage of me as a youngster playing football, but l've been proved wrong




toodle pip

hand written messages at the kfc

When l was at the Catterick branch of KFC yesterday (I'm still not used to having a branch at Catterick!), my order came with a handwritten message at the top, which l did not notice until l had driven away from the premises.
Now this meant l immediately considered two options. First of all, and the one that would have been more likely years ago, was that the girl who was serving me took a bit of a shine to my cheeky charm, and left the message as a flirtatious one off. The second, more likely option, is that she was just being friendly, and leaves a message for most people. Either way, a nice gesture, that enhanced the already joyous experience of purchasing chicken and chips.
I suppose there is also a chance that the staff are slave driven worker drones on less than minimum wage who have no say in the matter as it is now part of company policy, and face instant dismissal if they fail to adhere to the strict work code, in constant fear of losing their jobs, and having to plaster on fake smiles all through their mind numbingly tedious shifts, while waiting for the aching in their feet from standing all day to abate with the sweet relief of death, or the clocking off time, whichever comes first.
I hope it's one of the first two options.

toodle pip

jeremy hunt's student photograph, and following him around

If only this photograph of a young Jeremy Richard Streynsham Hunt as the Oxford University Conservative Association President was real, instead of being a mocked up one. What unbridled joy could have been had.
Still, it's worth putting up anyway, as this is now the image l have stashed away in my memory banks whenever l think of the NHS destroying Mr **nt (him destroying it, not sadly, the other way round).
And who the hell has 'Streynsham' as a middle name?
Don't start making me angry....
Also, on a related note.
This piss take from 'The Last Leg' was pretty funny, and there should be more of it.  *unt should be followed everywhere, as l'd certainly chip in to help fund a full time tuba (sousaphone) player. Come on somebody - sort it out!



toodle pip

steven tyler is old

Even internationally known super cool rock stars have to get old (unless they die early), and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is no exception, looking at his recent beach photographs.
It's bad enough for us mere mortals, but at least we don't have to live up to a mental image of our younger days for millions of fans, with numerous films and photographs of us in our prime to perpetuate the illusion that aging only happens to other people.
I'd feel sorry for the stars if they hadn't usually had such fantastic lives, with pretty much anything they wanted just a click of the fingers away (apart from a working painting in the attic).
Remember Aerosmith and Stevie boy this way...probably off their faces (It was 1977).



toodle pip

dortmund fans europa league banner

The Dortmund fans unveiled a massive banner at their Europa League match this week, in the form of a sticker album, asking the club to complete their collection of trophies with this years Europa League trophy.
Absolute genius, and l doth my cap to them.
At least, for a short while, it took my mind off the disaster that is Manchester United at the moment, and their 2-1 defeat in the same tournament.
But only for a short while.

toodle pip 

eating from bowls

Eating from plates is just sooooo passe. The way forward is to eat from bowls, it's what all the hot skinny people are doing. It's a 'trend with traction', and they are conveniently photogenic for sharing on social media - proper instagram friendly, and no mistake.
Don't believe me? The New York Post are on the case. I'll never eat from a plate again. After all, it's the same food, but just not as good. Plus you've got the mind numbing task of having to push your food to the middle of the plate to mix it up a bit. What????
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.
Come on - join the bowl revolution brothers and sisters. This is the sort of stuff my great grandfather fought and died for. Let's make him proud that his death wasn't in vain.

As for my bowl, l just don't want most of the crap featured above in my one. It does mean that l can now smother my baked potatoes in even more butter, something l never thought would be possible, so hurrah! for the hipsters and their innovative forward thinking ideas.

toodle pip

be prepared - order your coffin now!

Looking forward to the sweet release of death?
Plan ahead and order your coffin now - many are available, including these little beauties.
Order them here.

toodle pip

which way is the lady turning?

A classic optical illusion, that you might not even spot at first

From here

toodle pip

the six nations

From The Daily Mash 

Rugby’s Six Nations will see England’s pubs upgrade to a higher class of loud, annoying men. In an extensive annual re-fit, the King George in Swindon has swapped Premier League banners with the flags of the home nations and barred all its regulars for the next month. Landlord Stephen Malley said: “For the next few weeks we’re going to be attracting a much better class of boorish lout. Many of them will be called ‘Ollie’. “The place will be awash with salmon-coloured trousers, desperately immature songs and posh young women who are every bit as annoying as their ghastly boyfriends.” He added: “They’ll still get horribly pissed and vomit all over the toilet floor, but it’ll be a better educated vomit that’s programmed to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ even if it doesn’t really mean it.” Rugby fan Martin Bishop said: “It’s so nice of the football fans to make way, but it will also give them an opportunity to improve themselves.”

 I couldn't agree more

 toodle pip

it's 1923 - where's london?

This picture above is of the crowds milling in and around Wembley Stadium, for the 1923 FA Cup final (The White Horse one).
I've always found it amazing that so many supporters managed to get inside the stadium that day, but l am even more amazed that London appears to have disappeared, as poor old Wembley (old school one) was all out in the sticks on it's lonesome.
How times have changed.

toodle pip

celebrating chinese new year

What better way to spend Chinese New Year than in an all you can eat buffet?
The food was nice, and we had a laugh, but if l ever see another sweet and sour piece of chicken, l am going to run away scared. I know my limits.

"Go on...........one more tiny little mint.......whaffer thin"



toodle pip

jesus speaks

If only he had started with this.  It would have stopped some arguments straight away.
Then again, there are plenty more to be had.

toodle pip

I'm back (with cartman).

Christmas is over - normal service has been resumed, and what better way to return than with a classic video of Cartman singing 'Poker Face'. Possibly even better than Lady Ga Ga's version, and l love that.
I only watch South Park now and again these days, but there's usually always something that makes me laugh out loud.
Especially Cartman - for many reasons, he reminds me so much of myself.
Let the madness continue.

toodle pip

art - what is it good for?

A couple of days ago, while trying to ignore proper work, l read the comments below in the letters section in The Northern Echo. Since then, there has been no response, so here's mine.
I'm all for councils trying to save money, and the article made it out as though there are many funds that should be utilised because they are not used. A good argument.
On the other hand, speaking as a a supporter of the downtrodden, poorly educated  mass who, in the future, may wish to gaze upon awe inspiring works, makes me ponder the thought....what will happen to the artworks if they are sold? I'll tell, you what. Locked away in private collections so none of the proletariat can view them. A short term gain for the councils that makes the rich happy, and the poor even more disenfranchised.
Art is for the people brothers and sisters, it's one of the rare opportunities to be close to a work of greatness, and imagine infinite possibilities, and an age of wonder.
Then again, we could flog them off to rich bastards, and spend our times looking at each other, wondering where it all went wrong (There was no revolution).
I know where l stand.

toodle pip

nigella talks dirty (again)

I've featured this clip before, but what the Hell - it's Christmas, and it's funny.
Nigella Lawson talks dirty.

toodle pip

michael jackson's children

Prince and Paris Jackson

                               Michael Jackson himself, in various stages of colour and appearance

                        Michael's dermatologist, Arnold Klein (now deceased).  I'm suggesting nothing

It's long been speculated that Michael Jackson's children (his birth ones, not the allegedly interfered with ones), are not genetically his, and anyone seeing them growing up must be pretty blind if they thought otherwise.
However, l've nothing against Michael bringing them up as his own, as long as everyone is happy and taken care of (with no fiddling). It's also good to see Paris having a laugh and doing the moonwalk, but l think that deep down, they may be very damaged individuals, who will be in and out of the news for years to come. Especially the girls.

                              For The Daily Mirror film of Paris doing a short moonwalk - look here.

toodle pip