once again, ingerland are shite

What can l say? Even after expecting Ingerland to be shite in every tournament, they still surprise me and produce even worse displays than the last time. At least me and the FPO had a good day out around White Shops, watching the game in the Wine Bar, then getting drunk at JT's afterwards. We kept going to go home, but kept bumping into people we had not seen for a while (great excuse) and ended up staying out later. There's a picture above to remind me of the good old days, but l can't see it being repeated in the near future. I don't care that much about Ingerland being knocked out, as l thought that would probably happen in the next game anyway, it's just the way it is always so lifeless and shitty. If they had a good go and fucked it all up, fair enough, but this tournament (watching Ingerland) has been shit (again). Thank God I support the glorious Manchester United (who are much better to watch and l care more about). Another bad thing about the World Cups is the fact Manchester United players end up being the scapegoats. This year it's Rooney (and Evra for France). Time to welcome them back to the bosom that is Old Trafford and United.

Nearly forgot, now it's a good time to enjoy the footie without the press overdrive saying Ingerland might win (have they got no memories?). I still have £5 each on Germany and Holland, so l would like them to meet in the final.

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ingerland expects (again)

I am just about to hit JT's to watch the footie with the FPO, so l thought l would put up this old favourite.

My prediction is that the game will be close and probably go to penalties (yet again). I would not be surprised if Ingerland scrape through (again) and then get knocked out in the Quarter finals (again). It's an excuse for a good day out for all the family (although Nozzer is being left at home) day.

I have already got a £5 bet on Germany to win the World Cup (and another £5 on Holland), so l won't be that gutted if Germany win. Let's face it, lngerland are just not that good.

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fabio is not happy

This is from Spanish TV, showing Capello on the touchline (with subtitles). Just watch him boss Psycho about near the end. Priceless!

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atlantis space shuttle

We have take off! What a great photo.

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lady ga ga

MEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night. The telephone hat does actually help a little bit In recent weeks, the American singer-attention seeker's ubiquitous breasts and buttocks have been causing increasing tension among British men, many of whom are struggling to understand why they do not find them even remotely arousing. Man Tom Logan said: "They are perfectly good, female human breasts and buttocks. Normally that combo alone, even if grafted onto a toad's back, would be sufficient to heat my juice. "Plus in her new video she wanks a marmoset while dressed as a kind of fetish combine harvester, or something. "And yet... and yet, try as I might, I simply cannot muster any sexual enthusiasm for La Gaga. It's weird, it's not like I'm sophisticated enough to be deterred by her intensely irritating personality or the fact that she has the aspect of a young Pauline Fowler." Teacher Norman Steele said: "I'm a bit of a pervert and also a keen amateur oceanologist, so Gaga – a dirty girl who frequently dresses like a crustacean – should be right up my staircase. "Yet somehow I can't even crack a semi over her, it's most perplexing. Am I on the turn?" From the Daily Mash - so true. toodle pip

harrogate

While I was working today, I took someone to Harrogate so they could get a load of money out of their bank (just setting up a new one for them at the moment). I had forgotten what a nice looking place it is, loads of great buildings and lots of green spaces surrounding it. Very impressive I must say. I used to go there (now and again) for a training course, but that was nearly 20 years ago now. I still got a bit lost in the centre while walking around, but was surprised how much of it I had remembered. Perhaps there's life in the old memory banks after all.

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we're ingerland!

So it's a good result and we have scrapped through to the next round. If all goes well we may be playing Germany and then (if we progress) it may well be Argentina. This is when Ingerland gets knocked out as usual, Rooney gets loads of flak (until he comes back to the Manchester United family), and everyone remembers we are not good enough (until the next tournament).

In other World Cup news, the referees have made some shockingly bad decisions, the players have been diving and squirming around on the ground like they will never walk again, and it was good to hear the crowd again during the England game, as it gave it more atmosphere.

Oh, and the French have been insane!

One last thing. I usually do not listen to the commentators, but did l miss something or what? Was l the only person thinking Defoe's goal was a lucky deflection off his shin, and he then went on to miss a sitter? He is definitely not a World class player (although at least Heskey was dropped). Also...the balls crossed in were not that much different to Aaron Lennon's crosses. Hardly any reached a player, but on the BBC it was all "that is fantastic, the ball is arriving just where you want it as a striker, in the middle of the six yard box", but when Lennon was running to the byline and then pulling the ball back to the same spot, he was not hitting a man and he was shit. I argued at the time that the forwards should have been attacking that space, but did anyone listen? Did they Hell.

Pah!

I know so much more about football than anyone else.

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england expects (not a lot)

Who thought this group would be easy? Not with Ingerland stumbling through it like a zombie with deep see diver boots on. Looking at the game later on (the latest decider, they have to win), l predict a close game with Ingerland scraping through 1-0 or 2-1. l am not holding my breath though. There is also a chance Rooney will be sent off, then it will be 'blame the Manchester United player' (again). Bloody internationals, when does the proper season start? (l already know - when Manchester United play Newcastle United on the first day of the season). Can't wait.

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garage driveway and night sky

I was slaving away in the garden last night, cutting the bloody grass, but also trying to sort out the front of the garage, which was getting a little bit overgrown (to say the least), with what are apparently) small trees growing through the cracks in the concrete. Anyway, after hours of continues hard work (ooh me dodgy ticker) it is now looking a lot better. Not sure whether to get weed killer for the rest of the growths, or to risk setting fire to them (and then watch the whole estate burst into flames). Time will tell, but they will probably be 10 foot high by the time l make my mind up and decide to tackle them again (l fancy the petrol, but the FPO is against it).

Also, the sky was pretty red last night. The bottom picture was as l was coming inside for the night, after Tubbs had been fed and watered. I always though it was meant to be 'Red sky at night, farmers delight'. The middle picture was taken just before going to bed, when the sun was coming up again, and it looked even better. Surely there's a contradiction though, as it's 'Red sky in the morning, farmers warning'. The weather had not changed at all during those intervening few hours so something is afoot. l blame God (or those bloody farmers).

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stones and bolan mashups

Two excellent Rolling Stones mashups. One of them has them with Marc Bolan. l think it has made me wet myself, as the inside of my thigh has gone damp. Bliss bliss bliss. No wonder l have a dodgy ticker.

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l love japan (part 386)

These are actually from China, but it's close enough for me and means l can use the 'l love japan' headline. Anyway, they will soon be doing the same in Japan.

What it is, is paint for animals. There has been a craze in China and people have been painting their pets with this paint (which does not harm the animals) to look like other (more exotic) animals. Brilliant stuff. l am off to find Nozzer and do him up.

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kris needs

I got this book from Ebay last week and it was so annoying. Kris Needs has had the sort of life l should have had. l know l have done well for a working class scumbag, experienced a lot of stuff, travelled a lot and had a really good time a lot of the time, but he has done the same on a completely different level.

When he was younger he saw Hendrix and other 1960's bands. He then got involved with Mott the Hoople and became their fan club manager, which got him access to David Bowie. Then it was touring with Primal Scream and The Clash and working for the music press. He missed aeroplanes on a regular basis, lived in New York and got a serious drug problem (l could have done that bit). To cap it all, he ended up as a re-mixer and DJ, working the big clubs and Ibiza. Oh, l nearly forgot, he was also mates with John Otway and used to play with him a lot. Damn and double damn! l blame my parents.

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sex talk graph

Stay on the left, not the right.

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the beatles do led zeppelin

Genius! This is an Australian Beatles tribute band from the 19990's (so l have been told). What a great idea, a bit like Dread Zeppelin.

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notting hill posters

There has been work done at Notting hill tube station and the workmen have unearthed this passageway which has been closed since the 1950's. hence the 1950's posters that are still on the walls. Makes me want to go and see 'Too Many Crooks' now.

hippie

Apart from the beard, l think l am up to step 5

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ingerland at jts

Went to the pub (J.T's) last night with Dazzer to watch the footie (England 0-0 against Algeria). What a waste of time that was. I never expect a lot from England as we are pretty shit at the best of times and every competition ends up with disappointment at the end, but this was pretty

dire. At least there was plenty of beer and a bit of a laugh with people dressed up. Here's Mick before the game, foolishly looking happy and confident. That soon changed.

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germany, the usa and maccas birthday

Damn! l have been watching the footie today, but foolishly went to Tesco's with the USA score at 2-1 after they were 2-0 down at half time. l froze the Sky box to watch the rest of the game when l returned home, but as l was getting out of the car with the shopping (beer), l foolishly spoke to Mark, my next door neighbour, asking if he was looking forward to the England game. The confirmed he was, but also said " see the USA drew 2-2". Damn! l will never speak to him about football again.

On another note, why the fuck are Linaker and his crew out in South Africa just so they can report from a studio with a nice background? Waste of my taxpayers money l say, they could have stayed in England and done the same job.

Last note. l know it is Paul McCartney's birthday today, but the German manager didn't have to dress like one of the Beatles in tribute.

Have to go... "guests" have arrived.

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fans watching the world cup

These are pictures of fans watching big screen matches live during the current World Cup. One screening is in Germany, one in South Korea, and one in good old Manchester. Guess which is which.

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finished for the weekend - hit the hammock

Hurrah! l have finished work today and have no more until 2pm on Tuesday, although l may go in on Sunday evening for a couple of hours or so to help out.

Finished at 2pm today and then cycled home in the blazing sunshine. When the weather is hot and sunny and you are on your way home, it certainly lifts your spirits, and makes my tiny little legs pump that little bit harder (like my arse). Sat on the hammock listening to my ipod and reading, then had a meal outside in the garden, with the rabbits running around when the FPO arrived home. Dragged myself off for a bath afterwards, and have just finished watching the recordings of the Argentina win and France defeat. Also watched Eddie Izzard live from San Francisco, which l thought was Ok and had some good moments, but the FPO disagreed. Then again, what does she know? After all, l'm the comedy genius around these parts.

Hope it's sunny again tomorrow, we have visitors (damn!!!!) and the footie is on ("Come on Ingerlaand!") Another disaster probably awaits.

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holland fans and robbie earl

A load of blonde Holland fans were kicked out of the Denmark game because they were all wearing short orange skirts and the organisers thought they were doing some 'ambush advertising' for a beer company (which they probably were). At the last World Cup they (the beer company) gave out orange trousers, which the Dutch fans had to remove before entering the stadium.

What has this got to do with Robbie Earl? It turns out a load of the tickets were from his allocation (35 - 40 tickets for friends and family). He has been sacked by ITV with immediate effect, but what l want to know is why the hell he had so many tickets. I assume all the commentators or analysts must get the same, and will no doubt all be flogging a load on for a bit (a lot) of extra cash. No wonder the fans have to go onto the black market to get tickets.

l also don't think half of the people have to go to South Africa in person to report on it, but it's another freebie and jolly old piss up for the old boys network. Bastards!

l would however, jump at the chance.

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howlin wolf - the 'tributes'

Here's two of his songs that were ripped off/paid homage to. You don't have to listen too hard to hear 'Jeepster' by T.Rex, or 'Loaded' by Primal Scream. Luckily l love both of those records as well, and hearing stuff like them and understanding where the influences came from introduces you to more music (if you can be bothered to be interested enough to delve a bit deeper). Great music is still great music, no matter how long ago it was recorded.

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the howlin wolf story

He would have been 100 last week. What a great singer he was, plus he could shake those hips and find the time to write some pretty good songs that have been copied and ripped off ever since (Bolan, l am thinking of you!).

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the perfect woman?

The answer is yes - this is the perfect woman

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james corden and patrick stewart

Ooh - hissy fit alert!

It's a pity there aren't more of these sort of things at award ceremonies, it makes them a lot more interesting.

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elsies funeral

Had to drag myself out of bed today after being sick during the night, as although l was not fit enough for work, l didn't want to miss Elsie's funeral. Luckily the FPO was going and I got a lift there and then back again afterwards when l had had enough. Felt sick as a dog all the way through it but it was a good service.
Spent the rest of the day in bed or lying down on the settee, reading, sleeping and doing nothing. Not a bad day after all then.

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england, rob green and the cross keys

Another embarrassing night for England with a 1-1 draw and a blunder from Rob Green. No great change there then. Watched the game at Kerry and Robbo's, stayed overnight and then went to the Cross Keys for lunch the next day (to complete our anylising of the game). They have a new menu now and have had a refurbishment inside, so it made a bit of a visual change, although I still had my normal pate on toast (now chicken and honey), plus they did me some mushroom soup as the soup they were serving had coriander in it (I have told them I am allergic to it). Called in for a traditional last drink in JT's on the way home and got back in about 4.30pm. Had a lazy evening in reading and watching TV (and arguing with the TV during Question Time). Nice.

I was going to put up a picture of Rob Green fluffing the shot, but when I googled for the Rob Green image, I found this picture of another Rob Green. It's so good l decided to put it up instead.

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the world cup starts here

Footballs coming home! No it won't be, but at least it's something to watch over the summer. To get in the mood I've dug out the 1990 stickers. We had a lot better team then. I still reckon we will get knocked out before the semi finals. As for the USA game, l am hoping for a 2-1 win, but it will be a lot tougher than anyone seems to be thinking. Here's hoping for the best (but not expecting it).

I still reckon Spain should win it, but I have put £5 each on Holland and Germany as outside bets. Germany as they are usually there or thereabouts, and Holland are a good outside bet as they have a really good team and are actually getting on with each other this time.

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northallerton hospital and david hockney

Today l had my appointment at Northallerton Hospital for another ECG and an Echo scan thingie on my heart, which was pretty cool as l could watch it pumping away on the computer while they were doing it. Also had more blood pressure checks, all OK. After all the tests it turns out l am exactly the right height for a man (spot on - six foot), blood pressure is fine, and l have the heart of a lion, or maybe even an ox. What they do think though (l saw the consultant after all the tests) is my heart slows down and stops working, probably the top part of it. It then kicks in again (thank you lower part) and it's back to normal. this apparently will not kill me (damn!) but it has to be sorted. I have to go back to get a recorder inserted into my chest, then when l next collapse, l have another part to attach to it so it can record what has happened. It will probably then be pacemaker time (already been given the leaflet). I am now waiting for an appointment for the recorder to be put in, it's the size of a memory stick and goes at the top of my chest, my left side. I was also informed that people who die unexpectedly (say while playing football), usually flake out because their hearts go too fast. Mine is just too laid back. I was saying earlier on to the FPO that l would not be surprised if it just shut off when l am out in the pub and am finding people boring. That would explain a lot.

Also went to the David Hockney exhibition which was also in Northallerton. Not really a lot there, as most of the stuff was from 1969, work done for the Grimms Fairy Tales book. Still interesting and l have to make sure l keep on my toes and put the hours in. It's all culture and dicky hearts around these parts!

That's it for now, off to work again for another waking night (l did one last night as well), as l foolishly volunteered. Gives me a chance to doss about though, as there is no work l can be getting on with while l am there. That means reading, watching todays footie and listening to my ipod. Superb. Back home at 8am then it's a couple of hours kip, pub, footie and mayhem (if the heart lasts out).

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rhodes postcards

I have finally finished unpacking my case after the trip to Rhodes, hence these two postcards from the trip. Looking out of the window at the pissing rain today, l wish l was back there now.

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the boy in the striped pajamas, how vietnam was lost and the world cup 2002

I had to drag myself out of bed this morning as I got picked up at 8.45am to go to a discharge meeting at Harrogate hospital, but it has been quite a pleasant day since then. The weather is still crap, and it has been pissing down all week, which means I can't go out and cut the grass yet. The downside of this is the grass is getting longer and I will have to cut it at some stage. The good side of this is I was back at home about 1pm and had nothing much to do (nothing l couldn't put off anyway). This resulted in me lazing around as usual, watching films and reading. Back to work tomorrow, and the person who is being discharged will be coming to spend his first night there, so I am staying overnight to try to help him settle. Also volunteered to come back in at 9pm on Friday night and stay the night again. I must have lost my marbles.Anyway, back to the lazing around....

The documentary of the 2002 World Cup was the official FIFA film, so it was a bit bland, but did show some good footage that l had not seen before. It's the year England were knocked out by Brazil, with David Seaman waving at the ball as a free kick goes sailing past him. Brazil went on to beat Germany in the final 2-0, and suddenly Sven was not considered much of a manager.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (based on the John Boyne book) was alright, although l didn't believe the little Jewish boy could spend so long sitting by the fence and chatting when he was meant to be working (he had a wheelbarrow with him most of the time). Hardly any guards about either. Very suspicious. I did enjoy David Thewlis' performance, and Asa Butterfield (as Bruno, the eight year old German) was pretty good as well. Still not keen on people talking in their usual posh English accents when playing Germans though. I don't expect them to speak like a comedy baddie, but at least David Thewlis made an effort and didn't sound out of place.

How Vietnam was lost was a Storyville documentary based on the book by David Maraniss (They marched into sunlight), relating the tales of student unrest at Wisconsin which led to them being beaten by the 'pigs' and the US troops who were ambushed by the Viet Cong, both in October 1967. It was pretty moving and told both sides of the stories, and how they changed peoples perception of the war, especially how events were reported.

Also found out about the large amount of plastic that is floating around in the Pacific Trash Vortex (it was mentioned on QI). I have since looked it up and it is pretty grim. Thankfully I won't be around to watch the planet completely go to the dogs. One of the benefits of being old (there aren't that many!).

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moon river with spider fingers

Look at the size of Audrey Hepburns fingers!! They would spook me out (and make my cock look small/smaller)

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space shuttle atlantis

This is the space shuttle Atlantis coming up to the space docking station with the Sun in the background. Cosmic.

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