working on mount rushmore

These workers must be pretty brave, very hot and not scared of heights. What a job.

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back from rhodes

Here's me on the beach in Rhodes yesterday. It all seems such a long time ago, this time last night I was at a Greek wedding, then travelled overnight to get back home. The flight was delayed till 7.40am (from 5.15am) so I have had no sleep yet. Certainly off to bed pretty soon though, as there is a big day ahead tomorrow, what with it being Bank holiday Monday and the FPO's birthday. More news later.

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off on my hols

This will probably be the last post for a week as I am off to Rhodes this evening and don't come back until the 30th of May. It's a work holiday so its all inclusive and I get extra pay for going. What a result!

I'll be on the beach this time tomorrow.

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meal at robbos and inlaws gardening

I have only just uploaded these photos from last weekend, from when a free meal at Robbo and Kerry's was offered for Sunday and taken, the remains of which are photographed above.

The day before, Dazzer and Louise came down to visit and Dazzer (the mad git) got stuck into the gardening outside, digging out roots from the bushes. Luckily I could not assist as I had to go to work, but I did manage a couple of photos. The grass is no longer so high, as I cut it earlier on today (and hated every minute of it).

Can't say what for, but there was also a visit from armed police. I didn't get a good photo as it was too dark for the camera, but the gun and badge are on display (but not the face, as it was hideous!).

It's fun fun fun round these parts. See you in court.

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three nights in hospital

I have just finished three nights at work supporting someone who had to go into hospital. This was OK for me and I volunteered to do it, as I usually stay up pretty late anyway, so it was not too much of a hardship, just a bit boring. I originally went into work on Monday at 3pm, to be informed someone had been taken in, so I said I would go, and ended up working non stop until 1pm the next day, then back to the hospital at 9pm for the next night shift. Rather idiotically , I did not go to bed when I got back home for my eight hours kip, deciding instead to stay awake and make the most of the days. I managed to grab about two hours sleep each day for the last three days, and probably won't get to bed early tonight (I finished work today at 9am). This means I have had about six hours sleep since Sunday, but I have managed to watch a lot of films, read and listen to a lot of stuff. On my return home today I even decided to go outside and try and sort the garden out, the first grass cut of the year, which is always a right bastard of a job. Spent about forty seven and a half hours of continuous hard work grass cutting, then put together a wood burner and a table. I was mighty glad to be hitting the bath after that, washing off the filth of hard manual labour, stuff I am not used to.

Anyway, the main point was about the hospital support. I was there for three nights and whenever I decided to stretch my legs and have a walk, I wandered round the hospital by myself, hardly seeing anyone, and never getting asked what I was up to. Very poor security. I look like a stinking hippie most of the time and I could have had anything in my bag, luckily I didn't have explosives, just ipods and books. I won't say which hospital it was as the care they gave to the person I was supporting was really good, so I don't want to get them into trouble, but it was weird wandering around the place.

No work now till 7pm Saturday, when I get picked up to support people on a trip to Rhodes for a week. Hurrah! Better than hospital support any day. More news about the trip later.

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chris evans' new car

This is the car that Chris Evans bought last week. It's a 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO and it cost him 12 million pounds. Now I like Chris Evans, but he is one rich bastard and spending money like that makes me extremely jealous. One thing though, at least he knows how to enjoy his money, so good luck to him (not that he needs it). I hate to think what I would waste my money on if I was as rich as him, but I sure would like to try.

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lord triesman

With Becks and the 2018 World Cup Bid

Lord Triesman is 66 and a rich idiot

The posh educated tottie/slapper is 37

So, what a surprise. Someone else in a position of power decides to have an affair with someone younger. This time it's Lord Triesman, (the head of the FA) who has been caught playing away from home. The Mail and his old flame Melissa Jacobs (37) have stitched him up like a kipper. She was dating him (why?? money by any chance??) and then secretly taped him at a meal so the Mail could use the recording as evidence (you can also listen to the recordings on the Mail's website). The Mail have been keen to stress that Melissa is posh and educated ("A privately educated economics and biology graduate") and not just a money grabber, but it is all very seedy as far as I am concerned. If she cared about him, she would not have stitched him up, knowing his family would find out and he would lose his job. Also, there is no way she would have gone for him if he was not rich and powerful. There is also the fact that he has probably been hounded by the Mail as he is a Labour peer, even if he is an idiot for falling to temptation and then sending texts and slagging off other countries World Cup bids. Another sad old bastard gets done, another trollop shags and sells her story, another scoop for the Mail to wet its pants over, and a chance that Englands World Cup bid may be scuppered due to the accusations made over dinner. Never mind eh. At least the Mail got their story and the trollop got her money.

On a related note, the World Cup bid that Becks is handing over runs to 1,752 pages.

That will not be read.

Let's hope there are lots of nice photos for the committees to look at.

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football coalition

Aston Villa and Liverpool form coalition to claim Premier League title from Chelsea

NEWLY-FORMED coalition club Liverton Villa have controversially claimed this season’s Premier League trophy after combining the points totals of their former incarnations as Liverpool and Aston Villa.

The Premier League’s constitution allows for clubs to form a coalition if the side that originally won the league did so without a significant majority of floating glory supporters giving them their backing.

The coalition club have been locked in meetings to determine which elements of each side would remain in the merger. The long negotiations resulted in a deal that will see Rafael Benitez step down as manager and hand over a side to Martin O’Neill that will line up in a claret and red strip at Anfield next season, to the strains of You’ll Never Walk Alone (UB40 remix) .

Liverton Villa’s ‘dream team’ of American chairmen George Gillet and Randy Lerner said (speaking alternate words): “With our combined points total of 127 we were by far and away the best team in the Premier League this year. We therefore claim the trophy, and the full backing of the people.”

The coalition will spend the summer campaigning for a new points system, which will more accurately reflect supporters’ wishes by finally registering every kick as a goal, rather than just shots. More engagement with Europe is also expected, potentially via a close-season pan-continental 5-a-side tournament.

But commentators have been quick to question the stability of the Liv-Av coalition, pointing to significant differences in their season manifestos.

“This is naked political horse trading,” said an incensed Richard Keys on Sky Sports News. “The cracks will appear very soon, both sides have totally different policies on hoofs up the pitch, tricky wingers and the need for an Emile Heskey.”

Liverpool have been open to the idea of a coalition team since their season began to go awry in August of last year. The Reds flirted with fashionable Tottenham Hotspur for a deal, before eventually deeming them “unacceptably Southern”.

Usurped champion Didier Drogba angrily responded to the audacious Liverton merger. “It’s a f*cking disgrace,” he said. “And what’s more they sound like one of the fake teams from Pro Evo.”

From ' The Gaffer'

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dio again - kill the king

oxford united return

Although Manchester United are my favourite team, I used to go and watch Oxford United a lot when I was younger, as I lived in between Oxford and Reading, so I still look out for their results, and was henceforth chuffed earlier on after watching Oxford beat York 3-1 to get promotion back into the league. They scored two quick goals (One from James Constable above, who has had a great season) and were coasting it until a mistake from their goalkeeper Ryan Clarke cost them a goal, as he fumbled a cross into his own net. It was then a bit nervous until they scored again in injury time, as York were trying to press or an equaliser. It was a miserable day in the pouring rain at Wembley, but a great result. It's a pity Darlington have just been demoted as I could have gone to watch Oxford play there, as I now live about 12 miles from the Darlington ground. Never mind, onwards and upwards.

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dio is dead

Bit of sad news tonight as I have discovered on the BBC news site that Ronnie James Dio has died from stomach cancer. I used to love him when he sang for Rainbow, and he also did a splendid job singing for Black Sabbath. I think I have those albums, plus a couple of his solo albums somewhere, not that I have played them for years, but I enjoyed them a lot when they first came out. My matie boy Shuggs was in a table football team with Dio in LA years ago, and said he was one of the nicest people you could meet. That's good enough for me. I was looking at old photographs from weddings and holidays today, it makes you realise how old we are all getting, and this rubs it in, as Dio was 67 when he died. He'll always be a sprightly young thing in my eyes though. Time to go and dig out an old Rainbow album, and blast out something like Kill the King, as it's still great. As the man said, Long Live Rock and Roll.

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a drunken night rat poisoning

These are the pictures from last night after trying to poison the bloody rats. I was taking pictures on the decent cameras, but the batteries were crap and I was trying to find some batteries that were OK, with little success. I had also had a wee bit of ale (classy bottles of Chard pictured) and couldn't remember how to put normal picture settings on my phone, which is what I ended up taking the pictures on. Never mind, the rats tucked into the poison and I did get some pictures. The biggest one even tried to pull the blue bowl that had the poison in underneath the hutch. I topped the bowl up before retiring for the night, and this morning ( I was informed) there was nothing left in it, so that's a good sign. It is also good that I am not scared of the buggers, as a big one came alongside me at one point, before climbing the fence next to me so he could get into the rabbits run for the food/poison. Let's see what happens next, it is now a battle of wits between me and them (oh oh). I am away at work tonight, so will put out more poison for them on Monday and Tuesday. I actually finish work on Thursday morning at 8am as I have a few days off before going away at the weekend, so I will have to sort out the rabbits cage, kill the remainder of the rats, and cut the bloody grass for the first time this year(Damn!). Can't wait.

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paper bill

This is how often I pay my paper bill. It is for the last three months worth of papers, which is about normal, as I only pop in to pay the bill about four times a year. It is only for the Observer on Sundays and United we Stand (a Manchester United fanzine) each month. The bill soon seems to mount up though, it's lucky the people at the shop know me and we have this understanding, I even give them a Christmas card each year (not with any money in it though).

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torres is bruno

I finished reading this four four two magazine this evening, one that I liberated from the doctors a couple of weeks ago. What I want to know is who on earth took the cover photo and persuaded Torres that he looks mean and cool in it. The person who did is a genius and probably a Manchester United fan, as Torres looks very gay (nothing wrong with that) and remarkably like Sacha Cohen's Bruno. I really hope Torres keeps that hairstyle, it's priceless! Marvellous stuff.

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bloody rats

A baby rat climbing up the side of the hutch to get to the water

Mother rat and two of the babies

Tubbs staring out a baby rat

Mother rat trying to get into the hutch

Two baby rats drinking Tubbs' water

Well, the bloody rats are back with a vengeance. As soon as Tubbs has had his food put into his hutch, the rats appear and try to nick it (and drink his water). Tubbs gets locked up in the evening after the food has been put in, as there are two different fronts (see pictures) for the bottom of the hutch, but the baby rats can crawl up the side of the hutch and get through the bars to his water and food. time for a load more poison to be put down, and I am going to reinforce the hutch to stop the rats getting in at night. Tubbs does not seem that bothered about them, but it must be upsetting for him to have them in his hutch, especially if they are nicking his food. The rats look pretty cute (well, the baby ones do), but it's time for a slaughter again. Updates to follow.

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tory posters

Christ I am sick to death now of the election and it's crappy results, Gordon Browns resignation, Clegg and the Liberals selling out, and now the Labour party having to find a new leader (my money is on David Milliband).

Here's some Tory posters, then I will try to get on with my life.

Nearly forgot - a blogger posted this earlier on (lost the link I'm afraid, so can't credit him). Anyway, it made me laugh.

I wished for three things

The safe birth of my second child
For David Cameron not to become Prime Minister
For Exeter City not to be relegated

Two out of three isn't bad, although politically we are drifting into the arena of the unwell. My newborn son showed his tacit agreement at the moment Cameron left the Palace by screwing up his face and doing a shit so powerful that it went through the nappy, body suit and sleep suit.

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cat trying to revive his dead mate

This is pretty moving. Who says they don't have proper feelings?

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west hams wage bill

This is West Hams wage bill (click to enlarge or see the link below) - no wonder they are so deeply in the shit. Kieron Dyer is still earning £70,000 a week!! What the fuck for? The goalkeeping coach's wages are one tenths that of the goalkeeper. The world has gone mad (madder).

http://i596.photobucket.com/albums/tt50/Leeds_boy/westhamwages.jpg

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aussie school message

This is adapted from an early USA school hoax message (ie it's not a real message). Still pretty good though.

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don't blame me - l voted labour

I have been at work overnight and couldn't sleep properly, so I decided to get up and have a coffee, only to find that a fresh kind of Hell has arrived in the form of David Cameron as our new Prime minister. Oh goody, that is something l am have really been looking forword to. Think it's time to go and live in a cave.

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adam boulton losing his cool live on sky news

Alistair Campbell really wound him up - excellent (about four and a half minutes in)

harrods statue

As the football has now finished for another season and United messed up on their fourth title in succession (and beating Liverpool's title haul), I have moved onto other stuff and can forget about the footie until the World Cup starts next month.

So.... in other news, Harrods was sold a few days ago. Why am I bothered? Because of the rather magnificent statue of Dodi and Di that is enclosed within it. I really hope the new owners decide to keep it, as it is just soooo bad. Sadly, I think it will probably be removed, which would be a damn shame for the nation. I might ask for it and put it in the garden.

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walking home from the pub after chelsea have won the league

Like Lazarus himself, I am back! Only this time, I am armed with photos taken by me on my long/short walk home from JT's.

The pictures confirm I live in the middle of nowhere, and the snaps taken (and shown above) are in reverse order.

I have also realised I meant I have risen like a phoenix from the flames. Never mind.

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