glastonbury again

Pictures are from The Guardian http://www.guardian.co.uk/

It's the worlds first middle class refugee camp. I'm glad l am working tomorrow night.

toodle pip

u2 at glastonbury

So there is meant to be some kind of action tonight by 'Art Uncut, the offshoot of the anti-tax avoidance protest franchise UK Uncut which has succeeded in closing down dozens of banks and high-street stores in recent months' to protest at U2 and their tax avoidance. Obviously l may look very foolish tomorrow, but l predict nothing will happen, it's just a lot of hype and publicity, which will turn out to be nonsense.

Amazingly enough, l have been known to be wrong about stuff in the past, but not this time.

I also predict Bono will get soaked like in the photo above. It is summer time, after all, what more do you expect?

Trust me on this, l'm a doctor.

toodle pip

paul weller at pretty green

Paul Weller has designed some stuff for Liam Gallagher's Pretty Green label, which probably worked out well for both of them (more here http://www.prettygreen.com/paulweller/?dm_i=GQR,GK1A,3VTB5K,1CJRX,1&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-Oyj8yRri8BhBD3mHJ28xtg). Liam worships Weller, and being involved with this, Weller can still think of himself as a style icon.

Well l have news for Mr Weller, the clothes are overpriced and look crap. If he is taking the piss, good luck to him, but l can't believe he thinks lads are going to shell out and wear this stuff.

On second thoughts, what am l thinking? Of course lads will shell out for it, because it will be 'trendy'. Weller could have put anything on the shelves with his and Liam's name on and it would still sell.

But for how long l wonder.....The emperors new clothes and all of that malarky. Still, if there's money to be made from sycophantic sheep, crack on.

I actually do like the Pretty Green t-shirts, but l don't think they are worth the money. Then again, what do l know, l'm only an old stinking hippie.

toodle pip

lord buckley the hipster

Amongst the stuff I have been listening to during the last few days is Lord Buckley's album Hipsters, Flipsters and Finger Poppin' Daddies Knock Me Your Lobes which contains an updated and hip (at the time) version of Mark Antony's speech after the death of Julius Caesar. It's really dated but still very clever. Here's the original Shakespeare version

ANTONY
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest--
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men--
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

And here's Lord Buckleys version.

Hipsters, flipsters, and finger-poppin' daddies,
Knock me your lobes,
I came to lay Ceasar out,
Not to hip you to him.
The bad jazz that a cat blows,
Wails long after he's cut out.
The groovey is often stashed with their frames,
So don't put Caesar down.
The swinging Brutus hath laid a story on you
That Caesar was hungry for power.
If it were so, it was a sad drag,
And sadly hath the Caesar cat answered it.
Here with a pass from Brutus and the other brass,
For Brutus is a worthy stud,
Yea, so are they all worthy studs,
Though their stallions never sleep.
I came to wail at Ceasar's wake.
He was my buddy, and he leveled with me.
Yet Brutus digs that he has eyes for power,
And Brutus is a solid cat.
It is true he hath returned with many freaks in chains
And brought them home to Rome.
Yea, the looty was booty
And hip the trays we weld(?)
Dost thou dig that this was Caesar's groove
For the putsch?
When the cats with the empty kicks hath copped out,
Yea, Caesar hath copped out, too,
And cried up a storm.
To be a world grabber a stiffer riff must be blown.
Without bread a stud can't even rule an anthill.
Yet Brutus was swinging for the moon.
And, yea, Brutus is a worthy stud.
And all you cats were gassed on the Lupercal
When he came on like a king freak.
Three times I lay the kingly wig on him,
And thrice did he put it down.
Was this the move of a greedy hipster?
Yet, Brutus said he dug the lick,
And, yes, a hipper cat has never blown.
Some claim that Brutus' story was a gag.
But I dug the story was solid.
I came here to blow.
Now, stay cool while I blow.
You all dug him once
Because you were hipped that he was solid
How can you now come on so square
Now that he's tapped out of this world.
City Hall is flipped
And swung to a drunken zoo
And all of you cats are goofed to wig city.
Dig me hard.
My ticker is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And, yea, I must stay cool til it flippeth back to me.

I should have been a jazz cat.

toodle pip

stars playing records - marc bolan - marilyn monroe - john lennon

Here's some snaps of stars playing records at home. I am such a sad bastard that it annoys me the way Marilyn and John are holding their vinyl, as there will be fingerprints and smudges all over them. Hasn't John learnt about putting them back into their sleeves? That's how they end up being stood on and scratched. Why doesn't Marilyn put down her record while the other one is playing? Pah! Stars and their debauched ways. Marc looks like he has a fine collection, with Dylan and the Stones on display, although from what l know about him, that would probably have been deliberate to show off his tastes. Anyway, much as l love Marc and John, and despite the way she treats her vinyl, looking at those photos, l know who l would rather have round to 'spin some discs', 'stick the needle into the groove', 'hear some sounds' etc etc.

toodle pip

bob harris and his cd shelves

There is a feature in this months Word magazine about collecting records, and storing them if you have loads. It featured (amongst others) Bob Harris, who stores his CDs in a portakabin in his garden. It may well be a mightily secure and alarmed portakabin, but it is a portakabin non the less. It is also full of shelves and CDs. To say l was envious looking at the pictures is an understatement, l was so outrageously jealous it was unbelievable. It is not even the amount of CDs he has, as l have the same amount, if not more. It's the shelves. Those beautiful wooden shelves. I think l am becoming addicted to them (and very, very sad). Time for a lie down methinks, it's getting late and l am going giddy.

toodle pip

led zeppelin's peter grant gets the decorators in - paul reeves and jon wealleans

Back in the day (late 60's/early 70's), Peter Grant, the huge ex wrestler who managed Led Zeppelin, got Paul Reeves and Jon Wealleans in to do up his house while the mighty Zeppelin were away on tour. He also left most of it up to them as to what was to be done. When he returned, they said they were crapping themselves in case his reaction was not favourable, as he was known to be 'quite' aggressive on the 'odd occasion'. Luckily for them, he loved his new décor, and their heads stayed at the top of their necks, not up their arses (unlike most interior designers). Looking at some of the decoration, l would have been mighty worried showing it to him. Luckily everyone was on acid in them days, as he wouldn't commission it now (probably because he is now dead).

toodle pip

the summer burn with the laughing animals

The longest day of the year has just been and gone, and it was crap weather (as usual).

At least it got me out of cutting the grass though.

Instead of slaving away in the garden, I have just done two CD's for the summer burn project ( http://www.funjunkie.co.uk/summerburn/ ) and put a couple of happy animals on the front and back cover. Even printed on the CD's as well, pulling out all of the stops.

Thought l'd share the pictures as they look so happy.

toodle pip

young emperor penguin in new zealand

This little fellow has turned up in New Zealand, when he should really be at the Antartic. The guess is that it took a wrong turn while hunting food, and then kept going till it hit land.

I wonder if it has the same genes as our idiot rabbit.

toodle pip

problem solving the easy way

There you go - everything is now sorted.

toodle pip

bastards and a rabbit

Someone (don't know how long ago) has done this to the poor little bunny, (which looks like a younger, more intelligent version of our Tubbs). Bastards.

Hope they catch them and cut their knackers off (it's bound to be a lad).

toodle pip

captain pugwash and master bates

It's all rubbish, as the reply at the bottom (at the bottom - ho ho ho) shows. Click on the picture to enlarge (ooh - enlarge - oh matron, stop it etc etc)

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undersea cables in 1901

The red lines are the undersea cables used by The Eastern Telegraph Company in 1901.

How the hell did did they manage to get them all in place?

Amazing.

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megaflicks

Megaflicks stores - they should have used a different font

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the tunnel people of las vegas

It's not all fun, games and high rollers in Las Vegas. These are pictures of people who live in the flood tunnels there, which is not exactly the safest place you would ever wish to stay in, despite the sunny weather. Some of them have obviously had drink and drug problems, but others just need somewhere to stay, for a variety of reasons. I bet they have all seen plenty of rats while they have been down there.

toodle pip

barry and stuart in darlington

They finished the show with this X Ray machine stunt.

Went off to super Darlo on Sunday night to see Barry and Stuart at the Inside Out Club. Felt like l was taking the kids out on a day trip/adventure, as Lonni, Emma and Craig all came along for the ride. At least the FPO is closer to their age (obviously, as l would never go with someone my own age - that's just disgusting).

We all went for a drink opposite Joe Rigatoni's first, and bumped into Becky and her mate from work. This then evolved into Walter the pisser and Les the sailor boy joining us for a quick one, before we set off to Perrys (where Inside Out is).

Enjoyed the show, but there was not as much blood and gore as l would have liked, and we were sat right at the back (although it is still pretty close to the stage). As expected, it was a 50/50 mixture of comedy and magic, but it would have been better if we had been right at the front, or if one of the girls had been called on stage to assist with a trick, which they secretly would have loved, despite their denials.

The girls (and Craig) had their photos taken with Barry and Stuart after the show, so they were pretty pleased about that, although they had to be crowbarred away from them afterwards, (especially Craig).

Also chatted to Emma for a while about the stuff she witnessed with her mother when she was younger. This was around at a friends house, and was was pretty amazing, although l won't go into it here (and no, it wasn't abuse). No wonder so many people are messed up.

Another fine and splendid night out for all the family and our assorted crew, plus we even got home at a sensible time (11.15pm).

And l have no work until 3pm on Thursday. Hurrah!!

toodle pip

head in a jar costume

Sheer genius.

Play it to get the full effect.

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the specials - ghost town - released 20 years ago today

And it's still excellent and current

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watch island home - the thousand islands - new york state

This looks like my kind of place. It's Watch Island which is a private island located by The Thousand Islands region, on the Saint Lawrence River near Clayton in New York State.

Ten bedrooms, some great views and lots of privacy, that's what l find appealing about it.

As l am always a bit dubious about security, l would have to be fully tooled up in case of intruders (I've seen way to many horror movies), and there may be a few too many spiders from the trees and bushes, but l might just give this place a go.

Now where did l stash the $1,950,000 that it is for on the market for?

toodle pip

killer queen

Talented git

toodle pip

night out with simon

Urghh

Decided to go out last night and had a stroll with the FPO to JT's about 9.30pm for a quiet drink (continental style).

Met Simon, then it all got messy (with Napoleon, Dave and his missus as well).

I won't go into details but we left about 2pm, l've had no sleep, and l am off to work soon.

Early night tonight methinks

toodle pip

ryan giggs supporting brothers for life

This advert has come back to haunt him

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the scheme (tv series)

This is just the sort of programme l love and hate. A documentary following six families on a council estate (scheme) in Kilmarnock.

It highlights what little chance the kids have got from an early age, as all they want to do is get drunk and take drugs (and reproduce at an early age).

I've only seen the first episode so far, so l don't know how the series will pan out, but l imagine a lot more jail sentences, fights and drug taking, with most of the youngsters acting tough and not being interested in anything else apart from TV.

"There's nothing to do except get wasted" says one of them. What about reading a book, walking by the sea, or listening to music for a starter?

Sadly, the (lack of) education and backing they have had will see to the fact most of them will have no aspirations or hope, and they will probably stay one the dole for quite some time, if not forever.

I know the kids are lucky to be born in an area where they will still have a roof over their head and be fed, albeit at the taxpayers expense, but they are still deprived of so many opportunities.

If they had been born to a middle class family down south somewhere, most of them would be going to college or university instead of jail.

Not all of them would do of course, and the estate will have some examples of residents who have done well legally, either through the education route or with their jobs, but the majority are doomed at birth.

Sadly, this is also the kind of show that will have David Cameron and The Daily Mail fuming about scroungers on benefits who can afford to drink and have clothes and TVs.

It's on BBC 1 on Tuesday nights (or the i player).

toodle pip

shelves and mini books

I can't remember the name of this chap (and l certainly can't be bothered looking), but he collects mini books and keeps them all in special shelves.

I used to like mini books when l was a nipper, and l am sure you could get some from a machine in Bootle by the four banks roundabout, but l might be cracking up.

Anywhoos, l don't know whether to applaud this fellow or remember how sad he is, as l could so easily go down his anal path of geekdom and nerdness (ooeer missus)

toodle pip

the real nick clegg is released

I know this is old, but it's still funny

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cameron and clegg get a surprise at an nhs photo op

More people should get stuck in like this, they didn't half look shocked when they got interrupted.

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marco paolini, the cremonese match fixer with hallucinogenic drugs

So, there's another match fixing scandal in Italy.

Yawn.

Or so you would think.

Marco Paolini, who played for the Italian third division side Cremonese (and looks like Dermot O'Leary), tried to fix a match so his team would lose, as he had a load of pressing debts which needed paying (those gambling bets need to be paid pretty damn sharpish in Italy, comprende?). The team were playing well, so old Marco me lad decides to pay a visit to his Dentist, where he was prescribed a hallucinogenic drug used for insomnia and anxiety (don't ask me how he managed to be given the drug by his dentist, although l would imagine money may have been involved).

Old Marco then spiked his fellow players drinks with it, but the team still won the game 2-0.

The problem, apart from the spiking of drinks/match fixing gone wrong combo, is one of the players crashed his car after having a seizure, and two other players had to be taken to hospital after the game.

Doh!!

Another master plan foiled, but what a mad one to try in the first place, surely something that just relaxed or slowed the players down would have been more effective.

Saying that, anything would have been more effective regarding the result, but not as hilarious a story.

The rather dull ending is Marco then owed more money, so then started fixing (or pretending to fix) matches for the betting syndicates/dodgy guys he owed the money to, hence the new scandal.

Giving your team mates hallucinogenic drugs before a game though - that is insane.

We never did that sort of stuff when l was playing (worst luck).

toodle pip

bloody raining again - rainbows everywhere

Bloody typical (again!). l have finished work and it is miserable weather ( again!).

Still, saw a good rainbow at the back of the workplace.

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carlito's way (1993)

Bloody typical isn't it? Just as l am about to go back to work after having along weekend off, the sunshine appears and it is hot enough to sunbathe in the garden with the idiot rabbit, (which is what l have just been doing).

As it is so warm, it woke me up early, so after listening to some music, l got up and watched Carlito's Way, another one of Al Pacino's gangster films, but at least he was trying to go straight in this one. Sean Penn played a good role as his attorney, looking more like Art Garfunkel, rather than what Sean Penn usually looks like.

It was a really good film, which captured the sleazy side of New York in the middle of the 1970's, when there was a lot of cocaine and discos, which is always a dodgy combination.

Al Pacino was excellent as always, but Shaun Penn is someone l have grown to be impressed by, as l couldn't stand him years ago, but has matured into a really convincing actor (Milk (2008), I Am Sam (2001), Dead Man Walking (1995).

Just a shame l have to go to work soon, l could get used to this lifestyle way too easily.

toodle pip

this does not look right - part 499

Another dodgy looking comic strip - how did they get away with such filth?

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my kind of store

My kind of store in Gateway District, Minneapolis 1939

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chinatown (1974)

I eventually got round to watching this again today, as it has been on the Sky box for ages.

luckily, I had forgotten quite a lot of it, so that made it even better, as l was trying to work out what was going on at the same time as JJ (Jake) Gittes (the excellent Jack Nicholson).

I didn't realise that it was loosely based on real events, and there had been the St. Francis Dam disaster in 1928 which killed about 450 people.

You live and learn. Also, it was good that it did not have a feel good ending, and the bad guy was getting away with it (and going off with his daughter). That certainly made a change, but also made it more realistic.

A top film.

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