george best and 21 others - colin shindler

Although Colin Shindler is a Manchester City supporter (he also wrote Manchester United ruined my life), l will forgive (and pity) him for that, as he was pretty even handed in his analysis of the players in this book. It concerns the teams (United and City) that played in the 1964 Youth Cup semi final, and what happened to their careers and lives afterwards. Everyone knows what happened to George of course, but most of the other tales are pretty much unknown. It does highlight what a cruel game football can be, especially back in those days when the money was poor and you were more or less at the mercy of your club. Recommended.

toodle pip

songs of america 1969 - simon and garfunkel

This was not that great a documentary of Simon and Garfunkel, but it had some good clips of them rehearsing, and some great live footage from the 1969 tour. This was back when Paul Simon could still write a decent song, and Artie still had the voice of an angel. A show I would definitely liked to have seen years ago, as l wouldn't be that bothered about seeing them now (unless it was cheap and down the end of our street). Just think, the people at these shows were hearing 'Bridge over troubled water' for the first time, as it had just been written. Jammy bastards.

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london boulevard (2010) - william monahan

London Boulevard was pretty much as l expected it to be, although l was (foolishly and naively) hoping for a lot more. It's a gangster film full of cliches, where Mitchell (Colin Farrell), is released from Pentonville after being banged up for three years. He tries to go on the old straight and narrow, but (of course), gets sucked back into having to deal with gangsters, especially the daddy of the firm, Rob Gant (Ray Winstone playing his usual hard man role). On his first day of release, Mitchell gets given a place to live in, scares off some crooks by being cool and hard looking, has a party in his honour, then defends his sisters honour and decks someone. He then gets offered a job protecting Charlotte, a reclusive actress (Keira Knightley). He certainly fitted in a lot before he even had time to get his head down and take stock of his situation, but l guess that's how it must work in gangster land. Anyhows, the characters are all predictable, there's a lot of Laaaandan accents, violence, intimidation and crooked cops. Oh, and guess whether the star he is protecting falls in love with him.

Correctumundo!!!

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jimmy saville gets up close with the nolans

Uncle Jimmy gets close to the 14 year old Nolan on TOTP. He's done a lot of work for charidee but this looks a bit dodgy (about 3.45 m in).

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kajagoogoo return!

Just look at the state of their hair! Very sad indeed.

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endangered rhinos being moved

These black rhinos are being airlifted (after being sedated of course) to a safer area of South Africa, resulting in their safety and some great photos. The middle picture could be used for an album cover.

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a murmuration of starlings

This video just gets better as it goes along. Those crazy starlings look amazing and it must have been great to be so close to them.

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timmy mallet is a painter!

Well well well, l never thought l would see the day when young Timmy Mallet is taken seriously as a painter, but he is currently selling his wares for a decent price. He's come a long way from The Wide Awake Club, but why does he still have to wear such crappy clothes? More work can be found here if you are interested in making a purchase. I would myself, but times are hard, it's nearly Christmas etc..

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feel good autistic basketball story

Ahh - Something nice from the land of basketball.

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great beer advert

This was done for Australian TV for the cricket (which every upstanding Englishman/normal man knows is crap), but it is still a clever and funny advert.

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great timing for a photo opportunity

I would like to think that this picture wasn't staged, but l have a feeling it probably was. Still good though!

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sharks are getting smarter

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a real life banksy

A real life version of the Banksy painting. Damn!, l wish l had thought of doing that.

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predator pumpkin

The finest pumpkin carving of the year.

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I've won an election - about bleeding time

SCOTLAND POLITICS

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5 November 2011 Last updated at 13:47

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Jamie Davidson: David Cameron is not my boss

A happy voter and David Cameron.
Jamie Davidson said if David Cameron needed a "slap around the chops", he would do it

Continue reading the main story

Richmondshire leadership

• Davidson is new Richmondshire leader

The new Labour Catterick and Richmondshire leader has distanced himself from London control by insisting David Cameron is not the party boss north of Watford.

Jamie Davidson was elected leader on Friday after beating William Hague, who had been seen as the front runner.

He told a press conference: "While David Cameron is the prime minister, when it comes to myself and my beliefs he's not my boss - we're enemies."

Mr Davidson is the party's first overall leader for Richmondshire, following a shake-up of the voting structure.

The former paint sprayer, magazine publisher and charity worker also highlighted his different approaches to policy.

He said: "I'll be making a vision that is right for me, right for the county, and right for the country and I hope very much this annoys the prime minister.

"If he needs a slap around the chops to make him see sense, then I'm just the man to do it. In the meantime, stay cool, stay free, and do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law"

Mr Davidson said policies would be developed over the coming weeks.

Let's hope it's the same in the morning (if l haven't been killed, or l find out it's all been a crazy dream).

toodle pip

submarine (2011) - richard ayoade

I really enjoyed the book 'Submarine' by Joe Dunthorne, so l was really keen to see the movie, especially as it was directed by Richard Ayoade (Moss from the IT Crowd). Good old (OK, not so old) Richard didn't let me down, in any way, shape or form. The film was slightly different from the book, but still excellent. A coming of age darkish comedy, it stars Craig Roberts (who l used to love in Young Dracula on a Saturday morning), as Oliver Tate, a young boy who meets (and gets to go out with) Jordana, his first girlfriend (Yasmin Paige), but is also worried about his parents marriage, which is rocked by the return of his mothers old flame (a smarmy new age Paddy Considine). There are serious bits, funny bits, well filmed bits, and the soundtrack features songs by Alex Turner of The Arctic Monkeys. What's not to like?

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hell is for heroes (1962) - don siegel

Starring the always charismatic Steve McQueen, Hell Is For Heroes also has roles for Bob Newhart (in his first film role), who even gets to be funny as a rookie delivering typewriters, who has the gift of the gab, and Bobby Darin. John Reese (McQueen) is a loner who does things his own way (naturally). He was a former Sergeant who had been downgraded to Private. The squad that Reese joins have to hold off a company of Germans on the Siegfried Line until re-enforcements arrive, but Reese also encourages them to attack an enemy pill box, even though they are heavily outnumbered. Reese meets a heroic end (of course) and it shows how innocents can be caught up in a horrific event, but it does not glorify warfare. It also includes quite a bit of (obvious) real footage from the war. I enjoyed it, although it is not one of McQueens best, but on the other hand, it is so much better than The Towering Inferno.

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national geographic pictures

A wounded Libyan by Mauricio Lima

Turkish earthquake rescue by Umit Bektas

Chilean Puyehu-Cordon Caulle volcanic mountain range and lightning by Ricardo Muhr

These are some of the best pictures from October, as chosen by National Geographic magazine. They certainly (and once again) put my crappy efforts to shame.

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dustin spagnola bush / obama grafiti

This is pretty good. It's in New York at the moment, and is by Dustin Spagnola. Obviously similar to Banksy's graffiti, but still a clever idea and well excecuted.

toodle pip

four lions - (2010 ) - chris morris

I bow down to no man in my admiration for Chris Morris (The Day Today, Brass Eye etc), and as he was behind Four Lions, and because of the dodgy subject matter (suicide bombers in the UK), l was really keen to see this. It was actually on TV whilst l was away on holiday, but l didn't want to watch it then because drink had been taken and we had just missed the beginning, so l though l would do it justice when l returned to my sunny homeland. I own DVD's of Brass Eye and The Day Today. I have his radio shows on disc and tapes. I even went out of my way to order this film by post to watch at home. But.......I wish l hadn't bothered, as it was such a disappointment. I will admit it was watchable, but there was nothing that funny, shocking or interesting l could see in it, and l watched it twice to give it a proper chance, thinking maybe it was just me, not being in the right frame of mind or something. The FPO managed half of the first showing, and also thought it was rubbish (and it's not often she is right). I won't bore you with all the details of the film, but l do think the idea was great, the casting was fine, but the (supposed) humour in the film was really basic, obvious and just not that good. Damn and thunder!!!!!! Morris! - Try harder next time. Now go and sit in the corner, you've let me down, the FPO down, your fans down, but most of all, you've let yourself down (actually, that's not true - most of all, you let me down).

toodle pip

laurel and hardy in colour

Ok, so after the colourised Times Square comment (below), l have, through the wonders of the modern age and t'internet, seen some clips of Laurel and Hardy in colour. It is strange seeing them like that, and some of the colourisation results vary, but l didn't hate it as much as l thought l would do, what with being an old traditionalist and not minding (sometimes even preferring black and white films). The new colour films give you a fresh way of looking at them, and, rather like a bootleg out- take of a song you know well can give a fresh reading, and appreciation of the song, l think the same goes with these colourisation projects. The way l look at it, the colourisation techniques (and results) will improve, and if they are not to your taste, ignore them, there's still the old black and white versions to watch. Either way, Laurel and Hardy could be pretty funny at times, and some humour is timeless.

toodle pip

rock minuet by lou reed narrated by julian schnabel

Paralysed by hatred

and a piss ugly soul

if he murdered his father,

he thought he'd become whole

While listening at night to an old radio

where they danced to the rock minuet.

In the gay bars

in the back of the bar

he consummated hatred

on a cold sawdust floor

While the jukebox played backbeats,

he sniffed coke off a jar

while they danced to a rock minuet.

School was a waste,

he was meant for the street

but school was the only way,

the army could be beat

Two whores sucked his nipples

'til he came on their feet

as they danced to the rock minuet.

He dreamt that his father

was sunk to his knees

his leather belt tied so tight

that it was hard to breathe

And the studs from his jacket

were as cold as a breeze

as he danced to a rock minuet.

He pictured the bedroom

where he heard the first cry

his mother on all fours,

ah, with his father behind

And her yell hurt so much,

he had wished he'd gone blind

and rocked to a rock minuet.

In the back of the warehouse

were a couple of guys

they had tied someone up

and sewn up their eyes

And he got so excited

he came on his thighs

when they danced to the rock minuet.

On Avenue B,

someone cruised him one night

he took him in an alley

and then pulled a knife

And thought of his father,

as he cut his windpipe

and finally

danced to the rock minuet.

In the curse of the alley,

the thrill of the street

on the bitter cold docks

where the outlaws all meet

In euphoria drug

in euphoria heat

you could dance to the rock minuet.

In the thrill of the needle and anonymous sex

you could dance to the rock minuet

Lou Reed is not just a great songwriter, his songs are often poetry themselves. Rock Minuet is from his (often overlooked) Ecstasy album from 2000, and Julian Schnabel , the artist who also did the film 'The Diving Bell and The Butterfly') does a good narration of it while appearing with Lou on the Spectacle - Elvis Costello with... show (but l can't find it on You Tube, so you'll have to take my word for it).

toodle pip

colourised times square 1943

This is an old black and white picture of Times Square which has been colourised. It still looks like it was taken years ago, but with the colour restored, you can imagine yourself walking those (used to be mean) streets now. The photo reminds me that l have not seen any colourised Laurel and Hardy films from that were done a few years ago. I will amend that and report back with my (often drunken and rambling) views later.

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