new film posters

How the new film posters should look - telling the truth.

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flat head part 2

I wrote about this guy ages ago (but can't be bothered looking up when), but he has turned up in another mugshot as he has been a bad lad. It certainly looks like he would have had a hard life and a lot of teasing/bullying, so it's hardly a big surprise he seems to have gone off the rails. Rather sadly, my dent seems to have healed up. Damn!

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lose fat with tapeworms

Another advert you wouldn't see nowadays. They make it sound so easy to lose weight, and the tapeworms are sanitized! What more could you ask for?

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out for lunch at the cross view

Got dragged out of bed and out for lunch today to see 'The Family' (those dreaded words!). We all met up in Richmond at The Cross Keys, which was pretty good for the food, but full of old folk (including me). They seem to be doing a roaring trade there, and got more of our greedy mob (although l only had a cheese, onion and mayo sandwich). Good job the table had been booked in advance as there was myself and the FPO, Bill, sue, Anne, Ken, Louise, Dazzer, Nora, and fat head. It wasn't too painful an experience, and it sounds like we are going to be getting some more sloe gin out of it, so alls well etc.

Got a book (Bill Bryson - a short history of nearly everything) and dosh for Hayley's 18th today, going to drop it in on the way to (or back) from work. At least it's an early finish tonight, but have to sort out the spare room on my return as l am picking up a new sofa bed tomorrow, so will have to make some space for the bleeding thing. I feel weak and faint already, just thinking about it.

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randy's catering

This has to be my favourite catering company. All l need now is the t shirt.

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the firm and adidas trimm trabs

This film (from 2009) is a remake of the 1988 one starring Gary Oldman, which is a hundred times better. It is about the bad boys of West Ham's firm and a young lad who wants to join in and then discovers it's maybe not as glamorous or as much fun as he thought it would be. He starts of idolising Bex, the top boy but then discovers he is not as great as he thought. Pity the film was pretty crap, which surprised me as it was by Nick Love (proper geezer, Millwall fan etc), who also did 'The Football Factory', which was miles better and much more realistic. The film was like one long advert for Fila, Sergio Tacchini and these bad boys below. Ah, took me back a bit, l used to have a fantastic Sergio Tacchini tennis top, if only l could fit into one now......

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old school football fans 1977

This is the Manchester United fans at the end of the FA Cup Quarter final against Aston Villa in 1977. Those were the days when there was a proper atmosphere at the games. Admittedly it was a hell of a lot more violent and dangerous, but a much better laugh.

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the world is coming to an end

Maybe you are a spendaholic or addicted to gambling? Perhaps you are a fangirl or fanboy or obsessed with your dog? You could be living a double life or obsessed with social networking and ‘Second Life’… perhaps you are addicted to badboys or obsessed with fame? Maybe you are dating a puma or a cougar? Perhaps you spend more time gaming than with your girlfriend?

If you have an amazing real-life story you’d like to share with Peaches Geldof which will make us say “OHMYGOD!” email us at OMG@itv.comnow!!!

What a load of shit (and l don't have to watch this to confirm l am correct)

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the 13th floor elevators - you didn't realise and levitation

These used to be fucking great before Roky got arrested and then lost his marbles. Makes me pine for some acid tabs again

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razorlight

This is hilarious - talk about a band trying too hard. The one in the stupid cowboy hat at least looks suitably embarrassed. They have either been set up by their pissed up (and probably blind) stylist or have no idea what they are doing now because they have been hammering the drugs too much. Looking at Johnny Borrell in the photo, l would say it was the latter.

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blackpool 2- 3 manchester united

Another superb finish from those wonderful United boys. I certainly didn't expect that result after the shambles of the first half, but what a comeback, 2-0 down at half time and with 20 minutes left - well worth staying up late for. I planned ahead and don't have to go to work till 4pm today, so the lazing around in the morning is also going to be extra sweet. Football, bloody hell, makes life worth living.

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paige drumming alongside lps

This picture was on 'The Word' blog, and features a sad bastard like me's storage system for LP's. l was immediately jealous and wished the storage shelves and all the albums belonged to me (as l am a sad bastard), even though l obviously don't know what the albums are (though l could harbour a good guess at most of them). I can't remember who's taken the picture and l certainly can't be bothered looking, but the child is called Paige and it is either his (it is always a man who who has records like this) child or near relation. It would make a great album cover if it was cropped slightly, a childs innocent pleasure playing music against the history of music and the weight of expectation. One day, when l win the lottery, l will have rooms filled up like this (but without the pesky kids). Ah well, one can still dream.

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drum and bass and church dancing

What's not to like?

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more dodgy adverts

Innocent adverts or subversive messages? l know what l think.

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tubbs is an idiot

At the moment, myself and the FPO are trying to train Tubbs, (the new indoor rabbit) to jump out of his cage, and also to go to it when he wants a poo or piss. No joy so far, although he is getting slightly better. l think he may be a bit simple, as he even finds it difficult walking on the wooden floor, so he only tends to go to the end of the carpet in the living room. It looks like it may take some time, so in the meantime he is hardly moving and getting fatter by the day. Must have been watching and copying us. Here is what he looks like now (thankfully, that is not Tubbs or the FPO)

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the kings head at roseberry topping for kerry's birthday

Met up with Kerry and Robbo yesterday at The Kings Head, by Roseberry Topping. We thought it would be nice to go there for a meal (for Kerry's birthday) as the views are good and the food has always been pretty nice in the past. The food was still as good as past visits, but it was pretty misty when we arrived, so we couldn't even see Roseberry Topping. A couple of things about the Kings Head though. The menus were just printed A4 bits of paper, and they had no apple sauce for the pork, which l would have thought would be an easy thing to stock, store, and keep tabs on. Very shoddy indeed, which is a shame as that is the sort of memory you come away with, rather than remembering the good bits. Anyway, the view was alright by the time we left, but myself and the FPO had to scadadle away at 3pm as l had to go to work for 4pm. It actually worked out pretty well, as l dropped off the FPO at home, then went straight to work, and arrived dead on 4pm, couldn't have planned it better. Pretty busy at work but l had a break after tea to do another hospital visit, so that broke it up a bit. Called in at Tescos before coming home to stock up on the old vino (it's purely medicinal, for the stress of work). Watched the Manchester United v Birmingham game on football first (5-0 with a Berbatov hat trick), and also saw the documentary on Iron Maiden, which was much better than anticipated, even though neither myself or the FPO are fans. Decided to wait till Sunday for Match of the Day, so l hit the computer for a while instead. Splendid day all round (apart from the work bit of course). Still no bleeding lottery win. Damn!

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shut up little man

Two drunks arguing in a San Francisco cheap hotel get taped. Marvellous stuff

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vocal track for the rolling stones gimme shelter and merry claytons version

This is brilliant. Part of the vocal track for The Rolling Stones 'Gimme Shelter'. The best bit is about 2.45 minutes in when Merry Clayton gets stuck in. By jove, the Stones used to be great.

The other track is the Merry Clayton single of the same song, where she sings it all. More great stuff.

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a fine day off work

As detailed in the posts below, l have been off work today and spent most of it sitting around watching films, some good, some not so good. I have also been downloading music, reading, and sorting out some books (no wonder l am so exhausted). it's the Rook Meisters birthday today, so we are off round to his house for some food and drink about 7pm (but rather sadly, l have work in the morning). l was meant to be going to work today, but am still feeling the after affects of a cold/flu/pneumonia, so l took annual leave and had the day off. Things aren't too bad at the moment, as although l still have loads of work to do, l should be off Saturday for Kerries birthday meal (although l still have to sort that out), then Sunday and Monday. I will probably need another rest after going in tomorrow.

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war inc (2008)

The only reason l stuck with this film so long is because l like John Cusack, but l gave up after about an hour. It's a political satire, so l did think l might enjoy it. How wrong l was. The best bit was right at the beginning, which raised my hopes for the film, but they were soon dashed. How does it end? Who cares - life's too short (especially the amount l have left).

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franklyn

This is a 2008 film which deals with modern day London, plus a place called Meanwhile City. A girl is doing an art project and a father is trying to find his son. Meanwhile, in Meanwhile city, someone is trying to do a hit on someone. Oh, nearly forgot, someone else (Milo, played by Sam Riley) has been jilted and is trying to find his childhood sweetheart. I watched it all the way through, but can't say l thought much of it. The Meanwhile City backdrops looked great, but that was about the highlight of the film. Not exactly riveting, to say the least.

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staten lsland (2009)

Although this film did not get very good reviews, l really enjoyed it. It concerns a mob boss, a butcher and a sanitation man in Staten Island (hence the title), and how they all become interlinked in each others lives. A bit like Pulp fiction whereby it went back to the same scene a few times, but from different viewpoints, and although not as good as Pulp Fiction (which is certainly one of my favourite films), it was still an unexpected treat.

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breakfast on pluto (2005)

Based on the book by Patrick McCabe, this is a comedy/drama following the life of Patrick 'Kitten' Braden (Cillian Murphy) , who was left on a doorstep in Ireland and travels to London to find his mother. It's too long for my liking and therefore drags a bit, but it was a pleasant enough film and a relaxing way to spend a couple of hours. I was surprised to see Bryan Ferry in it (playing a sleazy character - no typecasting then), and l thought Gavin Friday was pretty good as Billy Hatchett (a singer in a glam band - a bit more typecasting). The music chosen in the background was excellent though, certainly took me back to my youth (a long, long time ago).

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the motorcycle diaries - ernesto (che) guevara

Just finished this a few minutes ago, and it was a pretty good travel book (South America in 1952 on an old Norton 500) with some funny episodes (and of course, some political views about the peasants being exploited). I didn't know beforehand how much 'Che' suffered from Asthma, and how he enjoyed football so much (he played in goal and was looking forward to seeing a Real Madrid game).

There was a good bit about the Bufeo fresh water river dolphins of the Amazon, and how people supposedly had sex with them, and also a part where he writes about crapping out of a window (and it landing on fruit).

Not the sort of stuff l was expecting when l started reading it, but l was pleased with the discovery.

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le diner de cons (1998)

Watched this tonight and it was really good. People are invited as guests to a dinner because there is a competition to see who can bring the biggest idiot (my invite was lost in the post). Pierre Brochant (Thierry Lhermitte) invites Francois Pignon (Jacques Villeret), but foolishly asks him to come to his house first. All sorts of calamities then occur, with lots of twists and turns. Even the FPO liked it.

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the drinker - hans fallada

The FPO got me this at Christmas as l had enjoyed reading Fallada's 'Alone in Berlin' when l was on holiday in Turkey last year. I think the 'Alone' book is written better, but l enjoyed this one more (probably because l can relate to a lot of it). It is about a man (Erwin Sommer) and his descent into alcoholism (although he was apparently unwell beforehand), his anger towards his wife (Magda) and the consequences. It immediately made me want to go out and get some wine (which l did). It was that good.

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slaughterhouse 5 - kurt vonnegut

This l read years ago, but got the urge to buy it again at Christmas (it was going cheap) when l was getting books for my nieces. Re-read it and it was as good as l remembered, an excellent book. Billy Pilgrim gets captured by the Germans in the Second World War, witnesses the bombing of Dresden (as did Vonnegut in real life), and also travels in time. What more could you ask for? A classic.

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the gambler - katherine ogden, charles cohen and nick dear

Read this at Christmas time. It's a screenplay (haven't seen the play) about Dostoevsky trying to finish his novel 'The Gambler' in time to pay off his gambling debts, with a love story thrown in. I didn't realise that it was based on a true tale of Dostoevsky writing the book under such conditions, but hey ho, you live and learn. Didn't think much of it.

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ricky gervais on distorted headlines

I was looking at Ricky Gervais' blog (yes, it has been confirmed before and it is still true, l am a sad git), and he was on about how the papers distort things. Talking about the Golden Globes, he said he chatted afterwards with a lot of the people he supposedly offended (Tim Allen, Paul McCartney etc) and they took the jokes in good humour (no matter what the papers or TV say). He also points out in an earlier article how things can be distorted. Take the following example where he writes:

This is an article in today's Evening Standard...

The 49-year-old comedian denied he had been pressurised by Hollywood into losing weight.

He said: "I got fit after Christmas, running around Hampstead. I've got a gym in my house - well, it's more like a spa. But it was nothing to do with Hollywood. I just thought enough is enough - I'm nearly 50'.

"It's not for a role or anything, my next two movies are animations so it doesn't matter what I look like. This is for my health. I lost 20lb in three months and it's stayed off. I've not stopped eating anything - it's just exercise."

The comedian was speaking at the launch of Sky 1 comedy documentary An Idiot Abroad, in which his podcast co-star Karl Pinkington is sent to the seven wonders of the world after he claimed they were "a bit s***".

Glad they managed to mention the show that we were meant to be talking about at the end.

Anyway the facts are sound.

All this is entirely true. The quotes are accurate.

This is the Headline they went with though...

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ricky gervais at the golden globes

I think he may have pushed some of the boundaries a bit when hosting The Golden Globes this year, but in my eyes, he was pretty damn funny (funnier than most of his films).

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weekend off watching - shameless - the men who stare at goats - sex and drugs and rock and roll - crazy heart

Stayed in all weekend with bottles of wine, the FPO's sausages and mash (no, that is not a euphemism), and a load of things to watch on the goggle box (including the footie - Spurs v Manchester United 0-0). Great stuff, it's always good to be off work, especially now there is a new computer to prat about on as well. How on earth do people get bored when they are off, it sure beats me, there are never enough hours in the day for my liking. Anyhows........


The new series started this week and it has been on every night. Bloody hell, it has certainly overstretched itself and lots of it was just rubbish. I didn't like all the imaginary sequences (Dr Who etc) and l definitely do not like the new characters (and Franks new woman and her mother are just plain annoying) . Obviously it is a comedy (and supposedly a biting satire on the state of merry old England), but l only ended up watching the whole weeks worth out of a curiosity to see it through to the bitter end. Also, the new black family would never be living on that estate (he is a teacher) and would not be drinking in the jockey all the time. Count me out for the rest of the series.

This however, was really good. The film (2009) is based on the book by Jon Ronson (2004) and has just the right amount of comedy touches, some of them when least expected. Although l knew of the army experiments, you were still unsure whether George Clooney's character (Lyn Cassady) was deceiving himself, or just plain crackers. The beginning of the film wasn't taped, so although only a short bit was missed at the start, l think l will watch this again to see it all. Much better than l imagined.

Andy Serkis plays Ian Dury in this biop (2010), and plays him superbly. It concentrates on Dury's relationships with his son Baxter (Bill Milner) and Chaz Jankel (Tom Hughes), plus of course the ladies in his life and his handicap (he caught polio when he was swimming as a child). The film shows that Dury could be difficult at times (especially after drink had been taken), but didn't go overboard with this. Also, although Andy Serkis is a really excellent character actor, my Gollum was better than his. We will have to have a Hobbit showdown.

I had high hopes for this film (2009) as l like Jeff Bridges a lot and it had got some great reviews. He won an Oscar for it and his acting was of his usual high standard, but l thought the ending was a bit of a let down and there were some unbelievable scenes in the film which just annoyed me (being handed cheques before a show/losing the kid and not calling the cops from the bar etc).

Colin Farrell was also pretty good as his protégée Tommy Sweet, and Bridges's portrayal of Otis 'Bad' Blake was really believable, but l was expecting more. Still, l always have 'The Big Lebowski' (1998) to watch if l want to see Bridges in an excellent movie.

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mexican film posters

They make me want to go and see every one of them, especially 'La Loba'.

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train wankers

This picture was taken by Dan Bullock and it is on the District Line in London, by Wimbledon. Genius!

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toilet notice

This is straight to the point. It's from Endemol, the people who do Big Brother. Seem like a nice firm to work for.

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make nick clegg dance

http://theuglydance.com/?v=kgiismvynb

badr shakir al- sayyab (rain song)

Because l am a very sad man, l have been reading some poetry tonight (most of which was shite)

But l did like these lines from

Badr Shakir al-Sayyab (Rain song)

Do you know how gutters weep when it pours down?

Do you know how lost a solitary person feels in the rain?

Each to their own l guess. Maybe l should just start having a life and get into snogging Tubbs more ( l know it's what he wants).

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we are all in it together

I work in removals, have most of my working life. I’ve been at the same place for 15 years moving “corporate professionals” all over the world. It’s called relocation now, we now offer home search, school search and expense management which is essentially paying their bills and charging their firms a percentage for the privilege. Since the banking collapse our prices have been driven down despite the bankers still being moved across the world and receiving huge bonuses. Our contractors who do the physical removals are suffering badly with fuel costs spiralling, insurance companies running scared and charging through the nose for public liability and goods in transit cover.

Reading this tonight on 'The Word' blog, the main thing that (obviously) struck me was ' despite the bankers still being moved across the world and receiving huge bonuses'.

Don't get me started on the differences betwen the rich and poor. Eat the rich - solve some problems

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trip to leeds to see paul

Back from sunny Leeds (Beeston) to see Paul and family to drop off the Christmas pressies (money basically - for me and Paul - £50 each!).

Myself, the FPO, Linda, Hayley and Kelly all went down there for the (usually) once in a year experience (Shayne was in Stockton).

Bit of a turn up for the books this year as Paul made us all some chips (which were very nice - deep fat fryer and crinkle cut). Still called in on the way home at the KFC at Roundhay (I think, next to where the Ffyord green was). Still a mental area and also (showing off) where l saw/met Def Leppard and could have stuck with them as some kind of mad fan/believer/stalker/serial killer. Listening to some of their later stuff, l wish l had hung around a bit longer (they let me down so much).

Got a load of LP's off my laddie boy Paul (which pleased the FPO no end) and had some mad chats about the past (remember smashing up the Jag - remember the pig running around the house as mums new partner and his mate tried to kill it with a hammer etc).

No wonder we are mental (my brother and l).

'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother,
Nor customary suits of solemn black,
Nor windy suspiration of forced breath,
No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,
Nor the dejected 'havior of the visage,
Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,
That can denote me truly: these indeed seem,
For they are actions that a man might play:
But I have that within which passeth show;
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.

Anyway, it's all character building and l have just had the busiest day of my life today (inspection tomorrow), which has certainly kept me on my toes.

In the great scheme of things, who give a fuck (life's too short etc etc). Therr is always the sweet relief of death to look forward to.

Plus....

There's always football and the hope of a lottery win to fall back on (l wish)

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larry griswold - the diving fool

Christ on a bike, that must have taken a Hell of a lot of practise and I bet he still got hurt doing it. What a gymnastic genius (and he helped invent the first prototype trampoline with George Nissan)

Todays entertainers? Pah! Rubbish in comparison - this is old school physical comedy at its best.

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sherlock holmes film by guy ritchie

I repeat the poem here that I wrote at the start of last year.Tried to watch this last night for the first time and yes, l did think it was shite. Didn't hang around for the end of it as life's too short, but did enjoy the recreations of old London town though. Probably reminded me of my early childhood in Bootle.

I saw Sherlock Holmes the other night

The wife's idea, she thought it'd be alright

But like the Thames is full of flotsam

Jude Law was playing Watson

It was directed by Guy Ritchie

It was shite

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elliot smith - between the bars

After looking at You Tube footage yesterday and thinking about how great Elliot Smith was, here's the proper version of 'Between the Bars'. Time for the tissues (again).

Drink up baby, stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now
And forget all about the pressure of days
Do what I say and I'll make you okay
And drive them away
The images stuck in your head

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air
Waiting to be finally caught
Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
Separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot

The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Toodle pip.

the zombies care of cell 44 - elliot smith - between the bars

I love the Zombies album 'Odyssey and Oracle' (a forgotten classic) and have been playing it a lot recently while falling to sleep. Elliot Smith (RIP) does a good cover of 'Care of Cell 44', which demonstrates what superb taste he had when covering songs. None of them where as good as his own 'Between the Bars' though, one of my favourite songs ever, and if l am feeling emotional, it's a song that often makes me cry like a baby ( big soft idiot that l am)

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caledonian crow using three tools

This clever little bugger uses three tools to be able to get food.

I want one now, it's not as clever as me though. I just shout the FPO.

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somalia's new laws about mixed sex handshakes

According to the BBC

Men and women have been banned from shaking hands in a district of Somalia controlled by the Islamist group al-Shabab.

Under the ban imposed in the southern town of Jowhar, men and women who are not related are also barred from walking together or chatting in public.

It is the first time such social restrictions have been introduced.

The al-Shabab administration said those who disobeyed the new rules would be punished according to Sharia law.

The BBC's Mohamed Moalimuu in Mogadishu says the penalty would probably be a public flogging.

This is great news.The sooner it happens here the better. It will stop me getting pestered by the ladies and having to be nice to females, freeing up my precious time to go drinking and bonding with the lads.Don't just flog them though, that's being too kind. Stone them!

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back to work and a normal life with exercise

Back to work tomorrow/today after the nice long break this week. Can't say l am looking forward to it, bound to be loads of work to do and l also know l have to go to a meeting at Northallerton hospital tomorrow. l am sure there will be problems to solve as soon as l walk through the door in the morning until l leave in the evening (it's also a long day at work tomorrow - 12 hours).

Time to stop eating and drinking so much, and get back to a normal life. I may even take up some exercise like the chappie above (but l doubt it). At present, l am waiting for a new computer to arrive, so l will be sitting on my lazy fat arse in front of that in the next few days (hopefully).

Ah well, Manchester United v Liverpool at the weekend to look ahead to. Praise the Lord there's always football.

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spider-man pants

I got these for Christmas off Louise and Dazzer - Steve Dikto and Johnny Romita drawings on them so l was well chuffed (and gave away what a geek l am). Never mind - loud and proud is what l say - embrace your geekness and it will still be cool.

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recent books finished - nikki sixx - the heroin diaries, soft - rupert thomson and hunter s thompson - fear and loathing in las vegas

This was a Christmas present from Robbo, sex drugs and rock and roll all the way (and l don't even like Motley Crue). A bit repetitive but amazing the kind of lifestyle that he was living at the time. Of course he was fucked up from his childhood and has now discovered God and sobriety, but what a life he had (Nikki, not Robbo).

Bought this second hand a week or so ago and really enjoyed it. It involves subliminal advertising and interlinked characters with more than a hint of menace, but I was very impressed with it. I will have to get some more of his stuff (if l see them cheap)

Another book about drugs, wild times and being way out there with your buddy. I read it again just before Christmas and also bought it for Robbo as one of his Christmas presents. I guess we had the same kind of idea regarding the books as he had got me the Nikki Sixx one (see above). This is a classic, a mad episode covering a race in the desert and a police conference in Vegas, and thus inventing Gonzo journalism. The DVD is pretty good as well, l can relate to the acid trips etc as l used to be wilder when l was younger. Now it's boring old fart time, which is probably why myself and Robbo thought of these books, it reminds us of a happy, carefree, drug filled time of exploration and buddyship. Happy days.

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