have l got news for you

I watched this weeks episode of HIGNFY (with Richard Herring as a panellist) and thought it was pretty good. No great news there, but myself and the FPO were discussing how quick the replies on the show were (l think she was trying to hint they were funnier than me). I obviously do not believe this to be the case, and argued about it being edited, so they would have had a lot longer to think of replies. Later on, reading Richard Herring's blog about it ( http://www.richardherring.com/warmingup/?id=3118 ), he confirmed that the show takes about two hours of recording time, which is then cut down to half an hour. In fact, there was a bit about him asking out one of the other panellists 20 years ago, which was said when the show was over, but the cameras continued to record them. This was then edited into the show to make it look as though it was during it. WHHHAAAATTTT??????? I always thought l could trust TV shows - my illusions are shattered, but at least l am still funnier than most of the panellists (I tip my hat to Paul Merton).

toodle pip

missing posters

Clever ideas - wish l had thought about it first

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bernie mac - milk and cookies from the original kings of comedy dvd

After watching 'Soul Men' the other night, l got me a hankering for some Bernie Mac stand up. This is my favourite routine of his. He sure was one hell of a funny guy. Now "bust a motherfuckin' move"

toodle pip

carson spur in the 1930's - saucy kids

The girl on the left looks a bit saucy. Showing off her tummy, digging her toes in the sand, and just check out her expression (it can be enlarged - the photo, not he expression). Those crazy kids back in the day....

Don't get too worked up - she could be your grannie (or great grannie)

toodle pip

bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 19 bob marley - redemption song

One of my biggest disappointments (and l have had many) was when l was in Jamaica, as l wanted to go exploring and nightclubbing, but it was just too dodgy (and l have been in some dodgy places), as l was getting bugged by the locals all the time. Still love Bob though.

toodle pip

bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 12 status quo - paper plane

From when they were still a rock band - it all went downhill with 'The Wild Side of Life' (before 'Rocking All Over The World' for you youngsters).

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bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 111 t.rex - life's a gas

I used to (and still do) love Marc Bolan (this is the real #1 gig l would have loved to have gone to when they were at their peak (1971 - 1972)

toodle pip

bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 31 the sex pistols - anarchy in the uk

This is the real Pistols, although l must admit, Sid nailed the image, so it would have been great to see them with him, probably on their 1977 USA tour, getting heckled by the rednecks, and Sid scrawling 'gimme a fix' on his chest. Phew! Rock and roll!

toodle pip

bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 26 led zeppelin - rock and roll

Yeeeesssssssss!!!!!!!

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bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 23 bob dylan - tangled up in blue

There are so many of Dylan's songs l could have chosen - he is God (or as close as we are likely to get).

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bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 7 iggy pop - the passenger

Can't find a decent clip from the early 1970's, but this is still excellent

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bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 4 deep purple - highway star

Deep Purple - l used to love them

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bands l wish l had seen (at their peak) # 1 ike and tina turner - river deep mountain high

I wouldn't normally think about Ike and Tina Turner when asked about bands l wished l had seen (at their peak), but this is fantastic and l wish l had. More soon..... (drink has been taken)

toodle pip

psychoville 2

This has been pretty good so far, but seem to be spending a lot of time setting up the plot/narrative. On the other hand, Tina Turner was funny as fuck (and also pretty sad at the end). Look out for Silent Singer, she's bound to play a major role later in the series.

toodle pip

soul men (2008)

Starring Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson, this is a standard story about a band reforming for a show at the Apollo Theater, and getting their groove back. I wanted to watch it because Bernie Mac is one hell of a funny guy, and he did have his moments, but ultimately, the film was a disappointment. It was just not that funny, although l have read that it was heavily re-edited after the deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes to soften the tone of it. Maybe that's where it went wrong. lt could have done with a lot more of Bernie cussin' and being himself, although there is a short tribute to him at the end of the film when the credits are coming up.

toodle pip

part three of the sand sculptures

And still pretty damn good!

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werner herzog - cave of forgotten dreams

Off to Richmond station pictures today to see Werner Herzog,'s Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which is a 3D film documentary of the Chauvet Cave in Southern France. These were discovered in 1994 and have ancient artwork from about 32.000 years ago, preserved in pristine condition (like l would like my Spider-man comics to be) due to a landslide blocking the entrance. It was great, you can really experience what it must be like in the caves, as the contours, rocks and floor all come out at you. Public access is denied, so this is as close as l am likely to get to them, although there is talk of building a replica a few miles away. Old Werner is a bit of a hippy, asking us to listen to our heartbeat, and imagining us as albino crocodiles (it's a long story), but that only added to the film. The spooky pipe and groaning music (I should trademark that term) sounded excellent as well, a bit better than it would on my sound system. A good result all round - even the FPO liked it, so that's a date night ticked off.

toodle pip

survivors of the first world war

Florence Green

Claude Choules

Survivors of the First World War. Nine years ago there were 700. Times are moving on and it's the end of an era. Nearly 65 million people took part in the war, and about 10 million died. Now there are two left - Claude Choules and Florence Green. This is history we are losing, but there is no way to stop it (l blame God).

UPDATE - JUST DISCOVERED CLAUDE DIED ON THE 5TH MAY. ONLY FLORENCE LEFT.

toodle pip.

the exorcist ad

Dirt Devil-The Exorcist from MrPrice2U on Vimeo.

One of the best ads l have ever seen

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young kids today asked about the beatles

Little ignorant bastards. Shoot them.

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microwave for one

How sad do you want to be?

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rammstein - buck dich - rock or gay?

Now l like a bit of The Human League, Scooter, Industrial and The Nine Inch Nails, but Rammstein take it to another level (OK - l admit it - Nine Inch Nails are also pretty crazy). The thing is, l can't ever imagine buying a Rammstein record/download (music can be downloaded for free now you old farts/hippies). I also can't understand the lyrics (my German is basic), and some of their songs are well dodgy/gayish. Trouble is, l still think they are great and l am glad they are out there (or not out, if you know what l mean). This is another great/dodgy song, but it really has to be watched after the 3 minute mark to get the full benefit/disgust factor. Those crazy crazy Germans.

toodle pip

nurse jackie - series 2

Finished watching this last weekend, and got some grief from the FPO as l had been watching it at work and she had missed the whole series (although l am sure l told her it was starting). Obviously as a man of the world, a bon viveur, a rodgerer and a puker, and a man with many interests and hobbies, time is of the essence. I see, read and watch copious amounts by myself, and find the precious time to do so, by not watching so many cookery/modelling/makeover programmes. I shall say no more on the matter. By the way, the series was great and she (Edie Falco - Nurse Jackie) is exposed (not in that way) at the end. Series 3 is on soon. I repeat -

Series 3 is on soon.

toodle pip

recent films watched - bad lieutenant - get him to the greek

I really like Russell Brand humour and radio shows, but l was not expecting very much from this, as the preview clips were rubbish. It is from 2010 and is by Nicholas Stoller, starring Jonah Hill and Russell Brand. Russell revises his rock star alter ego Aldous Snow from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and once again, gets to wear some cool clothes. Although it was not a very good film, it did have some really funny lines, and parts of it made my good self (and the dreaded FPO) laugh out loud, especially when the adrenaline is administered. Rather glad l had made the effort and watched it in the end.

This is in complete contrast to Get Him to the Greek. From 1992 (by Abel Ferrara). l had seen this before, but watched it again with the FPO the other night as she was new to it. Starring Harvey Keitel as the bad lieutenant himself, who has quite a few issues with drugs, Catholicism, gambling and sex. Harvey does something in this film (when he stops two girls driving) that l had never seen a major star doing in a movie before (he is, after all, a bad lieutenant). He is also not shy when it comes to getting his kit off and going "wwhhooooaaaaaggghhhhhhh" (or something like that). Had a disagreement with the FPO about the shot at the end, and whether the actors are all real, or just passers by, but l reckon l am right (l said passers by). I will have to look it up on t'net later on. A really good film, but unflinchingly dark.

toodle pip

recent films watched - crustaces et coquillages (cockles and mussels) - happiness

This is a 1998 film about anything but happiness. It is a black comedy by Todd Solondz, about three sisters and a father who is a pedophile. Cheerful stuff all the way through, but good. The father (Bill) when asked by Billy (his son) if he would ever try to have sex with him, said he would not try to, but would "jerk off instead". Billy is about the only one in the film with a happy ending (so to speak), as he is trying to wank all through the film, but only manages to do so at the end. Todd's follow up Life During Wartime is just as cheerful.

This is a 2005 film by Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau. The usual kind of French farce, whereby a family go away to stay in a house by the sea, then there are misunderstandings and affairs. The wife has an affair, the husband realises he is gay and meets an old lover, and the son decides he is not gay. Those crazy French.....

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spiral series 3 end

Finished watching this yesterday and it was fantastic. As l have said before, it was very similar to 'The Killing' , but faster paced and maybe even better. That is some compliment, as 'The Killing' was one of the best things l had ever seen. Apparently series 1 and 2 of Spiral are just as good (if not better), so unless they are going to be on the old glass teat very soon, l will be sending off for the DVDs. Marvellous stuff - Hurrah!

toodle pip

new orleans and the levees

I have just been reading about New Orleans and its system of levees, which are supposed to keep the waters out. Now l have been to New Orleans, loved the place (especially a night out with Chinese White), discussed getting a bar there, and knew they had a levee system. What l did not realise was how low a lot of the city is in comparison to the water. The levees look pretty high when the water is down, but if l lived there l would want them to be even larger, or live in a house (or pub) that could float (there are such places available). Other options could be to raise the land or make New Orleans an island. If sticking to the present system, those levees need to be mighty high and very strong.

toodle pip

jetman over the grand canyon

Wow - how cool is that. I would love to have a go on the old jet pack - even if you crashed and died (hopefully very quickly) - what a way to go!

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the apprentice returns

I can't stand the bloody programme, but here's a handy bingo game to go with it.

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brian wilson on the one show

I love the The Beach Boys stuff, especially around the time of Pet Sounds/Smiley Smile era, and Brian Wilson has been the creator of so much good stuff in the past. It is also good that he is now able to get out and about after his well documented problems, but this is bloody awful. Talk about milking a golden calf (or whatever it is l am thinking about). Leave the poor bastard alone, he won't need much more money, and it's not like he enjoys being out on the road, despite what he says on this programme. Everyone will be turning up to see the concerts because it is him, but the band are doing all the work (and vocals). Brian is just a figurehead to make a load of money. What a con. Go and see The Wondermints instead.

toodle pip

spiral series 3

This has been great. I haven't watched any of the other series (yet) but after being on so many sites where people were raving about this, l thought l would give it a go on the good old BBC iPlayer (Hurrah for the fact we are living in the space age). I have just finished watching 6 episodes (one straight after the other), as that is the kind of guy l am, plus l have no work again until Friday. It is very similar to 'The Killing'' in that there is a murder at the start, there is a strong willed (but slightly unhinged) female police woman leading the investigation, and there are corrupt government officials. I am off to bed now, but shall continue my viewing tomorrow afternoon, unless it is really nice weather, in which case l will be off to Richmond /shops/pub (in that order) and watch the rest in the evening.

toodle pip

walk home from work

I went to get the bus home early from work today, only to discover the bus timetables have changed. As it was a nice day l decided to have a walk home, listening to the latest 'Adam and Joe' podcast on the way, even though l could have got a taxi, or strolled back from whence l came, done a bit more work, then got a lift home at 3pm, as someone was going my way then (but l am getting fit for the holidays and all that). While l was walking along, minding my own business, an athletic looking black guy came running past me. God knows where from, as it was pretty much as soon as l started. Now l don't know if l was walking home pretty quickly, but this guy was sprinting ahead so far then stopping and walking for a bit to compose himself, before sprinting off again. It turned into a mad game of tag, without him realising, as l kept just about catching him up all the way home. He did not look round, and was not aware l was so close to him on a few occasions, and l would have also overtaken him just past the Colburn Lodge if l had not crossed over the road and walked through the woods (obviously hoping he would follow me and bum me). Either he is rubbish at running, or l walk pretty fast when l get my gander up.

I then cut the grass when l got home. I think l must have a fever or something (or l am still on a high from Manchester United beating Chelsea 2-1 yesterday to pretty much clinch the title ( one point now needed from the last two games).

more sand sculptures

More excellent stuff on the beach - who needs the ladies?

toodle pip

mmmm.... the walk to the pub

Nothing better than a sunny day with nothing to do but take a leisurely walk to the pub for a couple of ales.

Mmmm...ales.

toodle pip

man or woman?

Myself and the FPO have disagreed on this. I definitely think this is a man who has had (or is in the process of having) a sex change. Good luck to him/her, but the FPO thinks it is just a woman. Barmy. I am right (as usual) and she is wrong.

toodle pip

one day trailer

The book that this film is based on is meant to be good. After watching the trailer though, why bother? It has given away all of the plot and also has the gift of making the film itself look shit. I don't think there will ever be a day when l am so bored that l will watch this (or read the book) . Cheers Hollywood (or the UK film industry, l can't be bothered checking), that's saved a bit of my precious moments on this Godforsaken planet.

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