aspirations for your child

Talk about showing what little faith you have in your youngster getting a decent education, let alone planting those subconscious aspirations for when the little princess has grown up and is looking for employment later in life.  Why not just get her started early and let her practise cleaning real toilets around the home, or even better, hire her out to clean your neighbours toilets for a bit of extra pocket money.  Kids have to learn early on that life can be hard.

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paul mccartney is available

A cracking flyer by Tom Scott (@tomscott), which rather sadly, rings way too true.
Book Paul McCartney for your own Hey Jude-O-Grams now!

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the wacky practicals bucket

What a brilliant idea by those folks at Wacky Practicals.  A flat bucket that can be transported easier, but is still long lasting and sturdy.  Available in red and blue (and more!)  Less that £20!!  Genius!!

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thai slimming advert

What a genius advert.  If only it worked like that, l'd have boobs like Jordan.


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status quo - coles advert in australia

The mighty Status Quo have just done an advert for Coles supermarkets in Australia (extended version of Down Down above).  I have long since given up on them being anything like 'cool' again, so the advert was no surprise (unlike the new haircuts).  What did please me, was that it sounds like the Status Quo sound of many years ago, not the crappy sound they went for after their classic run of albums (Dog of two head, Piledriver, Hello, Quo, One the level, Blue for you).  The sound changed on 'Rocking all over the world' and got worse as the years went by.
I'm still not looking forward to the film they are making.  More embarrassment ahoy.

And here's an extra from the shoot.



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reformed hippie advert

I'm still waiting for my Carling lager and Jack Daniel's intake to have this effect on me. Maybe l should switch ales and start on the Colt 45.

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allans anti-fat

Smarten up this advert for the modern magazines, and l bet loads of women (and some men) would still buy crap like this. Times haven't changed that much.
Lose two to five pounds a week?  Pah!  Eat a bit less or do more exercise, it's pretty bleeding simple. Either make the effort or don't bother, but don't be wasting money on crap like this (or the modern day equivalent).
I bet Allan made a fortune.

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spreadable spam - mmmmmmmmm

Spreadable Spam - what's not to like?

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peanut butter in soup

Mmmmmmm, l'm salivating just thinking about it. Peanut butter in a soup. Actually, much as l love Peanut butter (smooth, not crunchy), this sounds (and looks) disgusting.

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la looking pretty cool and rock and roll in the early 1970's

Los Angeles is probably a pretty cool place to live most of the time (I'd imagine), but it must have been pretty great in the early 1970's, when the Rock juggernaut was at it's peak, the sex and drugs were on tap (before total addiction and Aids) and all the top bands were still young and relevant.
More billboards from that time and place are here.

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veet hair remover reviews

There have been a few really funny reviews for Veet Hair Remover on the Amazon website, and l have included some below. Sheer class and hilarious stuff, they actually did make me laugh out loud (or as the kids say - LOL).
More reviews are here.

 DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan 2012

By 

Andrew

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

 LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012

By 

The Cantankerous Tiger

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.

5.0 out of 5 stars Nuts Like Marbles, 22 April 2012

By 

David Shirley (Wirral, Merseyside) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

In vain I tried to get my pebble sack to be completely hair free. No matter what I did there was always a hint of stubble down there that itched my nadger bag and would frequently snag on my shorts! You cannot imagine the looks I would get when I would pop my hand down there whilst loosening myself up or having a scratch. It's as if people have never seen a teacher with their hands down their pants in work!
So there I was squatting over a belt sander, stonks just inches from the whizzing power tool, when I was suddenly made aware by everyone in B&Q that there was a solution! Veet for Men!
So off I went, purchased a tube and slapped it on like I was icing a cake and at first all was well. But soon after, by golly gee willikers, I felt like I had just tea bagged a barbecue! I can never listen to Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire again without tears forming! However, after giving them a thorough hosing down I was immensely surprised to find not a single hair left! Smooth as a freshly polished otter and as slippery as a tabloid editor!
I cannot tell you the relief of having my cargo rolling loose around my undercrackers. The sense of freedom is astonishing. The pain only lasted a couple of weeks and I was only in the burns unit for a few days!

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south park cookery show - crem fraiche

I don't watch South Park religiously these days, and it can definitely be a bit hit and miss, but when it is good, it is really, really good.
The episode myself and the FPO watched last night was one that will have us chuckling for years, even though the kids weren't in it that much (and Cartman is my favourite character).
Called 'Creme Fraiche' it starred Randy and Sharon (Stan's parents), who both become obsessed. Randy with cookery programmes and food, and Sharon with her Shake Weight.
It is an episode that is 100% aimed at adults, and it was hilarious, but pretty damn saucy.
Even though the Shake Weights are sexual anyway, this programme will have you looking at them in a different light altogether, and who would have thought that would be possible?.

Here's the Beavis and Butt-Head promo it features in.
Hur Hur Hur (and a new series of theirs starts on 16th April - hurrah!!)




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diet the ayds way

Bit of an unfortunate name they chose for a diet product.

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van heusen ties - a man's world

Naturally l have a few ties kicking about the house, but l think l might have been buying the wrong sort, as they certainly don't have this affect on the FPO. Methinks it's time for some new ones, but who on earth would wear a shirt and tie in bed?.

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the mad men girls - set me free

Mad Men: Set Me Free from popculturepirate on Vimeo.

As Mad Men is now back (hurrah!), here's a video that must have taken ages putting together, thankfully, not by me. Even in my most boring and anal moments,  l'm not that sad, although l am pleased there are others out there in internet land who are.

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golly football team from the valiant

While l was scanning some of my old Valiant comics, l saw this advert for a Golly football team, from when they used to be on the front of marmalade jars.
How times have changed, the advert would never be allowed today. This one is from August 1968.

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guinness is good for you

No mention on the Guinness poster that it turns your poo black.

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killer vegetables

I've always said vegetables (and salad) are bad for you.

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old age medicine - cocaine toothache drops

I got a phone call today from the mother in law, asking if l would pick up some medication for her mother, as l was off work and live nearby. This l did (naturally cursing all the way), and discovered the medication was for codeine, a strong painkiller.
If it had been back in the old days, l could have got some of these toothache drops instead, as l'm sure they would have done a better job, both killing the pain, and making her full of the joys of spring.
Sadly, Tesco were out of them.

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l don't feel like chicken tonight

We keep getting these adverts for our local chicken takeaway shop at The White Shops in Catterick.
They are certainly persistent with their advertising policy, as this must be about the twentieth leaflet that has come flapping through our letterbox in the last couple of years, so l guess they must know l am a greedy chicken loving pig.
As l just stated, l love a good chicken meal, especially of the KFC kind, but the stuff for sale in this shop does not taste anything like the wondrous delight that the good Colonel introduced to a grateful public (me especially) back in the day.
You can also buy boxes of 'Southern fried' chicken at our local Tesco for about £3 or £4 (depending which amounts you want), which only require heating up a bit and then devouring like a madman while watching the football (at least that's the way l eat it, others may be different).
It's a shame, but unless the quality improves dramatically, l can't envisage a rosy future for this outlet.
The KFC outlets are often dirty looking and badly run, but at least the taste of those secret ingredients keep enticing me back for more of the same, whereas the chicken in this place just put me off.
I once drove to Newcastle from Catterick to get a KFC. With this place, l can't be bothered walking 10 yards from the pub doorway to get some, even when slightly worse for ale. Now that IS bad.

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