dodgy richmond live

Dodgy closing the show

Forgot to post the other day that Richmond Live was at the weekend so the FPO and l went down there on Saturday evening, leaving it later than usual because it was raining during the afternoon, and being an old bastard, l didn't want to get soaked and muddy.

I was already a bit tidly when l got there, so when there were volunteers asked for to do some poetry, l was straight up there. l had decided what l was going to say, but when l got to the mike, l foolishly made something up on the spot, which contained swearing. Didn't get a great response from Rapping Ritchie (who gave me the mike), as there were children present. Never mind, punk rock and all that. I also nearly got in a fight with a young lad who was bugging a hippie couple, as l told him to fuck off and leave them alone. His response was "l am only 16, would you hit a kid", to which l replied "Yes l would, l would punch you right in your face". His mates dragged him away when l advised them to do so before he got hurt (luckily for me as l am a soft bastard). He will probably come looking for me when he is in his 20's, so if l get assassinated, it's probably him.

The usual bands were on again (Atlantic Soul Messengers, Jism, The Exploding Buddahs), and the main band were Dodgy, who we didn't think a lot of, so we decided to bugger off early to get a taxi to JT's. can't remember what time we left there, but it was a bugger getting out of bed on Sunday morning, as l went to work.

It was the worst one music wise l have been to (and l have been to them all). They could definitely do with some fresh faces.

toodle pip

day care for men

A great idea for when the FPO wants to go out shopping (or whatever it is that they do).

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upside down picture

It looks good and it makes you think, which can't be a bad thing.

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loneliness of the long distance runner - girl with the green eyes - lolita

I didn't go to bed until about 4.30am last night, and surprisingly, l was awake again at about 9.30am this morning (even after the FPO had woken me up earlier in the morning), so l read the Sunday paper to catch up on news and got up and watched some films (it's a hard life).

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner is from 1962 and stars Tom Courteney as Colin Smith, the anti hero. He gets arrested and put into a borstal, where they discover he is the best long distance runner, so the governor starts to trust him and give him more freedom, in the hope he will win the challenge race against the public school boys. Ultimately, Colin hates the establishment, and although everyone thinks that he has become the governor's pet, he throws the race right at the end, sacrificing glory and a possible early release, to demonstrate that it is all meaningless and he rejects society's values. It is an excellent film (based on the also excellent 1959 book by Alan Sillitoe). Although it is pretty dated, (with a young James Bolam and a supposedly Liverpudlian John Thaw), it is up there as one of my favourite films.

The Girl With The Green Eyes (1964) stars Rita Tushingham as Kate Brady, an innocent farm girl who moves to Dublin and shares a place with her best friend Baba Brennan, who both fall for a middle aged married writer, but he ends up falling for Kate. Also very dated but not too good, didn't manage to watch it till the end, as l got bored after about an hour. I was curious about the film as it is by Edna O'Brien, and l am reading her 'A Pagan Place' (amongst other things) at the moment. Mind you, l may give up on that as well, as it's not exactly gripping.

Talking of gripping (what a link!), that's what Jeremy Irons (as Humbert Humbert) was doing to his stepdaughter in the 1997 remake of Vladimir Nobokov's Lolita. I have read the book and seen the earlier (1962) film by Stanley Kubrick (starring James Mason), but l still managed to forget some of the plot. When Humbert is driving away at the start with a gun and blood on him, l assumed he had killed the stepdaughters husband, but it was his doppelgänger Clare Quilty. My memory is rubbish. I also forgot the reason Humbert gives for falling in love with a child (his childhood sweetheart dies young, and he had been looking for a replacement ever since). I do however, remember the book being darker, and Humbert being a lot crueller. Also in the book, Lolita is 12, but seems to be slightly older in this film. There was a lot of controversy before this film was released, and l do think it romanticises the relationship too much, but they both die at the end, so the moralists should have been kept happy and cut down on their complaining. I still prefer the James Mason version (also starring Peter Sellers!), and may even get round to reading the book again one of these days.

Right, off for a coffee.

toodle pip

another stupid tattoo

Why oh why was this done? Crappy and scary at the same time, but l suppose it will annoy her parents, so there's something worthwhile about it.

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national geographic animal pictures

Common Carp

Cownose Ray

Longnose Skate

Better than the pictures l take of our stinking animals

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assessor training finished

I have been in Darlington today for some assessor training at Morton Park. Heather gave me a lift in, but l then had to hang around afterwards as she needed to go back to the Darlington office to finish something off on their computer. Damn! l never thought that one through. Still, l was back by 5.30pm and am now off. l have sent some emails for work this evening, and have to make a couple of phone calls tomorrow (today in fact, as it is already Wednesday), then my work phone will be switched off till Friday evening, and my feet will be up on the settee.

As l am off, l am immediately back to staying up late, reading and listening to stuff. My, it's good. About time that bloody lottery paid up so l can retire.

toodle pip

nathan barley - bunch of lemons

This is obviously based on Banksie's work, but it is still excellent. It was put up to advertise the Nathan Barley series a year or so ago (l think it was broadcast then, but l can't be bothered looking it up). Clever idea.

Look out for rabbits pretty soon, that's what l say.

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nearly off for the week

Finished work today, and that's about it for the week. I have got training tomorrow, then I am off until 9pm on Friday night. Marvellous stuff, and l am going to make the most of it by doing bugger all (no change there then). All I need now is some sunny weather to go with the time off.

toodle pip

football is back!

At long last, the season has nearly started again. It may have been a World Cup year, but as usual, England were crap and it is nothing like as exciting as watching the glorious United. I watched the 3-1 win over Chelsea at work today, as l was by myself from 2pm till 6pm, so that worked out pretty damn good. All hail little Scholes, man of the match with a brilliant passing display. It's a shame he can't play forever.

Newcastle next week - bring it on!

toodle pip

reykjavik mayor jon gnarr

This is the sort of politician we should have in the UK. The mayor of Reykjavik, Jon Gnarr opened up their Gay Pride festival dressed as his buxom alter ego, and then slagged off the mayor (himself) for not attending.

When Jon Gnarr came to power, he did so by promising free towels in swimming pools and a Polar bear in the zoo (he is a comedian). He also wants a Disneyland at the airport and "A drug free parliament" by 2020.

The prime minister of Iceland, Johanna Stigurdardottir, is also openly gay. How come we get lumbered with the likes of Boris Johnson, Nick Cegg and David Cameron? (Tory bastards)

I would go and live over there if it wasn't for the freezing conditions and the price of alcohol.

The UK has a lot of catching up to do.

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dodgy tattoo

What the fuck was this simpleton of a girl thinking of when she had this tattoo done? Babies l guess, but this is just ridiculous. Women eh?

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yogi bear in 3d

Now it can't just be me. This poster is well dodgy (as we say on the streets).

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the troggs tapes

The Troggs Tapes from towersopenfire on Vimeo.

This is classic stuff. Takes me back to when l used to be in Lilac Mist

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bloody rats

We still have rats annoying little (or not so little) Tubbs outside. I have seen two large ones and a couple of baby ones, which all come out looking for food after Tubbs gets his grub and is then locked away for the night. Sods. I think it's time for me to build an elaborate trap for them. Watch this space for further developments.

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bring on the work!

Another epic shift has just finished at 9pm tonight, and l am going back into work tomorrow at 8am and struggling on until until 9pm again. Have managed to sort out a lot while l have been in, and sent away for everyone's references, whether they like it or not. Also done some meet and greets, so now it's just the matter of getting the CRB checks done. By that time, l will be in Turkey, so it will be someone else's problem starting everyone.

The bad thing about today was that l had just organised some Fire training and a team meeting, then l received an email saying l had to go on a training course. No problem there, apart from the fact the course falls on the same day as the other stuff, so l will have to re-arrange them.

At least l have (l think) cracked all the wages and associated forms. Guess everyone will find out at the end of the month when they don't get paid. As long as mine are there, that's all that matters to me.

As usual, l should really have an early night to prepare for tomorrow, especially as l have been awake since about 5am, as l woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so l listened to my ipod instead. Fat chance of that happening though. I have just had a bath (hurrah!) and have to wait for my hair to dry, so that will take some time (obviously l do not use a hair dryer). I am going for the unbrushed look tomorrow, not that anyone will notice any difference, as l am a scruffy bugger at the best of times.

Right, that's it, l'm off onto t'internet to look at stupid stuff.

toodle pip

optical illusions

Once again, very clever indeed

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relaxing before the big push

I am off work till 3pm today, and they have just phoned to say they will pick me up and bring me in (they must be desperate). I am however, probably going to be working long shifts on Thursday and Friday, I reckon between 8am and 9pm. At this rate I will be rolling in money at the end of September. I did send off for peoples references yesterday though, as we have recruited some more staff, and I want to get the process moving along as quickly as possible, so they can get started ASAP. Sadly, we also have to wait for their CRB checks to come through before they can start, and then they will have to do an induction. At least there is some light at the end of the tunnel, and everyone should be back from their holidays soon (apart from me!). Also going to sort out a work holiday (Turkey or Spain?) this week, so that will get me away again in September. Hurrah! Not long to go now.....

toodle pip

more illusion art

I like the second one of these the best - didn't see the skull at first, but once you do, it's obvious.

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illusion art

I like this sort of stuff a lot, ever since getting into Salvador Dali's stuff when l was younger. Very clever indeed

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richmond and pub

I had to go into Richmond this morning (on my day off!) for a meet and greet with someone who is thinking about moving into a home in Richmond. Went back to the Richmond office afterwards, but then managed to escape and go for a quick pint in the Unicorn, where l relaxed and listened to my ipod, as it was pretty empty (and l am a miserable unsociable bastard). Left Richmond at about 2.45pm and got a taxi to the Wine Bar, where l met up with Joe (plus Dave the health and safety man, Ritchie, Pat etc) for the usual crap. The FPO was meant to be picking up the car from the garage, but it turns out it needs extra work doing to it, as she had put oil in the steering fluid, so it's messed up the engine (or brakes or whatever). The brake pads need changing anyway, so we are careless at the moment. She came to meet me in the Wine Bar, so we had a quick one there (ooer), went to JT's for a quick one (ooer again), and then home. It's not too bad for me having no car, as l can cycle to work, but we definitely need one for her. Bloody things.

toodle pip

vivian stanshall - stinkfoot

I don't really know anything about this, but I do think the poster for it is excellent.

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dodgy t shirts

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stewart lee and his shelves

Some of my CD's

Stewart Lee with his stuff

In todays Observer magazine there was an article by Stewart Lee, about his need for shelves to store all his records, books and comics. It involved other stuff as well, but the main thing l was thinking was "It looks great, and l wish l had loads more possessions to put on my shelves". I know l can easily go either way. I really love records, comics, films and books, so I will either end up with too much stuff all over the place (like Stewart Lee), or cut down and get minimalistic in the future, once l have purchased a top of the range computer of the space age, with ultra fast broadband and everything available on the net (mainly for free). The only trouble with the minimalistic approach, is it is so fulfilling to actually touch the objects and know they belong to a certain part of pop culture history (or history in general). That's why l want an original copy of Amazing fantasy no 15, rather than a brand new and ultra glossy reprint. I do know that if l became super rich l would have a large house full of junk l would have collected and accumulated on my travels, but living in the real world (sadly), l may flog off all my tat before l die (if l time it right), so l can fund something along the lines of a trip to Japan (with all the trimmings). It's about time the bleeding lottery selected me as a winner. I blame the new government. Rich bastards.

toodle pip

a damp squid

I always thought that is what the quote was until watching the IT crowd on Friday night. Apparently I was wrong. Here are the top ten misquoted phrases

1) A damp squid (a damp squib)

2) On tender hooks (on tenter hooks)

3) Nip it in the butt (nip it in the bud)

4) Champing at the bit (chomping at the bit)

5) A mute point (a moot point)

6) One foul swoop (one fell swoop)

7) All that glitters is not gold (all that glisters is not gold)

8) Adverse to (averse to)

9) Batting down the hatches (batten down the hatches)

10) Find a penny pick it up (find a pin pick it up)

Damn the English language

toodle pip

caravan site

Myself and the FPO are going caravanning in a couple of weeks (OK, spending one night in a caravan with Robbo and Kerry). Therefore we went to check it out today. It's on the outskirts of Richmond and belongs to the FPO's family. Pretty much all the family were there today, and we had lunch with them all, even though my hay fever was bugging me and l had a red face, as l had just got out of a red hot bath before setting off. I may have to go skinny dipping in the Swale when we are there, so l hope the neighbours have some heavy duty curtains to block out the sight. Don't say they haven't been warned.

toodle pip

interview day 2

Thank God for that, all the interviews have now finished and I have got four new members of staff out of it (once their CRB checks have been done and their references been authenticated).

That was two of the most boring days of my life, but l would rather do it on a more regular basis if it means we keep our staff quota up.

We did have three people who didn't show up yesterday, which was pretty stupid of them, as all three were already doing the same kind of job, but with less pay. All of them would have had a good chance of being selected, as their application forms were so good, and the jobs they could have been offered look a lot better than what they are doing now. They also all drove as well, so they could have done extra hours at other houses if they wanted even more money. One of them must have spent hours on the application form, as it was so detailed and good, but didn't show. Never mind, a least the short staffed crisis should soon be at an end.

On a related note, l tried to go to the bank afterwards and of course it closed at 4pm. Bastards! Why can't they stay open till 5pm (or 5.30pm) like other places, especially on a Friday, which is pay day for a lot of people, and especially when they are situated in busy places like Darlington High street. Surely the people who are working and can't get to the bank in the morning or early afternoon may want to call in when they have finished work. I know it's an old stand up comedy routine about banking hours, but it's still annoying when they do close so early. Double bastards!

toodle pip

the it crowd - moss gives evidence

This was brilliant last night, I was in floods of tears with laughter and had to keep rewinding it. I suppose it's a lot better if you watch the show all the time and know what the characters are like, but this was a superb comedic performance by Moss (Richard Ayoade), keeping straight faced, with great use of his voice, and comedy timing at it's best. Gold star to that man.

toodle pip

100 gigs from memory

I was on a web site ( The Word) where people were listing 50 gigs they went to from memory in under 5 minutes. Here was my contribution, although l later added another 50, just because l can (and l am an old sad bastard)

The first 50 were

Dylan
Quo
Springsteen
Dr Feelgood
Hanoi Rocks
Deus
Chuck Berry
Motorhead
Def Lep
Queen
Eric Clapton
The Waterboys
The Hothouse Flowers
World Party
Lone Justice
The Wonder Stuff
The Cure
The Mission
The Hollow Men
The Stone Roses
Primal Scream
James
The Happy Mondays
Don Mclean
Ted Hawkins
The Alarm
Big Country
The Cult
Rainbow
Chuck Berry
The Kinks
Led Zeppelin
Iggy Pop
Sham 69
The Jam
Slade
Eddie And The Hot Rods
Lone Star
Aerosmith
Whitesnake
ZZ Top
AC/DC
Bad News
Tygers Of Pan Tang
The Ramones
The Boo Radleys
Oasis
John Otway
Dr And The Medics
Hawkwind

The second 50 were

The Rolling Stones
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band (I remembered them this time)
Thin Lizzy
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Adam And The Ants
Culture Club
Van Morrison
Johnny Cash
Billy Bragg
Robyn Hitchcock
Katrina and the Waves
Gary Glitter
Kasabian
The Cherry Bombz
Golden Earing
Saxon
Gillan
Wilko Johnson
Jonathan Richman
The Pixies
Reef
Jet
The Polyphonic Spree
Placebo
Reverend And The Makers
The Ting Tings
Squeeze
Radio Stars
U2
Patti Smith
The Pretenders
Graham Parker And The Rumour
UFO
The Lurkers
The Spin Doctors
Simple Minds
Teenage Fanclub
Penetration
The Buzzcocks
Teardrop Explodes
Dexy's Midnight Runners
The Stranglers
Judas Priest
Iron Maiden
The Blue Aeroplanes
Fairground Attraction
A House
Grant Lee Buffalo
Hamell On Trial
Geno Washington

Think l might be scrapping the barrel a bit if l try for another 50, but l might surprise myself (although it would take longer than 5 minutes to remember 50 more). I need to get out more.

toodle pip.

top of the pops with a dirty cameraman

This is how music shows should be. No wonder Top Of The Pops had such large figures watching (if you know what l mean)

Ah. The good old days. The song is great as well (Sugar Sugar - The Archies).

toodle pip

interview day 1

This is where the poor bastards who are being interviewed have to sit, facing myself and two other people.

This is where we had lunch

Christ on a shitty bike, what a boring day. I (along with two other interviewees) have been doing interviews all day in Darlington. The good news was that the last interview was 2.30pm. The bad news is that one of them got put back so it was added onto the end at 3.15pm. Then I had to hang around to discuss outcomes and opinions, before finally getting home at 5pm. Earlier on in the day, l met the FPO and her sister (Louise, not squirting milk yet) for lunch, outside some small food place in a little alleyway. Took a while getting served, so l then had to wolf down my bacon and cheese omelette (no side salad) with full fat coke, before heading back for the afternoon interviews.

Another day of doing the same tomorrow, but hopefully we will finish (and get home) a little earlier.

I have to sort out some shifts for next week, but apart from that, I am off for the weekend. Hurrah!!

Early start again tomorrow, but let's face it, I can't see an early night coming up in the immediate future. I know l will regret it in the morning, but it's what Keith would expect. It's not easy being rock and roll etc....

toodle pip

bronson and la vie revee des anges (the dreamlife of angels)

Pretty much a pleasant afternoon, relaxing and catching up with stuff I'd taped (and ignoring the telephone and front door).

It started off badly by Manchester United being beaten 2-1 by Kansas City Wizards (from a couple of days ago, but l have just found the time to watch it). It was only a friendly, but Kansas City had a man sent off before half time for giving away a penalty (the ref was shite), so United should have beaten them in the second half, but were lucky not to concede more than two goals. It makes me concerned regarding the upcoming season, but most of United's 'star' players were resting, so who knows what the season holds.

La Vie Revee Des Anges (The Dreamlife Of Angels) is (you don't say!) a French film (with English subtitles) about two girls who develop a friendship and live together, but get more and more remote with each other when men become involved, especially when one of them falls in love with a rich git who just uses her. I really like the French stuff, it all just seems more believable somehow, and the actors and actresses are usually all good as well. Maybe l just don't notice the shitty acting because it is in a foreign language (although it improves my French).

Bronson was really good as well, mainly for the great job Tom Hardy did in portraying Bronson. It glossed over a lot of stuff from Bronson's life, and l do feel films like this glorify violence and encourages other people to go down the same path as Bronson, to try and make a name for themselves, but that's not a reason for films like this to be banned.

Apparently Hardy put on three stone for the role, and it shows. I have four weeks before going to Turkey and getting nude in the amphitheatre, so l had better crack on with my sit ups, if l want to look my best.

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football actors - mitchell and webb

This is such a good idea for a sketch. I can't believe it's an original idea, but l've certainly never seen it before.

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preston rapist

There is a news story at the moment that someone has walked away free from court after raping a 12 year old girl. The lads name is all over the articles (Junaid Bhuta) and it all sounds really bad.

The trouble is, he was done for statutory rape (which means the girl was under 16, therefore unable to consent).

The Judge (Timothy Mort) accepts that the girl was pretending to be 16, looked and acted 16, and agreed to sex (although she regretted it later).

Bhuta met her on Facebook through a friends request, met up with her, had sex, then went to the pictures with her and accompanied her part of her way home. It was only because she was late home that she got in trouble and then confessed all to her mum.

Bhuta was sentenced to six months imprisonment, suspended for 18 months, and was placed on the sex offenders register for seven years, although the Judge admits he was not a predator, did not groom her, and if he had known about her true age, would probably not have had sex with her.

Sounds to me like he has got a raw deal, and he will always have the stigma of being a rapist.

Obviously there has to be a lot of care and protection towards young girls, but the inflammatory headlines (calling him 'Preston rapist') just make it look as though he has walked away scot free after raping a child, and it's another case of a Judge being too lenient, which is not the case at all.

Bloody papers

More news here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-10781281

toodle pip

what a free kick!

And he only plays for the Spain under 19 side. Bloody show off

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elephant and lizard

Here's someone who has just had a worse day than me. The monitor lizard that is being swung around by the elephant in the Corbett National Park. The elephant caught it, and has been putting it down now and again to do other things, but has then continued to pick it up and swing it round. That lizard would have had one hell of a headache. Of course the lizard may have enjoyed it, maybe they are buddies, and it is a bit like being on a fairground ride. Somehow though, l doubt it.

toodle pip

bloody work

Well, what an exciting two days l have just had. I went to work yesterday morning at 8am, worked until 11pm, stayed overnight, and then worked from 7am until 5pm. Great stuff, as anyone who knows me, also know l am one of the most idle people in the world, and all l want is an easy life.

It's also been non stop as well, with lots of crap to sort out and meetings to attend. Also had to assist someone who was looking for a placement for their young daughter, and of course the accommodation being suggested and offered (by others) was not suitable or age appropriate, in any way, shape, or form.

I have spent too many years of my life on courses that go on about Person Centred Planning, listening to clients/residents/tenants views and them being important, with us assisting them to get the best from their lives, and it all goes out of the window when places need to be filled.

It's like going back to the old days when the large asylums (for want of a better word) were closed down and people were placed into the community in group homes, but just lumped together, whether or not they got on, or even new each other at all. No thought about them being compatible or how near they were to their families. Pah!

There is also talk of someone moving into one of the homes from abroad, even though they have never met the other tenants and may hate it. Obviously they should try respite in this country first so their needs can be assessed and a suitable place found for them, but that won't happen. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Just before leaving work today l was also informed some documentation had to be in by Friday, as it had been late in the past and the people higher up the ladder than me were getting flack for it. I hasten to add that l have not sent it in late before, but because of those bastards l now have to go into work tomorrow evening to complete them, as l was meant to be off work tomorrow, and l am doing interviews on Thursday and Friday (my day off) so l won't be at work then. I have also just done some work from home and emailed it off, something l really do curse doing (working in my own time, not emailing stuff off). They are going to be charged royally for this inconvenience, mark my words! I also have to show up for a meeting on Monday morning for an hour or so - another day off. Time to book another holiday to get away from it all.

What the fuck has happened to my cushy life?

toodle pip

dancing cows

This is the last post as l am off to watch the third Manchester United pre season tour game.

Don't know why l like this so much, l just do.

toodle pip

yosemitebear mountain double rainbow

The rainbows look great, but as for the bloke who is speaking and crying all over the commentary - get a life furchristssakes. "What does it mean?" he asks. It means he's an idiotic hippie ( and probably a Christian one at that). They give the rest of us hippies a bad name.

Good job it wasn't a triple rainbow. He'd have shat his pants with excitement.

toodle

tennents lager girls and the girlie party

Here's something you don't see any more (I think). Dolly birds on the back of lager tins. These are Tennents lager cans from back in the day. I might be wrong, but l am pretty sure the pictures made the lager taste that little bit sweeter. Maybe l should start a petition to bring them back.

On the subject of girls and booze, l came home today after being away at work last night. Guess what was waiting for me? A bloody mess, that's what. Empty booze containers everywhere, discarded and left over crisps and pizza, and two drunken girls who were still asleep (2.15pm) as they didn't get to bed till about 4am apparently, due to the girlie party they threw while l was slaving away. I'm surprised the neighbours are still talking to us, as the TV was really loud when l switched it on this afternoon, due to them playing the music channels extremely loud last night (I repeat, till 4am).

I know all of the girls that were round, and they have all tried to get into my underpants (and all succeeded - I have photos to prove it). However, it's still not right that l am working while a party is going on (in my house as well!). The FPO shall have a severe beating for this, mark my words.

I've got a good mind to put up some of the girlie's photos on here - that would teach the little minx's.

toodle pip