been busy

Been pretty busy with one thing and another so l haven't been keeping up with the blog. Normal service to be resumed in the next day or so.
Toodle pip

Human Jump rope

Amazing

new ipod

What a gay day yesterday was. Out in the Wine Bar with Joseph, then met by Mandy, stayed out for a while with Richie and Ben, then home to the Bunnies, esp Nozzer, the spoilt little bastard. He's not well at the moment, sneezing and not pooing properly (l know, l've checked). Anyhows, got my new ipod through the post, plus a microphone (griffin itouch) for my ipod. The new ipod does not appear to work with the microphone, plus it has some features missing (as far as l can tell at the moment), but the cover flow thingie looks good (plus of course, the memory is much larger). Been playing around with the microphone and it and it does what it says on the tin. Technology is fantastic. Waiting for my new memory stick now, 32gb, which is more memory than most old computers. God knows (just an expression, there is no God) what the future will hold.
Also been listening to Elbow a lot over the last couple of days, forgot how great some of their stuff is, probably a lot better on drugs (then again, what music isn't?). Nice soft songs that build up into a crescendo of noise. Magic.
Also found some clothes that l had forgot about, shorts and a sweatshirt, both good and with tags still attached. All l need now is a bath and hair wash (plus drastic weight loss), so they will look really cool. Maybe l should just go and hide them again. On the other hand. it's bike ride and bath time! Think l will go for that now (the bath).
Toodle pip

legend

happy mondays

Mad for it on Saturday, at Stockton for the Happy Mondays free gig. Drinks and disco biscuits all round.
Went to what we thought was the Green Dragon pub beforehand, but it was a pub just across from it – damn! Still enjoyed ourselves, the girls (and l include Robbo) had a go on the fair rides before the gig. Pretty bleeding mental some of them (the rides l mean, and by rides l don’t mean the girls).
Got down the front for the show and had a bit of a shuffle about (ooer missus), then we buggered off to Teeside park for KFC and burgers. The girls dropped me and Robbo off outside KFC, not realising it had just closed its doors. Asked at the drive by window if there was any food left and was told it served till 12pm from the window. Would not give us anything at the window though, even though there were no cars and we were the only people there. Health and safety issue apparently, we had to be in a car to be served. We then had to hang around for the girls to get back so we could climb into the car and buy food from the same window and person. I blame Gordon Brown.
Back to Robbo and Kerry’s for a drink and chat then bedtime. Didn’t overdo it on the night though, as the disco biscuits were crap, so everyone felt fine the next morning. Good result in a way, crap in another.
I had to go to work Sunday night, and had been out till 2pm on Friday night (with work on Saturday morning) at Richmond Live and J.T’s bar. Glad I felt fine (although a bit tired) but I don’t mind putting in the hours and suffering either. It’s got to be done and it isn’t as easy as it seems. Till the next time..
Toodle pip

cool guy

Brendon Erdhardt, of Northern Territories, Australia was caught by police speeding at 150km/h, while filming himself masturbating at the wheel.

5kg of drugs was in his boot and two cannabis plants were on the back seat.

What a cool guy

Toodle pip

dog sex

A mixed breed and a Labrador, formerly owned by Diane Sue Whalen of Tulsa County, have been accepted by the Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah, said Barbara Williamson, spokeswoman for the animal sanctuary.
The dogs — named Lucky and Buddy — will be taken to the no-kill sanctuary next month.
Whalen, 54, and Donald Roy Seigfried, 55, were charged with felony crimes against nature after Whalen's adult son found more than 150 tapes of his mother performing sex acts with her dogs and a blue heeler owned by Seigfried. Seigfried was accused of filming the acts.
The dogs were placed in the Tulsa Animal Shelter following the arrests. While Whalen relinquished custody of her dogs, Seigfried is fighting for ownership of the blue heeler, named Merlin.

Fancy finding tapes of your mum with the pet dog - good to see that Seigfried is trying to stick by the blue heeler

Toodle pip

george best and noel gallagher

I was listening to the Russell Brand show today (Saturdays show), with Noel from Oasis as a guest/co-presenter as usual. I have always loved Noels sense of humour and some of the things he comes out with, but today's was a corker. Talking about hellraisers and then George Best on the Wogan show, Russell compared Noel (who was drinking) to George. Noel replied he was happy with that as George was cool. When Russell asked how a Manchester City could say that, Noel said "George didn't play for United, he played for the World". Top man.
Toodle pip

bedale and the wine bar

had a great day on Tuesday. Didn't start out so good as l had to go to a work training thingie at the White Rose hotel in Leeming Bar, which didn't finish till about 1pm. Had the rest of the day to myself then, so l went and had a stroll round Bedale, calling in a couple of pubs (wagon and Horses and Oddfellows Arms). The landlady from the Oddfellows had gone off to pick up her new husband from the Gambia (Gatwick actually, but you get the idea). It will never last, l am sure she phoned him the last time l was in and pretended the call was from him. Also said he had a permit already, which sounds dodgy. Wonder what attracted him to a 49 year old divorced woman with money and a pub - can't think of a reason myself.
back to Catterick afterwards to meet Joseph in the wine bar. had a good crack on and he bought in a book for me, Our George, about George Best by his sister Barbara. Made me cry in the second chapter, but the rest of it wasn't that good. Peter fell out with Richie over a game of pool and stormed out, plus l won £10 off Richie (he was drunk and more idiotic than usual). Nice.
Toodle pip

old joke

Jeremy Clarkson goes up to Kate Moss at a Party and says "Hi I'm Jeremy.I do Top Gear"
Kate Moss replies "Go on then,I'll have 2 'E's and a gram of Coke"

Talking of which, Happy Mondays at the weekend - nice one - keep it sweet

Toodle pip

the weather

After the great weekend we had, it was back to clouds and rain on Monday. According to the Observer on Sunday, the forecast for the next six days was gloomy and we should have rain all week. lt rained on Monday, then it was a sunny day yesterday (Tuesday) and it looks good today (cloudy and sunny). l am getting obsessed with the weekly forecasts in the paper as they are generally wrong. As l have always said, anything over three days is just guesswork. Lying bastards getting paid for doing a crap job. Shoot them.

james bond

The new James Bond film is called Quantum of Solace. Eh? One of Timothy Dalton's 007 outings was changed to Licence to Kill from Licence Revoked, because the producers were worried that some of the potential audience wouldn't understand the word 'revoked'. Not sure how they're going to cope with Quantum of Bloody Solace.
Toodle pip

what a scorcher - bastard tories

Phew! What a scorcher! Sadly though, l had to go to work at 3pm so it’s not all fun and games. Working overnight tonight (Saturday) and then again Sunday. Must be a sucker for punishment. Think l will take it easy next week, until the weekend at least. Just finished The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell, bit sentimental about the working classes, but at least he sticks up for them and describes in great detail what a crappy life they had in the 1930’s. Then the Second World War followed (for them, not me) – lucky for me, not so for them (I am confusing myself now). He puts foreward a strong argument for Socialism (Good man). There are lots of so called Labour supporters at the moment complaining about George Brown, saying they are going to vote Tory at the next election. Fucking idiots all of them. If you want a protest vote, vote liberal or Green or anything apart from the Tory bastards who must be laughing their socks off every time they get a working (or lower middle) class vote. I would have more respect if people voted for the BNP and stood their ground, saying all they were concerned about was themselves and Britain, sod the blacks and immigrants. Voting for a party that has no time for the working classes apart from using them as cheap labour and getting them to do all the shitty little jobs they wouldn’t entertain lowering themselves to do. A capitalist system needs cheap labour and unemployment to keep profits high - not that the profits are shared out amongst the majority of workers. The working classes as a whole can be narrow sighted idiots, but at least the excuse is they have not an equal footing when it comes to the chances of a decent education. The Tory party as a whole are very well educated and know what they are doing, i.e. taking the piss. Think I have ranted enough about how I hate them (for the moment). The heat must be getting to me. Oh well, suppose l had better do something (l am at work now). Better not forget to post this tomorrow.
Toodle pip

good ideas

Quote of the day
" A good idea attempted is better than a bad idea perfected"
Don Letts - B.A.D

all my loving

Repeating All My Loving at the moment, a 17 part series from (l think) the 1970's. Its great, a bit studious and middle class but some unique footage and interviews. Some of the stuff you may not be bothered about but it can still end up interesting. Listening to an old git like Irvin Caesar, l was originally thinking "yawn", but it was him that wrote 'just a gigolo' forchristsake. Respect to the man. The series also managed to interview stars while they were still reasonably young or before they died (difficult to do afterwards, l grant you). Top stuff
Toodle pip

Bernie Mac - My sisters Kids

Didnt i tell yo punk ass boi he cant get no milk n cookies?!?!?!?! now im telln yo short ass u cant have none so take yo little punk ass up stairs 4 u get yo ass whooped round here

knee and northallerton

So l have finally discovered what is wrong with my knee. Went through to Northallerton hospital yesterday for the results of my MRI scan, to be told l have ripped my ligaments, both inside and outside of my knee. Have to wait for an appointment with a consultant, then he will arrange an operation to remove the ripped parts (as they won't heal apparently). Should be ok once that has been done, be able to play football again, run etc.
Afterwards l went round Northallerton to all the second hand shops, buying books. Didn't realise there were so many there, must have been about eight of them. Chatted to some old grannies (pretending l am nice), got my prescription for new hayfever tablets sorted, didn't even have to pay as the young trendy lad in Boots must have thought l was a dolie and just waved me away with the tablets. Bought The Master and Margarita in Watersons to celebrate, already read it but fancy another read and god knows where the other book is. Also got a black pudding, as l have been feeling pretty proud of the working classes recently so l thought l would show some solidarity, stopped short at some tripe, although l don't mind it (not really, just fancied some black pudding after reading about them last week).
Wrote some letters when l got back and listened to cds, read, then headed to post the letters and have a quick pint before returning to watch some family guy episodes. Actually had an early night (for me), went to bed at 11pm and didn't rise till 10am. Must have been tired (or getting old).
toodle pip

another great old advert

busy days, but still off work

Been busy having a rare old time during the last few days. Went out on Thursday to the Wine Bar, met Joe Finnigan and others, stayed out chewed the fat (lots to be chewed) and came home at 9.30pm full of double vodkas and lemonade. nearly got into a fight with some soldiers who took the piss outside JT's. l offered to fight the hardest one out of them all and they backed down (thank fuck). It's important to stand your ground l say, even if it does end up with a beating (won't be the first). Whats the saying - "better to live like a lion for a day, than live for a year as a lamb". Probably slightly wrong but it's close enough.

Friday, went to Robbo and Kerry's in the Boro, then out to the Cross keys for a few drinks. ordered an Indian takeaway on our return, loads too much as usual. Discussing the Universe, Infinity, and whats the point of anything? (you had to be there). Good laugh though.

Came back on Saturday and l put in my 8 hours at work in the evening while Mandy entertained her sister (Deb) watching Rambo and Sweeney Todd. Still crap with no football.

Went out for a bike ride on Sunday and then cut the bleeding grass as it's taking over the garden. Looking better now but still needs strimming. Felt like booting the cats as they had been crapping down the bottom of the garden, despite the fact we have left an overgrown bit of garden for them to poo in by the bird table. Little bastards (the cats not the birds, although little is the last word l would use to describe Jack).
Watched The Libertine with Johnny Depp in the evening, also a film called Bridget, based on the Moll Flanders story and subsidised by a French channel. Both pretty good, although l had already seen the Libertine.
Finished reading Andrew Collins - Heaven knows l'm miserable now, and Stuart Maconie - Cider with Roadies. Prefered Cider with Roadies, life listening to prog, northern soul, punk, and then working for the NME. Also read Blind Faith by Ben Elton, preaches a bit (see what l did there) but a lot of his views are the same as mine regarding faith, ie l don't believe in God or Gods of any kind. Back to the books and cds now! Hurrah!
Toodle pip

old advert

mars pictures

Pictures of Mars and the Earth and Moon, what more can you want (Mars' Moon looks spooky)


http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/06/martian_skies.html


Toodle pip

freedom!

Finished work at 2pm yesterday (Tuesday) and l only have 8 hours work to do till 3pm next Tuesday. Result! Reading Ben Elton's Blind Faith, listened to loads of cds, watched The Twenties in Colour, Beau Brummel (which was way off the truth), some Family Guy and am still feeding cd's into my ipod as l type. Went for a bike ride today (which killed me) and l am now ploughing through Andrew Collins' Where Did it All Go Right? Just put on some food for Mandy and me (sweet potatoes, chicken and creme freshe). Sod work, being off is so much better.
Toodle pip

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

great album a s well

the press

Don't you think the hysteria over knife crime is at least partially responsible for the rise in the amount of knife crime? Surely the papers going on about knife crimes makes carrying knives a cool thing to do. Also other people get scared because of the reporting and carry knives to protect themselves from a greater threat.

The coverage of the suicides in Bridgend must also have fueled the problem. Someone looking at the coverage and feeling depressed might be tempted to copy the behaviour and also get some fame.

The papers and TV jump on stories and run them for as long as they sell and are sexy. Remember dogs attacking babies? It will still happen but the media lose interest after a while.

Take everything with a large pinch of salt (l love salt) and remain cynical - it's the only way to be.

Toodle pip

l wanna be like you in Jungle Book

Another top song - love baloo (sadly growing into being him, or is that a good thing?

Bare Necessities

One of my favorite songs ever (and films)

ron wood - from the mail

" A night drinking with Kate Moss ended with him under the table, biting people on the ankles"

What a guy


Ronnie Wood has walked out on his wife and four children to live with a teenage cocktail waitress he met in an escort bar.
The 61-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist has fled to his mansion in Ireland with the 18-year- old Russian blonde.
His wife of 23 years, Jo, is said to have begged Ekaterina Ivanova not to take her husband away from her. The teenager is understood to have told friends that she replied: 'I am not taking him - he is leaving.'
The other woman: Ekaterina Ivanova is said to have run away with rocker Ronnie Wood following an extra-marital affair
A representative of Wood, who has battled a drink problem for years, said the girl began seeing him three months ago when he was at a low ebb, frazzled by alcohol. They have been together ever since.
Wood - who is drinking two bottles of vodka a day - met Miss Ivanova after the London premiere of the Stones documentary, Shine A Light, on April 2 in a seedy escort bar in Soho.
Within weeks the girl from Moscow had grown so close to Wood that she accompanied him back to the home he shares with Jo and their four children in Kingston upon Thames, South-West London.
At the beginning of May, Wood invited Miss Ivanova to join him at his mansion in Clane, County Kildare.
She has been writing about the relationship on the social networking website Facebook, calling Wood her 'boyfriend' and saying she is quickly 'falling in love'.


She also claims to have become Wood's painting muse, posing for him at the Irish house.
Wood's publicist made the extraordinary move of speaking publicly about his curious relationship with the teenager yesterday.
The publicist said: 'She is a drinking partner. When you're an alcoholic and your family are all telling you to stop drinking you simply find someone else to drink with. You can see how it happens, you end up pushing away the ones you love because you don't think straight.
'He met her in a dodgy escort bar at four in the morning when he was boozed out of his mind. I heard she worked there, but doing what I don't know. It was a very dodgy scenario.
'He's fallen off the wagon big time. He's spiralling out of control and every time he returns to his drinking it's worse than before. He's not even clear-headed enough to check himself into rehab.
'He's in a very bad way. His son Tyrone has tried to speak to him briefly, but he's not even waking up until late afternoon. He's very much spiralling.
'He's on two bottles of vodka a day and he has a size 28 waist. He's not a massive man. He's an alcoholic who has worked up his tolerance to that amount. He is in contact with Jo but until he sorts out the booze problem, it's not Ronnie. Nothing can be resolved.
' Wood was absent on Thursday night when the rest of his family went to the first night of an art exhibition run by Tyrone in Mayfair.
Asked if she thought the pair were having an affair, Jo told The Sun: 'They're not boyfriend or girlfriend - not in that way.'
However Miss Ivanova has been telling friends a very different story. One said: 'She is besotted with Ronnie. Whether or not he knows it, she plans a future with him. She has told everyone Ronnie has left his wife for her and they are a full-on item.'
Locals in Clane said that Wood had barely left the house in weeks. He used to frequent a local bar, where he would join in the odd jam session on his guitar, but that closed recently because of a fire.
Wood is estimated to be worth £70million. The cocktail waitress incident is being seen as the latest symptom of an alcohol problem which has seen him in rehab many times.

The first time he emerged from the clinic, fellow Stone Keith Richards sent him a fax upon which he had scrawled: 'Rehab is for quitters.'
Wood, somewhat wounded, fired one back saying: 'Actually mate, I was in hospital.'
He had, he said at the time, been advised that he was only six months from death. He had been daily consuming two or three bottles of vodka, plenty of chilled Guinness and countless Sambucas. 'I suppose I was permanently pickled,' he said.
Richards treated it all as a bit of a joke and found it a nuisance when he lost his drinking partner. It has never been that much of an issue, however, as Wood's periods off the sauce never seem to last very long.
The trouble is that he has always been proud of his epic consumption. There has never been any publiclyadmitted shame, nor has he reached what therapists call 'rock bottom'.
Sure, his friends and drinking buddies have died - Jimi Hendrix, actor John Belushi, his first wife Krissy, comedian Peter Cook - but this has not really given him pause. Even though his wife refers to alcohol as a 'monster' with which he battles daily, he never seems to learn.
The 'affair' is being described by those who know Wood as nothing more than a by-product of his alcoholic compulsion.
'He's not run away from Jo to be with this girl,' said one. 'He's run away from Jo so that he can get ragged on vodka.'
Another associate said: 'I feel really sorry for Jo because she's taken a lot of this like a good 'un. Ronnie is not a lech, I have known him for years and I don't think he's even that interested in sex. I don't think he's had a bunk-up in ten years.
'The problem here is the drinking. He spends a lot of time in Ireland, and you know that when he's there that is what is going on.
'He can't seem to control the drink and he can't seem to control anything in his life either. It's been a series of disasters over money and managers.
'It's the sort of person Ronnie is. He always looks like the kid who didn't get an ice cream. He's kind of helpless.'

Wood believes that he was born to be a drinker. He grew up on an estate near Heathrow, and would go every night to watch his father drinking, partying and playing the piano at a local pub, the Nag's Head.
Young Ronnie would sit on the windowsill with a packet of crisps and a Coca-Cola and watch his Dad pound the keys. At closing time there would be a shout of 'All back to No 8' - the Woods' home - and the party would start in earnest, with everyone taking as much booze as they could carry. After the Woods moved out, the new owners found 1,700 empty Guinness bottles in the back garden.
When Ronnie started playing with the Jeff Beck Group, he developed a fondness for red vermouth, which took the edge off his stage fright. He was, though, fairly indiscriminate in those days, and progressed through alcohol to cocaine and heroin.
It was all part of his appetite for a good time. As he revealed in his autobiography, he had a seemingly limitless enthusiasm for narcotics.
He and Keith would stay up for 72 hours straight on cocaine while the long suffering Jo, whom he met in 1977, was never more than a dabbler. Keith chopped out a line of coke for them both in their wedding car on the way to the reception. Ronnie spent a £70,000 home improvement loan on drugs, and he and Bobby Keys would stay up all day and night freebasing.
In the 1980s, when the Stones gave up touring, Ronnie's cocaine habit became immense. He and Jo were arrested in the Caribbean with 200 grams of coke.
His dealers used to wake him up in the middle of the night so that he could take hits. He ended up losing his home, his nightclub and all his investments, and hallucinating that there were people hiding in the bushes of his house.
What Ronnie really loved was a party. Those who know him say that he will always be the last to leave, even if that means staying up all night. To this day, his supporters say that his frequent departures from the wagon are always when he has been tempted to prove his credentials as a party animal - a misplaced sense of pride which has seen Jo threaten to leave him.
'He is very easily led,' says an old pal. 'Ronnie doesn't eat, he just likes a drink. Jo and the kids get seriously fed up with it.'
This time, he seems to have started drinking partly out of boredom after the end of the last Stones tour. His daughter Leah's wedding earlier this month was, of course, an excuse to indulge very heavily.
But his family have lost patience with him when he drinks, and so he tends to go to his house in County Kildare where he can knock it back in peace.
'I come from a drinking family and I always enjoy the taste of beer,' he once said.
Several of his attempts at rehab were at Jo's insistence.
She told an interviewer: 'I was at the end of my tether, thinking, "I don't know how much more of this I can take." It was every day, all night long, every night.
'Socially, everybody loved him. Ronnie was great. But when he got back home, he was horrible. I used to dread going to parties because I knew we were going to be the last to leave.'
She spoke to Jagger, who told her she had to get him clean for the Stones tour. 'Ronnie didn't agree until the day before he was due to go.
It was very emotional getting him there. It was really tough because you feel as if you're putting him into some kind of prison.' He spent almost a year clean, but in March 2004, he was admitted once again to the Priory after a night drinking with Kate Moss ended with him under the table, biting people on the ankles.
Almost exactly a year later, in March 2005, he checked into an Irish clinic after getting drunk at his wife's 50th birthday party. In 2006, after celebrating his 59th birthday party in typically riotous fashion, he checked into the Priory, in Roehampton, West London, for an intense five-day drying out session.
There were no problems on the Stones' last tour which ended this year. As usual, Jo came along and cooked him egg and beans on a portable stove in his hotel room, and made him coffees and passed him his cigarettes.
It is, of course, possible for a ageing rocker to conquer his addictions, as Eric Clapton has proved. But one of Wood's friends said yesterday: 'I don't know that Ronnie will ever straighten out.
'For him, drinking goes hand in hand with having fun, and he'd rather be dead than be boring. I remember him saying to me when he went into rehab, "The thing is, I don't want to end up being a boring b*****d like Clapton".'

footie

I know it’s not that long till the start of the new football season and the European championships have just finished, but l’m missing games on a Saturday. It doesn’t feel right without Match of the Day or final score. Manchester United have just played Aberdeen, but that was only a friendly – not the same sort of enjoyment by a long way. Even been on the internet looking for the new edition of the News of The World annual, (now called the Nationwide annual), and that isn’t out till August 7th.
The good news is this has given me time to watch some old games on ESPN. Saw the European championship final from 1988 last night, Holland against the USSR with Van Basten’s volley and Ruud Gullitt playing and scoring, but it seemed and looked so old fashioned. Bring back the footie ASAP
Toodle pip

milk and honey band

Been trying to paste a direct link to this but it won't work - so heres another - pass my acid

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur9mMWTrBIA

bedale and true love

Had a fine day in Bedale on Wednesday, had to go and pay for my mums funeral, then went for a look in the second hand shops and butchers. Wandered around some of the pubs, playing pool and reading. Chatted to the landlady in one of them who said she had just married a guy from Ghana. She has been over there 6 or 7 times in the last year or so and said he worked as a fitness trainer in the resort hotel, they really got on, shared the same sense of humour and just clicked etc. She is nearly 50, he is about 30. She said he has lots of girls throwing themselves at him, which he says he does not like. He also apparently enjoys his job, has a visa already for the UK and is in no hurry to move over. The woman owns a pub and rents out a house, she also has savings and is pretty well off. She is not a stunna (as the Sun would have it), so why are they together. call me an old fashioned cynic, but although she is bright, she is about to be taken for a ride (although she said she had already had one, if you get my drift). I would place money on him moving over here pretty damn soon, meeting someone else and then buggering off, maybe with some of her money. l will have to call in again in a few months to see how it is going. Racist views? Her last husband left her and she will be hurt again in the near future, she is on the rebound and fooling herself if she thinks it's love. No fool like an old one - and l should know
Toodle pip

the weather

Trying to find out how accurate weather forecasts are, as l have had an argument with someone about the weather this year. He (Jimmy) was saying it was meant to be a crap August and September, l was arguing that all the forecasts were crap and just guessing, as they cannot predict the weather accurately more than about 3 days in advance. A good example was in the Observer last Sunday, where it said it would be raining here all week. Had a sunny day yesterday and today, maybe tomorrow as well. It's obvious some things with the weather can be forecast, sunny in the Sahara, colder in England during winter etc, but whether it will rain or not in a week is a load of rubbish. The forecasts get changed all the time, and when extreme weather happens, the papers can just reprint an old forecast that was correct. They treat everyone like idiots, and don't get me started on TV detector vans being able to detect a TV, even when it is switched off. Bah!
Toodle pip

dentist - hidden camera

wish my dentist was like this, wouldn't mind going so much

sun is shining

Up and about early today as l have to go into work for fire training (don't panic and call the fire brigade). Going to Bedale after to pay for my mums funeral, then the world is mine. pretty nice day at the moment so l may have a pint or two in Bedale, come back to the wine bar for a couple more, then home to cut the grass, before it gets higher than the house. The other half is busy till 8pm, working and visiting her nan, so l've got some peace.
Out yesterday in the pub, playing pool and taking the piss (no change there). another funeral yesterday, didn't go to it myself but there was a lot of drunken lads out that l know. Sure Joe (won't say his second name) is bisexual. l kept taking the piss out of him and getting him to sit on my lap. trying to get him to come out (so to speak) but no joy. Give it time l say. played a lot of pool again but lost some games as well as winning so didn't make much. have to go out more and practise.
Butt naked now so l had better get dressed and ready for work, got to be there for 9.30am. Should be exciting (l doubt).
Toodle pip

lovely pool

What a great time l had last night. Down the local from about 4pm till 10pm, got very drunk and played pool for money all night. Won every game l played, so left the pub with the same amount of money l came out with. Only left because everyone refused to play for money or drinks any more. Excellent!
Also had a tosser in there saying he was voting for the BNP, as they are for the English and aren't racist, nothing against blacks, gays etc. Obviously l took him to task on this and it looked at one time as if he was going to get beaten up by some soldiers in there. Pity he didn't, l was all for it. People like him make the white working class look like idiots, bad for us all. l told everyone he was bisexual himself and had tried it on with me, just to wind him up and shut him up. probably why the soldiers wanted to kick him in, come to think of it. Nearly worked, better luck next time.
Toodle pip

Kid Rock - All Summer Long

Kid rock looks like a star, acts like one, and l love him a lot

glastonbury

been in the pub all afternoon, drunk and more stupid than usual. Watched (or rather skipped through alll the glastonbury footage we had sky+) and here's the verdict :
the Verve were superb
mgmt - the singer is great looking (bit like bon jovi) but the songs have not grown on me yet
elbow - fantastic but they need to look cooler
reverend and the makers - love them already so anything would be good
jay z - 99 problems and he aint one
the enemy - never that bothered but they have grown on me
the gossip - l know it's not about looks, but what the fuck was beth wearing
duffy - nice pants
neil diamond - great songs but he seems to have lost some charisma
laughing lennie - missed him
thats it for now - bed time
toodle pip

Elbow - One Day Like This Glastonbury '08

here's another band that would be a lot more popular if they looked like rock stars - great songs though

playing for Manchester United

The great God Fergie has been giving evidence on behalf of Ben Collett, a Manchester United reserve who had his leg broken in two places in a game against Middlesbrough, by Gary Smith. Fergie was stating that Collett had a great chance of making it as a professional, and could have earned £13,000 a week until he was 35. This adds up to about 16 million pounds. The case has already been proven, with Middlesbrough admitting liability, it’s just the amount of damages to be paid that is being sorted out.
Collett is still a young man, so to get anything like 16 million pounds, with the majority of his life in front of him, must be great. Obviously l would have loved that myself, but it made me think how much l would rather play for Manchester United, for less money. Decided that l would rather have played for United, say for about £200,000 a year. Let’s face it, it’s still a lot, plus you get to travel the world and do a job you love, with lots of adulation.
Money isn’t everything, but l wonder how many stars of today would rather play than have the extra money, if they had to make the choice. Wonder what Collett would rather have done. He would say he would rather have played when the tribunal was being held, but l do wonder if he would rather have the money now and do something else with his life (travel, start your his business, or laze around with drink, drugs and super models). What a choice, might change my mind about playing.

Toodle pip

tennis

I used to play and watch tennis a lot, now I couldn’t tell you the first thing about it, as I stopped watching when it became about power, serve and volley. Did catch a bit of news about it though, on the radio at work today. Wondering why the English fans are not enamoured with Andy Murray. It’s not exactly rocket science. I’m not a huge fan of the England football team, but Murray wore a Paraguay shirt when England played them, plus has said that he would rather anyone won except England. He also makes a huge thing of being Scottish rather than British, so even though I think a lot of England fans are idiots, they’re not that stupid or forgetful. I also realise that a lot of the fans at Wimbledon will be spoon fed wankers or middle class tossers who might not go to watch the England football team, but they will certainly be protective of their little England. As they are generally wanting a return to the good old days when England ruled the waves over Johnny foreigner, I say we round them all up and send them to Australia, Africa, or anywhere out of my vision or hearing. Sod the lot of them.
Toodle pip

The Apples in stereo - energy

love this band - they'd be a lot bigger if they looked like proper rock stars (ie women want to shag them and blokes want to be them)

sun is shining

Sun is shining, weather is sweet, makes me want to move my dancing feet. Unfortunately my hay fever is bugging me and my knee is too sore. Old age - what a bastard. Picking up bikes tomorrow and seeing the doctor on Monday, the health regime starts here. Anticipate being back to my fighting weight in a couple of weeks. Luckily for me my fighting weight is 27 stone.
Toodle pip

euro 2008:spain-germany 0:1 torres goal

Excellent - won a £10 bet with this. Robbo knows fuck all about football

meal out

Had a good time last night, Friars Head by Leyburn for a meal (£160 this time). Food was really nice, plus we drank a lot but did not get too pissed, so we (Me, Mandy, Robbo and Kerry) could all savour the taste for a change. Slept in Mandy's parents caravan afterwards, bit cramped but fine for a place to crash out. Robbo was snoring all night so we didn't get much sleep, wish l had remembered to bring my ipod, so l could drown him out. Sat outside the caravan this morning, under a large awning, discussing plans for New York in September. We fly out on my birthday, so technically l should get to choose what we do on the first night there. This however, depends on Mandy shutting up and letting me have my way, which l can't see happening. Robbo and Kerry have buggered off back to the Boro as they are joining a gym today, poor sods. Wouldn't mind going to a gym but l wouldn't be able to stand anyone else being there at the same time.
Picked up my car from the garage, been having its MOT. Good result, only needed £30 worth of welding, which has been done. £79 bill in total, great stuff.
Off to get a bike or two from Halfords now. Robbo has left his bank card, so l will have to try and crack his identification number and go on a spending spree. Can't decide what to do tonight, may go for an Indian with Dazzer and Louise, decide later on, bit early for those kind of decisions. Killing time at the moment waiting for Mandy to put on her makeup and get changed. Could be a long day ahead.
Toodle pip

Very Rude Video

Watch till the end

John Martyn - I'd Rather be the Devil

This is when he was still good looking, great song but some dodgy camera work (bloody hippies).

lazy friday afternoon (there's no need to worry)

Off work and it's bliss again. Lazing around, putting cds onto itunes, reading magazines, listening to podcasts and cds, eating cheese on toast and watching last nights football (Spain v Russia).
Car is getting it's MOT, needs £30 worth of welding doing, which is being done as l type this. Picking it up in the morning, once it has been through it's re-test. Got to tax it at the end of the month as well - bloody things.
Off out for a meal tonight. Booked the table for 8.30pm, meeting up at 6pm. probably be half drunk by the time we eat. Last time we went, l had been out all day and couldn't remember much about the food (although l remember the bill - £140). good place though (The Friars Rest, by Leyburn). Also been watching some Family Guy, think l am starting to prefer it to the Simpsons. High praise indeed.
Toodle pip

time is too short

It's a bleeding nightmare liking so much music. I know even if l lived for another 20 years (unlikely) l would not have the time to play everything. There's loads of old cds and albums l want to hear that l have only heard about, plus l get new stuff all the time (oh how l like to try and keep up with the kids). l've got a pile of cds in front of me l am trying to plough through and give a few listens to. In no order these are :

British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music
Nick Cave - Dig lazarus Dig
Coldplay (l know, l know) - Viva La Vida
Guillemots
The Feeling - Join With Us
Fleet Foxes
The Courteeners - St Jude
Vetiver
The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age Of The Understatement
The Hoosiers - The Trick To Life
Moby - Last Night
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Nine Inch Nails - The Slip

Plus l have some old albums l have just got but not heard yet :

John Martyn - Various cds
Pink Fairies - Best of
The Incredible String band - The Hangmans Beautiful Daughter
The Beatles - Twickenham Sessions (8 cds!!)
Bob dylan - Various Bootlegs
Beach Boys - Smile (New Version)
Captain Beefheart - Safe As milk

Then there's the books l want to read, football l want to watch, podcasts l want to listen to, films and TV l want to see, pubs and places l want to go to, plus time l want to spend lounging around doing nothing. Also have to spend quality time with the other half and my mates. Nearly forgot the 27 wanks l try to fit in during the day. No wonder l hate having to go to work!!

Toodle pip

PRN medication

Been giving P.R.N (as and when required) medication for years know. Never really thought what P.R.N stood for until talking about it earlier on today. Guessing at Prescription something something or Periodical something something. Looked it up in the end, it’s pro re nata. Bastard. Wish l had had a classical education.
Toodle pip

reading books

Back to reading books again. Re-read Three Men in a Boat and Diary of a Nobody. Both old (Victorian books) but both have some great bits of humour in them. Stuff that is funny really can stand the test of time. Favourite bits are “come and see the skulls etc” from Three men, and Pooter waking up during the night “laughing so much at what he had said earlier, it made the bed shake” in Diary.
I have not given more details as you should read them yourselves. Don’t get me wrong, they are not the funniest books out there, but as Aswad said “Without knowledge of your past, you’re like a cabbage in this society”.
Toodle pip

magical memories

After going on about how great the European Championships have been, l suffered 120 minutes of the Italy v Spain game. What a load of crap, miss laid passes everywhere, the ball knocked around the halfway line by both sides and ltaly playing for penalties when they are crap at them. Want to forget about the game as soon as possible, but it made me think of other football memories that most football fans of a certain age (especially Manchester United fans) will have burned in their collective memories. Here's a few..

George Best going round the Benfica keeper in the 1968 final
George Best scoring six against Northamton
Gordon Banks' save from Pele
Denis Law's backheel for City against United
Cruyff's turn
The Coventry donkey flick up free kick
Montgomery double save against Leeds in the cup final
Van Basten's volley
Gascoigne scoring against Scotland and getting the drink squirted at him
Manchester United winning the European Cup in injury time in 1999
Arsenal winning at Liverpool 2-0 in the last game of the season to beat them to the League
Keegans "l would love it" rant
Beckham scoring from the half way line and "you'll win nothing with kids" from Hanson
Cantana and his kung fu kick
Maradona against England
5-1 for England against Germany
Manchester United coming back from 3-0 to win 5-3 at Spurs
Manchester United coming back from 2-0 to beat Juventus in 1999
Manchest United winning at Newcastle 1-0 with Cantona and Schmeichel outstanding
Manchester United 3-0 against Barcelona in 1984
Giggs agianst Arsenal in the Cup semi final and running around with his shirt off
Scholes volley direct from a corner
Charlie George lying on the floor after scoring in the Cup final
Ricky Villa's dribble and goal in the Cup final
Gascoigne going crazy in the Cup final and then getting injured

l could go on a lot more as football has provided so much enjoyment to me over the years, always something to look foreward to (unless it's watching England). The most recent and unbelievably fantastic memory being........

Go on, guess it.......

John Terry slipping and crying like a baby

Oh what joy!

Toodle pip

Turkey v Croatia highlights

check this out - it's the Croatia v Turkey highlights (see yesterdays post). Fantastic!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/euro_2008/7466929.stm

extra time football

Didn't watch the whole game tonight as l have been using the sky+ to record them, then flicking through games if they are good. Switched on the Croatia v Turkey game tonight as l was not that fussed about watching it, so l looked to see what the score was. It had just gone into extra time so l sat and watched till the end.
What a finish to the game. Extra time, last minute, then Croatia score and think they are through with a 1-0 win. Then in injury time in the extra time (ie about a minute later), Turkey hoof it upfield and score a cracker. the game then goes to penalties, which Turkey win. Cue scenes of great joy and despair. Turkey are sneaking along like Greece did, but with loads more excitement and rip roaring endings. Coming back from 2-0 down in the last game seemed unreal but this was mad.
Football is fucking brilliant, like music, it has the ability to transport you to a different place instantly, whether it be a place of great joy or despair. Both have the ability to make me cry like a baby, big soft git that l am.
Glad England aren't there to fuck it up more, the tournament has been excellent recently, and l have been able to enjoy it without all the hype and bullshit that goes with the England team. Then there's the ex professional commentators who are out there anyway with the BBC, easy to pick on but they are crap. Then there's the fans. The England ones would only fuck up that atmosphere as well. Give me Manchester United anyday.
Hope Turkey beat the Germans as l like Turkey (although l also like Germany, just not as much). Would like Holland to win it, but Italy might well come good and spoil it by winning again.
Anyway, soon be the start of the new English season, will be watching Manchester United v Liverpool in New York, bit of a treat for the girls going with us as l don't think they know yet! SUPRISE! if they are reading this. Till next time..
Toodle pip

BASTARD WORK

Bastard Bastard Bastard – l am now back at work and having to get back to some kind of normal life. What a twatting thing to have to do.
Have been off work since the 10th May, which is a good result really, can’t really say l haven’t had long enough off and l have also been to Amsterdam in that time, but that’s not the point.
Although the work is piss easy, l would still much rather be off. Can’t stand it when people are off for a while and complain they are bored. Get a life, read something, watch films, go to the pub, listen to music or stay in stroking the pet (so to speak).
It’s like when lottery winners say they are going to stay in the same job and house, “may get a new car though”. Idiots all of them.
Travel, do things, make the most of life. If you still want to work for the fun of it, have your own business and enjoy it for the sake of everyone sane. Everyone who has not won but would like the opportunities it presented. Bitter bastards like me who are now BACK AT WORK!!
Will post this tomorrow when l am back home (sweet, sweet home, missing you already).
Just finished watching the Germany v Portugal match, and have nothing to do now, which is why l can type this, but still complain about having to attend my piss easy job. Snag is l am not allowed internet access at work for personal use, so have to save posts and do them the next day.
Will definitely be putting more posts up now (keep saying that, but this time it’s true), as l am now back to being a working drone (or is that wrong, is a drone a worker already? I think so, but can’t be bothered looking it up). Either way, l have been welcomed back to the machine. BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!!!!!!!!

Toodle pip

new york bars

Going to New York again later in the year, here's one of my favorite bars in the Village, the Macdougal Street Ale house (down the stairs). Bound to go to the Red Lion again as Kerry loves it, the White Horse Tavern because of the Dylan (both) connection, and Toads Place (or Toads Hall, l forget), as it takes it's pool playing seriously. Might even do some other things.

milan

Me in Milan
Robbo and the girls
Me at the airport
Me Robbo and Kerry at Newcastle airport

Not back into the swing of posting all the time yet, so as l have just put up some pics from Amsterdam, here's some more from Milan earlier in the year. Toodle pip[

amsterdam

Mandy and my painting

The girls are drunk

Me pissing like a king in the street

Taunting Robbo with drink

Back in the Coronation

Here's some photos from the Amsterdam trip. usual thing, flew out from Teeside (now Durham Tees Valley, although everyone still calls it Teeside Airport) with Mandy, Robbo and Kerry to Schiphol airport, about 20 minutes from Amsterdam. Flight only takes about one hour so it's great. taxi to our hotel (Rembrant) on Herengracht then had to leave our bags while our room (one large one between us all - ooh er!) was made ready. Went to Gauchos for a meal, lots of meat and pints of Jack Daniels and Coke. Therefore, we had spent loads before we even booked into the hotel. Came back to get changed then out again to the red light district, where we stayed all night. Up to no good, as you can imagine, but a lot better than we have been in the past. The girls went back to the hotel early, so me and Robbo stayed out for a chat, drink, and filth patrol. Take away on the way back to the hotel,bed, then woken up in the middle of the night with the window slamming shut. made everyone wake up pretty damn quick, as everyone (apart from me obviously), thought that someone had been shot, it was that loud.

Same kind of thing the next day, drink, filth and food. Bought a painting from the market, Mandy showing her love for it in the above pictures. Taxi to the Airport in the evening, where our flight was delayed, so we had more drink in the waiting area (see me taunting Robbo above).

Taxi back to Robbo and Kerry's for the night, then, as usual, finished the trip off in the Coronation in Acklam, before heading home.

DVD's got through customs, everyone is still in one piece, so a success all round. Next trip is probably New York in September. Can't wait.

Toodle pip

funeral

Mums funeral was on Thusday 5th June, couldn't get it any earlier. Went OK, the Cd's that we had would not play on the church system, useless bastards, you would have thought that they would have tried them out earlier so we could make other arrangements. probably did not want to play them as one of the Cd's was imagine by john Lennon, which they were reluctant to play as "imagine no religion" lyrics were involved.

My mums brother Ray came up from Liverpool with his wife Ann and two of their kids, Tony and Gary. great to see them, plus Ann's sister Marie and husband Roy. had some games of pool with them later on, must admit, they are good players, just not as good at doubles as me and Robbo.

Travelled with Ray in the car behind the hearse and was glad he held it together, as l would have been blubbing if he had started. Otherwise, l felt as l thought l would, detached from it all. Red hot in the church, sweating like the filthy pig l am, but cooled down once l acclimatised to it.

Had a short Methodist funeral, then a quick reading at the graveside. not many people turned up, but it was a lot more than we thought would be there originally, as she did not have many friends, mainly because she was not very nice with people, probably where l got it from.

Got some cheap and cheerful (not the right word obviously) funeral directors from Bedale who did a sound job. mind you, we haven't got the bill yet. Got to sort out mums insurance, pay them, then that's it - back to normality.

Went to Amsterdam between the death and the funeral, report and photos later.

Toodle pip

working class and proud of it

Being working class - what is it good for? It pisses me off when people pretend class does not matter, everyone has had the same opportunities and there is no such distinctions made when applying for jobs, the army, or university. So many middle class asses pretend they are working class, they have had it hard, they have made it on their own etc etc. What bollocks. I don't care what class a person is, as long as they are honest about it. There are good and bad in every class, l defend the working classes as l am one of them, but fuck knows it is difficult. l would be the first to admit there are loads of narrow minded, vicious dickheads amongst the working classes, and way too many who vote Conservative because they read the Sun newspaper and don't question anything - no wonder the rich take the piss. however, at least most of them have had a piss poor education and hardly any parental backing, so don't expect a lot and don't think they deserve anything great from life, except for being factory fodder or front line army troops. Can't blame them if they turn to crime to make money, although a lot of the time it is robbing their own class, when they should be robbing the rich. The middle/upper classes have had a great education and make informed choices when it comes to taking the piss. I do know some middle and upper class people are sound, but for fucks sake, l wish they would stop pretending they are from the streets and have had it hard. Just be thankful you've had it good, and treat everyone the same. Working class heroes? Don't get me started on John Lennon either, semi detached suburban hero more like, but at least he stood up for the working class folks.
Bit pissed at the moment and rambling, so l will head off, as l have a BBQ to go to in 15minutes - in a privately owned house as well. Class traitor l am. Toodle pip

mum has died

It’s happened at last. Our mum died about 4.20pm on Saturday, after being pretty much out of it for a couple of days. We were all there the night (and day) before as we were expecting her to go any minute, but she kept hanging on. One of my sisters kids was there with us when she died, as was one of my mums ex partners, which, although it was good of him to visit, we would rather he was not present at that time.
Strange to see her take her last breath, and be such an empty shell afterwards. Still had her eyes and mouth open, which was freaking out my brother and sister, so l closed her eyes. They didn’t want me to attempt closing her mouth in case l broke her jaw or something.
Although everyone was upset, we all agreed that she should have died earlier, with medical assistance if need be. She was saying she wanted it all to be over the last time she was able to speak. We did ask if extra morphine could be given but they could not do so to the extent we wanted.
Got to sort out her bungalow and possessions now, plus arrange her funeral. Fun Fun Fun as the Beach boys would say.
My brother came up from Leeds a few days ago and now wishes he had stayed there, as he cannot get the image of mum dying like that, he wishes he had just remembered her when she was still alive and at least able to talk a bit. Will probably remember her alive more as time passes, although he will not forget the final day, at the moment it is too fresh in his mind. He went back to Leeds this afternoon, taking our sisters two kids with him to have a break for a few days. He was upset last night and stayed at my house, rat catching and chatting (yes, we still have bastard rats).
I felt sorry for everyone as they were crying and upset, but to tell the truth, l felt nothing but a fascination at witnessing her die. Still not been upset about it, maybe l will later, but l doubt it. Am pissed off l don’t feel anything, as l should do, but that is due to my upbringing, therefore not my fault (l say anyway).
Her last words to me were to ask if l enjoyed the football on Wednesday night. At least she realised how important that was to me ( l know, l am a callous bastard ).
Can soon start to write about other stuff on the blog, let’s face it, this has taken over recently.
Toodle pip

champions of europe

Get in my son!! Champions again and it was a good game - great to see Terry miss the penalty, pity it wasn't Ashley Cole instead. Superb stuff - still out celebrating the next day. Only complaint is Sky recorder never taped it all on ITV or Sky, missed out the last few minutes on both recordings, have to be a strong letter sent off to them. Long wait now till the new season. Toodle pip