illusion art

I like this sort of stuff a lot, ever since getting into Salvador Dali's stuff when l was younger. Very clever indeed

toodle pip

richmond and pub

I had to go into Richmond this morning (on my day off!) for a meet and greet with someone who is thinking about moving into a home in Richmond. Went back to the Richmond office afterwards, but then managed to escape and go for a quick pint in the Unicorn, where l relaxed and listened to my ipod, as it was pretty empty (and l am a miserable unsociable bastard). Left Richmond at about 2.45pm and got a taxi to the Wine Bar, where l met up with Joe (plus Dave the health and safety man, Ritchie, Pat etc) for the usual crap. The FPO was meant to be picking up the car from the garage, but it turns out it needs extra work doing to it, as she had put oil in the steering fluid, so it's messed up the engine (or brakes or whatever). The brake pads need changing anyway, so we are careless at the moment. She came to meet me in the Wine Bar, so we had a quick one there (ooer), went to JT's for a quick one (ooer again), and then home. It's not too bad for me having no car, as l can cycle to work, but we definitely need one for her. Bloody things.

toodle pip

vivian stanshall - stinkfoot

I don't really know anything about this, but I do think the poster for it is excellent.

toodle pip

dodgy t shirts

toodle pip

stewart lee and his shelves

Some of my CD's

Stewart Lee with his stuff

In todays Observer magazine there was an article by Stewart Lee, about his need for shelves to store all his records, books and comics. It involved other stuff as well, but the main thing l was thinking was "It looks great, and l wish l had loads more possessions to put on my shelves". I know l can easily go either way. I really love records, comics, films and books, so I will either end up with too much stuff all over the place (like Stewart Lee), or cut down and get minimalistic in the future, once l have purchased a top of the range computer of the space age, with ultra fast broadband and everything available on the net (mainly for free). The only trouble with the minimalistic approach, is it is so fulfilling to actually touch the objects and know they belong to a certain part of pop culture history (or history in general). That's why l want an original copy of Amazing fantasy no 15, rather than a brand new and ultra glossy reprint. I do know that if l became super rich l would have a large house full of junk l would have collected and accumulated on my travels, but living in the real world (sadly), l may flog off all my tat before l die (if l time it right), so l can fund something along the lines of a trip to Japan (with all the trimmings). It's about time the bleeding lottery selected me as a winner. I blame the new government. Rich bastards.

toodle pip

a damp squid

I always thought that is what the quote was until watching the IT crowd on Friday night. Apparently I was wrong. Here are the top ten misquoted phrases

1) A damp squid (a damp squib)

2) On tender hooks (on tenter hooks)

3) Nip it in the butt (nip it in the bud)

4) Champing at the bit (chomping at the bit)

5) A mute point (a moot point)

6) One foul swoop (one fell swoop)

7) All that glitters is not gold (all that glisters is not gold)

8) Adverse to (averse to)

9) Batting down the hatches (batten down the hatches)

10) Find a penny pick it up (find a pin pick it up)

Damn the English language

toodle pip

caravan site

Myself and the FPO are going caravanning in a couple of weeks (OK, spending one night in a caravan with Robbo and Kerry). Therefore we went to check it out today. It's on the outskirts of Richmond and belongs to the FPO's family. Pretty much all the family were there today, and we had lunch with them all, even though my hay fever was bugging me and l had a red face, as l had just got out of a red hot bath before setting off. I may have to go skinny dipping in the Swale when we are there, so l hope the neighbours have some heavy duty curtains to block out the sight. Don't say they haven't been warned.

toodle pip

interview day 2

Thank God for that, all the interviews have now finished and I have got four new members of staff out of it (once their CRB checks have been done and their references been authenticated).

That was two of the most boring days of my life, but l would rather do it on a more regular basis if it means we keep our staff quota up.

We did have three people who didn't show up yesterday, which was pretty stupid of them, as all three were already doing the same kind of job, but with less pay. All of them would have had a good chance of being selected, as their application forms were so good, and the jobs they could have been offered look a lot better than what they are doing now. They also all drove as well, so they could have done extra hours at other houses if they wanted even more money. One of them must have spent hours on the application form, as it was so detailed and good, but didn't show. Never mind, a least the short staffed crisis should soon be at an end.

On a related note, l tried to go to the bank afterwards and of course it closed at 4pm. Bastards! Why can't they stay open till 5pm (or 5.30pm) like other places, especially on a Friday, which is pay day for a lot of people, and especially when they are situated in busy places like Darlington High street. Surely the people who are working and can't get to the bank in the morning or early afternoon may want to call in when they have finished work. I know it's an old stand up comedy routine about banking hours, but it's still annoying when they do close so early. Double bastards!

toodle pip

the it crowd - moss gives evidence

This was brilliant last night, I was in floods of tears with laughter and had to keep rewinding it. I suppose it's a lot better if you watch the show all the time and know what the characters are like, but this was a superb comedic performance by Moss (Richard Ayoade), keeping straight faced, with great use of his voice, and comedy timing at it's best. Gold star to that man.

toodle pip

100 gigs from memory

I was on a web site ( The Word) where people were listing 50 gigs they went to from memory in under 5 minutes. Here was my contribution, although l later added another 50, just because l can (and l am an old sad bastard)

The first 50 were

Dylan
Quo
Springsteen
Dr Feelgood
Hanoi Rocks
Deus
Chuck Berry
Motorhead
Def Lep
Queen
Eric Clapton
The Waterboys
The Hothouse Flowers
World Party
Lone Justice
The Wonder Stuff
The Cure
The Mission
The Hollow Men
The Stone Roses
Primal Scream
James
The Happy Mondays
Don Mclean
Ted Hawkins
The Alarm
Big Country
The Cult
Rainbow
Chuck Berry
The Kinks
Led Zeppelin
Iggy Pop
Sham 69
The Jam
Slade
Eddie And The Hot Rods
Lone Star
Aerosmith
Whitesnake
ZZ Top
AC/DC
Bad News
Tygers Of Pan Tang
The Ramones
The Boo Radleys
Oasis
John Otway
Dr And The Medics
Hawkwind

The second 50 were

The Rolling Stones
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band (I remembered them this time)
Thin Lizzy
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Adam And The Ants
Culture Club
Van Morrison
Johnny Cash
Billy Bragg
Robyn Hitchcock
Katrina and the Waves
Gary Glitter
Kasabian
The Cherry Bombz
Golden Earing
Saxon
Gillan
Wilko Johnson
Jonathan Richman
The Pixies
Reef
Jet
The Polyphonic Spree
Placebo
Reverend And The Makers
The Ting Tings
Squeeze
Radio Stars
U2
Patti Smith
The Pretenders
Graham Parker And The Rumour
UFO
The Lurkers
The Spin Doctors
Simple Minds
Teenage Fanclub
Penetration
The Buzzcocks
Teardrop Explodes
Dexy's Midnight Runners
The Stranglers
Judas Priest
Iron Maiden
The Blue Aeroplanes
Fairground Attraction
A House
Grant Lee Buffalo
Hamell On Trial
Geno Washington

Think l might be scrapping the barrel a bit if l try for another 50, but l might surprise myself (although it would take longer than 5 minutes to remember 50 more). I need to get out more.

toodle pip.

top of the pops with a dirty cameraman

This is how music shows should be. No wonder Top Of The Pops had such large figures watching (if you know what l mean)

Ah. The good old days. The song is great as well (Sugar Sugar - The Archies).

toodle pip

interview day 1

This is where the poor bastards who are being interviewed have to sit, facing myself and two other people.

This is where we had lunch

Christ on a shitty bike, what a boring day. I (along with two other interviewees) have been doing interviews all day in Darlington. The good news was that the last interview was 2.30pm. The bad news is that one of them got put back so it was added onto the end at 3.15pm. Then I had to hang around to discuss outcomes and opinions, before finally getting home at 5pm. Earlier on in the day, l met the FPO and her sister (Louise, not squirting milk yet) for lunch, outside some small food place in a little alleyway. Took a while getting served, so l then had to wolf down my bacon and cheese omelette (no side salad) with full fat coke, before heading back for the afternoon interviews.

Another day of doing the same tomorrow, but hopefully we will finish (and get home) a little earlier.

I have to sort out some shifts for next week, but apart from that, I am off for the weekend. Hurrah!!

Early start again tomorrow, but let's face it, I can't see an early night coming up in the immediate future. I know l will regret it in the morning, but it's what Keith would expect. It's not easy being rock and roll etc....

toodle pip

bronson and la vie revee des anges (the dreamlife of angels)

Pretty much a pleasant afternoon, relaxing and catching up with stuff I'd taped (and ignoring the telephone and front door).

It started off badly by Manchester United being beaten 2-1 by Kansas City Wizards (from a couple of days ago, but l have just found the time to watch it). It was only a friendly, but Kansas City had a man sent off before half time for giving away a penalty (the ref was shite), so United should have beaten them in the second half, but were lucky not to concede more than two goals. It makes me concerned regarding the upcoming season, but most of United's 'star' players were resting, so who knows what the season holds.

La Vie Revee Des Anges (The Dreamlife Of Angels) is (you don't say!) a French film (with English subtitles) about two girls who develop a friendship and live together, but get more and more remote with each other when men become involved, especially when one of them falls in love with a rich git who just uses her. I really like the French stuff, it all just seems more believable somehow, and the actors and actresses are usually all good as well. Maybe l just don't notice the shitty acting because it is in a foreign language (although it improves my French).

Bronson was really good as well, mainly for the great job Tom Hardy did in portraying Bronson. It glossed over a lot of stuff from Bronson's life, and l do feel films like this glorify violence and encourages other people to go down the same path as Bronson, to try and make a name for themselves, but that's not a reason for films like this to be banned.

Apparently Hardy put on three stone for the role, and it shows. I have four weeks before going to Turkey and getting nude in the amphitheatre, so l had better crack on with my sit ups, if l want to look my best.

toodle pip

football actors - mitchell and webb

This is such a good idea for a sketch. I can't believe it's an original idea, but l've certainly never seen it before.

toodle pip

preston rapist

There is a news story at the moment that someone has walked away free from court after raping a 12 year old girl. The lads name is all over the articles (Junaid Bhuta) and it all sounds really bad.

The trouble is, he was done for statutory rape (which means the girl was under 16, therefore unable to consent).

The Judge (Timothy Mort) accepts that the girl was pretending to be 16, looked and acted 16, and agreed to sex (although she regretted it later).

Bhuta met her on Facebook through a friends request, met up with her, had sex, then went to the pictures with her and accompanied her part of her way home. It was only because she was late home that she got in trouble and then confessed all to her mum.

Bhuta was sentenced to six months imprisonment, suspended for 18 months, and was placed on the sex offenders register for seven years, although the Judge admits he was not a predator, did not groom her, and if he had known about her true age, would probably not have had sex with her.

Sounds to me like he has got a raw deal, and he will always have the stigma of being a rapist.

Obviously there has to be a lot of care and protection towards young girls, but the inflammatory headlines (calling him 'Preston rapist') just make it look as though he has walked away scot free after raping a child, and it's another case of a Judge being too lenient, which is not the case at all.

Bloody papers

More news here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-10781281

toodle pip

what a free kick!

And he only plays for the Spain under 19 side. Bloody show off

toodle pip

elephant and lizard

Here's someone who has just had a worse day than me. The monitor lizard that is being swung around by the elephant in the Corbett National Park. The elephant caught it, and has been putting it down now and again to do other things, but has then continued to pick it up and swing it round. That lizard would have had one hell of a headache. Of course the lizard may have enjoyed it, maybe they are buddies, and it is a bit like being on a fairground ride. Somehow though, l doubt it.

toodle pip

bloody work

Well, what an exciting two days l have just had. I went to work yesterday morning at 8am, worked until 11pm, stayed overnight, and then worked from 7am until 5pm. Great stuff, as anyone who knows me, also know l am one of the most idle people in the world, and all l want is an easy life.

It's also been non stop as well, with lots of crap to sort out and meetings to attend. Also had to assist someone who was looking for a placement for their young daughter, and of course the accommodation being suggested and offered (by others) was not suitable or age appropriate, in any way, shape, or form.

I have spent too many years of my life on courses that go on about Person Centred Planning, listening to clients/residents/tenants views and them being important, with us assisting them to get the best from their lives, and it all goes out of the window when places need to be filled.

It's like going back to the old days when the large asylums (for want of a better word) were closed down and people were placed into the community in group homes, but just lumped together, whether or not they got on, or even new each other at all. No thought about them being compatible or how near they were to their families. Pah!

There is also talk of someone moving into one of the homes from abroad, even though they have never met the other tenants and may hate it. Obviously they should try respite in this country first so their needs can be assessed and a suitable place found for them, but that won't happen. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Just before leaving work today l was also informed some documentation had to be in by Friday, as it had been late in the past and the people higher up the ladder than me were getting flack for it. I hasten to add that l have not sent it in late before, but because of those bastards l now have to go into work tomorrow evening to complete them, as l was meant to be off work tomorrow, and l am doing interviews on Thursday and Friday (my day off) so l won't be at work then. I have also just done some work from home and emailed it off, something l really do curse doing (working in my own time, not emailing stuff off). They are going to be charged royally for this inconvenience, mark my words! I also have to show up for a meeting on Monday morning for an hour or so - another day off. Time to book another holiday to get away from it all.

What the fuck has happened to my cushy life?

toodle pip

dancing cows

This is the last post as l am off to watch the third Manchester United pre season tour game.

Don't know why l like this so much, l just do.

toodle pip

yosemitebear mountain double rainbow

The rainbows look great, but as for the bloke who is speaking and crying all over the commentary - get a life furchristssakes. "What does it mean?" he asks. It means he's an idiotic hippie ( and probably a Christian one at that). They give the rest of us hippies a bad name.

Good job it wasn't a triple rainbow. He'd have shat his pants with excitement.

toodle

tennents lager girls and the girlie party

Here's something you don't see any more (I think). Dolly birds on the back of lager tins. These are Tennents lager cans from back in the day. I might be wrong, but l am pretty sure the pictures made the lager taste that little bit sweeter. Maybe l should start a petition to bring them back.

On the subject of girls and booze, l came home today after being away at work last night. Guess what was waiting for me? A bloody mess, that's what. Empty booze containers everywhere, discarded and left over crisps and pizza, and two drunken girls who were still asleep (2.15pm) as they didn't get to bed till about 4am apparently, due to the girlie party they threw while l was slaving away. I'm surprised the neighbours are still talking to us, as the TV was really loud when l switched it on this afternoon, due to them playing the music channels extremely loud last night (I repeat, till 4am).

I know all of the girls that were round, and they have all tried to get into my underpants (and all succeeded - I have photos to prove it). However, it's still not right that l am working while a party is going on (in my house as well!). The FPO shall have a severe beating for this, mark my words.

I've got a good mind to put up some of the girlie's photos on here - that would teach the little minx's.

toodle pip

the omen and disco pigs

A classic tale of terror starring Gregory Peck, who refuses to believe his little bundle of fun might be the devil himself. He eventually gets persuaded he is, and then has to kill the little white beast (see what l did there?), even though he should have listened earlier and saved a lot of lives in the process. Dated but still worth watching (first time l had seen it all the way through). l am now tempted to get 666 tattooed upon my person (ooer).

Wow! This was just so far fetched it was embarrassing. Admittedly there has to be a story somehow, and l am willing to overlook a lot of the things that happen in the movie, but this was bad. l did hang on until the end, to see what happened to the two 'linked since birth' next door neighbours, so l suppose the film worked in a way, but l just put that down to my general laziness and unwillingness to move from the sofa. The main lad in the film, Pig (Cillian Murphy), was a bit of a bad 'un to say the least, always getting into fights, and acting like a right 'id-jut'. Of course no-one had a go at him and there were no bouncers in any clubs to break up the fights His love from next door gets glassed in one pub, but then goes to a disco afterwards (and gets let in with blood still on her - still no bouncers). He goes to a bad kids school and walks on a table, being a prat, but no-one shouts at him or hits him (and of course there were no supervisors about). The final one however, is the worst. He goes to a disco, beats someone to death in the middle of the dance floor while everyone stands in a circle watching, (still no bloody bouncers), and then goes out after his girl and follows her into a taxi. No-one gives chase of course, stops him, or even takes the taxi's number. Two hours of my precious aching life gone forever, never to return, and for what? Sheer hatred of those sorts of films to keep nagging at the back of my mind and prevent me from sleeping soundly tonight. Bastards!

toodle pip

of mice and men

Myself and the FPO watched the (1992) film of this last week (me for the second time), and both really enjoyed it. The best role was John Malkovic, who is really convincing as a big, dumb, hard man Lennie, (who wants to live off "the fat of the land" and look after rabbits).

I also read the (1937) book for the first time about a month ago, and l must admit, l prefer the book, as there is slightly more in it (although the film adaption is very true to it), and there are some imaginary scenes in the book whereby you can 'paint your own pictures in your mind' (maaan).

Both will be watched/read again at some stage in the future. Hollywood never let me down (this time), and Steinbeck never does.

toodle pip

mark e smith - renegade

This was pushed through my letterbox (ooeer) a short while ago, and l finished reading it last week, but have no idea where it came from. I think I have some vague recollection of somebody asking me if l had read it when l was out and about (and drunk), but l may be having some kind of false memory syndrome going on there. Anyway, the book is what you would expect, some insightful stuff, and then lots of slagging everyone off. Well worth reading if you are a sad bastard like me, who lives by the rules of rock and roll (don't ask - there are too many). I am sure I will be out and about again and someone will ask me if l enjoyed it, then l will be able to return it (eventually). My money is on Powlie or Steve.

toodle pip

nuts in may and bowfinger

Saw this yesterday and was not really expecting a lot from it. In fact, I thought I would probably only watch a bit of it and then switch it off when it became too crap. Amazingly, it turned out to be OK, although l still would not recommend it to anyone. I don't really find Steve Martin that amusing, but Eddie Murphy plays two parts in it and is mighty funny, so he makes up for it. Eddie has done so many crap films, it's easy to forget what a comedian he can be. His live (video at the time) show years ago was one of the funniest things l have seen (although not as good as Richard Pryor's). In fact, it's about time he did some more stand up. I'll have to give him a call and persuade him.

Watched this earlier on this evening. It was made by Mike Leigh in 1975 (shown first in January 1976), and it really shows. The roads are deserted, the clothes (and tracksuits) are terrible, the prices ridiculous, the tents are out of this world, and Alison Steadman (who plays Candice Marie) is still young.

Despite all that, l think it's one of the best things Mike Leigh has done, and l much prefer it to Abigail's Party, even if everyone raves about that.

Not a lot happens really, but then again, I like that in a film or play (It was a Play for Today).

status quo - caroline top of the pops 1973

This takes me back to when they were still a rock band and l fell in love with them. Only a mere 37 years ago.

I'll go get my coffin.

toodle pip

johnny cash and kid rock

I've been watching videos on You Tube, and these two are just outstanding, it's what 'Rock n Roll' is all about.

Shame l am back to work tomorrow or l'd be out partying (he said sadly, sitting in front of a computer at 10.50pm on a Friday night). Who am l kidding? With my aching back, dodgy knees and stop/start heart? Time to retire methinks.

Or.......

Carry on regardless once my back has recovered properly.

I think l know the answer in advance.

toodle pip

feeling old part 473

I came across these posters today from the first Donington festival in 1980. Christ on a bike, I was at the gigs, but it was nearly 30 years ago. It sure does feel as though it was a long time ago, but 30 years!?!

No wonder I am falling apart

toodle pip

new layout!!

About time as well

can you see what it is yet?

That's correct, lots and lots of penguins. Thank God I don't have to clean up their mess afterwards.

toodle pip

inglorious basterds

Just watched this with the FPO and we both really enjoyed it, even though it is pretty long. I wouldn't say I liked it as much as Pulp Fiction, but then again, that is one of my favourite ever films.

I actually bought the DVD from Tesco's ages ago, but when it was stuck on, it turned out to be the original version, and l was so pissed off that l didn't watch it. After seeing this one, l might even give the original another go, although the bits l did see of it were rubbish. It was also so '1970's', and at first l was full of praise for the way Tarentino had captured that era and feeling of that time (what an idiot l am).

The good thing about the remake is the way it often keeps you really involved with the action, as it is so tense, even when the characters are just talking. I also like it when people die when you are not expecting it, as that also keeps you guessing more.

It's a film l would probably watch again, but l don't think it would be so good the second time, as there would not be any surprises, unless I lost my marbles beforehand, which is always possible.

Well worth the (aprox) two and a half hours it took to view.

toodle pip

recent films - alice's restaurant, live!, sidewalks of new york, moon, forgetting sarah marshall

A TV exec comes up with a game of russian roulette for high ratings - crap

Sam Rockwell is on the Moon working by himself with the help of an on board robot, when he rescues himself from a crash - intriguing and really good, plus the effects and shots of the Earth (and the Moon) are really believable

Sarah Marshall splits up with her boyfriend and then goes off with a rock star. Pretty crap, although Russell Brand got to wear some great shirts.

Love and romance in New York, a lot better than I thought it would be

A tale of hippies opening up a restaurant, with Arlo Guthrie playing himself, and based on his song 'Alice's Restaurant'. I really like it, even though it's pretty dated.

toodle pip

it crowd and black books

I have been trying to get into the 'comedy' series Black Books, as it is being repeated at the moment, and it seems as though I should like it a lot. Bernard Black (Dylan Moran), runs a bookshop, is always getting pissed, and he does not like his customers. Ticks all the right boxes for me. It also stars Bill Bailey (who I usually find funny) and is written by Graham Linehan, the same person who wrote The IT Crowd. However, Black Books is crap.

Now the IT crowd is something I love. It has even managed to replace one of the main characters (Chris Morris as Denholm Reynholm, the boss of the company). He was one of my favourites (and I love Chris Morris), but they have made the series even better by replacing him (with Matt Berry as Douglas Reynholm, the new boss).

It's a bit like when Shelley Long left Cheers, and everyone thought the series would be crap if it continued. Then Kirstie Alley replaced her and proved to be even funnier.

Anyway, there is no comparison between The IT Crowd and Black Books, and it's hard to believe that the same person had a hand in writing both of them.

Father Ted was great, well acted and written, but, I also remember the series 'Hippies' that Graham Linehan wrote (starring Simon Pegg), that was as crap as Black Books.

toodle pip

star wars propaganda posters

I am not a big fan of the Star Wars films, in fact l still haven't seen one of them all the way through, as l get bored with them too easily. I do however, think these spoof propaganda posters are pretty good. If I did think the films were great, l might have considered getting the Princess Lea one printed and framed, but l don't, so l won't.

toodle pip

mongrels

This has been a really good new series with lots of adult humour and guest appearances. The latest one was Scott Mills, and oh bless my soul, how l have wanted to do this to plenty of DJ's over the years.

toodle pip

whale jumps onto boat

This picture was taken off Cape Town (South Africa) and shows the moment a Southern Right Whale decided to leap out of water and landed onto the boat pictured. I bet the person in red on the boat crapped themselves. The whale slipped off afterwards and the boat sustained a lot of damage, including the steel mast being broken. I wish l had witnessed it. I would have leapt onto the whales back and rode it to shore to receive it's punishment for being a naughty boy (my aching back permitting)

toodle pip