maggots on a live person

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no one at northallerton hospital

Visiting (again) at Northallerton Friarage hospital this week, it sometimes felt as though l was The Omega Man, as there was a distinct lack of other people about at some stages.
One day l'll storm the place and claim it as my own (in the name of The Colburn Popular Front, for old times sake).

toodle pip

another wild night out - keith moon and oliver reed

Keith Moon and Oliver Reed, two people you don't want to go out drinking with if you want to protect your liver and kidneys.
Luckily for me, l don't want to protect my liver and kidneys (they can fend for themselves), and l would have loved to have had a night (or two) out with Moonie and Reedie (as l'd call them).
Whether l would have wanted to live their lives full time is another matter, as l wouldn't.  Much as l am all for the drinking, drugging, puking, raconteuring, hedonistic and  'couldn't give a toss' lifestyle, both of them in the end seemed to be playing a role they had created for themselves, trying to live up to their reputations as wild and wacky men and not being able to escape their cartoon like creations.
Sometimes, l would rather just read a book or watch the footie with a KFC and a can of coke.
Christ, l'm getting old - pass the meow meow before l'm really past it.

Damn! Too late!!.

toodle pip

joe is off the whisky

I went round to old Joe's yesterday, with the intention of taking a decent bottle of whisky round to share with him, but it turned out to be a sober experience, as he told me the night before that he is not drinking at all at the moment, as he is waiting to have an operation next week, and has been told by the doctors to lay off it beforehand.
Bit of a swine really, as l have been swotting up on the stuff, with the handy chart featured above.
Mind you, it's not surprising really, as he also said he had got through 28 bottles of the stuff between the week before Christmas and last week.
That is as well as the 5 or 6 cans he was having every day.
No wonder he is buggered.
Saying that, he is going to be drinking again after the operation, as he said he would rather enjoy his life and die younger, rather than abstaining from things he likes.
I'm amazed he has already lasted as long as he has, he has got the constitution (and body) of an ox.

toodle pip

invites are out for the nhs emergency summit

This visualisation is by Ben Goldacre, and shows just who David Cameron sends the invites out to when calling for emergency summits regarding the NHS bill. Why does none of this surprise me?

toodle pip

louis wain and his cats

The brains a funny old thing.
I have been reading about (and looking at pictures by) Louis Wain, a prolific artist from Clerkenwell, who developed a fondness for cats when his wife fell ill (and later died). He then slowly deteriorated mentally after his mother died, until he was placed into a Mental Hospital in Tooting in 1924 by his sisters.
From there, he was eventually moved to a hospital in Napsbury, thanks to the intervention of prominent figures of the time.
There are arguments about whether he had Schizophrenia or Asperger syndrome, but what is not disputed, is how his cat illustrations became pretty wild and colourful.
They certainly appeal to me (and he taught Peter, his cat, to wear spectacles).
Brilliant.

toodle pip

the changing face of catherine zeta jones

Now, as those who knows me would confirm, l am not a person who would ever say a bad word about anybody, nor comment on the fact they may have had plastic surgery done.
OK, l'm lying - of course l would.
l am not for one moment suggesting that Catherine Zeta Jones has had any work done, but she sure as hell doesn't look like the girl from the valleys anymore.
What's wrong with being happy with how you look? Growing old gracefully? Bucking the Hollywood obsession for surgery? Staying close to your roots?
Sod all that - she looks miles better, and whatever she paid, it was worth it, although l do suspect that her new picture has been heavily airbrushed and photo-shopped.

toodle pip

walter freeman and lobotomy

While myself and the FPO were at Robbo and Kerry's on Friday, after the celebrations had abated (Kerry's 40th and a gain of 5 pounds), we were discussing lobotomies (as you do in polite society), and more importantly, the work of Walter Jackson Freeman.
For those that don't know, he pioneered the transorbital ( ice pick) frontal lobotomy, and then got carried away with it, performing them extensively (he kept records of 3,439) over aprox 30 years, including on John F Kennedy's sister Rosemary, until there were too many deaths, and he stopped in1967. This was all without any formal surgical training. Basically, it's put an ice pick up a tear duct and tap it into the front of the brain, wiggle it about, then repeat under the other eye.
Amazing (and no thanks).
There's an interesting sound bite about what it was like to have a lobotomy by Freeman here.

toodle pip

michael j fox - always looking up

Much as l admire Michael J Fox and the way he has handled his Parkinsons, l can't say l really enjoyed this book as it was mainly about his work with his foundation, his faith, stem cell research, and the way he was/is dealing with the disease. There was a part about the end of 'Spin City' (the final episode with him in made me blub), and about the 'Tour de France', both parts that l enjoyed, but that was about it for me. He was however, really good recently in 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' when he fell out with Larry, willing to blame everything on the Parkinsons, which came as a big surprise to me as l was not even aware he was going to be in the episode. I certainly don't think l would be so positive if l got Parkinsons myself.

toodle pip

wilson greatbatch has died

Who is Wilson Greatbatch? You may well ask and think that he has nothing to do with your drab and wretched lives (copyright Tom Leher), but he is someone who will definately affect my life, and maybe yours as well. Why? Because he is the man who invented the Pacemaker, a device l will (probably shortly) end up getting put in, once l flake out again and manage to record what happened beforehand (as l currently have a memory device installed - space age stuff!). Bring it on I say! Then again, the pacemaker looks a bit bigger than the memory device, and that took some shoving and writhing to cram in. I'm also a bit dubious about how far those wires are going to go as well, so l reckon there could be a sore chest involved afterwards. The good news is..... more time off work! (hurrah!)

toodle pip

the first britain to get an artificial heart

Mathew Green of London, has become the first person in Britain to get a completely artificial heart (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/8677288/Father-becomes-first-in-Britain-to-get-artificial-heart.html). This sounds excellent news, but as the technology is all so new, l am not sure l would be happy carrying a shoulder bag with the power supply in and also having to change the batteries every few hours. Much better than his earlier position though, as he could only walk a few yards. I guess l had better stick my name down for one now. Got to think of the future!

toodle pip

worms inside your face

Now that is disgusting.

toodle pip

flowers in dalyan

Just back from being in Dalyan, Turkey for nearly two weeks (since the last post). It feels like it has flown by and finished way too soon. Maybe not for Kerry (one of our party) as she suffered from a bad back while away, and had to go to the local clinic for injections each day (not that they did much good). More news about the holiday later, as I am under strict instructions not to stay up too late tonight, as I am going to Stockton in the morning, but here's some pictures of flowers around our villa.

toodle pip

false food claims

• apple cider vinegar can improve bowel movement
• the horsetail plant (Equisetum arvense L.) can help maintain normal hair
• green tea is good for blood pressure, cholesterol levels, bones, teeth and eyesight or that it works as an antioxidant
• cranberry juice can reduce the risk of urinary tract infection in women
• the probiotic Lactobacillus plantarum supports the immune system
• sugar-free chewing gum can reduce dental plaque
• glucosamine can reduce the risk of osteoarthritis

here's some of the food claims which have been thrown out by the European Unions Nutrition and Health regulation investigations
About time as well - bloody hippies

toodle pip

loop recorder has been fitted

Up at the crack of dawn today (fnar), as l had to be at James Cook hospital in the Boro for my loop recorder to be fitted. I was shattered when l got there at 8am (too many late nights and earlyish mornings), but l was taken in first, so was pleasantly surprised to be back in the ward by 9am. The operation was OK, it was only a local anaesthetic and didn't take that long, but it stung a bit at first and l was also told later "This might hurt now, so grit your teeth". Not the sort of thing l want to be hearing just before they tried to ram the recorder in (ooeer). Anyway, l was soon back to the ward and then had to sit around untill 1.30pm when they discharged me. I just sat about listening to my ipod and waiting to have my blood and temperature checked every hour (blood pressure 117/76 when l looked at the machine).

Left the hospital and went straight to the KFC at Teeside park, as I was starving by then. Not very good to tell the truth, tables dirty and the food overcooked, which was a bit of a disappointment, as l had not had a KFC for a while. Back to sunny Catterick afterwards, then it was dossing about in front of the TV and knocking back the Pinot. Not sure if l should really be drinking with my antibiotics, but what the hell (he says as his heart explodes).

I have to go back in about five weeks for a check up, and now have a recorder thing l have to carry with me everywhere (for the next time l flake out), but apart from that, life goes on, only now l will be setting of the scanners at all the airports. Excellent stuff!

toodle pip

sitting correctly

The latest research on correct posture when sitting has concluded that it is best to be leaning back at 135 degrees, rather than sitting straight up as in the past. That's good news for me as l like to slouch around like that, so no wonder l have the back of a 21 year old (it's just the rest of me that is falling apart).

toodle pip

oops - wrong hospital

What an idiot I am. I had an appointment yesterday to go and have a chat about my loop recorder which is being fitted next Friday, and have some blood tests before the operation. Foolishly, I did not look at the letter properly, so therefore turned up at the appointed time of 11.15am at the Friarage hospital in Northallerton (where they have done tests in the past), to discover I should have been at South Tees hospital in Middlesbrough (where they are going to do the operation). After some frantic phone calls and re-arrangements, I managed to get my own doctors to do the tests (full blood, SMAC and U's and E's, if I remember correctly). They are then going to get the results and fax them through to South Tees, so I can attend as planned on Friday for the op (if the blood tests are OK). That will teach me not to just to breeze on through life without paying due diligence (or maybe it won't). I had to inform South Tees that I was not bothered about the pre op talk and info, and luckily they accepted that. The worst thing about it was the fact I could have had a day off work to go to South Tees for an hours chat and tests. Damn and double Damn! I missed out on a skive there. To tell the truth, I am quite looking forward to having the loop recorder inserted (steady on, it's only in the chest), and plan to make the most of it while it is in, as it is the size of a memory stick. I can see a lot of knocking, tapping and squeezing it ahead (ooh missus!). More news after Friday!!

toodle pip

northallerton hospital and david hockney

Today l had my appointment at Northallerton Hospital for another ECG and an Echo scan thingie on my heart, which was pretty cool as l could watch it pumping away on the computer while they were doing it. Also had more blood pressure checks, all OK. After all the tests it turns out l am exactly the right height for a man (spot on - six foot), blood pressure is fine, and l have the heart of a lion, or maybe even an ox. What they do think though (l saw the consultant after all the tests) is my heart slows down and stops working, probably the top part of it. It then kicks in again (thank you lower part) and it's back to normal. this apparently will not kill me (damn!) but it has to be sorted. I have to go back to get a recorder inserted into my chest, then when l next collapse, l have another part to attach to it so it can record what has happened. It will probably then be pacemaker time (already been given the leaflet). I am now waiting for an appointment for the recorder to be put in, it's the size of a memory stick and goes at the top of my chest, my left side. I was also informed that people who die unexpectedly (say while playing football), usually flake out because their hearts go too fast. Mine is just too laid back. I was saying earlier on to the FPO that l would not be surprised if it just shut off when l am out in the pub and am finding people boring. That would explain a lot.

Also went to the David Hockney exhibition which was also in Northallerton. Not really a lot there, as most of the stuff was from 1969, work done for the Grimms Fairy Tales book. Still interesting and l have to make sure l keep on my toes and put the hours in. It's all culture and dicky hearts around these parts!

That's it for now, off to work again for another waking night (l did one last night as well), as l foolishly volunteered. Gives me a chance to doss about though, as there is no work l can be getting on with while l am there. That means reading, watching todays footie and listening to my ipod. Superb. Back home at 8am then it's a couple of hours kip, pub, footie and mayhem (if the heart lasts out).

toodle pip

heart monitor and old house

I have been to Northallerton hospital and had a heart monitor fitted for 24 hours. This was returned to the hospital this evening, and I now have to go there again on Friday for an ECG and to then see the consultant. Exciting stuff. Wore the monitor yesterday, when I went out to see Joe at the Wine Bar and got very very drunk, so it will be interesting to see if something shows up from that. Sadly I did not flake out while wearing it, so I am not sure if it will discover anything.

While I was in Northallerton, I noticed this house and plaque. I have walked past this house many times and never noticed it before, so either the plaque is recent, or I am just a half blind idiot with no awareness of his surroundings. I think it is the latter.

toodle pip

adam ant 'ill' again

I am probably a little bit behind the times as I am playing catch up with news, but Adam Ant has been sectioned again, which is a real shame, as he had been getting himself back in shape and playing some gigs. The brains a funny old thing. Here's his message he sent to his fans (although he may be out by now).

toodle pip