I bet this Vibra-Finger wasn't used to massage gums, no matter what the advert says.
Toodle pip
Thursday, 3 December 2020
the vibra finger
when the pubs open again
This will be me when the pubs are open again without the restrictions
Toodle pip
Wednesday, 2 December 2020
lager and scotch eggs
So the pubs are back open for business in our neck of the woods, as long as there is a substantial meal with the booze, which, according to Michael Gove, can be a couple of scotch eggs. Looks like he's saving his for later.
someone's selling my old sofa in bootle
It looks like John in Bootle is selling my old sofa. What a bargain.
elaine paige having cock
l've only just seen this from earlier on in the lockdown, but it certainly made me laugh. Elaine Paige dealing with the lockdown with cock, according to The Telegraph. At least she took it well (Fnaaar)
georgia elections official gabriel sterling condemns trump
More of this kind of talk please. Gabriel Sterling slams President Trump for encouraging violence against his team. It could be argued that as a Republican, he should have spoken out earlier, but at least he is doing it now, and he is right. Other Republicans and many news outlets are should also back this kind of talk up, but l'm not holding my breath. Trump's deranged rhetoric will end up costing people their lives, but sadly, l don't think he cares, and l also think he probably wants it to end in violence, maybe even to declare a state of emergency as a grab for extended power. Nothing that twat does would surprise me.
Toodle pip
Saturday, 28 November 2020
the brexit omnishambles
I've argued the Brexit point before of rich capitalist bastards trying to do away with regulations, but there's an excellent article in The Guardian a couple of days ago that l have just read by George Monbiot that goes deeper. Here's a part of it, and the full article can be found here.
Toodle pip
donald trump sitting at his tiny desk
I bet this is produced a flashback for the orange skinned bullying morally bankrupt charlatan when he had to repeat years due to his general ignorance and belief of self importance, against the teacher's revenge for him being a knobhead.
Friday, 27 November 2020
history is made - dennis the menace meets gnasher
I haven't posted any comic related nonsense for a while, so here's a beauty, which I'm old enough to remember reading at the time, whilst lying in my bedroom in Bootle, listening to the trains go by. Dennis the Menace meets Gnasher for the first time. From The Beano, issue number 1363, August 31st 1968. Drawn by David Law.
carl and rob hate everyone cartoon
I don't know which artist is responsible for this cartoon, but it certainly appealed to my sense of humour
the infinite universe
I've lived my life not believing in a creator, nor an afterlife of the Heaven or Hell type variety, but believing space is infinite, with infinite possibilities. This renders our lives on this tiny planet insignificant, and l'm happy with that, but think people should enjoy life as they wish, but try not to harm others. One of the early arguments about space being infinite, therefore with infinite amounts of stars, is why is the night sky not lit up with them, rather than dark? Obviously the fault is with our poor optics and the vast distances of the stars, but with advanced technology, we are getting there. As evidence, here's a recent photograph from the Hubble Space Telescope of a mere 500 million stars (roughly) in the Andromeda Galaxy.
Remember - enjoy life while you can. There's bugger all else.
the great boulevards of paris (I grandi verdi parigi) by konstantin korovin and pierre-auguste renoir
I've nothing profound to say about the Konstantin Korovin (1861 - 1939) painting 'The Great Boulevards in Paris' (I Grandi Viali Parigi) apart from l saw it for the first time the other night, and it makes me want to go back there, drink some red wine (and possibly some absinth), until l can view it like this myself. I actually prefer it to the similar painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919) with the same name (below it). Love it.
rupert murdoch cookies cartoon
I don't know who is responsible this cartoon, but it is always worth sharing to remind people of some of the real enemies.
It's also similar to 'The Great Money Trick' in Robert Tressell's 'The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists', which is well worth reading or re-reading, and l've blogged about before.
If you think this makes Murdoch appear racist, l pass no judgement, but here's a couple of old cartoons from his papers
Toodle pip
diego maradona has left the building
Although l grew up loving George Best, Diego Maradona is in with a good shout of being classed as the greatest footballer of all time, especially during the time he was playing for Naples. He obviously had many issues, but that just made him more human, especially coming from the dirt poor background he had, and didn't distract from his enormous talent and ability to alter the outcome of games, despite (like Best) some of the ferocious tackling he had to endure. Personally, although it was annoying that he got away with the 'Hand of God' against England, most other players on that pitch would have done the same thing if they could have, so l've no issues with it (apart from the debate about players wanting to cheat in the broader sense, but that's for another day). Lionel Messi has been the modern days nearest equivalent to Maradona, and some (insane) people prefer Cristiano Ronaldo, but comparisons are kind of pointless, as they involve different types of games and opposition, but Maradona was certainly something very very special, and should be lauded for his exceptional skills, outrageous balance, and bravery on the field. There's an excellent piece by Maradona's former Argentina teammate Jorge Valdano in The Guardian (look here), which is an infinitely superior tribute than anything l could muster up and is well worth reading.
I love this film of Maradona warming up and juggling a football, and speaking from personal experience as someone who could also do lots of tricks with a football, Maradona's touch is gobsmacking. Another great player who will be missed by anyone with a love for the game.
On the other hand, l have nothing but contempt for the way he mistreated his records
Toodle pip
Saturday, 21 November 2020
barack obama being cool (again)
Here's a reminder of what a true leader should be like, intelligent, cool, charismatic, and compassionate. We could do with him now.
And a reminder that, after 9/11, this man was being touted as a possible future president
Toodle pip
priti patel bullying charges and the rule breaking
So, at long last, the bullying investigation regarding Priti Patel has been leaked to the press, and it's a good job it was, as there is no way our great and glorious leader Boris Johnson would have released it. This time, the rather delightful Ms Patel was found to have been in breach of The Ministerial Code (again), but the bullying may have 'been carried out unintentionally' (but did cause the resignation of Philip Rutnam, the then Home Office Permanent Secretary). If this was her first offence, l would have had some sympathy for her, although a lot more for the victims. However, this is the third time she has been accused of it, in three different departments, and has already had to settle out of court and pay damages with a former employee (and has already had to resign once for previously breaking The Ministerial Code). She is a serial offender. Who would have expected that from her? Even the apology was a classic case of a non apology along the lines of 'I'm sorry if other people have been offended'. Of course Boris Johnson has backed her, and gone against the report, basically dismissing it, and getting other MPs to show support to her, leading to the resignation of the person who oversaw the report, Sir Alex Allan, Whitehall's independent advisor on ministerial standards, who at least has shown some backbone. If Ms Patel had burned the report in the middle of The Houses of Parliament and crapped on it, Boris would just say she hadn't, and exonerate her, saying the matter was now closed, but that does not make it right. However, what do you expect from this rule breaking government, in anti bullying week, and just after axing anti LGBT bullying projects in schools? All they have done is lie and bluff, meanwhile lining the pockets of their friends and backers, with a total disregard of what is expected of a government, which should be leading by example, especially in the middle of a crisis and the Brexit shitshow. Apart from their general ineptitude and disregard for what is right (such as feeding hungry children), l do think that it is also a deliberate ploy to undermine democracy, rather like Trump has been doing in America. Once all the rules as are no longer effective, and the population becomes blasé about the rule breaking, they are free to do away with freedoms, worker protection, housing regulations, and all the other irritating titbits that prevent the rich getting richer. All of this is being done right in front of our eyes both here and in America, and things are only going to get worse. Well done to all of the fuckwits who voted these bastards in, and expected them to change, show compassion, and not be corrupt. I didn't expect anything else.
There may well be some kind of a civil war in America soon, but where's a revolution when you want one?
Toodle pip
Sunday, 15 November 2020
part of the reason people shouldn't buy the daily mail
This is only part of the reason people shouldn't buy The Daily Mail. They're absolute scum, and the government's press buddies hounding of Marcus Rashford looks as though it has already started. Twats.
des o'connor
Des O'Connor, who has just died, always came across as a very pleasant, self deprecating man, and was certainly up for making fun of himself with Morecombe and Wise, a staple from many peoples childhoods. Although he had a extremely long career, partaking in many forms of showbiz, he released many, many records, some of which (such as 'I Pretend') l don't actually mind (although l would never dream of buying any of them). However, my favourite ones of his were the listing of celebrities, of which he had a few versions. This was very clever indeed, and what a memory, even in his dotage. If he only had the one version it would be impressive enough, but changing it over the years is even more so. If l was wearing a hat l would raise it to him.
Here's one version
Toodle pip
turn off your mind
If the Covid lockdown is getting on your nerves and driving you up the wall, just relax and look at the picture. That's it......relax.....drift away........
Now send me all your money and the keys to your house - you'll remember nothing in the morning
Toodle pip
a one eyed shark caught off mexico
A one eyed shark that was caught off the coast of Mexico. If it's real, it manages to be both cute and spooky at the same time.
Photo by Enrique Lucero Leon
the new blue passport
Just Fuck off with your precious blue passport and stick it where the son doesn't shine. The passport that actually makes life worse for us. Congratulations you poisonous git, and where's the report on your bullying charges?
Tuesday, 10 November 2020
the macaulay library of wildlife
As if l haven't found enough ways to waste time and avoid the dusting, this was recently recommended to me. It's the Macaulay Library Archive that provides copious amounts of scientific information about wildlife. However, as a rather magnificent bonus, you can also play various recordings of them. Mr Parrot is not enjoying it as much as me, and is currently losing the small amount of marbles he still has left.
Their website is here. Enjoy
the proposed new vaccine roll out
That's me sorted at least - #1 on the list, and not because l'm an old git. Obviously l'm indestructible, but what a result!! Not just a care home worker, but also a peripatetic one, although l suppose that may change in the future.
But hold on a minute - In related news.....
Toodle pip
golf european masters 2020 - john rahm's water skip hole in one
I'm no fan of golf, but fuck me! What a shot!!
Toodle pip
sir john major's treasurer's lecture - november 9th 2020 – the state we're in
Although John Major is a Conservative, this is a pretty good speech about the state we are in at the moment. From The Treasurer's Lecture, 9th November 2020. Text is on John Major's site.
Toodle pip
a solar flare against the earth
Solar flare 10 21 10 by Jason Major. The circle at the top left corner is the scale size of The Earth.
We are all so insignificant in the great scheme of things*
* There is no great scheme
how more reporters should be - cnn's poppy harlow threatens to shut down Brian Morgenstern.
This is how presenters should act now when unfounded allegations about voter fraud or basic everyday lies by Boris and his chums are being aired without too much scrutiny. The rather excellent Poppy Harlow from CNN threatens to shut the interview down when Brian Morgenstern tries to discredit the New York Times reporters a month or so ago.
Toodle pip
colourised snowball fight in lyon, france 1896, plus les enfants terribles and la machine infernale by jean cocteau
An 1896 colourised Lumiere brothers film of a snowball fight in Lyon, France. As usual, the colourisation process (details of the process used is here) really brings it to life, and, trying not to sound like too much of a pretentious twat, it reminded me of 'Les Enfants Terribles' by Jean Cocteau (1929), which l have recently re-read, and which starts with a snowball fight in Paris. You can really imagine the people in this film being around and involved in the same kind of mayhem, although it doesn't end well in the book.
To be even more pretentious, the above book was at least the English translation, but l am currently (very slowly) struggling with the French version of Cocteau's 'La Machine Infernale', and trust me, l only know very basic French, so am painstakingly translating parts l don't understand. This may take some time, so it's lucky l also have other reading material on the go at the same time. I need more time off work for these kind of endeavours. No wonder l never get round to cleaning up and finishing the painting jobs.
Toodle pip
Monday, 9 November 2020
priti patel and the immigration bill
Great stuff Priti. So this means that non of us Brits (or Scousers) can work, travel, live or retire freely in the many European countries that we used to be able to. Well done indeed you glory hunting, smug, dogs arse of a mouth hobgoblin. And fuck off if you think l believe you were taken out of context regarding starving the Irish, or that your self satisfied smile during the TV interview a while ago is your normal relaxed facial expression. You're a fucking liar who treats the populace as idiots. Don't forget to take Cummings, Gove, Johnson, Hancock, Raab and all the other fuckwits with you, and don't fucking come back.
And in related news....
Good job they never tried coming here on a boat, as Priti would not have had their best intentions at heart
Toodle pip
Sunday, 8 November 2020
wank the dog colouring competition
Those crazy Japanese! Currently, there's the competition being run to colour in an outline of a dog. Nothing unusual there you may think, apart from the fact the dog is called wank (wank the dog). If you live in Nagasaki and want to enter the competition, the full details are here.
Saturday, 7 November 2020
lockdown with the beatles
If we'd have had lockdown in the 1960's, The Beatles would have been slightly different.
news reporter tells a trump supporter to fuck off on live tv
This is how more of the TV reporters should react to the Trump supporting knobheads. It's a pity he will probably be reprimanded for it.
Toodle pip
nigel being a dick again
Nigel Farage being a twat as usual. He's still a rich twat, but at least now he is £10,000 worse off.
mink farming in denmark
The UK have banned travel from Denmark due to Covid mutating on mink farms, and it looks as though the mink will be destroyed. I've a better idea - just ban mink farming altogether.
Toodle pip
donald trump at the moment
Goodbye Mr Shitty Pants, you won't be missed. Hopefully he won't be around when the next election happens
Toodle pip
cnn's van jones brought to tears as joe biden wins the american election
People who think all politicians are the same and it's a waste of time voting, watch CNN's Van Jones' reaction to Joe Biden's win. Now the orange turd should just fuck off, but of course he will keep lying and tweeting, further winding up his supporters, but lives could easily be lost through his irresponsible and deranged actions. He should be prosecuted in the future for actions likely to incite violence (amongst many other things), but no doubt he will be pardoned, maybe even by Mike Pence if Trump resigns and Pence takes over, which wouldn't surprise me at all. Twat.
Toodle pip
Friday, 6 November 2020
the blue collar conservatives group, corruption and no deal brexit
People who have had privileged backgrounds often make out that they have struggled, and had the same chances and opportunities in life as anyone else, as they don't like to acknowledge their family, friends and schools network give them an unfair advantage over us plebs and scumbags. Take The Blue Collar Conservative group. Here's some examples of their info with the missing relevant information added.
MP Sir Peter Bottomley 'Came from a lorry driver to the House of Commons'. Sure - after Westminster School and Trinity College, Cambridge. Also, his father and grandfather went to the same Oxbridge college, and were also both knighted.
Privately educated John Courts is described as being self employed for 12 years before becoming a MP. Yes - as a barrister.
Johnny Mercer achieved 'average results at school, so had to go into employment', omitting to mention the school in question was Eastbourne College, a top public school.
If it wasn't so laughably pathetic, l would despair.
Meanwhile, the corruption goes on, further lining their friends pockets
Toodle pip
be a rebel
Still one of my favourite photographs. Be a rebel and don't let the little people tell you what to do.
Toodle pip
the archbishop of york and scientific justification
Stephen Cottrell, the Archbishop of York has written to our glorious leader Boris about places of worship being closed during lockdown, saying there is no scientific justification for doing so.
He is treading on thin ground regarding scientific justification, as some might use the same argument to question his very existence as Archbishop, and faith in general.
hopefully today's the day biden reaches 270
Hopefully today is the day Joe Biden hits the 270 mark and becomes president elect of the good old USA. Donald Trump obviously won't accept it and will moan and moan, despite the fact this may cause violence and deaths, but what else would you expect from such a lying, petulant, narcissistic twat? This rather brilliant cartoon sums up my feeling
Monday, 2 November 2020
the new charlie hebdo
The recent issue of Charlie Hebdo with a pertinent front page, which (with my rudimentary French) asks 'Who wants the English in Europe'. We are a laughing stock.
Toodle pip
rudy giuliano's bad choices
I've just seen the new Borat film in which he stitches up Rudy Giuliano. It is open to debate about what Rudi was up to on the bed, or what he was expecting to happen, but he sure came across as a pervy old bloke sweating over a younger lady who he thought had given him the come on. (as if that's something new). However, what l won't forgive, is his choice of footwear.
Toodle pip
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