mothers day and richard herring - christ on a bike - the second coming

Eventually got to Stockton yesterday for Mother's Day at the in laws. Had to wait ages for the FPO to get ready (even though she had been in all morning while l was at work), then had to go to Tesco's for flowers and booze. We had curry on the go all day (not for the first or last time), which was pretty good to pick at while drinking bottles of booze with the father in law (the one who does not want tales of ice pops being repeated). The FPO was trying to interest me in her sisters bambino, but once the crying started (from the baby, not me), l got out of it.

Left about 6.45pm to head to Darlington, then straight into Inside Out Comedy Club, at what used to be known as Perrys. Had two spare tickets which the club took to resell, then time for a quick ale and into the club itself. It was the first time l had been in there since it became a comedy club, and it was a pretty good venue for seeing a comic, as it only had about 100 or so people in, and everyone is reasonably close to the stage. Worked out that it is a pretty good living playing to that kind of audience, as you are still taking about £1,000 a night, plus whatever merchandise you can sell afterwards. Obviously there are overheads, and the club/promoter etc will get some dosh, but it's still better money than most bands get.

Anyhows, Richard Herring was really good. Not a laugh out loud all the way through kind of comedy show, but amusing and interesting. It was about an hour and a half altogether (there was a short interval for more ale) and really well written. He also did a good bit when he reeled off the first page of the New Testament (who begat who), which he said took him four days to learn.

I did have a quick heckle when he asked near the end if anyone thought he was Christ, where l shouted "You're not the Messiah, just a silly boy", which of course is from Monty Python's Life of Brian, but slightly incorrect, as they say "naughty boy", not "silly". This of course was picked up by Richard Herring, and he put me down for not shouting the proper quote. When speaking to him afterwards, l started to fox him by saying l did not know there was a quote and what film was he on about, but the God fearing FPO could not keep quiet, so told him l did know. Foiled again!

At least he signed my programme 'To Jamie, the real Messiah!', so it turned out alright in the end (although he probably thinks l'm a fucking idiot). Another uneventful night ticked off.

toodle pip

mothers day

Hard day at work this morning after a long night last night. Even the FPO stayed up late, which she has done for two nights running. I think she must be ill. Trying to hint for her to bugger off and go on the computer or go to bed, as l wanted to watch Match Of The Day (to re-watch the Manchester United 4-2 comeback against West Ham), and l had work to go to in the morning. As it was, l ended up staying up later myself, as l watched it after she had gone to bed. At present, l am waiting for her to get her arse in gear and get herself ready, as we are heading to the in laws for mothers day, then off to see Richard Herring in Darlington. It's all go round these parts.

toodle pip

the sensational alex harvey band - framed

What a front man Alex was. Magic stuff.

toodle pip

Drink! Feck! And the CEO!!!!

My idiotic FPO has a blog and was writing a draft for it, but foolishly put this amongst my stuff, so l am uploading it to show how mad she is. That'll teach her to be more careful in the future!

I am only writing because I have not updated for so long - this is down to my tendency to procrastinate (think I have already mentioned that) and in contradiction; too much Goddamn work (work - work) and work (college - work) means that I would much rather spend any spare time watching, oh so much insipid mind-destroying crap on the goggle box. I know Americas Next Top Model is shite, I know Four Weddings in absolute Poo, yes, I know Katie is bollocks, and of course I know Master Chef (cooking doesn't get tougher than this!!) is just SO ......................... well, undignified.........!

toodle pip

what a cool workspace

This was on a blog l was visiting the other night. What a cool place to work in. I l think l will have to get the old decorating skills re-activated and revamp the crappy old place l am currently sitting in (at silly o'clock because l went to bed early and now l can't sleep). Bring on the black paint (although l don't see the need for two computer monitors/screens)

toodle pip

doodle bug comic

Some reviews from The Record Mirror, back from when God where a lad.

toodle pip

royston robertson - penguin vs polar bear

I used to help out with DoodleBug comic many moons ago, and Royston Robertson was the main cartoonist involved with it. Oh what fun we had, traipsing around Newcastle with boxes of comics, facing up to the North Eastern wind and rain. Since then, as l have stewed in my own piss and vinegar, he has gone on to be a successful cartoonist with a book out. Am l bitter? YYYEEESSSSS!!!!!!, but it is still good to see someone from Catterick doing well and following their muse. His book can be purchased by clicking onto my Amazon link, or at the Online Shop. A bargain at £5.99 plus £1 postage (and no, l am not receiving any royalties from it).

toodle pip

sony photography awards for amateurs 2011

By James Chong

Buffalo Race by Chan Kwok Hung

Ration by Andiyan Lutfi

Three of the 10 winners from the open category for amateurs of the Sony Photography 2011 awards. Pretty damn good. Just wait till l get my new mobile phone though, l'll give them a run for their money.

toodle pip

old christmas card

Also amongst the crap today - an old Christmas card l made - here's the inside of it. Don't think my cartooning skills have improved since then (I think this is from about 1991).

toodle pip

coronation programme 1937

This is from 1937, it's aprox 74 years old and it has survived a World War. I found it amongst my crap today and thought l'd flog it. A quick look on Ebay later, and l have decided l might as well keep the bloody thing, as copies are on sale for about a fiver or so. What the Hell is going on? Things like this should have been my pension fund. The world is going to pot and l don't understand it any more.

Maybe my old Royal family postcards will be my saving grace......

toodle pip

oxford united - it was 27 years ago

Whilst l was sorting out some crap today l found these little beauties, two pennants from about 1973 that l had stashed away. I have always supported Manchester United (it's a long story), but when l used to live at RAF Benson, about 10 miles from Oxford, l used to go and watch all their home games. The bottom two programmes are on sale on Ebay at the moment from the 1973/74 season, one of them being Bristol City on 20th April 1974, so it was just over 27 years ago l was at that. Christ on a bike, what an old bastard l am. Luckily l already have those programmes in my extensive collection. Obviously, because l am a sad hoarding git, l bought all of the programmes at the time, and have not thrown any away. Hurrah!

Notice on the Manchester United pennant, how few honours are on it. Liverpool (where l hailed from) were doing a lot better at the time, and continued to do so throughout the 1970's and 1980's. It's certainly changed since then though, even with King Kenny at the helm. Hurrah again!!

toodle pip

quirkology trick

I think my drugs have kicked in - l'm confused

toodle pip

arkham asylum - a serious house on serious earth - grant morrison

After finishing The Invisibles yesterday, l thought l would re-read Arkham Asylum again, as it has been a while (It originally came out in 1989). Impressive storytelling and impressionistic artwork by Dave McKean, once again, far removed from most peoples ideas of 'comics'. Batman goes into the Asylum (as the inmates have taken it over) and confronts his own past and madness. Grant Morrison said

"the story is woven tightly around a small number of symbolic elements, which combine and recombine throughout, as if in a dream: the Moon, the Shadow, the Mirror, the Tower, and the Mother's Son. The construction of the story was influenced by the architecture of a house — the past and the tale of Amadeus Arkham forms the basement levels. Secret passages connect ideas and segments of the book. There are upper stories of unfolding symbol and metaphor. We were also referencing sacred geometry, and the plan of the Arkham House was based on the Glastonbury Abbey and Chartres Cathedral. The journey through the book is like moving through the floors of the house itself. The house and the head are one."

Heavy going man

toodle pip

the human centipede - first sequence (2010)

What a load of crap this was (and not just for the people at the back). It's a Tom Six film which is meant to represent a reflection on fascism blah blah blah, but it is just an exploitative horror film that aims to shock, with a mad scientist stitching three people together (obviously against their will). He keeps the women topless, so it's not all bad, but it's certainly not very good. I am friends with a certain person who may get some kicks from it, but he is a very sad and disturbed man (and he knows it). I don't think l will bother watching any follow ups.

toodle pip

shutter island - martin scorsese (2010)

It's great being off work. Watched this earlier and enjoyed it, but l was expecting more from Scorsese, as l had heard and read good things beforehand, so the experience turned out to be a slight disappointment, although l did think it was good, and was glad l had seen it. Marshal Edward (Teddy) Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his new partner go to Ashecliffe Hospital for the criminally insane on Shutter Island to look for a patient who has gone missing, but there are obviously twists and turns along the investigation........

toodle pip

nevada smith (1966)

This was OK, although it could have done with being a bit shorter. Nevada Smith (Steve McQueen) parents are murdered, then he goes looking for revenge on the three men that did it. McQueen plays a youngish lad in the film, who does not know how to use a gun properly, has never been in a saloon, and is useless at trailing and looking after himself (until he gets some help). This, despite the fact McQueen was in his 30's when filming it,and looks it.

toodle pip

the invisibles by grant morrison

Anyone who thinks comics are for kids should try reading these. It is a tale of time travel, space and old gods, not told in a particularly linear fashion. Hard going, and l should know, l have just read issues 1-8. It's very clever, and l like Grant Morrison,'s attitude (he suggested a wankathon to boost sales for this), but l prefer easier to read comics like good old spidey (or maybe l am just a bit thick).

toodle pip

richard wiseman paranormality

I finished this book yesterday, and it was pretty interesting, although most of the stuff in it l already knew (just not the specific tests). There were some good tricks and illusions to try out, and the above is a good example of how you can be fooled. Make sure you watch it all the way through.

toodle pip

micmacs - jean-pierre jeunet (2009)

Another great French film (by Jean-Pierre Jeunet) with subtitles. This was hilarious in places and really quirky (those crazy French!). Bazil (Dany Boon) gets a bullet in his head, gets befriended by street people, and sets two arms manufacturers against each other, while falling in love with Elastic girl (Julie Ferrier). Brilliant. I really love Jeunet's earlier films such as Delicatessen (1991) and The City of Lost Children (1995), and although it was completely different, Amélie (2001), was also pretty good. It's a shame he is not doing Life of Pi , as l enjoyed the book and would have liked to have seen what Jeunet would have done with that, but hey ho.

toodle pip

the killing has finished

This has finally finished and it was without doubt one of the best things l have ever seen on TV. Sarah Lund may have been tunnel visioned and put herself in danger all the time, but she eventually got the job done.

Not so sure about the ending as it left me with some unanswered questions. I assume the necklace must have been ripped from round Vagn's neck during the struggle, so l will let that one go. However, how did he get on and off the boat at the end to kill the taxi driver when it was surrounded by police? Who deleted the phone records at the start, as the old chief of police said he didn't do it. Vagn seemed to be left handed, but Meyer was shot by someone holding the gun in their right hand. Why was the taxi driver so scared and wanting to go to Vietnam, why didn't he go to the police at the beginning? All he did (l think) was phone Vagn after dropping off Nanna.

Anyway, it was still excellent, and l now can't wait for series two to start in the Autumn. It has also been redone in the USA, but l am a bit unsure about seeing their version, as l am pretty sure they will spoil it in some way, to make it more palatable for a US audience. I'm sure l'll find out soon, as it is bound to be shown on British TV pretty damn sharpish.

toodle pip

the k west sign on the ziggy stardust album

I am a man who some people may say is an idiot who collects a lot of crap. Admittedly, l do horde stuff, and l also nick menus from restaurants and suchlike. When l went to see The Rolling Stones a few years ago, l climbed up the scaffolding (it was an outdoor gig at Newcastle United's ground, St James' Park), and, with a knife l borrowed from a Hells Angel, cut down a large advertising banner, which l later sold at Sothebeys auction house.

The above sign does not belong to me, but l wish l had nicked it. It is from the Ziggy Stardust cover and was nicked by someone in the 1980's (l am not giving any names). It is white, but tinted in the cover photo to look yellow. The bottom picture is of the Pulp guitarist Mark Webber, when he was 13, paying homage at the scene.

What a great and iconic memento to have. Wish l had thought about liberating it when l was down in London years ago, although most sane people would inquire why the hell l would want it in the first place. History my dears, history.

toodle pip

ironic mug shots part 7

led zeppelin at southampton university 1973

What a show this is. l have been listening to it tonight whilst pottering about, and it is superb, with great sound quality. Get it now! You don't have to look too far on the old web (l got it on a megaupload download from guitars 101).

toodle pip

hawaii from the air

Nice - from NASA

toodle pip

ironic mug shots part 4

the joy of charity shops

I finished work at 8pm this evening and have the place to myself as the FPO is having a girls night out in Richmond, so it's all blissful until l have to go and pick her up at midnight (when she turns into a pumpkin).

I have been dossing around reading some music magazines that l bought a week or so ago from a charity shop. What a result it was. There was a large cardboard box full of old music mags (Mojo, Classic Rock etc), and all of them at the rather splendid price of 10 pence a copy. Naturally l bought 30 of them straight off, then went back to the shop today to buy some more, but they had all been sold (Damn!).

I suppose it is for my own good really, or more importantly, the poor old floorboards in the spare room, as there are comics, books, records, CDs, DVDs and junk all over the place. The top photos are the top and bottom of my wardrobe. Not a lot of room remaining in there, so l should be cutting down on junk, not increasing it and accumulating more.

Then again, l still bought a couple more books today and have just got another one from Amazon. The madness. It never stops.

toodle pip

ironic mug shots part 1

this looks wrong part 35

Not sure what to say to this one - don't know if the lad is in pain or reaching a sexual climax.

toodle pip

this looks wrong part 34

Go on my Dear....drink some more Absinthe....nothing is going to happen to you.......l'll protect you......you can trust me...........l'm a gentleman..........etc etc

I don't trust that twinkle in his monocle

toodle pip

toodle pip

chuck berry baby doll

What an entertainer he was. Not his best song but there's some great footwork

toodle pip

elizabeth taylor

I have just seen on the news that Dame Elizabeth Taylor has died today aged 79. When l were a lad, she was always in the news, either because of her marriages (especially to Richard Burton), old films, or later lunacy and Aids benefits.

She was the first female movie star to be paid one million dollars for a film, but the main thing l remember about her salery, was that she was paid less than the dog in 'Lassie Come Home'.

toodle pip