alice in wonderland

I saw Sherlock Holmes the other night

The wife's idea, she thought it'd be alright

But like the Thames is full of flotsam

Jude Law was playing Watson

It was directed by Guy Ritchie

It was shite

JD Jan 2010

Not really
As I am putting the hours in and wanted to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D, decided to drive to Teeside Park to watch it there, as it was only showing in boring old 2D in Richmond.

This was not a bad idea in itself, chose the 2pm viewing as there would be no kids in the audience, then get something like a KFC afterwards, maybe setting off at 1pm to ensure there was plenty of time for the journey, just in case there were roadworks or suchlike.

The FPO had other ideas. Before I knew what was happening, I was woken up and dragged out of bed to set off on the journey. I took a picture of the time on the car clock (didn't show up properly), as it was 11.16am and passing by Scotch Corner. The reason for the early start? Lunch beforehand of course, as the FPO wanted to go to Pizza Express (even though it would be like breakfast for me and I had just had a slice of toast and some coffee to try and wake up). When we got there, it wasn't open for another 30 minutes, so it was off to Morrisons to stock up on sweets, chocolates and drink, before heading into Imperial City for an all you can eat buffet.

Eventually the hours passed and the FPO had finished her 4th plateful, so I finally got to go to the pictures and relax, trying not to fall asleep from exhaustion.

The film was a lot better than reports had said. Even the attendant in Morrisons asked if we were off to see it (when he saw the massive bags of goodies), and advised us not to go. When I said I wanted to see the 3D effects, he told me not to bother, and I would be better off closing my eyes instead (something, at the time, I would loved to have done as I was so tired).

The effects turned out to be fantastic, I was really impressed and would definitely go and see more 3D films, maybe even travelling to an Imax theatre to watch one in all its glory.

Called in Tesco on the way home for more Chinese food and bottles of wine, then sat around watching Mad Men and The Office (USA version), trying not to explode.

Those bloody hours I am putting in! Next trip to the pictures will be to the Station, straight there and then back again afterwards. I like the pictures now and again, it's just the hours and hours of entertainment before and after that I am not so keen on. Straight in and out (like the SAS), that's what I say.

At least Liverpool were beaten in the Europa league as well, so it turned out to be a decent day after all.

toodle pip

4-0 against milan - the return of beckham

Hurrah! Finished work again for a couple of days and Manchester United have just beaten Milan 4-0 to reach the quarter finals of the European Cup (In old money). The game was a bit dead as United scored early and dented Milan's hopes (Milan were already 3-2 down from the game at the San Siro). Good to see Beckham back though. he got a great reception off the United fans, but they also took the piss, singing "Fergie Fergie sign him up" and booing him when he touched the ball. At least Beckham had a decent game, even though the game was already decided and there were only about 30 minutes left when he came on. He nearly scored as well, with a stonking volley from just outside the area that went straight at Van de Sar. That would have been a dream goal, but it wasn't to be. Although he distanced himself from the action afterwards, it was also good to see him don a yellow and green scarf after the game, to go along with all the protests on the night (especially the two big Glaziers out banners).
Rooney was the new white Pele again and scored another two goals, to bring his total so far this year to 30. Can't see him beating Ronaldo's 42, but you never know. Let's hope he doesn't get injured, because United certainly need him.

toodle pip

wine bar

A splendid day was had by all yesterday. I spent the morning in bed, watched a bit of TV, and then had a surprise when Robbo called round, as he had taken the day off. Had a bit of a chat, then went down to the Wine bar, even though I don't normally go down there until after 3pm on a Monday. Ended up staying till 6pm aprox, and had a good laugh with Joe, Dave the Health and Safety guy, Ritchie, his brother Dave, Mandy and Cavanagh.
Managed to contain myself and not collapse when I got back (which is always a bonus these days). Christ knows how long Joe is going to keep going. His mind is not as sharp as it was after a few drinks (mainly once we hit the whisky), but he is still very switched on. I think he is nearly 80 now (78?) so he is doing well. Cost me a bleeding fortune over the years, but the place won't be the same without him.
At least I remembered to have some crisps and food when I got back, can't believe it, I am looking after myself! (sort of).
toodle pip

respect to the captain

Wow. I have finally found someone I respect.
There was an article in last weeks Observer magazine about Charles Veley, a self made millionaire who is only 44 now, but decided to see the world a few years ago, and at the time of printing, he had been to 806 different countries.
That is something I would really like to do. Then again, visiting a lot of the countries, he had more or less landed, got the photo, then buggered of elsewhere. I know it is time consuming, but if I am visiting somewhere, I want to stay at least one night, so I can go out and experience it. Mr Veley (as I call him), has still done pretty good though, and it must be fantastic to retire and do what you want at such an early age (he was 35 when he made his fortune).
That is not the full story though, and he is not the person I respect in this tale, not by a long chalk (oh no, not at all).
The real man I look up to is the captain of the boat Mr Veley (as I call Him), hired to get him away from Christmas Island. After Mr Valey (as I call him) had waited for three days for the boat, he went to introduce himself to the boats captain. The captain was drunk, stoned, naked and masturbating. What a man! It takes me back to the old days in Amsterdam, when I was served by a man who was watching porn and masturbating behind the counter (Did he have his penis in full view mister? Oh yes, he certainly did!).
The captain is the most recent person I shout out my respect to, although someone else in Leeds is already nicknamed the captain, so he can't be called that.
I will lead my life like the captain from now on (Damn, too late, I already do). What a man. Respect.
toodle pip

putting the hours in

Oh what a gay day I have had today.

I didn't go to bed till about 5.30am, and was then woken up with tea and toast at 9am, with suggestions that "it's a nice day, let's go for a walk".

As I still want the marriage to work, off I went to Easby Abbey by Richmond. Wandered round by the river, checked out all the middle class walkers/wankers, then went inside the Church next to Easby Abbey (and nicked the postcards I have scanned). That just shows it wasn't all bad and at least I gained something from the day.Luckily I still had the memory of United's scrappy win against Wolves in my mind, so at least I had something to think about while I was bonding with nature and history.

To tell the truth, I don't mind going somewhere and having a walk about as long as there is something interesting to see. That (to me) means outrageous natural beauty, or something historical and interesting. Otherwise it's the pub, computer, decent stuff on the TV, music, reading or football for me. Notice how I have not mentioned ladies or porn. I mean solitary pursuits (damn! porn is one of them!).

Met nasty Nick on the way home, who was surprised I had been to Church (but that was good for my crazy credentials, as I also had postcards on me to prove my tale was correct, and I was carrying a plastic bag full of bottles of wine - hurrah!). I will have to put up some of his poetry soon, as long as I have not already done so when pissed. Not that I am that bothered, I will stick it up anyway.

Once back at home, watched a decent programme that talked about Hogarth (especially ' The Rakes Progress'), and Hitchcock's 'Dial M for Murder. Both really good - the hours fly by in Cleveland Road.

I will probably stay up late again tonight, the FPO is tucked up, Nozzer is in his cage, and there is a great world of information at my fingertips. What's not too like? (Oh, I nearly forgot, the wine has been drunk and I am off work). Fantastico!

toodle pip

einstein and monroe

I suppose I should really go to bed now (and I will do in a moment), but I have been looking at optical illusions again, and here is one I have not seen before.
Up close, it looks completely different than what it it does from a distance (the clue is in the title).
Impressive stuff though
toodle pip and nighty night

john travolta's house

How cool is this? I thought Wayne Coyne's house (an earlier post) was pretty good, but fancy having your own runway in your garden (with a 747 in it, on standby).

That is pretty flash by anyones standards.

Mind you, I still think he could be gay and scared to come out of the closet.

toodle pip

BT Rep calls man, He goes nuts

This is the way to deal with those nuisance calls

that damn rabbit nozzer

This is Norrin the little two faced buck toothed bastard. He used to be my buddy and I loved the Little furry faced fucker, but now it has all gone wrong. In a competition to check up on his love (all right - that might be slightly wrong). The FPO won out. I was later told of cheating techniques, like crunching teeth for affection (Lord knows I have tried over the years), but what the hell. he was the only bit of love I relied upon. Little furry faced idiot (not me. the rabbit), he had better be on better behaviour tomorrow or it's the pot for him (only joking, I still love the little mite)
toodle pip

saturn's moon

This is Saturn's moon, Prometheus, cool name, but...that sounds pretty good until you discover it is just a useless lump of ice floating about. Not sure if floating is the correct word when it is in a gravitational pull in space, but hey ho, it is still a lump of ice (53 meters across). It was only discovered in 1980. Was it there before? I would say so, but who could be really certain? (OK, I'll take the risk, I think it was).

Anyway, in advance of that knowledge, you would think "wow, a moon", but in the end, you discover it is rubbish. What is the point I am trying to make? No idea, but it keeps me busy and out of mischief.

toodle pip

the smiths

The album that never was - luckily there is a bootleg, but more importantly - what a fantastic cover. One the Smiths should have used when they were still going, if Morrisey had been more upfront about his gayness, rather than just alluding to it. Loud and proud, that's what I say!

toodle pip

einstein illusion

Close up it looks like a genius. From a distance, one of the greatest sex symbols of our time.
Is life an illusion? Are my eyes working? Am I going mad?
Whatever - talk to the wrist coz the face is pissed
toodle pip

best and charlton

These are the two latest books I have read. The George Best on was a lot more interesting, even though I had read most of the stories before. The Bobby Charlton one was what I expected really, nothing too exciting or groundbreaking, but it did have some good parts, mainly about Munich in 1958 (as you would expect) and his fallout with his brother Jackie. One thing I learned from the books was that Charlton was as fast, if not faster than Best when sprinting during training (Best admits it). I would never have guessed that.

The Bestie book was better towards the end, unlike Best himself. I know he did not want pity, and in lots of ways he was having the life he wanted, but towards the end he was a bit of a sad bastard. The fact that he was controlling, jealous, unreliable and aggressive when drunk is a real shame, as a lot of people who would have come into contact with him when he was like that will just remember him as a twat. As for Alex Best, in the book they have just celebrated their second anniversary, but already there have been rows and walkouts, plus physical abuse from both sides. Alex defends George for hitting her, saying she provokes him. He says she can dish it out as well as anyone (and admits he has hit women before). Classic stuff that I have heard a million times, let's face it, it was never going to last. I am kind of glad I never met George, they say don't meet your heroes, and if I had met him in his later years, I would definitely have been disappointed. Might make an exception for Cantona though.

another trophy

Sad to say I was back at work yesterday, coming home this afternoon (Sunday) at 2pm, luckily, to watch the League Cup final (in old money). It wasn't so bad being back at work (I guess), although I have stuff to catch up with, we did have a take-away for tea, so that cut back some of the jobs that needed doing in the evening. On my return home, the glorious United won 2-1 against Aston Villa, with little Michael Owen scoring the first, but then having to go off injured before half time. Not a bad sub to bring on, a certain Mr Wayne Rooney, did the business as well, scoring the winner.

Louise and Dazzer called round and surprised us about 3.30pm, so I had an excuse to have a few bottles of beer with Dazzer, (although I was drinking red wine when they arrived). They didn't stay for long after the game so in the evening it was pretty quiet, just pottering around and pratting about (it's all go oop north).

I have however, been a sad bastard downloading and listening to bootlegs, mainly the Stones. Having a good time doing so though. Takes my mind off work I suppose. Some of the decent ones are above (for me anyway).

Christ, I need to get a proper life!

toodle pip

Billy Casper plays football (Kes)

This was PE when I was a lad ( and it made me the man I am today).

Harry Enfield and Chums - The Slobs Win The Lottery

One day.......

madeira

The TV has been showing a lot of the flooding and the clearing up of Madeira today. It all seems a bit weird, as I was only walking those very streets at the end of October last year, so I can actually relate to it more than other disasters. The bottom picture is what the drainage canals looked like when I was there. Obviously the others are when the floods happened. There's quite a bit of a difference, that's for sure.
Just shows how random life can be, I pity the poor bastards that got swept up in the crappy water and died. What a way to go (and so unexpected).

Might stick to open ground in the future. Mind you, I will probably get struck by lightning, or attacked by a camel or something. Sod it, think I will do the usual. Ignore the danger (unless it is really obvious), and go for it. No point in worrying too much, it gets you nowhere.

the wild west

The aftermath at Wounded Knee

Robert McGee

Bison Skulls 1870

As I have had a lot of time off dossing (and unable to do anything strenuous because of my neck injury), I have been reading a lot, including a load of stuff about American history. It certainly was a completely different world back then, even though it was not that long ago in the great scheme of things. The photo of the bison skulls is amazing as it is just one pile of skulls. There would have been a lot more around the country. There must have been a lot of fat Indians or settlers by the look of that pile.
As for Robert Mcgee, he was scalped when he was younger, by the Sioux chief Little Turtle, in about 1864. It is one thing to survive the scalping and look like he did, but just try to comprehend the amount of pain he must have gone through, being scalped, and then having to put up with the barbaric surgery and stitches afterwards. I bet it bought tears to his eyes, even though men were men in those days. I assume a lot of hard liquor must have been taken beforehand, so it had it's plus points.
Wounded knee is a long story, but basically, a massacre by the American cavalry. There is a really good book about the whole episode (and many others), called 'Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee' by Dee Brown. I am sure there was word that it was being made into a new feature film. I hope so, but with Hollywood, it will either be really maudlin, or just crap.
Thank fuck I was born when I was, no wars to join, no one attacking me (apart from soldiers in the nightclub), lots of available sex, and loads of modern gadgets. Also travelled a lot abroad and have access to TV and music when I want. Magic!
toodle pip

off to the docs

Things are still looking good work - wise, I am still off and do not have to go back to work until Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, I had to drag myself out of the house today to go to the doctors, at 9am in the bloody morning, just to get my grubby little mitts on my sick note. Snow was everywhere, which I wasn't so bothered about, as it made a bit of a change having a walk out in it. I felt like I was in a disaster movie for some of the walk, it was emtiness everywhere around our place (see pictures). Busy by White shops, but no-one about again on the way home (which suited me, as I am a miserable git). My neck was a bit sore by the time I got back at 10.30am, but at least my trainers were clean, as I walked along kicking the virgin snow all the way home.

On return, I chucked all of the clothes I had been wearing into the wash, got my trackies on and settled down to doss about again. Marvellous. Christ, I wish I was loaded. What's the saying? "Only boring people get bored". I may well be boring sometimes, but I certainly do not get bored when off work.

Also been staying up really late, (later than usual), and only having about 4 hours sleep, as there is so much to do, so little time. My head is full of even more crap than usual (if that's possible). Bring it on!

toodle pip

'orrible creatures

Vampire moth

Spider crab

Sea spider

Coconut crab

Barreleye see through fish

What a strange old world it is out there. I wouldn't like to meet some of these close up

toodle pip

wayne coyne's house

This is amazing looking and it's the kind of thing I really like, kind of 'A Clockwork Orange' look about it. Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) calls this his home. Makes a change from all the bland shite that is always shown on Cribs, here's a man who knows his own mind, even if that mind may be a little off kilter. That's the kind of stuff I would like in my bathroom, wait until I win the bleeding lottery!

Respect to him and toodle pip

weekend fun

A man comes out of prison after accidentally shooting a policeman, and then starts seeing the policeman's wife, and his old flame

Mystery as a mother comes back from the dead and a husband is killed

I think I may have dropped my trousers at this point

Miserable boy

Another fine weekend has flown by (like the great pumpkin again). On Saturday, Robbo and Kerry turned up unexpectedly, just before the United v Everton game (3-1 to the Scousers). I watched the game with Robbo (after he had gone to Tesco's to get some food), and Kerry and Mandy went to the Farmers Arms for lunch. A fine morning, even though we chatted too much during the game, as we had a lot to catch up with. I think maybe too much piss taking was done after the girls got back, for which I blame alcohol and stress. After they had gone, Mandy went and got a couple of bottles of wine, so that was the evening taken care of. We did watch Volver, which was a bit slow but great. A Spanish film (subtitled) staring Penelope Cruise, it was a murder mystery and also humorous. It's the second film by Pedro Almadovar that we have just seen , the other one being Live Flesh (also subtitled), based on the Ruth Rendall book of the same name. Both of them were well worth the effort so I am currently looking out for more of his to watch, it is years since I saw Tie me up, Tie me down, and I can't remember if I have watched Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, so these are next on the list.
As usual, it was Match of the Day later, then pratting about on the computer until about 3.30am.

Sunday morning, had a read of the papers (The new look Observer!), then we got picked up by Rook and Deb as we were going to Louise and Dazzer's for Sunday lunch (even with my sore neck!). Dazzer did well, only dropped about 4 parsnips and 24 potatoes, but at least it tasted nice. I accepted his apology for being a grumpy git the week before, the girls got pissed, and we were back home by 6.30pm, so everything was hunky dory. Mandy conked out when we returned home, so I watched the Sunday Supplement, The Simpsons, American Dad, some of Gerry Adams talking about the life of Jesus, Match of the Day 2, then back to the computer until 4am. What a life. No work till Saturday, what bliss (even though United were beaten).

toodle pip

getting old

Here's a picture that has been on the wall by the rabbits cage for the last few years. It's my old mucker Robbo, and by old mucker I mean exactly that. Time catches up with us all, I don't know what year this was taken, (I would guess at 1992 as he is wearing my hat), but he is 50 this year. Time flies by (like the great pumpkin).

toodle pip

I am legend

So, I have just finished reading 'I am Legend' by Richard Matheson. It was really good, a vampire/science fiction novel originally published in 1954, mainly to do with loneliness and isolation. I had already seen the Will Smith film based on it, plus the Charlton Heston one (although I have not seen the Vincent Price one from 1964 (The Last Man on Earth). I preferred the book to the films but I would have enjoyed the films more if they stuck to the story, instead of throwing in all the Hollywood cliches.

In the book, Neville is by himself until he sees an injured dog out in the daylight. He spends weeks trying to feed it and bring it indoors, trying to build up the dogs trust in him. He eventually gets the dog inside, where it is still terrified of him, until it gets caught up in a blanket and Neville caresses and soothes it for hours. The dog then licks Neville for the first time. A week later, the dog is dead, as Neville could not save him. This brings home how lonely Neville is and his absolute despair at having hope in something, and losing the only companion he has found (Ruth does not appear till near the end, and she does not have a child with her, unlike the Will Smith film).

Also, as the Will Smith film wants to make him out to be a hero, he dies protecting and hiding the girl and child, plus he finds a vaccine which he gives to them to take back to the other live humans, thus saving mankind and becoming the legend of the title.

In the book it is a lot better. Because Neville has been killing the vampires risen from the dead and the live humans who have the infection, when he is caught at the end, he realises people have learnt to live with the disease (drugs and bacteria mutating), and he, because he had been going out and killing them, had become something fearsome to them, rather like the Dracula myth had been. He was the only human left without the infection, but he had become the freak/odd one and they were going to execute him (plus he never found a cure). Therefore he was a legend to them, a terrifying one, not a hero like Will Smith.

Don't get me started on the Charlton Heston movie, that is shit. He even gets captured and nearly burnt at the stake in Dodger stadium at one point. He also saves humanity with a serum and then dies in a Christ like/Crucifixion pose. Bloody Hollywood.

Looking foreward to the Vincent Price one!

toodle pip