Booze, news and views from a drunken opinionated fool who can't spell very well, may well repeat himself, and can't blame it on dislexia
Tuesday 21 July 2009
closed doors
Meanwhile... just been reading the papers about the UK being an unequal society, where class and your background hold you back. What a fucking surprise. Alan Milburn says that it's about time the inequality was tackled to assist people from low social groups to prosper and have better opportunities.Also in the piece, he goes on about the middle classes also losing out on careers if they do not go to the right schools.
I have a pretty strong feeling that the reason it is being addressed now is because it is affecting the middle classes.
There are a lot more people getting Uni or Poly educations and therefore degrees. In the past, when fewer people got degrees, there was no problem for the middle classes (at least nowhere near on the same scale). Now that every Tom Dick or Harry (apart from me) has a degree, it ceases to be so impressive and does not open up career opportunities like it once did.
Let's face it though, the posh schools will continue to thrive and Oxbridge Uiversities will continue to provide the so called great and the good.
Eat the rich.
toodle pip
nozzer looking a state
I think this will upload properly - nozzer and his war wounds. Just trying out the add video bit
toodle pip
first uploaded video!
I think at last l have managed to upload a video - so here's Manchester United against West Ham from about 1978 - football and its fans are so different now
toodle pip
Monday 20 July 2009
nearly holiday time!!
Have got a long weekend off this weekend, then it’s Richmond live the weekend after. Two weeks after that l am off to a wedding in Scotland, and then it’s off to Turkey for two weeks at the end of August. Have also just confirmed l am going to Bulgaria for a week in September (21st onwards). Staying in a five star hotel and all expenses paid. Hurrah!! Will also be the start of the football season in a couple of weeks (Charity Shield game against Chelsea). Been a long summer without football.
At work now but l am obviously not doing any work at the moment. Been a quiet day and the weather has been pretty damn good this evening, so we have had a relaxing day.
On the home front, Nozzer is still swollen on his cheek. Can’t wait to give that a squeeze tomorrow. Hope it clears up soon, poor little fellow.
Have also been trying to get some home movie footage posted, no luck so far but will persevere with it. That’s the lot for now, what excitement!
Toodle pip
Saturday 18 July 2009
nozzer's back
Had to take litle Nozzer to the vets again yesterday as his right cheek had swollen up with puss again. They had to keep him in overnight to cut into it, clean it out, put in a capsule, give him anti-biotics and clean him and repeat this morning.
Went to pick him up earlier and he looks a state again, a bit like his daddy, but in his case all shaven and still a bit swollen (maybe if l have a shave...). Good to have the little boy home though, it wasn't the same going to bed last night without putting him to bed first.
Have to give him anti-biotics and clean him twice a day, then he returns to the vets for a check up on Thursday afternoon.
He sat on my shoulder coming home in the car and was jumping around (for joy l hope) when he heard us in the vets, but is a bit subdued at the moment. Probably been awake all night wondering what is happening to him.
l have said it before and l will say it again, l love that little bunny.
toodle pip
Wednesday 15 July 2009
sad bastard
Shoot me.
toodle pip
Tuesday 14 July 2009
Operation Repo - Just Beat I t - truTV.com
This is great once the son comes out and starts kicking off (1.50mins) Beat it!
toodle pip
Realistic Robot Woman
Just think, programme it to stop nagging. Replace the nagging with "you're so good" and "you're so large".
Robot sex is nearly here!
toodle pip
Friday 10 July 2009
Good old Labour
Ah the good old days. Don't really trust any politician but do believe we should vote or stop complaining. Time for Labour to get back to basic principles. Bring back posters like the above. Fuck the rich bastards, tax them high or let them bugger off somewhere else. Use tax money to help the poor by providing a better transport system, education and health care. Think of the long term benefits. Surely that's not too radical an idea.
toodle pip
Nozzer's gone mental
toodle pip
Saturday 4 July 2009
wrestling midgets
11:59am UK, Friday July 03, 2009
Two professional midget wrestlers found dead in a low-rent hotel room may have been drugged by female robbers, according to Mexican authorities.
Post mortems are being carried out on La Parkita - or Little Death - who wore a skeleton costume in the ring and Espectrito Jr.
The twin brothers, real names Alberto and Alejandro Jimenez, reportedly had been entertaining two prostitutes on the night of their deaths.
Police said two women were seen leaving the men's hotel room shortly before the bodies were discovered by a cleaner.
Prosecutor Miguel Angel Mancera said gangs of female robbers are experienced at using drugs to knock men out and rob them but they may have used too strong a dose.
The wrestlers' small stature means they may have succumbed to the drugs more easily, although larger men have also died in similar crimes.
The bodies of the two men, both aged 35, were found at a hotel a short distance from the Arena Mexico wrestling venue in Mexico City.
Midget wrestling had a huge following in the 50s and 60s but its popularity has waned across the world.
But the sport is still enormously popular in Mexico and fans are said to be mourning its two most famous stars.
More Jacko
It’s not known what triggered the heart attack, but High School Musical 3 was on cable at the time.
(with thanxs to Frankie Boyle)
toodle pip
Friday 3 July 2009
man or woman
milky way
http://vimeo.com/4505537?pg=embed&sec=&hd=1
toodle pip
Thursday 2 July 2009
Little Boots - Stuck On Repeat
Much as l have an instant dislike for anyone called Victoria (Class war etc), it is pretty cool what she does here
More Jacko
Spin Magazine’s Steve Kandell had the best take on his death, refusing to find a reason to reconcile the two sides of Jackson: “Iconic pop stars should be weird and unknowable, that’s what we’re paying them for… they should be shooting their televisions and comparing themselves favorably to Jesus and collecting African babies at will and sleeping in hyperbaric chambers with well-dressed chimpanzees and possibly, regrettably, kindergartner's. Because we cannot. We need them to live lives we’ll never know, lives we shouldn't’t know.”
Don't get me wrong. I try to live my life like a pop/rock star (Keith Richards - how predictable), but l agree. Pop/Rock stars are there to lead the lives that others want or dare not lead.
Still don't empathise with Jacko too much though
toodle pip
Monday 29 June 2009
Jacko
As Jacko was fighting for his life in the ambulance the doctor said 'I think we should start cpr'.
The paramedics said 'no we should start the heart massage"
The driver said "no we should an adrenaline drip."
Then Jacko gasping for breath said 'fuck me, you wanna be starting something,you gotta be startin something'.
When Farrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God was such a big fan he decided to grant her one wish.
She asked that all the children in the world could be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.
How do l feel about him dying? Not bothered at all. It was a bit of a waste (to say the least) as he had it all and then was so fucked up he didn't seem to enjoy it. Who knows if he was really a fiddler - he may well have been, but people will make up any kind of story for a lot of money, so l don't necessarily believe the kids who made the allegations.
The music was brilliant at times, but to me the peak was Billie Jean at the Motown awards. Downhill after that as far as l am concerned. Although he still knocked out some more top tunes,
the music never touched me emotionally. Though, l thought some of it was excellent and clever, and Jacko sure could move, a lot of other music means a lot more to me.
Think it is crap that so many people are buying his records now. If they liked him that much, they should have bought them when he was alive. Let's face it, it seemed as though he needed the money then.
Like a lot of other people, l've got the Jackson 5 stuff, Thiller, Off the Wall and Bad, but l haven't felt the need to play any of them since his death.
Guess l am just more interested in other stuff - like waiting for he new football season to start. Summer is crap without the footie.
Penny Lane: Literal Video Version
Back agin with agreat idea and video! MORE TOMORROW!! hold on to your coats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
toodle pip
Thursday 25 June 2009
I am back (again!)
Sunday 24 May 2009
Wednesday 13 May 2009
old footie
"You're going to get your fucking heads kicked in"
"We'll meet you in the car park"
"We're United, we're mental, we're off our fucking heads"
"Six foot two, eyes of blue, big Jim Holton's after you"
Also the Manchester United song that is "We are United, the cocks of the North. We hate you Scousers, you Cockneys of course (and Leeds)" ls missing the "and Leeds" bit. When did that come in? Seems as though it was always there. The song doesn't sound right now without it.
God l am getting old - still, Manchester United should beat Wigan tonight to nearly win the title. Hopefully clinch it against Arsenal at the weekend, when l will be watching the game in Budapest. Bring it on!
toodle pip
Monday 11 May 2009
Nearly holiday time (again)
May have to cut to grass while l am off, its getting mighty long now, though l am tempted to pay someone to cut it for me. l will see how l feel and what the weather is like this week.
Speaking off which, the six day forecast in the Observer today has it down as fair weather for the next couple of days, then rain for the rest of the week. l still do not believe they can forecast more than 2 or 3 days in advance so l will keep an eye on it. Mind you, it's difficult not to keep an eye on the weather, unless l stay in bed all day, which, let's face it, is always an option.
Only just managed to get onto the computer today as Mandy has had it in constant use doing her Uni work. Gives me ample time to watch footie and read though. Beat Manchester City today and should stuff Wigan on Wednesday. lf that all goes according to plan, it means Manchester United will hopefully win the league against Arsenal while we are in Budapest. Hurrah!
Haven't watched tonight's Reunion of Fawlty Towers yet, just seen some clips. What the hell is wrong with Connie Booth now? She looks like an old grannie with too much white make up on. For Gods sake (there is no God by the way), sort it out!
toodle pip
Thursday 7 May 2009
nozzer
chelsea v barcelona
Some of the fuss about the penalties was over the top. Jamie Rednap sprouting on about the ref coming from Norway is such a narrow minded view, whether he had a good game or not, he is still an experienced referee who has been officicating international matches for over 10 years and has already refereed loads of Champions League games.
Drogba doesn't do himself any favours. When there was a perfectly good tackle against him in the penalty area which the referee got right, he flung himself around like a cat that had been thrown into a bath. The referee sees that sort of cheating and petulance, and may have doubts later on if Drogba is appealing again, (the only time Drogba is appealing).
l am biased and don't like Chelsea, but some of the stuff the Sky panel were coming out with was unbelievable. They are meant to be experts and get paid a lot of money for their views, but handball has to be deliberate, never mind if the ball is heading towards to goal. elka may or may not have been clipped, but he definitely clipped himself and went down. Drogba got his shirt pulled but then clipped himself and dived in the opposite direction to which he was being pulled. If he had not tried to elaborate on the foul and dive spectacularly, it would probably been given.
It all serves Chelsea right for trying to cheat their way through the first game, with loads of niggly fouls to prevent Barcelona playing (and Henry should have had a definite penalty in the first game).
Although l think Barcelona are the better team and may prove more difficult for Manchester United to beat in the final, l am more than glad they got through. Think f all the stick Manchester United got a few years ago when Stam and Keane were in the referees face. Ballack and Drogba should have action taken against them. Ballack a short ban, Drogba shot.
Toodle pip
Wednesday 6 May 2009
portugal
Ochos d' Agua
Tuesday 5 May 2009
3-1 against the arse
Another great result from the wonderful Manchester United. Have to say l was a bit worried before the game and was kind of expecting a draw, but this was so much better than l anticipated. Good that the first two goals went in so early, which meant l could relax and enjoy the rest of the game from then on.
Sunday 26 April 2009
5-2
Went to the Lodge (the jockey) to meet Lonnie (who turned up with Ditchie) to watch the game, but it was on canal TV rather than Setenta. hence no English commentary (which l thought was a bonus), but more importantly, we were about the only people in there.
Decided to go to the Arc when it was 1-0 to super Spurs, but by the time we had wandered down there it was 2-0. Bastardo!
Also though, agreed Manchester United were playing well and felt confident that if they stuck to their attacking principals (not that they had much choice by then), they might get back into the game and get a result.
Turned out better than that. After walking into the Arc and getting loads of abuse as it was 2-0, it all changed round as the game went on. fantastic scenes all round and it was the first time l have had tears in my eyes when a goal went in since the 2-1 against Bayern in the European cup final (in old money). Joy Joy Joy all around my world. How can life get much better.
Just remembered (as if), going to Portugal for a week tomorrow with work, all expenses paid. Back of the net son!
Will write stuff on the new small note paddy computer while l am away and post it when l get back (lf l get back in one piece). Till then, let's sing along........"that's why we're the champions, champions of Europe" etc etc.
better go to bed now. Getting picked up at 11am and l haven't packed yet. Hey Ho, it will all be sorted in the morning (but it won't be easier).
Yes l am a bit pissed again (Champions of Europe)
toodle pip
Thursday 23 April 2009
Wednesday 22 April 2009
On the other hand, it was a great second half last night with a 4-4between rsenland Liverpool
More importantly, spent some time with a young girl tonight who was by herself (call the cops) who was going through a shit time wither boyfriend. Lets do the math. He is married and older than her, plus he has a couple of kids.
Haveto finish now as l can't work out how to do the spell thingie without having things delated (see time wither above) plus looking back - Haveto
l'll finish my tale about the young girlie another time
Bastard computers
tooodle pip
Another thing
To make changes up above - made it worse -it's not my typing and imcompitence (for a change) The more l try to sort it out, the worse it gets
See you in Hell (or whatever layers of Hell will sort out this computer crap)
Ata gess l would say it is full of geeks who know how to access free porn - also, as l type it is still fucking up, much as l try to change the mistakes.
Maybe hell is what l am suffering now
toodle pip again
Tuesday 21 April 2009
Monday 20 April 2009
crank
Jason Statham has to keep restarting his artificial heart while he tracks down the triad men who have stolen his real one.
When l heard about this a couple of weeks ago l thought it was an April fools joke.
God help us all.
toodle pip
everton
Much as l hate Liverpool, l have never minded the boys in blue (apart from the rozzers).
Being a positive upbeat kind of guy, l think 'what the hell', they had a weakened team out and there are other trophies more important. Then again, l also think it's a Goddamn shame, as the old bastard in me (ooeer once again), harks back to the days when a league and cup double was important. As long as we haven't rested players to win the league and European cup (in old money), and then fuck it up, l won't be too bothered. Also, a penalty shoot out never feels right, win or lose. Obviously l am happy United beat Chelsea in the European cup final (old money) last year, but it's not as good as winning in normal time.
Please please (let me get what l want) don't mess up the rest of the season. That's all l ask. l suffered enough during the dark 70's and 80's, my time is now.
toodle pip
Friday 17 April 2009
pirate bay
The companies themselves are to blame for their own downfall. When albums were on vinyl, they complained that 'home taping is killing music' when people were making copies of albums on cassette. lf people taping albums had enough money, they would buy the actual album afterwards (if it was any good). Taping mates albums onto cassette gave you a chance to listen to more stuff, get into music more, get interested in other acts and spend money on albums, blank tapes and concerts. Nothing though, could replicate owning the actual album (or single). lt was an item to be horded, treasured, looked at, and played endlessly.
With the advent of CD's, the companies had no qualms about charging a fortune for them, people parting with their hard earned dosh again, replicating their album collections onto the new 'improved' format that apparently sounded miles better and on a disc that was indestructible and would last you forever. This went on for way too long, until the companies shot themselves in the foot by allowing the public to make CD copies of albums onto blank, printable Cd's, with the technology to print their own covers, therefore replicating the CD's in shops for minimal cost. Fucking idiots. Who then, would want to continue paying over the odds for a product that can be replicated in your own home? Add onto that the fact that a persons emotional attachment to an album has gone, due to CD's being so poorly packaged, there's no way the companies could continue with the strategy they had. They now know they are in deep shit, hence the abundance of cheap CD's available everywhere and the closure of record shops. Then they try to blame everything on download sites. lt's too late to stop downloading and copying now, and it serves the bastards right. Power to the people (right on).
The same thing happened with movies/videos and DVD's. Only difference was they held less of an emotional attachment. Now the companies are trying to sell us the same films again on High Def or Blu Ray. Next up will be 3D and another promotion by the companies to sell the same stuff again, only 'new and improved, an experience like you have never had before, just like being there' etc. Might go for the 3D movies though.
Anyhows, they reap what they have sewn, and although pleading poverty, are still raking in the dosh. not for too long hopefully.
And don't get me started on the death of the single/Top of the Pops/advance single promotion/lack of interest in the charts by just about everyone. l may have to take up drink (oops, too late - l'm already indulged in a wee dram).
Off to download some top tunes for free now - fuck the police!
Toodle pip
resolution
l actually started some stuff while l was at work, on a small laptop. trouble is l couldn't work out how to transfer the stuff onto my memory stick, and the stuff l wrote is now out of date and l can't be bothered posting it now. l shall persevere with it so l can still write while l am at work (as l don't actually do a lot when l am there) then post it the next day.
Suff that's happened recently.
Had a really good night out in the Boro on Good Friday. All day session with Mandy, Robbo, Kerrie, Dazzer, Louise, Danny, Gill, Matt, Chris, Hilary, Nat, Lisa, Steph, Paul, The Head and others l can't remember. Photos are on facebook if you know where to look. l am not giving a link as l have no quality control over them (no press - no publicity).
Got back late and were then given a visit from the Police as some little bastards had been down the road slashing car tyres, including our own. Luckily it was only the one tyre so l put the spare one on in the morning (l'm macho man! - l'll take that knife and shove it up your arse!).
Went for a meal with Kerry and Robbo the next day at the hotel up the road from them - can't remember the name of it at the moment (Cross keys maybe?). Had some superb oysters with paprika and double cream (still sticking to the diet) and drank lots of Bailies (how do you spell that word? ls that right?). Put the world to rights and then back to sunny Catterick, where l got dropped off any stayed out with the boys till about 9pm. Splendid weekend.
Coming up - more bloody work. But also.... trips to Portugal and Budapest. Hurrah!!
Lets see if l can keep this up (ooeerr, phnar phnar etc - oh my sides are splitting)
toodle pip
PS Just re-read the post before publishing and realised l didn't make a joke about knuckling down at the begining. Must be getting (more) senile. Damn
Billy Bob Thornton 'Blow Up' on Q TV
l wonder if he is on drugs? They cancelled the rest of the Canadian tour after this as they were "unwell".
Thursday 16 April 2009
1 - 0 to the champions
Wasn't expecting too much from Porto away but what a result (1-0 to the champions!).
So overjoyed with the score l went and got pissed afterwards dressed as a sailor, meeting some real ones on the way. Had a bit of a sing song with them and the night went a bit woozey after that. Great night out - although my bottom seems a bit sore today.
Here's the vid of me singing - enjoy!
toodle pip
Sunday 5 April 2009
United 3 Villa 2
What a game - my poor heart is going to pack in one of these days. l really thought United had blown it, but thank fuck for a bit of magic from Macheda. He did what l used to dream about doing (amongst other stuff), but l couldn't be happier for him. Hope United don't mess it up now, couldn't stand it if Liverpool were to win the title this year. Bring on Porto!
toodle pip
Friday 3 April 2009
Tuesday 31 March 2009
Clough v Revie
http://www.itv.com/ITVPlayer/Video/default.html?ViewType=5&Filter=38208
toodle pip
spotify
http://open.spotify.com/user/thewordmagazine/playlist/17zicktL8XXzxzdBJZMpkF
toodle pip
The Old days
MP's partners porn
Just realised his first name is Richard, leaving himself open to lots of jokes about dirty dicks etc - other people can do that, my life is too short to get involved
toodle pip
Thursday 26 March 2009
CLASS WAR !!
The Edinburgh home of former Royal Bank of Scotland boss Sir Fred Goodwin has been attacked by vandals.
Windows were smashed and a Mercedes S600 car parked in the driveway was vandalised.
A group angry at bank executives' pay contacted a newspaper claiming to be behind the early morning attack.
Police said they were investigating these claims as part of their inquiry, adding that they took planned attacks "very seriously".
A statement was issued to Edinburgh's Evening News newspaper on Wednesday morning by a group which claimed it was behind the attack.
It said: "We are angry that rich people, like him, are paying themselves a huge amount of money, and living in luxury, while ordinary people are made unemployed, destitute and homeless.
"This is a crime. Bank bosses should be jailed. This is just the beginning."
Get in! Class War at last!!
l am all for it - pity they didn't burn his house down, (although he is bound to be heavily insured). It's about time life was made a bit uncomfortable for some rich bastards. Hope they keep it up
toodle pip
Wednesday 25 March 2009
Jade is dead
James Brown gives you dancing lessons
What more could you ask for?
I'll be doing the funky chicken next time l am out and about.
toodle pip
Friday 20 March 2009
benitez - 5 more years
RAFAEL Benitez has signed a new contract which will see him blame other people for Liverpool’s failures until 2014.
The coach, linked recently to Real Madrid, said his love for the city, for the fans and for apportioning his shortcomings to a varied cast of largely irrelevant bystanders was 'impossible to resist'. After months of wrangling, Liverpool chiefs agreed to new clauses which will allow Benitez to berate one board member a month for the team's failure to beat a recently-promoted Championship side. He will also be allowed to blame Sir Alex Ferguson's eyebrows, the influence of Mercury in Virgo and all refereeing decisions, including those that have nothing whatsoever to do with Liverpool.
One sticking point was the manager's control over transfer budgets, with previous signings including a blind, 80-year old Spanish midget, a large Spanish tomato with a picture of a footballer drawn on it and Jermaine Pennant. It has also emerged that Benitez insisted the negotiations were conducted in front of a large screen showing the recent goals against Manchester United and Real Madrid, as he gestured periodically while muttering 'muchos dineros' to himself.
Owner Tom Hicks said: "I was never worried that Rafa would quit Anfield. We are, after all, paying him four million pounds a year to produce the kind of football that would cause an amphetamine-fuelled Jonathan Pearce to slip into a coma."
Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson also welcomed the new contract adding that he was relishing another five years of attempting to gradually nudge his rival into complete insanity.
toodle pip
Wednesday 18 March 2009
1 - 4
MANCHESTER United used text messages to inform fleeing supporters of Saturday's defeat by Liverpool as thousands left Old Trafford early and caught the train back to London.
There's no point spending more time in Manchester than you have to. It is the first time the club has used its new £20 a month subscription service which also includes a selection of talking points, a football 'word of the day' and the names of key players from both teams. Julian Cook, a season ticket holder from Primrose Hill, said: "How ghastly. Does that mean that Liverpool win the big cup? Or is it just the league thingy?"As long as it wasn't the big European whatsit because I've arranged to meet up with some friends in Barcelona next month and do a bit of shopping."
As the final whistle blew on Saturday only three United fans remained in the ground after their wheelchair helpers gave up and headed to the car park. Liverpoool manager Rafa Benitez said: "At first I think Ferguson do this deliberate as some kind of spooky mind game in latest pathetic attempt to drive me insane. "But then I realise that United fans are very busy peoples with Blackberries who no have time to see their team lose."
Meanwhile Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson was banned from giving post-match television interviews after producers decided that the rapidly changing colours of his incandesecent face could trigger thousands of epileptic fits. Speaking off-camera he said: "I felt we were better than Liverpool, although the score doesn't reflect that. I also feel that Ho Chi Minh City is just outside of Knutsford, although the Ordnance Survey map doesn't reflect that."
toodle pip
Sunday 15 March 2009
Friday 13 March 2009
Sunday 8 March 2009
pubs
WHY ARE ALL THE PUBS CLOSING? ASK PEOPLE WHO NEVER GO TO THE PUB
MILLIONS of people across Britain who never go to the pub were last night asking why all the pubs were closing down.
As it was revealed that 2000 pubs have closed in the last year, non-pub goers said their community would not be the same without the local pub they never went to. Margaret Gerving, from Peterborough, said: "I was delighted when the smoking ban came in because it meant I could finally go to the pub without being killed."But then I didn't, mainly because I'm not the sort of person who likes going to pubs. I prefer to stay in with a carton of pomegranate juice and a bag of pine nuts and make long lists of all the things I want banned."Now it turns out that nobody else is going either because quite a lot of the people who used to go to the pub also liked to smoke. But none of this explains why all the pubs are closing down."
Julian Cook, from Devon, said: "Our local pub looks really lovely from the outside. It's got flower baskets and a nice old fashioned sign. Unfortunately it's used by local people with accents who dress differently from me and who are, I suspect, incredibly racist."
Former pub owner Charlie Reeves, from Hereford, said: "We were told that the smoking ban would mean lots of young mums and dads bringing their children in. But that didn't really help because there's only so much Guinness you can pour down a three year-old before it falls asleep."Then there's the added factor that a pub with children in it isn't really a pub, it's a fucking hell hole."
toodle pip
Wednesday 4 March 2009
TWELVE YEAR-OLDS URGED TO KNOCK-UP LOCAL TART
DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.
This week thousands of young boys will be dragged away from their vodka bottles and told to find a willing slut who will get them all in the papers. Angela Reeves, mother of 12 year-old Jason, said: "I've told him not to worry if his tart is already having sex with five other boys because that just means more stories, and more stories is more money. Innit? "My eight year-old is still a bit young for actual shagging so I'm sticking him in an IVF programme. We'll need to use two grand of Jason's baby money, but you have to spend it to make it."
Dr Tom Logan, author of Freak Show Britain, said: "The freaks have finally worked out how to operate the machine. It's been a bit like watching a monkey teaching itself to drive."The newspapers know they are being exploited but they don't care because they also know how much we love to read about the jaw-dropping vileness of the freaks."And when we're not reading about children who are pregnant by other children or being kidnapped by their own mother, we do love to read the sordid details of how they are trying to make money out of it. "I especially love it when the worthless, drug-addled father turns up out of the blue and starts hawking his child round Fleet Street. It's really quite Dickensian."
Dr Logan added: "Of course, there is a serious debate about how we tackle the underlying issues at the root of this problem. Personally, I'd sterilise anyone who lives in a house worth less than £130,000. Or do you think it should be higher? "Meanwhile Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation. He added: "I don't want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."
toodle pip