cancer

So, what can l say? Turns out my mum is pretty bad after all and has cancer in her brain (l assume secondary mets cancer as she has already had lung cancer). My wife phoned the hospital and spoke to her earlier on in the evening, as l was out and she couldn’t get hold of me. News that was not expected. My sister is pretty upset about it and has been crying half the night. We are all off to the hospital tomorrow to see her and find out how bad it is. Steroids have already been given but we are all unsure what other treatment may be available, as we do not know how advanced the cancer is. My own guess would be a couple of months, seeing how bad she has been recently. Then again, she may not be too advanced and last a year – certainly don’t think that will be the case though.

Not sure how l feel about all this. Other people are all a lot more upset than me, even my wife. Obviously l feel sorry for the condition my mum is in and how scared she must be, but l am defiantly lacking something. l know people may say l am in shock and maybe l will be a lot more upset later on, or even tomorrow, but l doubt it. It upsets me more seeing people close to me upset. Hell, l even cry if l see strangers crying or upset on the TV. Think l have too much bottled up inside (serial killer alert!!).

l remember when my dad died. My immediate family and my step family were all crying and hugging, but l felt nothing like that. l was pissed off that they had those feelings and l didn’t. l even turned up late for the funeral and did not put a flower on his coffin. Don’t misunderstand me, before he died, l used to go and see him in the pub, but he was just like some fellow l knew in there. Not a father figure. l have a horrible feeling that history is going to repeat itself.

Anyway – find out more tomorrow

Toodle pip

PS Still pleased United beat Roma – football has always been there for me