mum has died

It’s happened at last. Our mum died about 4.20pm on Saturday, after being pretty much out of it for a couple of days. We were all there the night (and day) before as we were expecting her to go any minute, but she kept hanging on. One of my sisters kids was there with us when she died, as was one of my mums ex partners, which, although it was good of him to visit, we would rather he was not present at that time.
Strange to see her take her last breath, and be such an empty shell afterwards. Still had her eyes and mouth open, which was freaking out my brother and sister, so l closed her eyes. They didn’t want me to attempt closing her mouth in case l broke her jaw or something.
Although everyone was upset, we all agreed that she should have died earlier, with medical assistance if need be. She was saying she wanted it all to be over the last time she was able to speak. We did ask if extra morphine could be given but they could not do so to the extent we wanted.
Got to sort out her bungalow and possessions now, plus arrange her funeral. Fun Fun Fun as the Beach boys would say.
My brother came up from Leeds a few days ago and now wishes he had stayed there, as he cannot get the image of mum dying like that, he wishes he had just remembered her when she was still alive and at least able to talk a bit. Will probably remember her alive more as time passes, although he will not forget the final day, at the moment it is too fresh in his mind. He went back to Leeds this afternoon, taking our sisters two kids with him to have a break for a few days. He was upset last night and stayed at my house, rat catching and chatting (yes, we still have bastard rats).
I felt sorry for everyone as they were crying and upset, but to tell the truth, l felt nothing but a fascination at witnessing her die. Still not been upset about it, maybe l will later, but l doubt it. Am pissed off l don’t feel anything, as l should do, but that is due to my upbringing, therefore not my fault (l say anyway).
Her last words to me were to ask if l enjoyed the football on Wednesday night. At least she realised how important that was to me ( l know, l am a callous bastard ).
Can soon start to write about other stuff on the blog, let’s face it, this has taken over recently.
Toodle pip