be more chill - ned vizzini

Are you a geek who wants to be cool and attract the ladies?  Fear not, as all you need is a squip tablet (and $600 to buy one).  Obviously l don't need any help myself, but if you do, this will influence you to make cool choices, therefore making you cool, interesting, intelligent, and (most importantly) attractive to the ladies (the main benefit).  Will it end in tears?  Read 'Be More Chill' by Ned Vizzini, and find out what happens to the young narrator, Jeremy Heere, who gets the money together and takes one (and later on, an Ecstasy tablet).  Believable and funny, and aimed at 'young adults', if done in the right way, this would make a good film.  However, l won't hold my breath, as so many book (or graphic novel) adaptations have disappointed me in the past.

toodle pip

usa election fight poster

It's all getting serious in the USA presidential race, as it drags on and on.  Thankfully, it will soon all be over, but l really hope Obama get's back in, as Romney is just a rich arse.  The trouble with the USA though, is you can never be sure.

toodle pip

bottle opening remote control

This is pure genius!  A remote control that can open bottles.  Ideal for lazy bastards like myself who don't like to move from the settee.  Things like this will be the death of me (but what a way to go!).
They are available here.

toodle pip

old football players

Colin Appleton of Barrow

Graham Taylor of Grimsby

Johnny Haynes of Fulham

I found these pictures while looking through some old Football League Reviews, the magazine that used to be inside football programmes back in the day (late 1960's).  You don't get footballers looking this old anymore, as these look about 50.  Apart that is,  from the youthful toothsome chappie in the middle, Graham Taylor, who went on to become the manager of England (It didn't end well).  Originator of the phrase 'Do l not like that', and the 'star' of the England documentary of the same name.  If you haven't seen it, do so.  It's priceless.

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debbie harry book cover

This is the first time l have ever seen this book, and didn't know Debbie Harry had done it, but it sure is her on the cover.  It looks like she's not having a good day.

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a picture of me

This was given to me by somebody l support a couple of days ago, who (obviously) thinks l am great.  It's a joint effort between her and one of the other workers, but l don't know whether to be flattered or scared.

toodle pip 

zoolander (2001) - ben stiller

I never fancied watching Zoolander in the past, as l thought it looked to be too 'goofy American humour' (if there's such a thing) but l  had so many people going on to me about how good it is, that l finally crumbled.  I'll be the first to admit that l'm glad l did, as it was much, much funnier than l expected.  That's not to say that l found it hilarious or groundbreaking,  but it certainly had lots of amusing moments, and Ben Stiller was more than believable as an air headed model, who is brainwashed to become an assassin (don't ask).  Featuring lots and lots of cameos (such as the great and good David Bowie), and piss takes a plenty of the fashion industry, l can now see what all the fuss was about (only 11 years too late). I've got my finger on the pulse of all the current trends if you ever need advice about clothes and music.  Just page me.

toodle pip

sunderland v manchester united 2010

Time is certainly flying by.  I went to this game exactly two years ago, but it certainly doesn't feel like that amount of time has passed.  It was a 0-0 draw, l ended up going by myself as Robbo ended up not being able to go, and l also got a parking ticket as (my own fault) l left my car on the grass outside of the Sunderland supporters pub outside the ground (despite the warnings about tickets). The price you have to pay to be cool.   I may well be (OK, I am) an arse, but l am seriously debating whether to bother with the Newcastle United v Manchester United game this weekend.  It will be about £40 (or more) for a ticket, add on drinks and travel to up the cost, plus it's also on Sky, where l can watch it from the comfort of my settee with crisps and ale, and then hit the pub afterwards.  I think the ticket prices nowadays are taking the piss, but l will also probably have to go in the Newcastle end, as l haven't got a ticket for the Manchester United away end.  This means it's not so atmospheric and much less fun, and to top it all, you have to (generally) keep quiet about being a United fan.  Last year it pissed it down and Manchester United got beat, so is it really worth it?  I think if an away end ticket or two materialises, l'll go, otherwise, my (limited nowadays) trips to matches may be coming to an end (apart from special occasions).  It's not like the old days.   I remember when you could just turn up with your pocket money on a whim (good bikes),  pay on the gate, indulge yourself with a programme and bovril, and still have enough left for a bag of chips and scraps on the way home.  Kids today don't know nothing blah blah blah etc etc ......

toodle pip

the new adele / james bond song

It's here!  What the world has been waiting for has finally arrived!  It's Adele's song for the new James Bond film 'Skyfall'.
I must admit, l think it's OK after a couple of listens (in the heartfelt, angst ridden, emotional kind of sloppy slush that passes for a lot of new music nowadays kind of way), but l wish she would pronounce the words properly, instead of mangling them up.
Diction young girl!  DICTION!!!!!
Or maybe l'm just an old fart who needs to get his ears de-gunged (or maybe views both are right).
I also think Sean Connery was the best Bond, and Daniel Craig doesn't look right, but that's another matter.

toodle pip

gram parsons and keith richards on a motorbike

I hadn't seen this picture of Gram Parsons and Keith Richards on a motorbike before, but l think it's pretty cool, especially Keith's sunglasses and cravat/scarf combo. I assume it's when The Rolling Stones were recording 'Exile On Main Street' at Keith's house (Nelcote), at Villefranche-sur-Mer, near Nice.  He was probably on acid (and/or Heroin) at the time.

toodle pip

playing guitar - it's easy

Want to play guitar?  Learn these two chords and you will have the backbone of loads of songs (literally) at your fingertips.  All you need is a guitar and patience.  Unfortunately, when l had a guitar, l didn't have the patience, and just felt like smashing it up (I was ahead of my time).  Therefore, don't listen to me - l'm an idiot who doesn't practise (once again, literally) what he preaches. All of the information however, is correct.

toodle pip

save the tiger (1973) - jack avildsen

Jack Lemmon won an Oscar for his portrayal of Harry Stoner, a World War 2 ex Jazz playing veteran who pines for the old innocent days of his youth, as the world around him shows itself to be uncaring, corrupt and depressing.  He is trying to keep his company afloat, but has to resort to dodgier and dodgier methods to do so.  He fought for ideals in the war, and is haunted by the loss of his buddies, but much as he tries to hold onto his integrity and ideals, they are being chipped away at and eroded by the times he has to live in.  'Save The Tiger' is certainly not a comedy, and can be considered pretty depressing and slow, but l loved it.  Maybe, however,  that says more about me (depressing and slow) than the film itself.   There's hippie hitch hikers offering sex, clients wanting sex with prostitutes laid on before they will commit to ordering clothes, stress at work, thoughts of going to prison for fraud (we've all been there), considering arson as a way out, and an inability to remember the baseball team he adored as a youth. All of this and a pining to see the ocean again (probably as a metaphor). He's isolated from everything and everyone, but at least he manages to get high, have sex, and see the ocean again.

toodle pip 

the crown in middlesbrough

This is the price Lager should be all of the time.  I picked this up in The Crown in Middlesbrough a week or so ago, as l was so impressed with their prices.  Around Catterick way, a lager is over £3, unless you head to a working mens club such as The Arc at Colburn.  The Crown however, is a large pub with a dance floor, seats, a juke box (and DJ at night), a mixed crowd (aimed at students, but good for old farts like myself), bouncers in case of trouble, and plenty of pool tables.  It used to have a chalk outline of a body on the floor, but this was removed, probably due to people like me lying on it (drugs were often involved).  Anyway, get yourself in there if you end up in Boro and haven't yet been, it's the big pub on the corner on Linthorpe road, which you can't really miss.  It's quiet early on, but that gives you time to chat and hone those magical pool playing skills. I'm saying all of this, and l don't even work for them, so it must be good (and cheap).  There's a door charge later on, though it's not expensive (can't remember how much, as l don't usually pay).  Miles better than the likes of Walkabout etc.  Public service announcement is now over.  Eat this message.

toodle pip

the ramones are rubbish (according to morrissey)

I don't think so myself, as The Ramones were outstandingly brilliant and innovative when they first appeared, and a proper kick up the arse to a stagnant music industry of the time.  However, a certain Steven Morrissey doesn't seem to agree.  Then again, what does he know, and who is he anyway?

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james bond japanese film posters

Morte classic artwork from Japan.  This time it's the James Bond film posters. Marvellous stuff.

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those crazy scots - meet mr bucket head

Sometimes, the Scottish are as crazy as the Japanese.  This is William Middleton, a man whose hat somehow ended up in a bin in sunny Aberdeen..  When he tried to retrieve it, Mr Middleton (you could guess it was going to happen) got his head stuck in the bin and had to be rescued by firefighters.  There's more on the story at the Scottish BBC news site here, but it doesn't mention if drink had been taken.  Naturally, l assume it had been (did l mention he's Scottish?).  The highlight for me in the story, is how a witness (who didn't want to be named) said he saw the stick and the bum sticking out, and said "that's Willie".  Maybe 'Willie' has a magnificent, pert, and memorable bum, but l'd like to imagine it's because he gets his head stuck in bins all the time. I also like the guys at the bottom of the picture, who are obviously cracking up and in creases about what an arse he looks (see what l did there?), while they also realise they have found somewhere they can park their bike.   Mr Middleton is now known as 'Bucket head'.  He is 53.

toodle pip

usa soldier under fire in afghanistan

This is the footage taken by the camera on the helmet (steady..) of the soldier as he came under fire.  He was hit four times, but saved by his body armour. He then made it down the mountain to safety, but was also hit on his helmet (I'm saying nothing), but has suffered no permanant injuries.  Rather him than me, that's for sure.  More of this sort of stuff can be found here.

toodle pip

george best annuals

I've been trying to sort out some junk yesterday and today, and along the way, l've also been stashing some of my George Best stuff together in one box.  While doing this, l was re-aquanted with (amongst loads of other items) these little beauties.  They are number 1 to 5 of the George Best annuals from the late 60's to the early 70's.  Ah, happy days indeed, but what l want to know is, where have all the years gone inbetween?  They seem to have flown by (and are going faster).

toodle pip

videos of the flooding in catterick village

Catterick Village high street

Catterick Village Low Green, near the Oak Tree and the Bay Horse pubs

These are two videos of the flooding in Catterick Village the other day after the beck had broke its banks.  Sadly, it only blocked half of the village, so l could still get to work by heading in via the other side.  It still looks pretty impressive, even with the prat in a canoe swanning around wanting to be filmed for TV.

toodle pip

don letts walking towards the police in 1976

This is such a great photograph, and really captures the time and moment.  It's Don Letts walking towards the police lines at the Notting Hill carnival in 1976 (when it all kicked off).  It was used on the cover of 'Black Market Clash' by The Clash, and he later worked with Mick Jones of The Clash in Big Audio Dynamite, as well as doing many other things (DJ, manager, film maker etc). What a cool bastard.
This guy even has it as a wall painting, done by his wife.  I must say - I'm impressed.  A top(per) job.

toodle pip  

at ricky gervais and stephen merchant's real office

At the real life office of Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais.  Photos by Muir Vidler.


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cuddle up to your dream date

Call that a dream date?  Is she mad?
Glad to see she's left her make up on to go to bed in, after all, she won't want her dream date buggering off with anyone else.  Let's face it, I bet his standards are high.  Just look at his neatly trimmed moustache and carefully chosen shirt.  Check out at his (probably) blow dried hair.   And what dreamy eyes he has.  Mmmmmmm..............................................Damn!
I think he has worked his magic on me.
Sweet dreams brothers and sisters, as l think me and tash boy have got some nocturnal lovin' to attend to.

toodle pip