recent films - alice's restaurant, live!, sidewalks of new york, moon, forgetting sarah marshall

A TV exec comes up with a game of russian roulette for high ratings - crap

Sam Rockwell is on the Moon working by himself with the help of an on board robot, when he rescues himself from a crash - intriguing and really good, plus the effects and shots of the Earth (and the Moon) are really believable

Sarah Marshall splits up with her boyfriend and then goes off with a rock star. Pretty crap, although Russell Brand got to wear some great shirts.

Love and romance in New York, a lot better than I thought it would be

A tale of hippies opening up a restaurant, with Arlo Guthrie playing himself, and based on his song 'Alice's Restaurant'. I really like it, even though it's pretty dated.

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it crowd and black books

I have been trying to get into the 'comedy' series Black Books, as it is being repeated at the moment, and it seems as though I should like it a lot. Bernard Black (Dylan Moran), runs a bookshop, is always getting pissed, and he does not like his customers. Ticks all the right boxes for me. It also stars Bill Bailey (who I usually find funny) and is written by Graham Linehan, the same person who wrote The IT Crowd. However, Black Books is crap.

Now the IT crowd is something I love. It has even managed to replace one of the main characters (Chris Morris as Denholm Reynholm, the boss of the company). He was one of my favourites (and I love Chris Morris), but they have made the series even better by replacing him (with Matt Berry as Douglas Reynholm, the new boss).

It's a bit like when Shelley Long left Cheers, and everyone thought the series would be crap if it continued. Then Kirstie Alley replaced her and proved to be even funnier.

Anyway, there is no comparison between The IT Crowd and Black Books, and it's hard to believe that the same person had a hand in writing both of them.

Father Ted was great, well acted and written, but, I also remember the series 'Hippies' that Graham Linehan wrote (starring Simon Pegg), that was as crap as Black Books.

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star wars propaganda posters

I am not a big fan of the Star Wars films, in fact l still haven't seen one of them all the way through, as l get bored with them too easily. I do however, think these spoof propaganda posters are pretty good. If I did think the films were great, l might have considered getting the Princess Lea one printed and framed, but l don't, so l won't.

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mongrels

This has been a really good new series with lots of adult humour and guest appearances. The latest one was Scott Mills, and oh bless my soul, how l have wanted to do this to plenty of DJ's over the years.

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whale jumps onto boat

This picture was taken off Cape Town (South Africa) and shows the moment a Southern Right Whale decided to leap out of water and landed onto the boat pictured. I bet the person in red on the boat crapped themselves. The whale slipped off afterwards and the boat sustained a lot of damage, including the steel mast being broken. I wish l had witnessed it. I would have leapt onto the whales back and rode it to shore to receive it's punishment for being a naughty boy (my aching back permitting)

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a new giant star

This is called R136a1 (snappy name) and is much, much larger than our pathetic (in comparison) sun. It is the largest star found, being between 265 and 320 times the mass of our sun. Luckily for us, it is also about 165,000 light years away, so there's no chance of us getting sunburnt from it, although we could certainly do with some more sunshine at the moment. I blame God (again).

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l am a cripple

I went out on Monday for the usual (when l get the chance) trip to the Wine bar to see Joe, and had a splendid time. I got picked up by the FPO afterwards, and also remembered to drop off some DVDs for Shaun and Paul (or is it Peter?). All well and good so far, but l then proceeded to prat about, pretending to faint or fall, and ended up hurting my back. It feels like l have pulled a muscle or something in my lower back, and l suppose it serves me right, but it is pretty damn sore. l am walking round like l have shit my pants (no change there then), but at least l got a day off work today (sadly l was already off work when l did it). lt does not hurt as much as when l pulled it years ago playing football, as l can pull my own shorts up (a bonus for the FPO), but moving and sleeping is pretty painful. I am aiming to be back at work for the weekend, so sadly it is not a long term illness. The worst thing is l can't really go out anywhere as l don't want to make it worse and l don't like moving about too much due to the pain. Maybe l should just hit what's left of the valium and go for it. It's not easy being a prat.

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blobfish

What a hideous looking creature. It also looks pretty pissed off to say the least. Maybe it's seen a mirror and realised what a crap life it's having.

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pythons fish dance

new sea creatures

These creatures have just been discovered off the coast of Australia in the Barrier Reef, they are pretty cool, but I wouldn't want to go swimming with the little bastardos.

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party in catterick - not!

Damn! I am trying to post every day and it has just gone midnight, even though to me it is still Friday night. Spent the evening in, watching the IT crowd, Question Time (which always takes a while due to the shouting at the TV) and holiday programmes.

Also watched Toy Story, as the FPO admitted she had never seen it before (which at first I thought was some kind of elaborate joke), so I ran (to the best of my ability) up the stairs for my DVD of it and forced her to watch it.

Luckily the result was a good one, she did enjoy it (through her alcoholic haze) so it was a job well done.

Afterwards, I went out to feed Tubbs the rabbit, and there was very loud music coming from the top right hand side of the estate. Naturally I thought "Investigation time" and tried to persuade the FPO to do the same. Obviously this did not work, so armed with a little bit of money, my bank card and a camera, I set of, fearlessly exploring the wilds of Catterick, looking for the party or 'happening', promising to return for the FPO (who had now gone to bed) if there was anything good going on.

Sadly, I found nothing. I relied on my senses (that was obviously a mistake) and followed the trail, but realised it was probably Louie's nightclub I could hear, louder than usual, but then again, I am not usually in my back garden at 11.45pm to hear it.

I did take some photos though, so all was not lost.

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I'm in a happy place - with mummy

Not really.

I am sick of doing so much work, it's been non stop at the moment as there are so many bleeding forms I have to get the hang of, plus the usual day to day running of a home (two homes). Stone me, what a life. Wish it was back to the good old days (that now seem so far away) of being a support worker, which was a piece of piss.

Just come across these pictures of the toy shop at Bootle broadway. The shop has been like this for years, and it does bring back happy memories when life was uncomplicated, I was flying past my 11 plus, and all I needed from life was a new Manchester United keyring/pennant/badge from the shop. Oh and maybe a bit more love and affection from my bleeding parents. I now blame them for the fact I am working so hard now, I'll just have to think of a reason, but that will come later.

I'm in a happy place.....

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death to all but metal

I may have posted this a couple of years ago, but it still hasn't lost it's power to ROOOOOCCK!!

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classic two ronnies

"What is a jockstrap?" Brilliant writing by (I assume) Ronnie Barker

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damn - back to work

That's it - I'm back to work today (going in 5 minutes) and don't want to go. I just know I'll have loads of stuff to catch up on when I get in.

I'm really looking forward to going to Turkey at the end of August. Can't bleeding wait in fact.

Damn!!

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chewing gum kicking and catching

I can do this (sometimes). I haven't stopped practising it yet so I'll only get better

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world cup final bbq

Went through to the sunny Boro last night to watch the World Cup final at Robbo and Kerries. They decided to do a BBQ, which turned out pretty good, but took a while before the coals got hot. There was smoke everywhere, the wind started getting up, and it also got colder. Great weather. Had a good time though (apart from not winning with my bet on Holland) as there was also plenty of booze. We were too full to have cheesecake for desert, but one of them got bought home and consumed back in sunny Catterick. Very nice it was as well, being a Tesco special that only cost £1. Bargain!

As usual, the weather today is still crappy and raining, and it has been pretty crap for all the days I have been off work (since last Tuesday). I bet the sun starts shinning again this week when I am back at work. I blame God.

Luckily I am off to the pub today to hopefully see Joseph (if the old git is still alive), so things are not too bad (although the FPO wanted me elsewhere). He had better turn up, or I will be in trouble (not for the first time).

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stings dye

As l am pissed off about not winning any money with my World Cup bets, l am about to dye my hair and leave this sacred lsle incognito. Rather sadly though, l think Sting has had the same idea, The unshaven photo is from a week (or so) ago. The bearded older one has been his look recently.

Good luck to the poor little chapie and l hope he escapes.

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bolan tattoo

I am a big fan of Marc Bolan, but I do think this tattoo is (slightly) over the top. Good luck to the (l assume it's a) girl, but l wouldn't have had it done myself.

At the moment, l am ignoring the World Cup final. I have just lost out on some money due to the Spanish bastardos (jo soy un hombre sincero). Never mind, what the hell etc

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scare the wife with raoul

No it's not really from the Sun.

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superman's tits

This is from the TV show 'The New Adventures Of Superman' with Teri Hatcher and Dean Cain. That is Superman's boob on display and I bet Teri Hatcher would have killed to have had boobs like that. If Superman displayed his Beeny bags in every episode like that, I might have actually watched the thing (with trousers down, obviously). Maybe I should just start stalking Dean Cain.

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guantanamera

When I was at work a week or so ago I heard 'Guantanamera' by the Sandpipers on the radio late at night. I had forgotten what a great peaceful song it is, so I have since downloaded it, and have been brushing up with my Spanish by singing along (much to the FPO's pleasure).

Lyrics below!

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Spanish language	English language
Yo soy un hombre sincero De donde crece la palma Y antes de morirme quiero Echar mis versos del alma Guantanamera, guajira, Guantanamera	I am an honest man From where the palm tree grows And before dying I want To share the verses of my soul.
Mi verso es de un verde claro Y de un carmín encendido Mi verso es de un ciervo herido Que busca en el monte amparo Guantanamera, guajira, Guantanamera	My verse is a clear green And it is flaming crimson My verse is a wounded deer Who seeks refuge in the woods.
This third verse of "Versos Sencillos" is usually not part of the song Cultivo una rosa blanca En julio como en enero Para el amigo sincero Que me da su mano franca Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera	I cultivate a white rose In July as in January For the sincere friend Who gives me his honest hand.
This fourth verse is translated during the song as sung by Pete Seeger and Arlo Guthrie[3] Y para el cruel que me arranca El corazón con que vivo Cardo ni ortiga cultivo Cultivo la rosa blanca Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera	And for the cruel one who would tear out this heart with which I live I do not cultivate nettles nor thistles I cultivate a white rose
Final verse of song, as published: Con los pobres de la tierra Quiero yo mi suerte echar El arroyo de la sierra Me complace más que el mar Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera	With the poor people of the earth I want to cast my luck The brook of the mountains Gives me more pleasure than the sea

ringo and rain

The joke that Ringo was not even the best drummer in the Beatles (said by John), was just that, a joke. He suited them really well and grew with them all as they started to experiment more (although he was older and didn't do much drugs). As a tribute to Ringo, who was 70 a couple of days ago, here's a clip of someone mimicking the drumming on 'Rain'. Marvellous stuff - flash, but not too flash.

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false food claims

• apple cider vinegar can improve bowel movement
• the horsetail plant (Equisetum arvense L.) can help maintain normal hair
• green tea is good for blood pressure, cholesterol levels, bones, teeth and eyesight or that it works as an antioxidant
• cranberry juice can reduce the risk of urinary tract infection in women
• the probiotic Lactobacillus plantarum supports the immune system
• sugar-free chewing gum can reduce dental plaque
• glucosamine can reduce the risk of osteoarthritis

here's some of the food claims which have been thrown out by the European Unions Nutrition and Health regulation investigations
About time as well - bloody hippies

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police stand off in rothbury

I have just been looking at the BBC news website, and there is apparently a stand off between Raoul Moat and the armed police. My brother in law is in the armed police, may well be at the scene, and l hope to God he is not pulling faces like the copper in the photo, who also looks like he is holding a toy gun (although l am guessing it is a taser).

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loop recorder has been fitted

Up at the crack of dawn today (fnar), as l had to be at James Cook hospital in the Boro for my loop recorder to be fitted. I was shattered when l got there at 8am (too many late nights and earlyish mornings), but l was taken in first, so was pleasantly surprised to be back in the ward by 9am. The operation was OK, it was only a local anaesthetic and didn't take that long, but it stung a bit at first and l was also told later "This might hurt now, so grit your teeth". Not the sort of thing l want to be hearing just before they tried to ram the recorder in (ooeer). Anyway, l was soon back to the ward and then had to sit around untill 1.30pm when they discharged me. I just sat about listening to my ipod and waiting to have my blood and temperature checked every hour (blood pressure 117/76 when l looked at the machine).

Left the hospital and went straight to the KFC at Teeside park, as I was starving by then. Not very good to tell the truth, tables dirty and the food overcooked, which was a bit of a disappointment, as l had not had a KFC for a while. Back to sunny Catterick afterwards, then it was dossing about in front of the TV and knocking back the Pinot. Not sure if l should really be drinking with my antibiotics, but what the hell (he says as his heart explodes).

I have to go back in about five weeks for a check up, and now have a recorder thing l have to carry with me everywhere (for the next time l flake out), but apart from that, life goes on, only now l will be setting of the scanners at all the airports. Excellent stuff!

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whispering I love you

Echoes of your voice are calling still through my dreams, softening the chill of the breeze.

Through my window, I can see the moonglow painting silver shadows on a rose-colored land;

A world that we walk hand in hand in a day of gold colored by the glow of new love.

Oh, Woman, I can feel your warm face ever close to my lips and the scent of you invades the cool evening air.

I can close my eyes and you´re there in my arms still and I know your soft kiss,

turning into music every beat of my heart,

When I hold you close to my heart and I hear your voice whispering I love you.

I can feel your warm face ever close to my lips and the scent of you invades the cool evening air

I can close my eyes and you're there

I can close my eyes and you're always there

Whispering I love you

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guatemala sink hole

This happened recently in Guatemala, and it is pretty impressive. Another thing that would have been great to see (but not fall down)

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marty mcfly

Wow! look at the date he has set for the future. It was only a couple of days ago. Does that mean l am now living in the space age?

Maybe it is time for bed. I think so.

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bloody spain and my lack of an ajax top

Damn! I have watched the Spain v Germany semi final and the Spanish have won it 1-0. Not good news for me, as although l think the Spain team are fantastic, I wanted Germany to win, as it would have made me look so cool (if that is possible), having put £5 bets on before the tournament on Holland and Germany to win the World cup, and both of them should have (hopefully) been in the final. Sadly, out of my bets, it is now Holland only in the final, and of course l want them to win, especially thinking about how much l loved them and Ajax Amsterdam in the early 1970's (plus l have £5 at nine to one on them). I did say to the FPO before the semi final that even if Germany got through to the final (meaning l would have won my bet because l had both teams), l still would have liked Holland to win, even though the bet was less (nine to one). If Germany won, it would have been fourteen to one (which of course l would have accepted and boasted about non stop), but as l am such an old bastard, l do remember the 1974 final when Holland lost, and would have liked them to gained revenge on the Germans. I have nothing against the Germans, in fact I like Germany a lot (in the past, I lived there for about five years). I would have made more money from the bet, and I would have spat in the eye of anyone who said they did not think the Germany team was good enough to go that far. Fact is though, the Cruyff team was the making of me, beautiful total control football, with the best player in the world at the time. I still curse the fact that my (twatting, selfish, bastard and unthinking) parents never bought me the Ajax top that was on display in Bootle when I was a kid. Bastards. It's not like I didn't hint I wanted it, as I went on and on about it. Still, when I ripped open my Christmas present that year, there was a Chelsea kit ready for me to wear for all school sports lessons (Chelsea??? For fucks sake, had they paid no attention to me for the previous few years??). Then again, maybe they had noticed me and it was retribution time for them. Once again, I blame my parents for the state I am in today. Bastards!

I now have an Ajax top which I bought myself, but it has the badge on (which I didn't want, being a stickler for convention and all that). I would much rather have had the version Johan is wearing above, but I could not find a copy. George Best was my hero, then Cruyff became a God. I still worship the path Georgie (and Keith) took though.

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urgh! I am so full

I am upstairs at the moments as the FPO is watching District 9 again with her mother downstairs. We have just had some food (pasta and chicken, in sauce with cheese - hold the salad), plus some pudding (strawberries and cream), with plenty of wine following.

I am now like the man above - stuffed to the gills.

I am taping the footie (Germany v Spain semi final) and will watch it later when the FPO goes to bed. My bet is still looking good at the moment, and l am still hoping for a Holland v Germany final as l have my £5 on each of them to win it.

Also, while listening to music and podcasts up here, l have also been putting phone numbers on my new work phone. This had the bonus of being able to phone downstairs and demand more wine is bought up, so there have been unexpected perks to go with the new job (and l am now off work until next Tuesday afternoon!). Hurrah!!

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sitting correctly

The latest research on correct posture when sitting has concluded that it is best to be leaning back at 135 degrees, rather than sitting straight up as in the past. That's good news for me as l like to slouch around like that, so no wonder l have the back of a 21 year old (it's just the rest of me that is falling apart).

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snake bus

To carry on with the theme from the last post, here's a bus in Copenhagen that is advertising the zoo in Copenhagen. Fantastic! Fancy seeing that when you're pissed or on acid.

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python and alligator

This is down in Florida, where a python tried to eat an alligator. Mad idea, as the python ended up exploding due to the alligator being too big, and it probably clawed at the pythons stomach from the inside. What a thing to have seen.

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new old spice advert

Class

work till you're dead

An old person (the FPO's mother?) - yesterday

Those wacky coalition representatives eh? First they are sharing power and pretending that they all get on, and now they are talking about making everyone work until they are 70. What a bunch of bastards. All the rich fuckers are going to retire early anyway, it's just us poor buggers that will have to work longer, people who are probably dying (literally) to finish work, and have probably had jobs that were (or are) more physically demanding over the years.

Why stop at 70 anyway? Look inside an old folks home and you will find loads of layabouts and malingerers that could be putting in a decent shift down the coal mine (if there were any still open). Bunch of slack limbed reprobates, get them out to work I say. If not, shoot them. That would save on the old pension payments. I may have to think this one through and come up with a master-plan.

I'll get back to this in the future

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a girl crying over the footie

Pah! She's probably pissed because she can't handle her ale. No girl understands the footie enough so that is emotion gets to them, it's all superficial. Unless they have played at a top level (like I have played it), it's hard to get properly involved and emotional with it. She just wants some attention.

Now I really have to go to bed. I have work again tomorrow morning (Damn!).

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friends are portly

I was on a website earlier on (the Daily Mail, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1290061/Portly-Matt-LeBlanc-gets-helping-hand-leaves-Bungalow-8-looking-little-worse-wear.html?ito=feeds-newsxml) where there was this picture of one of them from friends (Matt LeBlanc), with a story about him being on the lash in London (picture evidence above - fair enough), but also saying that he looked 'portly'. now don't get me wrong, I do boast about having 20/20 vision (although I have not had my eyes tested), I do recognise a fellow pisshead when he is on the lash (evidence above), and I do recognise another portly fellow. The trouble is, there is no evidence above to support the 'portly' jibe. If anything, he looks gaunt. No wonder stars get insecure and fucked up (and pissed). Poor souls, but they are meant to be human like the rest of us/you lot.

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knackered after the footie and t.rex tributes

I was at work yesterday and stayed up till about 2am to watch the World Cup quarter final games, which I had recorded at work and then watched once everyone had gone to bed. Good result for Holland against Brazil, and the Uraguay game against Ghana had an ending you could not make up (unless you are a Manchester United fan). Extra time, a last minute penalty and sending off, a missed last minute penalty, and then the penalty shoot out. I was already tired going to work as I did not have a lot of sleep when I was off, but felt more knackered in the morning (early morning 7am start) as I never sleep properly at work anyway. I was looking forward to going home at 2pm, put it that way. Sadly I have not had any sleep since coming back home, although I have watched Germany destroy Argentina and then went and cut the grass. The FPO had been out at a do, but came home early (she was sober - it's a miracle!!) and she then watched Star Trek, so I have been pottering about on the computer during the evening (bliss). I did think about going to see a T.Rex tribute band tonight in Richmond, but it annoys me that they do a second set of 70's stuff which includes the Bay City Rollers. Either do the T.Rex tribute properly, or be a glam band properly, that's what I say. Don't get me started, I'm tired and emotional (maybe the two bottles of Pinot haven't helped).

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oops - wrong hospital

What an idiot I am. I had an appointment yesterday to go and have a chat about my loop recorder which is being fitted next Friday, and have some blood tests before the operation. Foolishly, I did not look at the letter properly, so therefore turned up at the appointed time of 11.15am at the Friarage hospital in Northallerton (where they have done tests in the past), to discover I should have been at South Tees hospital in Middlesbrough (where they are going to do the operation). After some frantic phone calls and re-arrangements, I managed to get my own doctors to do the tests (full blood, SMAC and U's and E's, if I remember correctly). They are then going to get the results and fax them through to South Tees, so I can attend as planned on Friday for the op (if the blood tests are OK). That will teach me not to just to breeze on through life without paying due diligence (or maybe it won't). I had to inform South Tees that I was not bothered about the pre op talk and info, and luckily they accepted that. The worst thing about it was the fact I could have had a day off work to go to South Tees for an hours chat and tests. Damn and double Damn! I missed out on a skive there. To tell the truth, I am quite looking forward to having the loop recorder inserted (steady on, it's only in the chest), and plan to make the most of it while it is in, as it is the size of a memory stick. I can see a lot of knocking, tapping and squeezing it ahead (ooh missus!). More news after Friday!!

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hancock at the georgian

Just got back from the Georgian Theatre in Richmond after watching 'Hancock's finest hour' starring Paul Henry (Benny from crossroads) who was excellent as Hancock (and l have high standards). He actually looked a lot like Hancock and carried off the roll superbly. I was not that bothered (I should say enamoured if l had an education or was middle class) with the other two performers, but it was an enjoyable evening. It was a good performance and l did enjoy it a lot, but l was maybe expecting a bit more from it, so l was slightly disappointed at the end. I was surprised to see young Scall's missus there, and we had a chat at the interval. Rather sadly, she said she has now been a barrister for 12 years. Brilliant stuff, that made me and the FPO feel old. She then went on to talk to her friends about the FPO and myself being on TV, so they therefore wanted to talk to us about the experience. Damn! I was also surprised to discover that young Scall (John) is a trained up solicitor, but is living as a house husband to their kids. What a jammy bastard! I do not want kids, but once they have been packed up to school, surely the day is your own to prat about in/with. Six years the lad has been unemployed! Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, a very pleasant evening was had. A meal beforehand at the Turf, loads of drink (in homage to Hancock of course), and l was pleasant to the people next to me in the theatre (and wound them up by saying l was at the Sunderland Empire when Sid James died on stage).

Time to listen to the radio shows again (much better than the TV ones). The FPO will have to suffer during the next week or so (more than usual).

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ronnie wood book

I got this yesterday from Oxfam and read it today while l have been off work. What an insane, rock n roll lifestyle the crazy bastard has been living, pretty much all of his life. There are obviously loads of tales off hanging around with dodgy characters, lots of parties, lots of wife swapping hippie sex and spending all of his money as soon as he got it. Obviously, being the bastard son of Keith, l can relate to it all and have indulged myself, but there are plenty of escapades which make you think Ronnie is just a fucking idiot. It's strange reading it with hindsight though, as he has realised at the end of the book how the Stones and his family are so important to him, and he has given up drinking, and his life seems to be sorted. Then there's a divorce on the cards, an affair with a young Russian (l think) girl and back on the drink. Who knows how his life will pan out, but at least he has definitely had a great time with a lot of kindred spirits (although also upsetting people he was close to). Rock and Roll eh. It's not easy.

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