fines for breaking isolation rules, and don't buy wren kitchens

 So the latest magnificent idea from our glorious government is to issue fines of up to £10,000 for those that are tested positive for Covid and break the isolation rules

Now call me an old cynic, but won't this just stop people taking the tests so they don't have to self isolate, therefore cutting down on the demand?  Remember - It's up to everyone to follow the rules.

However, this comes to mind

What a bunch of twats. And speaking of which.....(From Private Eye)

There you have it. Malcolm Healey - another twat.

DON'T BUY WREN KITCHENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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marina hyde on dido harding

 Credit where it's due - This is a magnificent piece by Marinda Hyde on Dido Harding in The Guardian 

Do you remember Ye Olde Operation Moonshotte, an ancient promise by the elders of this government to test 10 million people a day? My apologies for the leading question. There are absent-minded goldfish who remember that figure, given it was announced by Boris Johnson’s government barely three seconds ago. The only representative of the animal, vegetable and possibly mineral kingdoms who doesn’t remember it is the prime minister himself, who on Wednesday told a committee asking him about it: “I don’t recognise the figure you have just given.” Like me, you probably feel grateful to be governed by a guy whose approach to unwanted questions is basically, “New phone, who dis?”

Like me, you will be reassured by Matt Hancock’s plan to throw another “protective ring” around care homes. What’s not to fear about a Matt Hancock ring, easily the most dangerous ring in history, including Sauron’s Ring of Power.

Like me, you are probably impressed that the government is ordering you to snitch on your neighbours for having seven people in their garden, while whichever Serco genius is running testing as a Dadaist performance piece about human futility gets to live in the witness protection programme. Shitness protection programme, whatever.

Speaking of which, like me, you probably feel relaxed to learn that Chris Grayling, who notably awarded a ferry contract to a firm with no ferries, is now to be paid £100,000 a year for seven hours work a week advising a ports company. When I read this story I imagined his aides pulling a hammer-wielding Grayling off the pulped corpse of Satire, going: “Jesus, Chris! Leave it – it’s already dead! We need to get out of here!”

Elsewhere, testing supremo Dido Harding has surfaced in parliament. It was starting to feel like we’d see Avatar II in theatres before we saw Dido front up to explain this mushrooming fiasco. Her last appearance before a select committee was as head of TalkTalk – after two teenage boys hacked the network, resulting in 157,000 people having their personal details stolen. When she was appointed to head up the test and trace programme, Hancock explained he “can’t think of anyone better than Dido”. Then take another five seconds, Matt. Off the top of my head I can come up with Baroness Gemma Collins of Towie, and Grandmaster Glitch from the Go Jetters.

Still, here she comes again – Dido Queen of Carnage, on hand to gloss the havoc. As she put it: “I don’t think anybody was expecting to see the really sizeable increase in demand that we’ve seen over the course of the last few weeks.” But Dido: they literally were.

At least Harding is visible. Huge amounts of the malfunctioning system are now being run – badly – by unaccountable figures. Take firms like Deloitte, which ran logistics at the testing site at what we might call Chessington World of Misadventures. Hospitals felt forced to ask to take it over after the results of NHS staff were serially lost or misdirected. The pile of 2020 sentences I never expected to type is now Earth’s tallest structure, but let’s add another one: “NHS commandeers Vampire Ride from accountancy firm charged with controlling spread of deadly pandemic.” (Seriously, stick a fork in me. I’m done.)

While Harding was defending the barely functional testing system, Jacob Rees-Mogg was telling the Commons that “instead of this endless carping saying it’s difficult to get [tests], we should be celebrating this phenomenal success of the British nation”. To which the only possible reply is four-lettered.

His own ma and pa clearly hopelessly overindulged Jacob Rees-Mogg, but millions of other parents just will not feel minded to take it from this rejected Charlie and the Chocolate Factory character. If there were any justice, Jacob would have been stretched into a mile-long liquorice lace by vigilante Oompa-Loompas as they sang one of their trademark cautionary songs.

Instead, he is somehow leader of the House of Commons. There, he speaks of what ordinary people “should” be doing – with the air of a man who knows that if any of the Mogg progeny are sent home from school with a possible Covid symptom, it’s not going to be him taking time off work to homeschool them and wait for a test spot to open up in Manchester a week on Friday.

There is zero uncertainty about childcare and loss of earnings in the Rees-Mogg household, where even the adults still have nannies. (At the age of 51, Jacob retains the live-in childcare professional who was – formerly? – responsible for wiping his backside.)

Yet again, the overriding impression is of a government run by men for whom the domestic sphere is a mystery they have no wish to get to the bottom of. One of them driving hundreds of miles to Durham – just in case he got ill and still had to do his own childcare – sounds, to the other guys, like a totally reasonable thing to have done. Meanwhile the big boss fails to be meaningfully involved in the lives of between 17% and 29% of his children (awaiting full data). If you can be persuaded it’s normal to drive a 60-mile round trip with a child in the car to test your eyesight, then naturally you believe parents should think it fine to stick a five-year-old in their own vehicle and travel 400 miles to obtain what’s necessary to get the child back to school and them back to work.

Either way, of course a government run by weirdo elitists didn’t reflexively foresee that September – back to school, back to offices – was going to mean a huge surge in testing demand. This is the trouble when “hardworking families” is merely a demographic you wish to appeal to, as opposed to who you are. Real-life “hardworking families” could have told you in a heartbeat that September was the main event. THEY could have predicted it. Because unless someone else does it all for you, huge amounts of parenting are about thinking ahead, planning, creating yet another routine that keeps the whole precarious show on the road – the endless foresight of it all.

Only this week Dominic Cummings was pictured slouching through the Downing Street gates carrying some archive letter written by US general Bernard Shriever, pushing for continued investment in ballistic weapons technology. Cummings should hang around the school gates instead, where any amount of mothers who’ve seen all this shit before and didn’t have time for it back then would be able to enlighten him in the simplest possible terms. Namely: Hey squidbrain, I’ve got some “data” for you! Mind if I “special advise” you with it, only I don’t have a window to put it in a 20,000-word blog? OK, here goes: I don’t WANT you to build me a fricking missile defence shield, I don’t CARE about the Manhattan Project, I think all your reading recommendations REEK of the business section of the airport bookshop, and I’m NOT going to be accused of “carping” by guys who’d have a nervo if they had to change a nappy.

You know what I want? A SWAB WITHIN A THIRTY-MILE RADIUS, YESTERDAY. Now spad THAT, genius.

• Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

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manchester united's new kit

 Another reason to be put off modern football. with or without fans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Exhibit #1 - One of Manchester United's new kits.

I rest my case

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slash's house

These photographs have been on my computer for quite a while, so l assume Slash's house has now been sold, but if not, and you've got some spare money, here's what it's like.

 

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new cold war steve

 An update of a famous old photograph by Cold War Steve. Sad that it is still so pertinent

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vic woodley looking sprightly and compliments at boots

 Christ on a bike!  I may look in the mirror these days and curse getting old, but it's all relative.

Watching a re-run of 'The Big Match' today from 1974, they had a 'Where are they now?' feature, which featured Vic Woodley, who used to play in goal for Chelsea. Obviously an old photograph or two from his playing days was shown, plus some recent ones, including this one, where it was announced he was looking 'spritely' at his age.

I'm not going to say how old he is in the picture, but he's the same age as me!!!!

How times have changed. I guess the drink and drugs over the years must have worked their magic.

On a related note, l picked up a prescription for myself the other day at Boots, and after the server looked at the information, l was asked if l often picked up medication for the gentleman in question, I stated it was for myself, as l was the person the information was about, and she apologised profusely, but said she was amazed, as l looked so young. I guess she was expecting me to look like good old Vic.

Mind you, she probably had the wrong type of glasses on

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nashville radio stations top 40 requests from 1976

This is a Nashville radio stations top 40 requests from 1976.

It looks like it would have been the station l would have listened to if l lived in the area at the time, as a lot of these songs are on heavy rotation at my house to this very day

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david bowie - salad insane

 Genius - Such as simple idea once you've seen it, but it's new to me

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how germany see us now

 Rather sadly, this is how Germany see us at the moment. From 'Der Spiegel'. Roughly translated with my limited German, Boris is saying he wants a total Brexit, and the banner says 'Democracy is the enemy of the people'.

Learn from History folks, and hold these incompetent, lying, hypocritical, money grabbing Tory bastards to account.

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l'm a celebrity is coming back

Good to know that, despite Covid 19, there will be a new series of 'I'm a Celebrity' albeit filmed in a Castle in the UK.
Looking forward to seeing these two cheeky chappies again.

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nigel farage - the casual racist

I'm kind of reluctant to give Nigel Farage any extra publicity, as it's what he so obviously craves, but.....What.  A.  Twat.

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glastonbury tor photograph

As l live Oop North in the wilds of Sunny Yorkshire, sheep are not that exciting to see, as they are everywhere, and feature in lots of local artists works. I did however, really like this photograph, looking up towards Glastonbury Tor.

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william shatner as a female

This made me laugh a month or so ago. William Shatner responding to a tweet of himself as a woman.

Funny, but also true

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sheep cartoon

While l'm thinking about cartoons (last post), here's another that made me laugh

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new boris cartoons

Been kind of busy (doing nothing) recently with this and that, hence the lack of posts (again). However, here's a couple of recent cartoons that struck home.

The top one is by Cold War Steve, and the bottom by Peter Brookes

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dominic cummings sorts out the civil service

So, Dominic Cummings not only got to stay in his post after his sight seeing trip Oop North, but is now reorganising the Civil Service. I thought Brexit was about removing power from unelected officials? I fucking despair of this country sometimes, although l am never surprised by the corruptness, lies and hypocrisy of the Conservatives.
At least Keir Starmer is currently tormenting Boris Johnson at Prime Ministers Question time. Long may that continue as it's always good to see Boris suffering, despite him trying to bluff and bluster his way out.

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mr parrot is 40

 It's a bad situation when a bleeding parrot gets as many presents as me for his Birthday, but l suppose it was his 40th, so a bit of leeway may be given.
Here's a card for him from his previous owners (they sent pressies as well), plus a picture of him celebrating.

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Little Richard has died - he deserves the capitals

So, Little Richard, the King and Queen of Rock and Roll has shuffled off to meet his maker after suffering the last few years with various health problems. I'm amazed he lasted so long with the lifestyle that he partook in for so long, but he was always a survivor, albeit the most over the top flamboyant one of all. I heard while l was at work over the weekend, and funnily enough l had just finished watching the Elton John biopic 'Rocket Man' on my overnight shift when l heard the news, and was thinking at the time about Little Richard, because without him, there may not have been an Elton, and although Elton's outfits were more flamboyant, and they superficially had very similar lifestyles, Little Richard was waaaay over the top and living his in Black America, before rock and roll coolness had become 'a thing', when it was (and to a lesser degree, still is) a very dangerous thing to do. I know about his influences, and that he wasn't 'the first', but he was the best. I wrote about how great Little Richard was and how fantastic and honest his biography (by Charles White) was here (Which was a long seven years ago), so find out for yourselves. I haven't really much to add, apart from the fact one of the few things l regret is not having been able to watch (or meet) him when he was a young pup (and bitch) back in his old Rock and Roll days. He was a massive gift to us all who lost his Rock and Roll way by heading to the pulpit, and who wasted his talent on lots of different record labels and bad choices of songs, but man, could that cool cat entertain and sing. For those that haven't heard them, his gospel and soul recordings are also sublime. - he could do anything. Even when he was drugged up and not at his magnificent best, the charisma. intelligence, honesty and playfulness shone through, and he'll be missed a lot in this household. I spent a lot of time yesterday watching old youtube clips with a drink in my hand and a tear in my eye, and l advise you all to do the same. The records will be dug out later today, and l pity my neighbours if they are trying to sleep. I may even try putting on some makeup and being bisexual again in his honour - he deserves it.

Here's an early crowd watching Elvis (when he was cool) - look at the joy, despite how shocking he was to some

Here's an early crowd watching Little Richard - look at the disbelief and amazement

The screen test for 'The Girl Can't Help It'. He's a bit subdued at the start, but watch him go after 1.15m. Every time l see him dancing on this l laugh out loud





From 'Don't Stop The Rock' - Bill Haley watching.















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a tony hancock painting from the rebel has been spotted

An excellent spot by Steve Hardy regarding a lost Tony Hancock 'Masterpiece' from 'The Rebel'. It was thought the paintings were destroyed after the film, but this was spotted in an episode of Department S.

Now that's what l call being eagled eyed, and rather sadly, l'm pretty damn pleased the painting is hopefully still out there somewhere. I've got a copy of another one from the film ('Self Portrait') sitting on one of my dusty shelves.

I really need to get a life!

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me and my uncle - joni mitchell, john phillips, the grateful dead and judy collins

Me and My Uncle was written by John Phillips of The Mamas and Papas during an evening of much merriment, or at least it seems so, as he couldn't remember writing it afterwards. It's been covered a few times, and the Grateful Dead version is probably the most well known.
However, related to this, although l've always liked Joni Mitchell, l could never fathom how so many people (and other musicians) worshiped her so much, and considered her a genius. That was until l saw Joni's 1965 Oscar Brandt 'Let's Sing Out' version, from before she was even signed up to a record label. The guitar playing is intricate and superb, and she sings it in such an emotive and playful way. The other older musicians just look amazed.
Consider me a convert.

Here's John Phillips



Here's one of the many the Grateful Dead versions



Here's Judy Collins



And here's the magnificent 1965 version by Joni Mitchell



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barnacle bill the sailor - film and song

I watched an old Ealing Studios comedy last night that l hadn't seen before called Barnacle Bill (Released as 'All at Sea' in the USA), starring Alec Guinness. Whilst l enjoyed it (Red wine had been taken), it could have done with this little ditty by Hoagy Carmichael as it's theme song, as it's one of my favourites.



Here's the earliest recording from 1928 by Frank Luther and Caron Robison



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matt hancock and the care badges

Fuck Matt Hancock, Boris Johnson and the rest of this government with their pretence of caring about the NHS, Care Workers, the immigrants who have been putting their lives at risk, or the vulnerable in our society. If they cared, they wouldn't be such a racist, money grabbing party, looking after their rich benefactors and mates. They should be insisting on care workers being paid a decent salary, while collecting a higher (or any) tax  from their opulent non taxpaying offshore non domiciliary buddies which would go towards funding the NHS. Don't even get me started on the curiously quiet Jacob Rees Mogg and his accumulation of wealth, or l'll be here all night. They're going to start testing all care home tenants before sending them back from hospital to their nursing or care homes, where there are a lot of other vulnerable people at risk? Why the fuck is this not being done already? It's not like we didn't have any warnings from other countries or the World Health Organisation so we could prepare.
What are we recieving from our glorious overlords?  Empty platitudes and unfulfilled promises of protective equipment and testing, a lack of firm leadership, and to top it all, fucking care badges!! Forget the bastard clapping on Thursday evenings, pressure the government for more, lots more. Action, leadership, wages, correct and up to date information, equipment and tests are all desperately needed, alongside a lot less of the bullshit from the daily briefings, including the sycophantic and banal questions from the likes of Laura Kuenssberg. Try letting some of the front line NHS workers ask questions instead, that might shake them up a bit.
Fuck them all - Where's a revolution when you want one?

Peter Smith nails this.

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Edit - Can you tell l'd just been at a cremation for someone from a care home who contacted the virus?

joys of the countryside

Outside my front door. How sweet.
That's lunch sorted, and if it wasn't for the bastard birds chirping away and waking me up at 5.30am each day, life out in the sticks would be great.

Here's my walk home from the pub a month ago.

Plus a cool pub in Bedale that l had been frequenting earlier that evening (The Three Coopers). A pool table surrounded by records you can play, plus a chopper (fnaar). What's not to like?
By the look of the photographs, it looks as though social distancing or the lockdown were already in place.

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sheldon cooper was ahead of the game

It's still weird watching TV in the new Coronavirus / Covid-19 age, with the social distancing and people doing live screen links, usually from their homes. It always reminds me of  the rather splendid episode of  The Big Bang Theory  where Sheldon Cooper makes an electronic 'Shelbot' version of himself so that he doesn't have to leave his apartment.

I knew he was a genius, but not that he was a soothsaying prophet.

                                      Owen Jones appears via link on the Jeremy Vine show

                                                     Sheldon being ahead of the game

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trump - no one could have predicted this....plus zac goldsmith

I don't know how to put this clip from Alastair Campbell's twitter feed up directly, but just watch it. As usual, Trump is being a lying, arrogant arse, and Obama is being the kind of leader America (and the UK) could do with right now. 
Boris and Trump currently overseeing a pandemic response - fuck me we're doomed.

LOOK HERE

And while we're Alastair Campbell's twitter, here's a retweet he put up from Nick Hilton ages ago that l never got round to sharing.
It's still true though.

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