This is fantastic - pisses all over our UK's got talent shows
Booze, news and views from a drunken opinionated fool who can't spell very well, may well repeat himself, and can't blame it on dislexia
Monday 24 August 2009
Friday 21 August 2009
York
Tuesday 18 August 2009
Bonnie Scotland
A good time was had by all, there was an emotional speech given by Sue and Bill which nearly had me wiping a tear away, but l managed to keep it all together (English pride etc, don't want to let the side down in front of the Jocks). Mind you, Ken's introduction nearly reduced me to tears (only joking, he kept it short).
Plenty of food and drink after (All free!! Hurrah!!), then we drove back (well, Mandy did, although l did offer). Back to Catterick about 2am, which wasn't bad at all. it was good to go to the do but still wake up in my own bed in the morning. Seemed a bit unreal that we had been out for a night out in Scotland the night before, but l suppose it's not that far if the roads are clear.
May post some film or photos when l can get to the computer again.
Not been able to get at the computer till now as Mandy has been doing her degree stuff, working till about 1.30am last night. Has to be in by Thursday so at least it is now nearly over, plus it's the start of holiday time at the end of next week - Turkey here we come!
Also....
Footie is back! Started with a 1-0 win against Birmingham. The points are the most important thing at the start of the season, plenty of time to play decent football once the team has settled after a few games. Looking foreword to Burnley on Wednesday now.
That's it. got to go now as l am off to York for the night, hope the weather stays decent.
Toodle pip
Friday 14 August 2009
darts of angry fire
'Thor and Jesus are clearly not happy.' Emergency services from Carlisle to Middlesbrough were stretched to breaking point as thousands of soot-smeared villagers used their 'sorcerer's talking boxes' to phone the fire brigade. But the exhausted crews were unable to keep up with demand as they dashed across the region, directing their hoses upwards in a bid to stop the clouds from bursting into flames. A Home Office spokesman said: "Their natural reaction is to phone 999 as most Northerners believe the sky to be no more than 30ft high."You would think that the firemen would tell them not to worry, but of course northern firemen are still Northerners."
Meanwhile, south of Peterborough, the phenomenon was attributed to the Perseid meteor shower. Cambridge astronomer Tom Logan said: "It is an annual astronomical event caused by debris from the Swift-Tuttle comet disintegrating in the upper reaches of the Earth's atmosphere. But of course to a Northerner, I may as well have said all that in Mandarin Chinese." He added: "They're really just children. Unfortunately they're also huge, drunk children who will fling an old woman onto a bonfire if they think her cat is up to no good."
Stephen Malley, the deputy leader of Northallerton District Council, said: "The gods have tested us tonight, but I am glad to say our brave firemen were up to the task and the sky remains intact." However, it is clear that we have angered our invisible cloud masters and they must now be appeased with an extended period of sacrificial blood letting. I suggest we start with the poofters."
UFO's
In the meantime, off to Scotland for a wedding at the weekend, then York next week, maybe catch 'The Railway Children' at York railway museum while l am there.
To get back to work though, when l was there last week, one of the tenants went outside for a fag and spotted something in the sky. Luckily we had the camera charged up so l filmed it. Poor filming, but you do get a good closeup of the UFO. Then l got taken on board and probed.
toodle pip
Wednesday 12 August 2009
rod liddle
"resembles a Buddha made by a toddler out of flabby cheese"
fantastic - wish I had thought of that
toodle pip
Monday 10 August 2009
song to the siren
toodle pip
Sir Bobby Robson and tossers
I still state that you only know the side of the person that has been presented on television and radio. Obviously the person may wish to present themselves in a certain way, most of them wishing to come across as nice. This does not mean that they are nice, even if they come across like that in programmes that are more immediate (fly on the wall documentaries, live broadcasts and debates etc). They may well be nice, but we cannot be sure and should not make such a judgment, merely that the person seems to be nice.
On the other hand, I do make decisions based on the same amount of evidence, as to whether somebody is an absolute twat. Is this hypocritical of me? Not at all. If somebody is on a programme and is shown to be a complete twat, that means they are a complete twat. maybe not all the time, but if they have done enough to really annoy me (and it doesn't take a lot to get my gander up), then I don't care how nice they may be at other times, they are just twats. An example of such a tosser is an easy one - Jeremy Clarkson What a fucking knob he is, and I don't care how nice he may be to his Mother or how much he gives to charity, I fucking cannot stand the smug, right wing, middle class tosser. I would love it if he was in a really bad car crash and disabled in such a way as to shut the fucker up for good (and no I won't feel at all bad if that really happened). I'll say it again - I can't stand the tosser.
If somebody walks and talks and behaves like a twat, then they are one. I do obviously, discount myself, as I am only a twat now and again, but deep down I am a really nic... Cancel that - I have proven my theory to be correct, for I am without doubt, one of the biggest tossers going.
At least my argument is correct
toodle pip
inheritance
When she died the family found this money preserved in 15 ice-cream boxes under her bed, along with a note reading: "This money is to get Doug out of prison when they finally get him." She did not believe that her son could earn so much money as a tailor, and assumed that he must have criminal connections.
I can't believe I did not find any boxes like that when my Mother died, as she must have thought that I would end up in jail (again).
On the other hand, I suppose I never took round money every week. Swings and roundabouts I guess.
Toodle pip
more weather!
To top this, in the weather section at the back where they have the six day forecast, predictions are for cloudy weather pretty much everywhere, no sunny forecasts at all. Bastards! I think they are just putting all these forecasts and statements in to annoy me. And by God it has worked.
Toodle pip
Thursday 6 August 2009
the weather
I really hate the weather forecasters, they predict a load of crap which they admit themselves they have no idea about, if the prediction is long term. After the first day or so, predictions cannot be trusted (unless it's the Sahara you are talking about)
Why then, are the forecasters so sure the rest of the summer is going to be crap? They till have no idea. Next week could be scorching (although l am not holding my breath). Got to finish the rant now as l am at work at 10am and have to get ready.
Bastards!
toodle pip
Tuesday 4 August 2009
John Otway live
Busy weekend - Richmond Live was on so l thought l would be a good lad and take my niece to see John Otway and his big band on Friday evening, as the FPO was too tired. Good time was h by all, then on Saturday, the FPO, myself, Louise and Dazzer went on the lash in Richmond. made our way down to Richmond Live later on in the afternoon for the later acts and Bad Manners, who were much better than l expected. Mind you, we were all pretty minging by then. Indian on the way home, then watched Manchester United against Bayern Munich once everyone had gone to bed. Splendid!
toodle pip
Friday 31 July 2009
Sir Bobby Robson
Been listening to various radio stations while l have been out and about today and there have been a lot of tributes poring in, saying what a nice man he was and how much he loved football.
Fair enough with people saying he seemed like a nice man, but half the people spoken to had never met the man, and were stating things as though they were fact.
The radio presenters didn't help either. I know they have a job to do but some of the questions were pathetic. Asking ex players about Sir Bobby who admitted they had never played for him, just knew him a bit. Once again, fair enough. But they were then being asked "What was he like in the changing room at half time?" and "Did he give the hairdryer treatment at half time" when the player had already stated they had not been in a changing room with him.
Other people saying "He was lovely, always had time for people, such a nice man" etc and then saying "I have been crying all day about his death, mind you, I never met the man".
This to me just cheapens it all. He did seem to be a generous and nice man but who the hell am l to know?. Let his family get on with mourning as they are the ones that did know him. Feel sad or grieved if you want, but don't pretend you knew the man.
toodle pip
Thursday 30 July 2009
more jordan
Good luck to her, it's the idiots that buy her stuff that l despair for.
toodle pip
jordan
What kind of celebrity fascination drives people (kids and kids parents) to buy a book like this? Admittedly, a child (maybe) may have borrowed one at school, or read one not knowing about the author, (doubtful) and enjoyed it, therefore wanting to read another. But who the hell buys the first lot of books to spread the word. Fucking vapid idiots who would buy any sort of crap if it was wrapped up nicely and featured in Now!, or Hello, or whatever the plebs read nowadays.
l despair of my fellow working classes who buy into this bullshit, but at least they can blame a crappy education and a need to escape, and l suppose any reading is better than none if it leads onto proper books. l do however, suspect that a lot of the books, are being sold to the aspirant middle classes, (just a hunch, absolutely no figures on which to back it up).
Trust me though, l am right. And they are all idiots
toodle pip
Wednesday 29 July 2009
more holidays!
l had been looking forward to getting swine flu so l could have a week/ten days in bed, but l suppose l should try and avoid it now. Mind you, l probably had it when l was in Portugal in May, as l was coughing for about the first four or five days away. Would probably have killed anyone else, but l am made of strong stuff.
Now l just need to sort out some nights away with work, staying in hotels and going to shows or concerts. Already got the 18th August sorted for York. it's a shame the only fellow at work doesn't want to go to football matches, or l would be unbearable (or should l say even more unbearable). Who cares - what a cushy job at the moment.
toodle pip
Monday 27 July 2009
exotic lager
Sunday 26 July 2009
old movies
Damn. l forgot in real life the sad old blokes are rich.
toodle pip
Friday 24 July 2009
stevie g
After Gerrard was initially questioned by police, his solicitor said: "He understands his obligations and responsibilities and this is completely out of character and out of the blue...he is extremely remorseful for what actually happened and certainly there wasn’t any intention for events to turn out that way."
CCTV footage clearly shows one of Gerrard's friends throwing the first punch at Marcus McGee. Then, Gerrard is seen to throw three punches - something he referred to in court as: .."very difficult [at the time] to explain to police why I did throw that first punch." Gerrard was then shown on CCTV being physically restrained by his friends. He's always maintained that he was acting in self-defence. 6 of his friends have already pleaded guilty to affray.
The judge, in clearing Gerrard, said: "The verdict is a credible verdict on the full facts of this case, and you walk away from this court with your reputation intact."
What a suprise he got off. The law is an ass
(with thanxs to peterthecook)
toodle pip
Wednesday 22 July 2009
the rant continues
At the moment, seven percent of pupils attend private schools, but they make up seventy five percent of judges and seventy per cent of finance directors. That is obscene, and it is without taking into account the children who go to pretty exclusive schools that are not private. Bastards. Rant over - toodle pip
Tuesday 21 July 2009
closed doors
Meanwhile... just been reading the papers about the UK being an unequal society, where class and your background hold you back. What a fucking surprise. Alan Milburn says that it's about time the inequality was tackled to assist people from low social groups to prosper and have better opportunities.Also in the piece, he goes on about the middle classes also losing out on careers if they do not go to the right schools.
I have a pretty strong feeling that the reason it is being addressed now is because it is affecting the middle classes.
There are a lot more people getting Uni or Poly educations and therefore degrees. In the past, when fewer people got degrees, there was no problem for the middle classes (at least nowhere near on the same scale). Now that every Tom Dick or Harry (apart from me) has a degree, it ceases to be so impressive and does not open up career opportunities like it once did.
Let's face it though, the posh schools will continue to thrive and Oxbridge Uiversities will continue to provide the so called great and the good.
Eat the rich.
toodle pip
nozzer looking a state
I think this will upload properly - nozzer and his war wounds. Just trying out the add video bit
toodle pip
first uploaded video!
I think at last l have managed to upload a video - so here's Manchester United against West Ham from about 1978 - football and its fans are so different now
toodle pip
Monday 20 July 2009
nearly holiday time!!
Have got a long weekend off this weekend, then it’s Richmond live the weekend after. Two weeks after that l am off to a wedding in Scotland, and then it’s off to Turkey for two weeks at the end of August. Have also just confirmed l am going to Bulgaria for a week in September (21st onwards). Staying in a five star hotel and all expenses paid. Hurrah!! Will also be the start of the football season in a couple of weeks (Charity Shield game against Chelsea). Been a long summer without football.
At work now but l am obviously not doing any work at the moment. Been a quiet day and the weather has been pretty damn good this evening, so we have had a relaxing day.
On the home front, Nozzer is still swollen on his cheek. Can’t wait to give that a squeeze tomorrow. Hope it clears up soon, poor little fellow.
Have also been trying to get some home movie footage posted, no luck so far but will persevere with it. That’s the lot for now, what excitement!
Toodle pip
Saturday 18 July 2009
nozzer's back
Had to take litle Nozzer to the vets again yesterday as his right cheek had swollen up with puss again. They had to keep him in overnight to cut into it, clean it out, put in a capsule, give him anti-biotics and clean him and repeat this morning.
Went to pick him up earlier and he looks a state again, a bit like his daddy, but in his case all shaven and still a bit swollen (maybe if l have a shave...). Good to have the little boy home though, it wasn't the same going to bed last night without putting him to bed first.
Have to give him anti-biotics and clean him twice a day, then he returns to the vets for a check up on Thursday afternoon.
He sat on my shoulder coming home in the car and was jumping around (for joy l hope) when he heard us in the vets, but is a bit subdued at the moment. Probably been awake all night wondering what is happening to him.
l have said it before and l will say it again, l love that little bunny.
toodle pip
Wednesday 15 July 2009
sad bastard
Shoot me.
toodle pip
Tuesday 14 July 2009
Operation Repo - Just Beat I t - truTV.com
This is great once the son comes out and starts kicking off (1.50mins) Beat it!
toodle pip
Realistic Robot Woman
Just think, programme it to stop nagging. Replace the nagging with "you're so good" and "you're so large".
Robot sex is nearly here!
toodle pip
Friday 10 July 2009
Good old Labour
Ah the good old days. Don't really trust any politician but do believe we should vote or stop complaining. Time for Labour to get back to basic principles. Bring back posters like the above. Fuck the rich bastards, tax them high or let them bugger off somewhere else. Use tax money to help the poor by providing a better transport system, education and health care. Think of the long term benefits. Surely that's not too radical an idea.
toodle pip
Nozzer's gone mental
toodle pip
Saturday 4 July 2009
wrestling midgets
11:59am UK, Friday July 03, 2009
Two professional midget wrestlers found dead in a low-rent hotel room may have been drugged by female robbers, according to Mexican authorities.
Post mortems are being carried out on La Parkita - or Little Death - who wore a skeleton costume in the ring and Espectrito Jr.
The twin brothers, real names Alberto and Alejandro Jimenez, reportedly had been entertaining two prostitutes on the night of their deaths.
Police said two women were seen leaving the men's hotel room shortly before the bodies were discovered by a cleaner.
Prosecutor Miguel Angel Mancera said gangs of female robbers are experienced at using drugs to knock men out and rob them but they may have used too strong a dose.
The wrestlers' small stature means they may have succumbed to the drugs more easily, although larger men have also died in similar crimes.
The bodies of the two men, both aged 35, were found at a hotel a short distance from the Arena Mexico wrestling venue in Mexico City.
Midget wrestling had a huge following in the 50s and 60s but its popularity has waned across the world.
But the sport is still enormously popular in Mexico and fans are said to be mourning its two most famous stars.
More Jacko
It’s not known what triggered the heart attack, but High School Musical 3 was on cable at the time.
(with thanxs to Frankie Boyle)
toodle pip
Friday 3 July 2009
man or woman
milky way
http://vimeo.com/4505537?pg=embed&sec=&hd=1
toodle pip
Thursday 2 July 2009
Little Boots - Stuck On Repeat
Much as l have an instant dislike for anyone called Victoria (Class war etc), it is pretty cool what she does here
More Jacko
Spin Magazine’s Steve Kandell had the best take on his death, refusing to find a reason to reconcile the two sides of Jackson: “Iconic pop stars should be weird and unknowable, that’s what we’re paying them for… they should be shooting their televisions and comparing themselves favorably to Jesus and collecting African babies at will and sleeping in hyperbaric chambers with well-dressed chimpanzees and possibly, regrettably, kindergartner's. Because we cannot. We need them to live lives we’ll never know, lives we shouldn't’t know.”
Don't get me wrong. I try to live my life like a pop/rock star (Keith Richards - how predictable), but l agree. Pop/Rock stars are there to lead the lives that others want or dare not lead.
Still don't empathise with Jacko too much though
toodle pip