Booze, news and views from a drunken opinionated fool who can't spell very well, may well repeat himself, and can't blame it on dislexia
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Clough v Revie
http://www.itv.com/ITVPlayer/Video/default.html?ViewType=5&Filter=38208
toodle pip
spotify
http://open.spotify.com/user/thewordmagazine/playlist/17zicktL8XXzxzdBJZMpkF
toodle pip
The Old days
MP's partners porn
Just realised his first name is Richard, leaving himself open to lots of jokes about dirty dicks etc - other people can do that, my life is too short to get involved
toodle pip
Thursday, 26 March 2009
CLASS WAR !!
The Edinburgh home of former Royal Bank of Scotland boss Sir Fred Goodwin has been attacked by vandals.
Windows were smashed and a Mercedes S600 car parked in the driveway was vandalised.
A group angry at bank executives' pay contacted a newspaper claiming to be behind the early morning attack.
Police said they were investigating these claims as part of their inquiry, adding that they took planned attacks "very seriously".
A statement was issued to Edinburgh's Evening News newspaper on Wednesday morning by a group which claimed it was behind the attack.
It said: "We are angry that rich people, like him, are paying themselves a huge amount of money, and living in luxury, while ordinary people are made unemployed, destitute and homeless.
"This is a crime. Bank bosses should be jailed. This is just the beginning."
Get in! Class War at last!!
l am all for it - pity they didn't burn his house down, (although he is bound to be heavily insured). It's about time life was made a bit uncomfortable for some rich bastards. Hope they keep it up
toodle pip
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Jade is dead
James Brown gives you dancing lessons
What more could you ask for?
I'll be doing the funky chicken next time l am out and about.
toodle pip
Friday, 20 March 2009
benitez - 5 more years
RAFAEL Benitez has signed a new contract which will see him blame other people for Liverpool’s failures until 2014.
The coach, linked recently to Real Madrid, said his love for the city, for the fans and for apportioning his shortcomings to a varied cast of largely irrelevant bystanders was 'impossible to resist'. After months of wrangling, Liverpool chiefs agreed to new clauses which will allow Benitez to berate one board member a month for the team's failure to beat a recently-promoted Championship side. He will also be allowed to blame Sir Alex Ferguson's eyebrows, the influence of Mercury in Virgo and all refereeing decisions, including those that have nothing whatsoever to do with Liverpool.
One sticking point was the manager's control over transfer budgets, with previous signings including a blind, 80-year old Spanish midget, a large Spanish tomato with a picture of a footballer drawn on it and Jermaine Pennant. It has also emerged that Benitez insisted the negotiations were conducted in front of a large screen showing the recent goals against Manchester United and Real Madrid, as he gestured periodically while muttering 'muchos dineros' to himself.
Owner Tom Hicks said: "I was never worried that Rafa would quit Anfield. We are, after all, paying him four million pounds a year to produce the kind of football that would cause an amphetamine-fuelled Jonathan Pearce to slip into a coma."
Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson also welcomed the new contract adding that he was relishing another five years of attempting to gradually nudge his rival into complete insanity.
toodle pip
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
1 - 4
MANCHESTER United used text messages to inform fleeing supporters of Saturday's defeat by Liverpool as thousands left Old Trafford early and caught the train back to London.
There's no point spending more time in Manchester than you have to. It is the first time the club has used its new £20 a month subscription service which also includes a selection of talking points, a football 'word of the day' and the names of key players from both teams. Julian Cook, a season ticket holder from Primrose Hill, said: "How ghastly. Does that mean that Liverpool win the big cup? Or is it just the league thingy?"As long as it wasn't the big European whatsit because I've arranged to meet up with some friends in Barcelona next month and do a bit of shopping."
As the final whistle blew on Saturday only three United fans remained in the ground after their wheelchair helpers gave up and headed to the car park. Liverpoool manager Rafa Benitez said: "At first I think Ferguson do this deliberate as some kind of spooky mind game in latest pathetic attempt to drive me insane. "But then I realise that United fans are very busy peoples with Blackberries who no have time to see their team lose."
Meanwhile Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson was banned from giving post-match television interviews after producers decided that the rapidly changing colours of his incandesecent face could trigger thousands of epileptic fits. Speaking off-camera he said: "I felt we were better than Liverpool, although the score doesn't reflect that. I also feel that Ho Chi Minh City is just outside of Knutsford, although the Ordnance Survey map doesn't reflect that."
toodle pip
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Friday, 13 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
pubs
WHY ARE ALL THE PUBS CLOSING? ASK PEOPLE WHO NEVER GO TO THE PUB
MILLIONS of people across Britain who never go to the pub were last night asking why all the pubs were closing down.
As it was revealed that 2000 pubs have closed in the last year, non-pub goers said their community would not be the same without the local pub they never went to. Margaret Gerving, from Peterborough, said: "I was delighted when the smoking ban came in because it meant I could finally go to the pub without being killed."But then I didn't, mainly because I'm not the sort of person who likes going to pubs. I prefer to stay in with a carton of pomegranate juice and a bag of pine nuts and make long lists of all the things I want banned."Now it turns out that nobody else is going either because quite a lot of the people who used to go to the pub also liked to smoke. But none of this explains why all the pubs are closing down."
Julian Cook, from Devon, said: "Our local pub looks really lovely from the outside. It's got flower baskets and a nice old fashioned sign. Unfortunately it's used by local people with accents who dress differently from me and who are, I suspect, incredibly racist."
Former pub owner Charlie Reeves, from Hereford, said: "We were told that the smoking ban would mean lots of young mums and dads bringing their children in. But that didn't really help because there's only so much Guinness you can pour down a three year-old before it falls asleep."Then there's the added factor that a pub with children in it isn't really a pub, it's a fucking hell hole."
toodle pip
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
TWELVE YEAR-OLDS URGED TO KNOCK-UP LOCAL TART
DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.
This week thousands of young boys will be dragged away from their vodka bottles and told to find a willing slut who will get them all in the papers. Angela Reeves, mother of 12 year-old Jason, said: "I've told him not to worry if his tart is already having sex with five other boys because that just means more stories, and more stories is more money. Innit? "My eight year-old is still a bit young for actual shagging so I'm sticking him in an IVF programme. We'll need to use two grand of Jason's baby money, but you have to spend it to make it."
Dr Tom Logan, author of Freak Show Britain, said: "The freaks have finally worked out how to operate the machine. It's been a bit like watching a monkey teaching itself to drive."The newspapers know they are being exploited but they don't care because they also know how much we love to read about the jaw-dropping vileness of the freaks."And when we're not reading about children who are pregnant by other children or being kidnapped by their own mother, we do love to read the sordid details of how they are trying to make money out of it. "I especially love it when the worthless, drug-addled father turns up out of the blue and starts hawking his child round Fleet Street. It's really quite Dickensian."
Dr Logan added: "Of course, there is a serious debate about how we tackle the underlying issues at the root of this problem. Personally, I'd sterilise anyone who lives in a house worth less than £130,000. Or do you think it should be higher? "Meanwhile Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation. He added: "I don't want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."
toodle pip
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Bra Tests
BRA RESEARCH MUST GO ON, VOWS SCIENTIST
THE RESEARCHER developing an intelligent bra says there is ‘no way’ it is finished and that he may have to carry on studying women’s breasts for decades.
This generation's Apollo Programme Dr Tom Logan, head of breasts at the Tits Institute, said reports his bra research was complete were ‘irresponsible’, and could stop women volunteering to help with his work. He said: “I would love to say that my intelligent bra was now a reality, I really would, but I think I will probably end up working on this project for the rest of my life.”
Dr Logan has devoted his life to developing a super-bra that will stop women’s breasts bouncing around during exercise, but with very limited success so far. Unlike rival researchers who use sophisticated laser measuring techniques to gauge levels of bounce, Dr Logan personally observes his volunteers using his bras as they jog before him on a treadmill. He said: “I only got into this line of work by accident after my university rejected my initial proposal to look into intelligent panties. But it has proved hugely rewarding.”
Most of the research takes place in Dr Logan’s office, which is equipped with a treadmill, video camera, heavy curtains and tissues. All joggers are asked to wear blindfolds to prevent anything they see interfering with the experiments, while Dr Logan always removes his trousers in case they affect the results.
He added: “People often ask me what possible scientific benefit can arise from spending hours in a darkened room watching a woman with large breasts jog on the spot on front of you in a not very supportive bra. Imagine if they had said that to Einstein? He would never have invented the atom bomb.”
Toodle pip
Compter says yes !!!
The blog will now resume with a piece about the NME awards
MUSIC TO STAY EXACTLY THE SAME FOREVER
POPULAR music is to remain exactly as it is for ever and ever after Oasis were named best band at last night's NME awards.
The lead singer of U2 is a 48 year-old tax avoider named 'Bongo'. Oasis, hailed as a 'fresh and exciting group of middle aged men from Manchester' have impressed critics with their fresh, exciting songs that all sound exactly the same.Tom Logan, assistant editor of NME, said: "It's so exciting for British music that a really fresh middle-aged band like Oasis is being recognised for doing the same fresh and exciting thing over and over and over again for what must be the best part of 20 years."Logan added: "Their sound is so fresh, so exciting and so completely unlike anything we've ever heard apart from absolutely every single note played by the Beatles, as well as the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Kinks, the Smiths and, obviously, the Stone Roses."
Meanwhile the BBC is devoting an entire week of programming to rock's freshest sensation, a fresh and exciting group of middle-aged men from Dublin called 'U2'.Director general Mark Thompson said: "I discovered U2 last year when they were playing some tiny, little spit and sawdust Olympic stadium in Rome and I knew straight away they would need lots of help from the BBC in promoting their new album."He added: "They're not your typical Dublin band, they're actually a really fresh and exciting group of millionaire property developers who have invented this fresh, exciting sound where all the songs are exactly the same."
Toodle pip
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
computer update
Nozzer the rabbit still has a scab on his head from his pussy removal (ooeerr again), but is pretty perky. Have to keep giving him antibiotics and bathing his head, so we'll see how he goes. Apparently if it happens every 6 weeks or so it is pretty bad and he won't live long. lf it is every 6 months or so, we can carry on treating him.
Been down to Walsall for Mandy's nans funeral (Edna), also a memorial service at Stockton. Also Rab's missus Dots funeral in Catterick and Tommy Pikes, also in Catterick. They are going down like flies (ooeerr again - think l need a lie down).
Toodle pip
Friday, 23 January 2009
lack of posts
toodle bloody pip for now
Nearly forgot - Kaka not going to City - l've got some monies from bets coming to me from that!
Friday, 5 December 2008
Thursday, 4 December 2008
snow and rabbit
update
The next day we went with the girls to the Cross Keys hotel for lunch and had a good laugh about Christmas and my inadequacies. Bloody cold though, ice everywhere.
Nothing much else has happened recently, been to the Wine bar, been to work, been shopping with my sister and dossing around reading and listening to stuff (still so so so many things l want to hear).
Meant to be going to see the consultant about my knee tomorrow morning, but if it is freezing cold l may give it a miss and re-arrange it. l'll see how l feel when l wake up. Should just be telling me what he has done already, although hopefully he'll say it needs more work (more time off!!). Ended up being off for five weeks after the last operation, here's hoping for another one!
That's it, better get to bed l suppose, if l have to be up early. Bah humbug.
Toodle pip
Sunday, 16 November 2008
children in need
animation / video on walls and the pavement
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuGaqLT-gO4
Toodle pip
Reg varney
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
funeral
Also found out that Graham (who used to run the Hildyard Arms) has died. Two of the lads l know are married to his daughters and l used to drink there on a regular basis, so l am going to go to his funeral if l can. He was a lot like Russel Harty but put up with a lot of crap from myself and other people when l was younger and used to drink there. Mind you, whether or not he was gay, l was one hell of a good looking young buck in them days. Hate to admit it but some of my mates were as well, so he may have had ulterior motives for putting up with us.
l would just like to state after that, nothing went on and he was sound, sounded effeminate but was a nice bloke. l still have the pub sign from the 1980's saying no underage drinking (that l stole from there).
He was never the same after the place was robbed and he got a hammer on his head. Kids today have no class. l know the brother of the lad who robbed it and he is a nice lad, a bit like Jim Holton (6' 2'' eyes of blue, big Jim Holton's after you). Don't anticipate him being at the funeral though (no, l don't mean Jim Holton).
Talking about it tonight (the funeral) and realised what old bastards we are. lt used to be you would see lads at Christmas or Bank holiday Monday, now it is funerals and remembrance days. At least everyone wants to get pissed after a funeral, so it doesn't spoil the whole day.
That's it - time to get up to no good (poor little Nozzer) and back to bed (it's taken ages typing this, l'm crap at it).
Vote Obama
Toodle pip
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
bonfire night celebration
black man given worst job
WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."
Saturday, 8 November 2008
arsenal
Toodle pip
Friday, 7 November 2008
waste time
http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/
Toodle pip
obama rocks
Friday, 31 October 2008
back again! - Springsteen speech
Still off work with a sore knee, usual reading, watching TV and listening to music. Looks like l will be back at work on the 12th or 13th of November. Been one hell of a good break though.
Off to get a drink and some food before having to tidy up, as Robbo and Kerry are visiting and stopping tonight. Will leave a speech by Bruce Springsteen from his show at Philadelphia. The boss sure knows how to talk.
I've spent 35 years writing about America, its people, and the meaning of the American Promise. The Promise that was handed down to us, right here in this city from our founding fathers, with one instruction: Do your best to make these things real. Opportunity, equality, social and economic justice, a fair shake for all of our citizens, the American idea, as a positive influence, around the world for a more just and peaceful existence. These are the things that give our lives hope, shape, and meaning. They are the ties that bind us together and give us faith in our contract with one another."I've spent most of my creative life measuring the distance between that American promise and American reality. For many Americans, who are today losing their jobs, their homes, seeing their retirement funds disappear, who have no healthcare, or who have been abandoned in our inner cities. The distance between that promise and that reality has never been greater or more painful."I believe Senator Obama has taken the measure of that distance in his own life and in his work. I believe he understands, in his heart, the cost of that distance, in blood and suffering, in the lives of everyday Americans. I believe as president, he would work to restore that promise to so many of our fellow citizens who have justifiably lost faith in its meaning. After the disastrous administration of the past 8 years, we need someone to lead us in an American reclamation project. In my job, I travel the world, and occasionally play big stadiums, just like Senator Obama. I've continued to find, wherever I go, America remains a repository of people's hopes, possibilities, and desires, and that despite the terrible erosion to our standing around the world, accomplished by our recent administration, we remain, for many, a house of dreams. One thousand George Bushes and one thousand Dick Cheneys will never be able to tear that house down."They will, however, be leaving office, dropping the national tragedies of Katrina, Iraq, and our financial crisis in our laps. Our sacred house of dreams has been abused, looted, and left in a terrible state of disrepair. It needs care; it needs saving, it needs defending against those who would sell it down the river for power or a quick buck. It needs strong arms, hearts, and minds. It needs someone with Senator Obama's understanding, temperateness, deliberativeness, maturity, compassion, toughness, and faith, to help us rebuild our house once again. But most importantly, it needs us. You and me. To build that house with the generosity that is at the heart of the American spirit. A house that is truer and big enough to contain the hopes and dreams of all of our fellow citizens. That is where our future lies. We will rise or fall as a people by our ability to accomplish this task. Now I don't know about you, but I want that dream back, I want my America back, I want my country back."So now is the time to stand with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, roll up our sleeves, and come on up for the rising."
Toodle pip
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Kerry Katona Interview on This Morning
She is really fucked up. Philip handled it well, but that girl needs some help, not to be in TV docs all the time. Why did they even let her out for the interview though?
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
bad planning
BBC 2 on Sunday night at 7pm. Part two of Simon Schama's new series, The American Future, at Arlington Cemetery in Virginia for Veterans Day. He looks solemn.
BBC 1 at 9pm on Sunday night. Part two Stephen Fry In America, at Arlington Cemetery in Virginia for Veterans Day. he looks solemn.
My taxpayers money
Toodle pip
weekend news
Stayed up to watch Match of the day (which l had taped), but fell asleep on the settee.
Quiet day on Sunday (and Monday), watched films, read, had a bath - usual stuff. Latest stuff l have watched :
Right Now - French film
The Edukators - German film
2010 A Space oddessy (follow up to 2001)
Return of A man called Horse
Knocked up (shit)
Twisted - started watching it but turned it off as it was crap (Ashley Judd playing a copper)
Loads of football and comedies
Also just finished reading :
An American Scream - the Bill Hicks story by Cynthia True
Barefoot Gen - Keiji Nakazawa (fantastic - ordered the next two books in the series)
Bob Dylan's theme time radio hour has just started series three as well - life is sweet!
Toodle pip
injury update
Friday, 17 October 2008
animals
latest news - Sid
On the good side, l am still dossing around, doing the usual crap. Latest stuff l've watched :
Superman - Doomsday (animation, it was alright but the fighting went on too long)
Syriana - Very good
Amelia - French subtitled comedy, very good and slightly strange
Some Fawlty Towers - always excellent although dated
Books l've just read :
A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby - OK but very far fetched
Ascent of Rum Doodle - WE Bowman - old fashioned but pretty funny
Safe Area Gorazde - Joe Sacco - fantastic, one of the best things l've read for ages (and it's true)
Plus there's been football, other TV and the lovely lovely computer.
Had a couple of letters to post so l thought l would walk (hobble) round to the letter box and get some fresh air. What a stupid move. By the time l got there, my leg was sore, but walked back and it was then swollen and bruised. Bastard! Still extra sore now, which means l have to sit around more to recover (so it's not all bad).
Talking of bad, the horrible bad news is one of the rabbits has died (Sid). Sid and Tubs live outside and l went out to feed them yesterday, but Sid was not his normal self. He was at the front of his hutch but not diving out of the way, which he normally did when approached. l gave him some food and a stroke for a while as l thought he did not seem OK. l came back out to check on him about 15/30 minutes later and he ran to the far end of his run. That was more normal but he then did not move. When l went over to stroke him again and check on him (only about one minute after he had run to the bottom of the run), he was dead. Couldn't believe it. Have no idea what caused it or what was the matter with him. The other rabbits (Norrin and Tubs) are both fine. l can't even bury him at the bottom of the garden as my knee/leg is so sore. Mandy is going to do it tomorrow (lucky her). May have a few drinks after the ceremony.
Toodle pip
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
capitalism
still not busy
Listened to a few podcasts and cds, been on the internet and done some reading. Bored? No way!
Toodle pip
Monday, 13 October 2008
THE ALIENS MAGIC MAN
Another great song from those lovable Aliens (l'm a robot man etc). The lp's great as well (if you like tripped out catchy tunes)
l would love this
oh what a life
Toodle pip
Sunday, 12 October 2008
busy busy busy (not!)
Listening to podcasts and music, chilling out and hobbling about. Mandy deserted me and went out to Newcastle on Friday night, though l enjoyed having a bath and lazing around (no change there then). Fell asleep with music playing loud through my headphones, made me have some wierd dreams, so l left them on all night. lnteresting when you are in a half dream like state and the music or artist gets incorporated into the dream.
Robbo called round today with some lager, chicken and flowers, wish he would just come out with it and admit he fancies me. The gropes with Mandy are just to save face, l'm sure.
Going to have to sort out some pictures from new York and my brothers wedding and put some up. May do so tomorrow, still haven't seen the wedding ones yet (from last Saturday in Leeds).
Knee is sore but l have taken off the bandages as they were getting on my nerves. Still walking like a pirate with a wooden leg, so that's pretty damn good, a dream come true.
Started watching 'There will be blood' tonight, but a certain girl got tired and wanted to go to bed. Watching the rest of it tomorrow, but l am enjoying it so far. Daniel Day Lewis is one hell of an actor. Talking of actors, also watched Colin Farrell on J. Ross, who came across as vunerable and self effacing, plus looked good and rock star like. Someone else Mandy now fancies (tart).
Anyhows, till tomorrow...
Toodle pip
Friday, 10 October 2008
Palin On Foreign Policy
Dear Lord above - McCain is 72 and has survived four bouts of cancer. If he dies in office, this woman will become president of the most powerful nation on earth.Thing is, there's a good chance that will happen.
Toodle pip
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Joe Kinnear's first official press conference
JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
SB Me.
JK You're a cunt.
SB Thank you.
JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.
SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB No, you can listen to who you want.
JK I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB What? More important things?
JK What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...
Other journalist How long is your contract for Joe?
JK None of your business.
SB Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.
There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.
Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?
JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.
Journalist It's only been a week.
JK Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist It's early days for you to be like this.
JK No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist That was it.
JK No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist I don't know.
JK It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist I didn't write that.
JK That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK Yes. Lovely.
Journalist I don't know who's reported that.
JK I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist You know, you know the game ...
JK Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on , let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.
Toodle pip
planet of the apes comic
http://pota.goatley.com/marvel_uk.html
knee operation
Had to be there for 8am and got operated on at 12.15pm. Good job l had the trusty ipod with me. Anyhows, l now have a huge bandage on my knee with stitches underneath. Mandy picked me up when l was ready to go at about 4.15pm, and l foolishly decided to walk out of the hospital leaning onto her. Pretty sore afterwards, even though we only walked to the car.
Now doped up on painkillers at home, listening to CDs, watching TV and reading for three weeks so there should be a lot more posts on the blog. Been getting a bit slack recently ( ooeer! ) so l had better get back into the habit ( said the vicar to the nun ) while l have nothing to do.
Till then Toodle pip
advantages of being rich and famous
Interviewer: "Peter, what do you think you'd be if you weren't a Premiership footballer?"
Crouch: "Um... probably a virgin."