injuring myself like a drunken fucking idiot

 My knee after being cleaned up

My now filthy tracksuit top

 Some scratches on my face after being cleaned up

 My swollen lip after cleaning

My bloody nose just after l got home

I had a bit of a mishap yesterday evening, purely my own fault, as l am a fucking idiot.

I had been working overnight, and then in the morning, and called round to see Joe afterwards.  From there, l went to The Wine Bar, where l was pleasantly surprised to see Fred, as l had passed by a military funeral at Hipswell earlier in the day, and thought it could have been his, as he has cancer, is not well, and he used to be high ranking in the army.  I ended up staying out with him and others, and as l am trying to behave myself and not drink and drive, l left my car and decided to run home.  This may have been the slight flaw in the evenings entertainment, as l fell over about halfway home and pretty much landed on my face.  I obviously leapt back to my feet again with the reflexes of a meerkat and foolishly decided to carry on running, resulting in a second fall, with pretty much the same result.  What a drunken buffoon you may be thinking, and you could well be right, but that was not all.  When l eventually arrived home in my bloody and scratched up state, I went upstairs to clean myself up a bit, and then fell down the stairs.  It was like a one man display of top notch stupidity from start to finish.  The FPO had been house sitting at her parents while they are away on holiday, but we went to Richmond today to buy some books for my nieces birthdays, and she was openly laughing in my face at my cuts and swollen lip. I can't say l blame her, as l look like daffy duck at the moment.  My current injuries are:

Both knees scratched, swollen and sore

Both shoulders (and my bum) are sore from falling down the stairs 

Both hands scratched trying to halt the forward falls

Large scratches on my left cheek (plus it's swollen)

Scratches on my nose, and lip, plus my lip is swollen

Two scratches on my forehead, plus one small dent in my skull (again), and another cut on my scalp (again)

It's a good job my nose had already been broken playing football, and l am indestructible.  This sort of thing would have been the death of a lesser man.

Next time though, l'll order a bleeding taxi.

toodle pip

celebrities as ordinary people

 Britney Spears

 Johnny Depp

 Lady Ga Ga

 Madonna

 The Pitts

 Rihanna

John Travolta

What celebrities would look like if they were real people, just like you and me.  I don't know which one scares me the most, Madonna, or Britney Spears.

From Planet Hiltron, via PopHunter (where more pictures can be found)

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anita pallenberg

Old age - it happens to us all, even the once beautiful icons of the 1960's.
It was while watching Mister Lonely the other day that it started to bug me that l kind of recognised the person who was playing The Queen.  It was only when the credits came up at the end that l realised it was non other than Anita Pallenberg.
She was once infamous, due to being one of those at the epicentre of the 60's bohemian culture and lifestyle, mainly with The Rolling Stones, and is still seen out and about with that other iconic 60's Stones girlfriend and pop star, Marianne Faithfull.
Partner of Stones guitarist Brian Jones, until she left him for Keith Richards, she also starred (and slept with)  Mick Jagger in Performance, and appeared in Barbarella alongside Jane Fonda.
Her and Richards had three children.  A son (Marlon), a daughter (Dandelion - later changed to Angela), and another son, Tara (named after their friend Tara Browne) who died after 10 weeks.  They were heavily into drugs (it was while the Canadian police came to arrest Pallenberg in Toronto, that Richards was busted in 1977), but although seemingly suited to be together, ultimately, the relationship ended.
Pallenberg was also arty and intelligent, heavily into black magic (as a lot of stars used to be - hello Mr Jimmy Page), and became newsworthy again when she had an affair with her 17 year old gardener, who proceed to shoot and kill himself at her home in 1979.
Now a fashion designer, friend of Kate Moss, and occasional DJ (of course she is).

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a relaxed cat and lolly

It's hard to believe that this is in the middle of a room with a lot of people having loud and drunken conversations in.
The relaxed cat (Archie?) and Lolly, at Louise and Dazzers last week.

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the teapottery at leyburn

While out and about with the FPO last week, we ended up visiting The Teapottery, just outside Leyburn (North Yorkshire).  There was plenty of interesting looking tea pots inside (as you would expect), but there was always the dreaded thought that you might accidentally knock one off the shelves, as a sign states that all damages have to be paid for (and they are not cheap).
I prefered the odd looking ones or the rock and roll related ones (no surprise there), but despite my collecting bug, novelty teapots are something l can live without.

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mister lonely ( 2007) - harmony korine

This was a strange film whichever way you look at it, which l am all in favour of, but ultimately, at the end, l felt as though there was something missing.  It looked great, and the storylines were certainly surreal enough for my tastes, but it was just a bit flat and unfulfilling.
There is a slim chance that is how the film is supposed to make you feel at the end, as it concerns stories about faith, hope, and aspiration, that all ultimately turn out to be worthless, but l very much doubt it.
Mister Lonely has two stories running concurrently.
The first concerns a Michael Jackson impersonator, who is living and working in Paris.  He meets a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, who he then follows to Scotland, to live as part of a commune in a Scottish castle, help build a theatre, and put on 'The Greatest Show on Earth' in it. Did l mention the commune houses other impersonators only, and the Charlie Chaplin one is Marilyn Monroe's partner?  All is sweet and hunky dory at the commune, until Chaplin's dark side presents itself, and the sheep have to put down due to disease.
Is that surreal and dark enough for you?
What about the second story, in which a nun accidentally tumbles from a small aeroplane, and survives the fall, supposedly due to her faith in God while falling.  This leads to other nuns testing and confirming their faith by also leaping out of the plane.  News of this reaches Rome and The Vatican, and the nuns are invited to meet The Pope, but while flying there, the plane crashes into the sea and kills them all.
Did l also mention that there are roles for Samantha Morton, Anita Pallenberg, Richard Strange, James Fox and Werner Herzog (amongst others)? Plus the soundtrack features Jason Pierce from Spiritualized?
That, to me, sounds like one hell of a magnificent movie, but as stated above, something is not right about it, and despite the stupendous ideas behind it, plus some worthwhile performances, it ended up being just a little bit............................well, boring actually.
What a shame.

toodle pip

billy bragg and harry styles on margaret thatchers death

Once again, Billy Bragg has expressed my feelings much more eloquently than l could have done myself.  On his Facebook page he stated  :

This is not a time for celebration. The death of Margaret Thatcher is nothing more than a salient reminder of how Britain got into the mess that we are in today. Of why ordinary working people are no longer able to earn enough from one job to support a family; of why there is a shortage of decent affordable housing; of why domestic growth is driven by credit, not by real incomes; of why tax-payers are forced to top up wages; of why a spiteful government seeks to penalise the poor for having an extra bedroom; of why Rupert Murdoch became so powerful; of why cynicism and greed became the hallmarks of our society.

Raising a glass to the death of an infirm old lady changes none of this. The only real antidote to cynicism is activism. Don't celebrate - organise!

Top Man!  I'd vote for him as a new Labour leader.

Meanwhile...
Don't get me started on the One Direction fans replying to Harry Styles' tweet (below)

With the less than clued up responses of..

Bloody scrounging  layabout kids and welfare hoodies nowadays (etc etc).  They need a damn good thrashing (and a decent education).
From here

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the return of the polyphonic spree

I'd kind of forgotten all about The Polyphonic Spree, until l saw a video of them performing Nirvana's 'Lithium' on The Afterword blog, despite the fact l have three of their CDs and have seen them live.  Maybe this is because they have not had an album out since 2007's 'The Fragile Army' (if you ignore the Christmas album), or maybe it's my crappy memory.  Either way, they are back with a new album in May (Yes It's True) and their new song can be heard below (from Consequence of Sound).



A friend described them as sounding like Beatles psychedelic out-takes when we saw them in Newcastle, but he meant it as a bad thing, whereas l call that high praise indeed.  I'll be looking out for a UK tour later in the year (hopefully with all 22 members), and maybe try to sneak on stage wearing my grandad's old nightgown..  Time to stock up on the acid and ecstasy, and recreate the old days!



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baby milk being rationed

On the same day that Margaret Thatcher (milk snatcher) dies, it is announced that baby milk is being rationed.
You couldn't make it up.

On a related note....

She's only been in hell for

a couple of hours, but has already closed six furnaces and sacked 2000 demons. And privatised two of the nine circles.

(From here)

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the agony of phil jones

A pretty funny picture from tonights game.  The agony of Phil Jones as Aguero scores. Click on it to enlarge it for the full effect!
Nicked from here.

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capitalism poster

This has been posted before, and it will be posted again in the future.
How capitalism works.

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contrasting press photographs - debbie harry and zz top

Both of these photographs are for press and publicity.
That is where the similarity ends, as the Debbie Harry (of Blondie) one oozes sex and punk attitude, whereas the ZZ Top one features three raggedy old blokes coming to your town to scare the crap out of the ladyfolk.
Saying that, l actually like ZZ Top a lot, especially on their early albums, and have seen them on more than one occasion.
On the other hand, if Debbie Harry was appearing nearby as she was in the photograph, l would happily trample 'The Top' (as l call them) down as l made a beeline for her, and sod the southern fried blues based riffola that they might be producing at the time.
After all, I've got eyes.

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mick jagger when he was cool

My love and admiration for The Rolling Stones has been stated many times, but one of the things that is often overlooked when people talk about them nowadays, is how cool Mick Jagger used to be.  He might well have been an educated and well raised young man, but at one time, he was cool as fuck, and a proper thorn in the side of the establishment.  Keith Richards gets all the plaudits nowadays for being 'Mr Rock and Roll' (with some justification), but Mick more than stood his ground when it was all  fresh, dangerous and exciting, and these are some of my favourite photographs of him.
As for the Glastonbury festival and Hyde Park appearances,  l'd rather remember the band how they used to be, so l'm not going. Christ on a bike, l thought they were old when l saw them in 1982, and that was over thirty years ago.
Mind you, if they did an acoustic show in our local village hall, l'd be there in a jiffy (but that's unlikely, to say the least).
Here's a promotional film for Mick in 'Performance'.



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everyone was young once (part 845) - bruce lee

Who on earth could this 1958 Crown Colony Cha Cha champion be?
Only the charismatic and hard as nails Bruce Lee, that's who.
I pity the fool that tries to make fun of his dancing, or tries to nick his girl.

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ding dong the wicked witch is dead

Heading up the itunes chart at this very moment.
Ding Dong The Wicked Witch is Dead (come on -  join in everybody!)

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elvis costello - tramp the dirt down

I'm not that keen on this actual song, but as far as the sentiment and lyrics go (it's about Margaret Thatcher dying), Elvis Costello's 'Tramp The Dirt Down' does it for me, and echoes my thoughts on the matter.

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margaret thatcher is dead - hurrah!

I have just heard on the BBC news that the ex Conservative prime minister, Margaret Thatcher has died.
Hurrah! And about bloody time!
It is a sad day for her family, but not for me. Far from it.
I despised the woman, her policies, her disregard for the working classes and society in general, her privatisation of the countries assets, the destruction of communities, and her lionisation by the blue haired, twin set, pearl wearing Tory hard line and right wing support.
No doubt there will be countless tributes stating how wonderful she was, but don't come here looking for any praise, and never mind 'don't speak ill of the dead'.
l'll happily celebrate her passing, and I will be raising a glass to the grim reaper this evening, that's for sure.
Thanxs to the rather wonderful 'Is Thatcher Dead Yet?' blog, there's a spotify playlist for any street parties.  Enjoy the moment.
Photo artwork by Dylan Jeavons

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john simm's hanging scene

There was much hilarity in our household this evening, and l assume in many others up and down the country.  We were idly flicking around the TV channels when we stumbled upon the BBC series 'The Village'.
I was just commenting to the FPO that it was all so depressing looking, with the washed out colours and  'it's all so grim' outlook, that the John Simm character was probably going to hang himself with the rope that he was carrying.  Lo and behold, a couple of minutes later, there he was, strung up from a tree, trying to kill himself, as (I assume) the grimness must have got to him.
How unfortunate and sad you may think, but no, quite the opposite in fact.
The look on Simm's face as he was choking was hilarious, cross eyed, with tongue flapping in the breeze.
How we laughed and laughed, pausing the TV, rolling around on the floor gasping for breath (a bit like Simm, but without the cross eyed look), rewinding it back numerous times, and then eventually taking the picture above for posterities sake.
Life doesn't get much better - My ribs and sides are still aching.

toodle pip

the grand national bet

I hardly ever bet, but putting some money on The Grand National makes it that little bit more entertaining, and gives me some interest in it.
I was going to head to the pub for it, but l had been working overnight, was falling asleep at home,and the FPO came back from Tesco's with bottles of wine, so we stayed in for the race, then sat on the doorstep in the sunshine with Tubbs (the idiot rabbit), drinking wine (Tubbs abstained), like a middle class Andy Capp and Flo.
As for my bet, l know bugger all about horses, so l just chose some at random. People said l was a madman to pick such outsiders to win, and of course l wasn't successful,  but the eventual winner (Auroras Encore) was priced at 66-1, so maybe l should have been more daring with my £2 to win bets.
As usual, close, but no cigar.

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james earl ray forgotten footage

This is pretty amazing footage that has just been unearthed after 45 years.  Not for the quality of the film, but for the historical significance.
It shows the killer of Martin Luther King, James Earl Ray, being taken into custody, and strip searched.  Potential jurors are also filmed, but these turned out not be be needed, due to Earl Ray pleading guilty.
It would have been better if this had been posted yesterday, as it was the anniversary of Dr King's death, but it's still a fascinating document of America's not so distant (and racist) past.
I still think George Wallace, the right wing politician and racist politician should take a lot of responsibility for what he had been preaching, as this encourages fanatics and idiots, but l suppose he got shot and paralyzed in a 1972 assassination attempt, so it's all Yin and Yang, cause and effect etc, even if he later renounced his views.
In related news, l been past The Lorraine Motel (now known as The National Civil rights Museum), where Dr King was shot, and witnessed and support what Jacqueline Smith is protesting about outside.  That is, the gentrification of the area, which resulted in pricing out the locals, and the wrong use of the motel as a museum, rather than as a clinic or college.  She used to live in the motel, and was the last person the leave it,
and has been protesting outside for the last 20 years or so, and good luck to her (although the money always talks, so l think she is on to a lost cause).

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