heart screenings available

I don't know if they are just targeting me, or if everybody is getting sent them, but l got this leaflet through the door the other day, offering heart screenings in a nearby village.
Cheeky sods, l'm indestructible now, plus l noticed it was about £150 to get screened.
I'd rather keel over dead than hand my money over to these scaremongers gits (possibly my famous last words!).

Nearly forgot - On a related note, l always assumed that when someone has a heart attack as a result of a blocked artery, all the arteries were cleaned and opened out afterwards, but it turns out they have an emergency angiogram and then only  stent the affected one.  Now to a common everyday idiot like me,that makes no sense.  After all, if a persons lifestyle has caused the artery to become blocked, surely all of them will also be at some stage of being narrowed, so to me, it would make sense to check and sort them out as well.
It turns out, what seems so bleeding obvious is now being implemented after recent tests at The Golden Jubilee National Hospital, which were actually halted before completion as the results were so overwhelmingly one sided and positive.  Prof Colin Berry, heart specialist at the Golden Jubilee and the University of Glasgow, said: "They were some of the most striking results for a treatment that I have ever seen. The results of this trial really challenge clinical practice.".
Obviously the treatment would cost more, but in the long term it would surely be cost effective, as the hospitals would only have to deal with later problems anyway. Naturally some heart specialists want longer tests, but they are all blithering idiots (or may have a hidden agenda)
I'm still amazed it wasn't performed as a regular procedure in the past, and as l have always said (to the annoyance of everybody, l should be in charge of everything.  Street wise and intelligent - what a lethal combination!

toodle pip

the pacemaker is up and running

I had to go for my check up at Northallerton Friarage Hospital yesterday morning to see if my pacemaker has been fitted OK and is working properly.  I'm glad to say it is, and it is currently kicking in and rebooting my heart about 4 hours or so a day, due to my hearts laziness and it slowing down.  This sounds a lot worse than it is, as the pacemaker is set to activate and take over in if my heart drops below 60 beats a minute, and as mine is a pretty lazy son of a bitch (like it's owner), that is pretty often.  The battery charge  was lowered to make it last longer, but apart from that, lt will be another check in six months, then yearly.  I am now officially bionic. Hurrah!

toodle pip

defective heart girl scar and operation

Damn!!   Summer Ash is a physicist who blogs under the name Defective Heart Girl and she has posted about her recent heart operation and put up some pictures of it here. That is the sort of scar l was after, a proper one that can be shown off in years to come, rather than the pathetic efforts l have at the moment.  Maybe l should widen my stitches and incisions so it looks like l have been attacked by a shark or something.  Once again in my life, jealousy seethes all over me.

toodle pip

chest update

Ah it's fantastic being off work.  I can potter about, drink and eat what l want, read, watch TV and go on the computer, but l can't do anything like stretching to change the cat tray or clean out the rabbit.  What a great result!!  The footie has just about started again, and with a bit of luck, we may even get some sunshine.   This is what the wound is looking like at the moment, still sore, and it is preventing me sleeping properly, but that's a price worth paying.  Hurrah! to modern medicine.

toodle pip

the james cook experience (two more from them later)

 My original bed (and operating gown)

Jacking up before the operation

Notes after the operation

 More notes after the operation

My evening and night time bed

The Bridge entrance at James Cook

 The covering l have to leave on at the moment

Well, it was off to the James Cook Hospital to have my pacemaker fitted yesterday.  I was already knackered by the time l got there, as l was up late the night before (my fault) and then had to get up and leave Catterick at 7am to be at the hospital for 8am (not my fault).  The FPO drove through and stayed with me for a couple of hours while l got settled into my ward (31) and told what was going to happen.  I then read until about 11.30am, when l was wheeled through for the operation.  I stayed conscious throughout (with painkillers of course), and getting the loop recorder out first didn't hurt that much, but the pacemaker part afterwards certainly did.  I asked for extra relief (pain - settle down at the back), but l had to grit my teeth on a few occasions, due to the pain and discomfort (and not just because Meat Loaf was being played at the time).  There were no photos of the op, and they wouldn't let me keep the loop recorder as a memento, so that was a disappointment, and l am 100% going to be sedated and knocked out if l need another implant like this.  One good side is that l could get back to my reading, change into my trackies and top, and have some food straight away, until l was wheeled down into ward 29 for the evening and night.  Robbo visited and bought an NME, sweets and lager (l didn't have the lager), and l had a stroll around the hospital by myself at about 9pm, to stretch my legs a bit.  When the lights went off (about 10pm), l listened to podcasts on my ipod, as l couldn't sleep properly, due to the discomfort. An old fellow in the bed next to me got confused as to where he was, and the nurse had to come to get him back in bed and re-assure him.  There were also the usual snores and farts (not from me for a change), and the day started again veeeery early (about 6am).  by then l was really shattered, but laid on my bed all morning reading and dropping off a bit, apart from when l was wheeled off to get the pacemaker checked and have an X Ray.  Got the all clear to go home at about 1pm, and the FPO drove back again.  No work for about 5 or 6 weeks as l've got holidays booked for when l could probably go back, but the bad news is l can't drive, lift my left arm much, and l am pretty sore, both in my chest area, and in the small of my back (as l am probably using different muscles to overcompensate and protect my chest and arm).  Have to type with only one finger due to the way l am sitting, but at least l can manage to go on the computer.  A box load of comics arrived for me yesterday, but l will have to wait to sort them out until a bit later.  Not looking forward to trying to get comfortable in bed tonight, but l'm off to give it a bash (NOT THAT) as l am still tired.

toodle pip

update on the old ticker - operation coming up!

The FPO had a check up at Northallerton Friarage hospital yesterday, and as l was going along with her, l thought l'd ask how to record off my loop recorder, as l had forgotten.  They decided to rig and wire me up for a quick check up, and discovered a new record. My heart has been stopping for 20 - 24 seconds, (when my previous best was 18), and had also stopped 77 times since September last year.  I asked if the gaps were a long time, and was informed that 10 seconds is usually the most without it having any affect, so they were impressed with me, as l hadn't noticed anything.  The consultant was summoned, and he told me that he was going to get me in straight away, and would be going up to Middlesbrough that afternoon to arrange a slot, so l will probably be operated on within a week or so.  I do have to stay in hospital at least overnight, and that is the bit l am cursing, as l don't want to be sharing any kind of ward with a bunch of old bastards who have pacemakers (although the FPO wasted no time in informing me that l am one of them).  I can be sedated if l want, as the consultant reckoned it would hurt more that getting the loop recorder fitted, although l will also have pain killers.  I'm curious enough to want to be awake during the operation, but l am also a cowardly individual who doesn't like to be in pain, so it's 50/50 at the moment. If l do get sedated, l expect a recreation of the scene above when l come round.  I can't drive until l am incident free afterwards, but l should be off work for a couple of weeks resting.  I won't be able to lift my left arm up or use it much for a while, so it's a good job l am right handed.  Bring it on - I'm indestructible!!!!

Oh, by the way - the FPO was fine.

toodle pip

james cook heart tests

Out and about this afternoon at the James Cook hospital in Middlesbrough (again) for my heart loop recorder battery to be checked. Pretty routine stuff, but the person doing the testing seemed to be a bit concerned, and has said l need to see my consultant at Northallerton about the results. I sneaked a look at my notes while she was out of the room and it shows l had 58 episodes of Asystole during the last year (when my heart stopped). This did not cause me any discomfort, and l haven't fainted or anything, but l guess they might want to try me on some drugs (hurrah!!) or check me out again. Looking at the recent dates, l was in London for the Todd Snider gig (slightly tipsy), out and about on New Years Eve and Day (had the odd ale), and celebrating Manchester United beating Arsenal 8-2 in Portugal (pretty damn merry). I think l can detect a pattern already. Still, if that is the sort of lifestyle that is going to see me off, bring it on!
Obviously l'm indestructible, but this sort of thing would have seen off many a lesser man.

toodle pip

wilson greatbatch has died

Who is Wilson Greatbatch? You may well ask and think that he has nothing to do with your drab and wretched lives (copyright Tom Leher), but he is someone who will definately affect my life, and maybe yours as well. Why? Because he is the man who invented the Pacemaker, a device l will (probably shortly) end up getting put in, once l flake out again and manage to record what happened beforehand (as l currently have a memory device installed - space age stuff!). Bring it on I say! Then again, the pacemaker looks a bit bigger than the memory device, and that took some shoving and writhing to cram in. I'm also a bit dubious about how far those wires are going to go as well, so l reckon there could be a sore chest involved afterwards. The good news is..... more time off work! (hurrah!)

toodle pip

the first britain to get an artificial heart

Mathew Green of London, has become the first person in Britain to get a completely artificial heart (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/8677288/Father-becomes-first-in-Britain-to-get-artificial-heart.html). This sounds excellent news, but as the technology is all so new, l am not sure l would be happy carrying a shoulder bag with the power supply in and also having to change the batteries every few hours. Much better than his earlier position though, as he could only walk a few yards. I guess l had better stick my name down for one now. Got to think of the future!

toodle pip

getting the loop recorder checked

On Tuesday I had to go to The James Cook hospital in Middlesbrough to get my loop recorder checked out (it was fine). Glad to say I was only in the hospital for 32 minutes in total (the parking ticket machine gives out the information). As usual though, it was another crappy August day. Bloody English summers, where's the bleeding sunshine?

toodle pip.

loop recorder has been fitted

Up at the crack of dawn today (fnar), as l had to be at James Cook hospital in the Boro for my loop recorder to be fitted. I was shattered when l got there at 8am (too many late nights and earlyish mornings), but l was taken in first, so was pleasantly surprised to be back in the ward by 9am. The operation was OK, it was only a local anaesthetic and didn't take that long, but it stung a bit at first and l was also told later "This might hurt now, so grit your teeth". Not the sort of thing l want to be hearing just before they tried to ram the recorder in (ooeer). Anyway, l was soon back to the ward and then had to sit around untill 1.30pm when they discharged me. I just sat about listening to my ipod and waiting to have my blood and temperature checked every hour (blood pressure 117/76 when l looked at the machine).

Left the hospital and went straight to the KFC at Teeside park, as I was starving by then. Not very good to tell the truth, tables dirty and the food overcooked, which was a bit of a disappointment, as l had not had a KFC for a while. Back to sunny Catterick afterwards, then it was dossing about in front of the TV and knocking back the Pinot. Not sure if l should really be drinking with my antibiotics, but what the hell (he says as his heart explodes).

I have to go back in about five weeks for a check up, and now have a recorder thing l have to carry with me everywhere (for the next time l flake out), but apart from that, life goes on, only now l will be setting of the scanners at all the airports. Excellent stuff!

toodle pip

oops - wrong hospital

What an idiot I am. I had an appointment yesterday to go and have a chat about my loop recorder which is being fitted next Friday, and have some blood tests before the operation. Foolishly, I did not look at the letter properly, so therefore turned up at the appointed time of 11.15am at the Friarage hospital in Northallerton (where they have done tests in the past), to discover I should have been at South Tees hospital in Middlesbrough (where they are going to do the operation). After some frantic phone calls and re-arrangements, I managed to get my own doctors to do the tests (full blood, SMAC and U's and E's, if I remember correctly). They are then going to get the results and fax them through to South Tees, so I can attend as planned on Friday for the op (if the blood tests are OK). That will teach me not to just to breeze on through life without paying due diligence (or maybe it won't). I had to inform South Tees that I was not bothered about the pre op talk and info, and luckily they accepted that. The worst thing about it was the fact I could have had a day off work to go to South Tees for an hours chat and tests. Damn and double Damn! I missed out on a skive there. To tell the truth, I am quite looking forward to having the loop recorder inserted (steady on, it's only in the chest), and plan to make the most of it while it is in, as it is the size of a memory stick. I can see a lot of knocking, tapping and squeezing it ahead (ooh missus!). More news after Friday!!

toodle pip

northallerton hospital and david hockney

Today l had my appointment at Northallerton Hospital for another ECG and an Echo scan thingie on my heart, which was pretty cool as l could watch it pumping away on the computer while they were doing it. Also had more blood pressure checks, all OK. After all the tests it turns out l am exactly the right height for a man (spot on - six foot), blood pressure is fine, and l have the heart of a lion, or maybe even an ox. What they do think though (l saw the consultant after all the tests) is my heart slows down and stops working, probably the top part of it. It then kicks in again (thank you lower part) and it's back to normal. this apparently will not kill me (damn!) but it has to be sorted. I have to go back to get a recorder inserted into my chest, then when l next collapse, l have another part to attach to it so it can record what has happened. It will probably then be pacemaker time (already been given the leaflet). I am now waiting for an appointment for the recorder to be put in, it's the size of a memory stick and goes at the top of my chest, my left side. I was also informed that people who die unexpectedly (say while playing football), usually flake out because their hearts go too fast. Mine is just too laid back. I was saying earlier on to the FPO that l would not be surprised if it just shut off when l am out in the pub and am finding people boring. That would explain a lot.

Also went to the David Hockney exhibition which was also in Northallerton. Not really a lot there, as most of the stuff was from 1969, work done for the Grimms Fairy Tales book. Still interesting and l have to make sure l keep on my toes and put the hours in. It's all culture and dicky hearts around these parts!

That's it for now, off to work again for another waking night (l did one last night as well), as l foolishly volunteered. Gives me a chance to doss about though, as there is no work l can be getting on with while l am there. That means reading, watching todays footie and listening to my ipod. Superb. Back home at 8am then it's a couple of hours kip, pub, footie and mayhem (if the heart lasts out).

toodle pip

heart monitor and old house

I have been to Northallerton hospital and had a heart monitor fitted for 24 hours. This was returned to the hospital this evening, and I now have to go there again on Friday for an ECG and to then see the consultant. Exciting stuff. Wore the monitor yesterday, when I went out to see Joe at the Wine Bar and got very very drunk, so it will be interesting to see if something shows up from that. Sadly I did not flake out while wearing it, so I am not sure if it will discover anything.

While I was in Northallerton, I noticed this house and plaque. I have walked past this house many times and never noticed it before, so either the plaque is recent, or I am just a half blind idiot with no awareness of his surroundings. I think it is the latter.

toodle pip