henry and nessie's funerals

Rather sadly, l have just been to two funerals within a week of each other at St Anne's church in Hipswell, Catterick.  One was for a friends mother l knew (Nessie, Podge's mum), and the other was for an ex serviceman who l knew from drinking with in my local pub (Henry Jennings).
Nessie had cancer, and l called in at her birthday party in Richmond on 9th August, as everyone knew it would be her last, seeing as she was given about two months to live six months ago.  She looked well, was in top form, but sadly died two weeks to the day afterwards. lt was all back to the sunny Unicorn beer garden afterwards, and she would have laughed at the cd getting stuck as she was carried out of church,as she was certainly a character. The picture of her drinking a pint is from the aforementioned birthday bash, making the most of what life she had left.
As for Henry, he was a man who rose through the ranks in the army (Royal Signals), but was captured during the war in Korea, and spent nearly three years in a prisoner of war camp in the 1950's, which he described as a very harrowing place (to put it mildly). Sadly for him, his wife and children suffered early deaths, and he developed Dementia in the last stage of his life, but after he died, was bought up from his care home in Eastbourne to be buried at Catterick (where his home was).

He is also commemorated in a painting smashing up his radio set before being captured, a copy of which is still displayed  in Hunters wine bar, and is used as the cover of the above book.
Both services were kept short, with only the one song/hymn, which in both cases was 'All things bright and beautiful', but in Henry's case, it was back to The Wine Bar (Hunters) afterwards.
Everyone grows old and dies, but it was a great idea to have an early picture of Henry larking about on the back of his order of service, to remind people that he was once a young, good looking man with a wicked sense of humour and fun.
It's a cliche to state that funerals put things into perspective, but that's not going to prevent me from stating that it is true, so try and enjoy life. In the great randomness of the Cosmos, most things aren't worth the hassle of worrying about.
Or to quote Bobby McFerrin - Don't worry - be happy.

toodle pip

aileen and jethro, cancer, and the right to die

This is a picture of Aileen Crimmings O'Brien Graef and her dog Jethro, taken yesterday, just before Aileen died of breast cancer (from Boing Boing). She is the sister of Miles O'Brien, who bought Jethro to the hospice to say a last goodbye, and who took this photograph.  Their mother also died of the disease and Miles' girlfriend, Xeni Jardin, has also been diagnosed. I'm sure this photograph will be reproduced a lot, as it is certainly moving, and I wish Aileen's daughters (Katie and Aileen) nothing but the best.  I don't know the circumstances around Aileen's illness and death, and the following views are just my own, nothing to do with the way she died (or chose to die).
My own mother died in a hospice through cancer, and it was an awful way to watch someone deteriorate and slip away.  If we could have given her something to speed up the end, and limit the suffering (as she would have wanted), we would have done, but were unable to do so (although l did consider putting a pillow over her face at one stage). It went on and on, until she was finally just (and l mean just) breathing.  Dignity in death was no-where to be seen (although the hospice itself was excellent).
On a related note, Tony Nicklinson, the man with locked in syndrome who last week lost his right to have doctors legally end his life, died today, peacefully at home.  He was going to continue his fight, and l agree that people should have the choice.  It's absurd that people have to suffer in a manner that an animal would not (as it would be put down).
Tony Scott was diagnosed with a brain tumor and jumped off the Vincent Thomas Bridge three days ago in Los Angeles.  Perhaps if he had been able to live out the rest of his life until it got too much, and was then given some kind of lethal painkiller, he might have decided to live longer (although there could be other reasons for jumping).  Lethal medicaton (or possibly Heroin) is certainly the way l would want to go if the aches and pains got too much, and if not, it will be a tall building  for me (probably dressed as Spider-man).  Don't think this is flippant talk and not taking the matter seriously.  I'm deadly serious and have spoken about this for many years.
If you want to leave things in God's hands - fine.  Myself, l want to have the choice, and if l'm not going to be able to make that choice when l am really ill, then l will do so beforehand.  I'm prepared to take my chances with the 'afterlife' and the consequences of my actions.

toodle pip

Sir Bobby Robson

Sir Bobby Robson died today after his 5th bout of cancer. When l was in the Wine bar last Monday, there was a picture of Sir Bobby on the front of the Northern Echo at the England v Germany charity match. We said then he looked at deaths door but didn't thing he was that close to death.
Been listening to various radio stations while l have been out and about today and there have been a lot of tributes poring in, saying what a nice man he was and how much he loved football.
Fair enough with people saying he seemed like a nice man, but half the people spoken to had never met the man, and were stating things as though they were fact.
The radio presenters didn't help either. I know they have a job to do but some of the questions were pathetic. Asking ex players about Sir Bobby who admitted they had never played for him, just knew him a bit. Once again, fair enough. But they were then being asked "What was he like in the changing room at half time?" and "Did he give the hairdryer treatment at half time" when the player had already stated they had not been in a changing room with him.
Other people saying "He was lovely, always had time for people, such a nice man" etc and then saying "I have been crying all day about his death, mind you, I never met the man".
This to me just cheapens it all. He did seem to be a generous and nice man but who the hell am l to know?. Let his family get on with mourning as they are the ones that did know him. Feel sad or grieved if you want, but don't pretend you knew the man.

toodle pip

funeral

Mums funeral was on Thusday 5th June, couldn't get it any earlier. Went OK, the Cd's that we had would not play on the church system, useless bastards, you would have thought that they would have tried them out earlier so we could make other arrangements. probably did not want to play them as one of the Cd's was imagine by john Lennon, which they were reluctant to play as "imagine no religion" lyrics were involved.

My mums brother Ray came up from Liverpool with his wife Ann and two of their kids, Tony and Gary. great to see them, plus Ann's sister Marie and husband Roy. had some games of pool with them later on, must admit, they are good players, just not as good at doubles as me and Robbo.

Travelled with Ray in the car behind the hearse and was glad he held it together, as l would have been blubbing if he had started. Otherwise, l felt as l thought l would, detached from it all. Red hot in the church, sweating like the filthy pig l am, but cooled down once l acclimatised to it.

Had a short Methodist funeral, then a quick reading at the graveside. not many people turned up, but it was a lot more than we thought would be there originally, as she did not have many friends, mainly because she was not very nice with people, probably where l got it from.

Got some cheap and cheerful (not the right word obviously) funeral directors from Bedale who did a sound job. mind you, we haven't got the bill yet. Got to sort out mums insurance, pay them, then that's it - back to normality.

Went to Amsterdam between the death and the funeral, report and photos later.

Toodle pip

mum has died

It’s happened at last. Our mum died about 4.20pm on Saturday, after being pretty much out of it for a couple of days. We were all there the night (and day) before as we were expecting her to go any minute, but she kept hanging on. One of my sisters kids was there with us when she died, as was one of my mums ex partners, which, although it was good of him to visit, we would rather he was not present at that time.
Strange to see her take her last breath, and be such an empty shell afterwards. Still had her eyes and mouth open, which was freaking out my brother and sister, so l closed her eyes. They didn’t want me to attempt closing her mouth in case l broke her jaw or something.
Although everyone was upset, we all agreed that she should have died earlier, with medical assistance if need be. She was saying she wanted it all to be over the last time she was able to speak. We did ask if extra morphine could be given but they could not do so to the extent we wanted.
Got to sort out her bungalow and possessions now, plus arrange her funeral. Fun Fun Fun as the Beach boys would say.
My brother came up from Leeds a few days ago and now wishes he had stayed there, as he cannot get the image of mum dying like that, he wishes he had just remembered her when she was still alive and at least able to talk a bit. Will probably remember her alive more as time passes, although he will not forget the final day, at the moment it is too fresh in his mind. He went back to Leeds this afternoon, taking our sisters two kids with him to have a break for a few days. He was upset last night and stayed at my house, rat catching and chatting (yes, we still have bastard rats).
I felt sorry for everyone as they were crying and upset, but to tell the truth, l felt nothing but a fascination at witnessing her die. Still not been upset about it, maybe l will later, but l doubt it. Am pissed off l don’t feel anything, as l should do, but that is due to my upbringing, therefore not my fault (l say anyway).
Her last words to me were to ask if l enjoyed the football on Wednesday night. At least she realised how important that was to me ( l know, l am a callous bastard ).
Can soon start to write about other stuff on the blog, let’s face it, this has taken over recently.
Toodle pip

more cancer and rats

Here we go with another thrilling update of my mums condition and the rat situation.
First of (l suppose or l will look pretty mean), my mum is (still!!) alive. No change really, we are still expecting her to die every time we visit or leave her, but the old girl is hanging on. Still have trouble understanding her, and she doesn’t always make sense (no change there then), but at least she is awake when we visit.

The rat situation seems to be getting better. Just been outside to check (it is 3.46am) and there were none about, except for one trapped in the rat trap we bought. l have currently caught three of the little gits, one died, one l let go away from our house, and one is in the trap now. There was one on top of the rabbit hutch earlier on, so they are not all dead. Don’t know if the coca cola l have been leaving is killing them or not, there defiantly appears to be fewer, but l am also feeding the rabbits just before dusk, then locking them away so the rats can’t get to the food. What great sport, non stop excitement round our way.

Still not sorted the bastard internet upstairs, l am doing this on the upstairs computer and will then transfer it to the downstairs one (and onto the net) in the morning. Been to busy recently, but will have to do something. My brother is going back to Leeds after visiting our mum in the morning as he has to sign on (he was recently made redundant). He is going to stay down there for a couple of days and then come back up. He is half expecting our mum to die as he is travelling back to Leeds, but can’t just stay up here indefinitely as he has his family in Leeds to see. Hey ho, lets see what this week brings (European cup final on Wednesday – everything stops for that!).

Toodle pip

cancer and the rats

Well, we can't believe it, mum is still alive and hanging on, my brother is still up from Leeds and we are still waiting for a phone call anytime from the hospital. l would have bet anything that she would have been dead by now, but that's probably why l am not a doctor (as l am too thick). She can be understood slightly now and is eating a small amount of food, but is still very hard to make sense of (no change there then).

On a different note, we have had rats going into our rabbits hutch that is kept outside. The little sods have been taking shelter in there during the night and eating some of the rabbit food. Saw at least five rats run out of the hutch yesterday morning. The rabbits do not seem to be affected by this, and have been sitting in their run next to rats, without either of them appearing to be bothered. Bought a humane rat trap and have caught two rats so far, also tried putting some coca cola down for the rats (spoiling them). read on the Internet that if rats drink coca cola, it kills them, let's see if it turns out to be true. Mind you, apart from this blog, l wouldn't trust anything 100% l had read on the Internet. We also have a different front for the rabbit hutch, so we can enclose them at night after feeding them, the last one had a gap so the rabbits could come and go as they pleased. Further updates to come (what an exciting life!).

Still not got our Internet connection sorted out on the upstairs computer, may have to get someone in to look at it (Louise, if you are reading this, that means you!). l am going to have a go at it this weekend, lot of good that will do.

Toodle pip

cancer news nearly finished and fainting

Been in to see my mum twice today, once with my brother and sister, and again later on with my wife and my sisters kids. Mum cannot talk properly now and is pretty weak, also doped up on morphine (lucky bugger). We think that she may well die during the night, or if not, tomorrow. She is not going to make the weekend anyway. The kids wanted to see her for the last time while she was still alive, one of them also wants to come in and see her when she has died. Not bothered about doing that myself, l would rather remember people from when they were alive, but as l will have to drive them in, l will probably have a look myself. We stressed my mum did not want resuscitating (not that they were going to try) as she had been going on about it. Now it's just a case of hanging around anticipating a phone call from the hospital, unless she survives the night, in which case l will go through again in the morning with my brother, sister and wife. Work have spoken to me today and said l could have as long as l want off (they will regret saying that!). Good news, as there will be the funeral to sort out and her house to clear. Nothing that any of us want really, so there won't be any arguments about who inherits what, as it's all mainly junk. Never know though, maybe she has a secret bank account she hadn't told us about.

Also flaked out again yesterday, something that happens to me now and again if l forget to eat as my sugar levels drop - you would never think l forgot at all looking at the state of me, but it's true. Never injured myself as l was sitting down at the time, but it is still embarrassing as l was in the pub. Thankfully it only lasts about 30 seconds and then l am fine again. No warning signs at all and l am never aware l have done it as l am fine afterwards, just what l am told has happened, unless of course if l fall over. Been checked out and everything is OK so l have to have some chocolate or sweet stuff (two crunchies yesterday) straight after or it may happen again. Sods law l don't even like chocolate that much. That's it for now Toodle pip

fantastic new cancer update

So, mother is still alive and my brother is now staying till God knows when. He went to the office in Richmond to sign on as he is currently unemployed, and after exchanging phone calls with the Leeds office he was deemed OK to stay oop north and comfort his (and my) mum. Been to see her this morning, when we got kicked out as her catheter bag was full or it had come loose. Either way, there was leakage and we had to leave the room while she was cleaned up. Came back after lunch, to find her lying on her side after a suppository. What a fun day she was having. My sister withdrew the rest of our mums money from the bank before she dies (my mum, not my sister) and l managed to nick it off her without my sister noticing, while we were all in the wine bar. Forget to tell her before l left, so she should be panicking about it just about now. Next time she has money on her, she will keep a closer eye on it, hard lesson but fair. mum seemed miles better today, despite all the waterworks shenanigans going on, hope it's not her perking up just before she dies, although, as l have stated before, that would probably be the best for her. The remaining close family went for an Indian at White shops about 6pm, then went to our mums bungalow to divide up her DVDs and Cd's between us. What a load of crap though. After a few choices each, we really were not that bothered what we got, so just chose anything. Left a load of Cd's for our sister as my brother didn't want them, and l would rather watch Liverpool win than take a lot of the crap home. watched some new family guy when l got home with the missus, forgot how great it can be. It's sometimes a bit hit and miss and l don't always get the American jokes regarding their TV shows, but it is one of the funniest things on TV when they get it right.
Did l mention Manchester United won the league yesterday, beating Wigan 2-0 away? Once again, l hope we stuff Chelsea in the European cup final (as l still prefer to call it - keep it old school). Anywhoos, l am a bit pissed as l have been out since 10.30am and is hard work spending all day with my family and wife, l would rather relax and do bugger all, as l am a lazy sod (although l am also off work at the moment - superb!!). Told my wife this morning l reckon my mum will die tonight or tomorrow. let's see how right l am by the next time l post. Till the Toodle pip

cancer and the bastard computer

Well, the fucking computer upstairs is playing up and l can’t get an internet connection on the bastard thing, hence a lack of posts recently.
As l write this, it is Friday night, just after watching Peep show, which was great, better series so far than the last one. Going to put this on the blog on Saturday, using one of the laptops. Anyhows….
Mum is now on her last legs (so to speak, as she can no longer walk). Deteriorated a lot in the last day and l would be surprised if she lasts till next weekend. Wouldn’t be surprised if she died this weekend.
She has seen a few people this week and my brother is still up here from Leeds, was going to go back Saturday but may stay longer now, haven’t spoken to him about it since we visited this morning.
My sisters kid also came today, taking the day off school to do so, before going to Newcastle for the weekend. I reckon it may be the last time they see each other, but who knows, find out more tomorrow.
Have to buy my mum some more bottles of coke before visiting, better not stock up as it may all go to waste. Another jolly day awaiting, especially for my mum. Let’s hope she doesn’t keep throwing up black stuff (she also has blood in her urine). The sooner it is over the better, although she will miss Manchester United doing the double this year. Mind you, she supports Liverpool so it is probably best if she went now. Toodle pip

cancer time again

So, time for the latest thrilling installment. Mum is now at the Friary in Richmond, pretty good room with a nice view. The sister told me it was the best room in the place, which may well be true. Obviously it is a short term stay and they probably want to make the last couple of weeks as nice as possible. Her brother Ray (plus wife and in laws), came up from Liverpool on Monday, arriving just as l turned up with my sister and brother (who came up from Leeds the same day). Couldn't have had better timing if we planned it.
Great to see them all and my mum was a bit shocked to see everyone walking in at the same time. Ray said he was going to come again in a couple of weeks (if mum lasts that long), otherwise it will be for the funeral.
Also had my mate Robbo and his wife Kerry calling round, as it was a year to the day since his mum died, and he wanted to put flowers on her grave (he stayed in the car, his wife did the flower bit). We all went to Wetherspoons for lunch before they went back to the Boro and we went to my mums (over the road).
Trying to sort out stuff at the moment like cancelling Sky and seeing what my mum wants for the funeral. We are maybe going for a coffin that has been painted by my sisters kids, but we haven't asked the kids yet, they may feel freaked out by it. Mother isn't bothered, as she said, she won't see it anyway.
Got £100 of her yesterday (way hay!!) which l spent on an external memory thingie for the computer, the rest (£20) l put on a horse which won (another way Hay!!). Spent the winnings in the Wine bar with my brother and sister. My brother is here till Friday so there's a lot of entertaining to do till then. More fabulous updates soon!
Toodle pip.

yes! - it's another cancer update!

The news today is that my mum is to be moved into a nursing home/hospital called The Friary, in Richmond, North Yorkshire. This is because her treatment is still not working and they think a course of Radiotherapy would do no good. She is basically going there to die in more comfortable surroundings. Estimates are she would be doing well if she makes it to June, but that is unlikely. Still throwing up every day and Steroids not helping. What a way to end your life, sick every day for nearly two months (maybe three by the time she dies) and being unable to get out of bed or talk properly. Her brother is coming from Liverpool next week to visit, it will be the last time they ever see each other, what crappy circumstances. It will be great to see him but I doubt the chat will be cheerful. At least there is no hell or afterlife to fear - enjoy yourself now and hang the consequences! Toodle pip

more cancer updates and liverpool last minute goal

More highlights in the fight against cancer my mother is currently undertaking. She has a definite blood clot on her lungs, which is currently being treated. She was sick today when me and my sister visited and looks bloody awful, gone downhill a lot in the last few days. The hospital is hoping to send her to James Cook hospital for a MRI scan, but it depends on how well she is feeling. Still don’t know if she will have to travel to James Cook for her Radiotherapy, or if she will stay there for it. At the moment, l don’t think she will last another week, but who knows.
Had to phone my mums brother in Liverpool and tell him the news. What a pisser. Obviously he is also upset and wants to be kept informed. Unfortunately, he does not have loads of money and cannot afford to travel up all the time, so will try to get through near the end. Not sure how close my mum and him were, after all, they are brother and sister, but there is a ten year age gap between them.
Loved my uncle when l was young. He was the man who took me to Manchester United games and got me supporting them, even though we are both from Liverpool (he used to go to games in the early 60’s). Although l became mad about football, my father had no interest in taking me, but my uncle did. I will always be thankful to him for that.
Anyway, lets see what the morrow brings. Till then … Toodle pip

PS Own goal for Liverpool at the kop end tonight, four minutes into injury time – brilliant!! (Although l don’t like Chelsea, l can’t stand Liverpool football club - way too successful over the years).

more cancer updates and ipod news

What a fun time everyone is having. My mother has now got a suspected blood clot on her lungs and is being treated for that before any treatment can be undertaken for the brain tumor. She has had to have another scan and her oxygen adjusted, as she was having trouble breathing. No trips out to James Cook hospital at the moment. She is still unable to walk and still feels dizzy (although she has always been a bit dizzy, so no great change there). Visiting again in the morning with my sister, lets hope she has improved, or rapidly goes downhill to put her out of her misery. I have got two months on the sweepstake, so here's hoping! (that's a joke).
On a lighter note, my brother has just been on the phone from Leeds for an hour, as he has just purchased his first ipod, and needed instructions to get his ipod and itunes up and running. He said he had been pratting about with it since lunchtime today and felt like throwing it out of the window. All sorted now though. Wait till he receives my bill for the expert advice. he won't be so happy then. Toodle pip

another bleeding cancer update

More news on the cancer front. There is a golf ball sized tumor in the back of the brain that is too large to operate on (they think). Going to try radiotherapy and chemotherapy to try and shrink it so they can operate. This involves travelling to James Cook hospital in the Boro. More details from the hospital in a day or so. This makes it sound like my mum might live for a while longer yet but l still don't hold up much hope. They were a bit keen to take details today for contacting the next of kin etc. Mum still feeling dizzy and sick - no way she can come home and look after herself (no, me or my sister/brother are not going to do it). Still loads more hospital visits to go yet.We are thinking the worst (or maybe the best) and seeing how it all progresses. Don't want to end up like that, l would rather kill myself if life got too shit. Luckily United are still winning so it's still hunky dory on the football front! Toodle pip

cancer update

Still no further news - more scans to be done etc before the specialist will confirm anything. Went to visit yesterday with my wife, sister and kids. Mother upset about it but probably happy that she can prove now there is something wrong with her. On steroids (my mum, not me), so depending on how long she has left to live, she may be able to kick me in soon. She has said that she does not want any more chemotherapy as she hated it last time. She is upset that she may not have much longer to live, but does not want to suffer the chemo again if it only adds a short amount of time to her life. Can't say l blame her - l wouldn't have it myself in her position.
Working this weekend, so l am not visiting till Monday. l am however, looking foreward to United against Arsenal on Sunday. You may think l am in denial going on about football at this time, but it is just the way l feel. The illness still has not affected me, apart from making time for visits and phone calls. More news as it comes - God, this blog is starting to get depressing. l will have to put some links to comedy or porn to liven it up. Or comedy porn - sounds like my sex life.The wife does always laugh when l get naked (only time l do make her laugh). Till next time toodle pip

cancer

So, what can l say? Turns out my mum is pretty bad after all and has cancer in her brain (l assume secondary mets cancer as she has already had lung cancer). My wife phoned the hospital and spoke to her earlier on in the evening, as l was out and she couldn’t get hold of me. News that was not expected. My sister is pretty upset about it and has been crying half the night. We are all off to the hospital tomorrow to see her and find out how bad it is. Steroids have already been given but we are all unsure what other treatment may be available, as we do not know how advanced the cancer is. My own guess would be a couple of months, seeing how bad she has been recently. Then again, she may not be too advanced and last a year – certainly don’t think that will be the case though.

Not sure how l feel about all this. Other people are all a lot more upset than me, even my wife. Obviously l feel sorry for the condition my mum is in and how scared she must be, but l am defiantly lacking something. l know people may say l am in shock and maybe l will be a lot more upset later on, or even tomorrow, but l doubt it. It upsets me more seeing people close to me upset. Hell, l even cry if l see strangers crying or upset on the TV. Think l have too much bottled up inside (serial killer alert!!).

l remember when my dad died. My immediate family and my step family were all crying and hugging, but l felt nothing like that. l was pissed off that they had those feelings and l didn’t. l even turned up late for the funeral and did not put a flower on his coffin. Don’t misunderstand me, before he died, l used to go and see him in the pub, but he was just like some fellow l knew in there. Not a father figure. l have a horrible feeling that history is going to repeat itself.

Anyway – find out more tomorrow

Toodle pip

PS Still pleased United beat Roma – football has always been there for me

ambulance blues

My mother has been ill for a couple of weeks, has had various visits from Doctors, and last night they decided to admit her to hospital. The decision was made at 6.05pm and an ambulance was called, coming from Northallerton Friary hospital to Catterick. Which is about 14 miles. Guess how long they took? Four hours. Unbelievable. They also got lost and went to a completely different address using their sat nav. Had to phone a couple of times and were told different answers on both occasions. Good job she was not at deaths door.

At least Manchester United beat Roma at the same time all this was going on. Barcelona in the semi finals should be good. Squeaky bum time again ( yes my mum had that as well ). Toodle pip