dazzle ships

Dazzle ships.  It's not just an album (as us senile old folks call them), but also a way of painting ships so that they are off-putting to the enemy.  Nowadays, tracking equipment and missiles are more advanced, but back in the olden days, a submarine would have to work out where the ship was heading to and how fast, so they could work out where to aim the submarine missiles.  Hence the crazy designs, which distorted the ships speed and direction.
I'd have thought it would be better with some kind of tilted mirror design, but what do l know?  I can argue the case for what constitutes a boat, and what is a ship for ages, with no satisfactory answer at the end of the argument (or one that satisfies me), so don't get me started on ship design and camouflage.
As for the OMD album, l'm not that keen on it.

toodle pip

alex ferguson - my autobiography (paul hayward)

Rather sadly, after all the fuss in the newspapers about Alex Ferguson settling old scores in his autobiography (ghost written by Paul Hayward), it turned out to be quite tame, as most of the stories were well known and he had expressed his opinions about them in the past.
Obviously the newspapers exaggerated tales of falling out with David Beckham due to Beckham's immersion into the celebrity lifestyle, which Ferguson thought distracted him from from making football his priority, but he also has a lot of praise for him and how he has turned out, as well as the other members of the Manchester United youth team that grew up together at the club (Paul Scholes, Nicky Butt, The Nevilles, Ryan Giggs etc), considering them to be like his own children in some ways.  He received a 1941 Rolex watch as a leaving present from the players, set at his time of birth, and the 'Fergie time' watch pointing on the touchline was to put off opponents, reminding them it's near the end of the game, and United usually score.
Mostly the book is about control and respect, and how the manager always has to be more important than any member of the team, and if players step too far out of line, they have to go, no matter how big a star they are at the club. It's not even a real in depth autobiography, as it mainly deals with the last few years at United, rather than revisiting old stories and books.
The fallings out with Roy Keane and Jaap Stam were only slightly elaborated on from past statements, and Ferguson glosses over the Rock of Gibraltar fiasco, as there is apparently a court agreement that the terms of the settlement cannot be discussed.  He is not keen on Dennis Wise (who is?), does not think that Steven Gerrard is a 'top, top player' (but praises him) and has little time for Rafael Benitez (but praises Liverpool football club).  And that's about it.
I'm always amazed at how Ferguson finds the time to have outside interests, but apart from the horse racing and love of fine wine, the main discovery from this book was that he collects J.F Kennedy memorabilia, and reads a lot about that, plus the American Civil War and World Dictators.  Plus he speaks French.
Lord knows when the piano playing is squeezed in.
It's interesting if you are a  Manchester United fan, but no-where near as scandalous as it has been portrayed. I much preferred 'A Will To Win' his diary from the mid 1990's, and 'Managing My Life', which was his earlier autobiography, out after the glorious treble win in 1999.

toodle pip

kid rock - all summer long

This (Kid Rock - All Summer Long) came on the radio as l was driving back from Middlesbrough yesterday afternoon, and l remembered how much l love it.  Cue the cranking up of volume, plus the singing and clapping along, (and shaking the police off on the bends).  Difficult to do, but well worth the effort.

toodle pip

the beatles girlfriends at rishikesh and their break up

Here's The Beatles when they went with their wives and girlfriends to Rishikesh, India in 1968 to visit the Maharishi Mahaesh Yogi at his ashram.
At the time, they were world famous, and had the pick of the ladies, yet somehow, all managed to end up with slim, long haired, similar looking ones. What on earth would the odds have been for that happening?
Then (I assume) they got to the stage where they valued personality and character more, and the parameters were shifted. Hence Yoko Ono and John Lennon.
Would The Beatles have stayed together if Yoko had not come on the scene? Who knows, but my ill educated guess is probably not.  She gets a lot of the blame for the split, but they were growing apart anyway.  It's a shame they didn't just do their solo projects and meet up now and again to create more music, but l prefer they got out at the top, and didn't soil their legacy.  I look upon 'Free as a Bird' as something else, a later project but not part of their original oeuvre (as someone more pretentious than me might say). I like it, but also discount it.
Anyway, l still prefer The Rolling Stones.



toodle pip

willie morgan on the wing

Listening to an interview with Willie Morgan (ex of Manchester United), on the 'United we Stand' podcast recently, promoting his autobiography 'Willie Morgan On The Wing', reminded me of the Sun Soccercard (above) from when Morgan played for Bolton Wanderers. Artist licence is obviously permitted, but the soccercard takes the piss.  Morgan had aged slightly, but he was nothing like what the card portrays.  If l had been him, l'd have been mightily pissed off and demanded recompense.
There was a time when he was probably Manchester United's best player, and he was one of my (many) childhood heroes, but l'd loved to have been in the vicinity when him and Tommy Docherty were at each others throats (they have famously fallen out - big time).

toodle pip

shane black - adventure is calling time lapse video

This time lapse video by Shane Black (Adventure is Calling) was shot using over 10,000 photographs he took during a couple of months travelling the USA, and it is stunning.
He (and a couple of friends) quit their jobs to go travelling and take photographs, and it has certainly produced some great images.  It sounds ideal, but l would be a bit dubious about spiders (especially the large sort) crawling into my tent in some of the remote locations and biting my bum (amongst other things).
More information is available at the National Geographic website.

toodle pip

jimmy somerville joining in with a busker

A busker is happily playing away, doing a not very good version of 'Smalltown Boy' by Bronski Beat, when Jimmy Somerville, (the singer from Bronski Beat) strolls up and joins in.  What a top man.
It makes me want to dig out and play my old vinyl copy of Bronski Beat's rather excellent 'Age Of Consent' lp.
If only l wasn't so lazy..

toodle pip

books about parrots

Once upon a time l used to be a voracious reader of philosophical novels and existential classics.  Now l am reduced to reading self published books about parrots.
I think it's time for my euthanasia pill.

toodle pip

lou reed has died

Damn! I've just heard that Lou Reed has died.  One of my heroes, and someone who mythologised the seedy and decadent rock and roll existence better than anyone, especially in his Velvet Underground days. The man who inspired me to go to Lexington 125 to buy drugs when New York was still dangerous.
He was also a writer of tender love songs, a true poet, and a famously curmudgeonly character.
I for one (but amongst many others), will miss him.

toodle pip

he kills coppers - jake arnott (plus some charlie brown)

'He Kills Coppers' was recommended to me, as l was unaware of  Jake Arnott's oeuvre (so to speak), but l must admit, it was a rollicking tale, and a change from my normal reading.
Three policemen are shot and killed (you could have guessed that bit) while the World Cup is being staged in London, 1966, and there's also a crackdown on vice around Soho, but corruption in the police force. Tony Meehan, (a would be newspaper reporter) is on the case and like Frank Turner,  the police protagonist, is very ambitious (but with a secret vice of his own).   The main killer of the policemen, Billy Porter, manages to escape justice, and the action leaps to 1971 and 1985, taking in football hooliganism, politics, changes in policing tactics, miners strikes, Margaret Thatcher (milk snatcher), CND, Class War, and much more inbetween.
All the more convincing for being a believable story that doesn't go over the top, probably because real events and people are used and referenced (The Krays and Richardsons, Lord Longford etc).  The cop killer himself that went on the run is based on the true story of Harry Roberts, who is still in prison for killing some policemen in Shepherds Bush, 1966, and who also went on the run, evading capture by hiding in Epping Forest. He used to be used by anti police groups as something to taunt the 'rozzers' with ("Harry Roberts is our friend - he kills coppers etc").
This was adapted for TV (as was Arnott's 'The Long Firm') so l may check it out to compare and contrast, although adaptations of books l have read usually let me down, as they are never as good as my own imagination and perception of them.  This goes back for me as far as the Charlie Brown and Peanuts movies, which annoyed me intensely because the accents seemed so wrong after devouring the books and hearing my own voices (l still do!).

toodle pip

george best - stylo matchmakers and blue suede adidas sambas

Much as l loved the great and good George Best, l got well and truly suckered into buying a pair of his endorsed  football boots (above) with my hard earned paper round money when l was a kid.
They were crap.
That didn't stop me buying a pair of the Ben Sherman George Best trainers that were modelled on them a few years ago (now stored away in  the original box).
As for my blue suede Adidas Sambas also purchased from paper round earnings....................
Magnificent.  I can still remember the smell of them when l took them out of their box.

A classic of the trainer world, despite their overuse during the Brit pop years.

I think it's time for a lie down.  l feel a bit giddy with the trainer fumes flashback and thoughts of Bestie.

toodle pip

the mad system at the post office

Sometimes, the system really needs to be changed, and it's a good job l am easy going.
I wasn't at home the other day when the postman tried to deliver a book l had ordered, so he put a card through my letterbox like the one above, to say l could pick up the parcel from the local sorting office in Richmond, or phone for it to be redelivered when l am in.  As l was going to Richmond today, l foolishly called in at the sorting office to pick the parcel up in person.
Due to past experiences there with insufficient ID, l bought along my passport, driving licence and a document showing that l lived at the address the parcel was to be delivered to.  However, because l had lost my 'Sorry you were out card', they would not give me the parcel, even though they went and got it.  They did not doubt l was the person it was for, or that l lived at the address on it, plus it was right in front of me while the matter was being discussed.
Apparently, due to their system with the 'Sorry' cards, it would have to be sent out again, and if l was not in, they would put another card through my letterbox for me to pick up the parcel.  I tried in vain to explain that this was all madness, creating extra work for them and an inconvenient wait for me, but to no avail. Therefore, the parcel directly in front of me had to be put back and earmarked for delivery the next day, no matter what proof of ID l had, as that would mess up the precious system.  It's a good job l wasn't  doing something like going away on holiday the next day, as it would probably have ended up being returned to the sender.
Cynical old me thinks that maybe this is all part of a systematic plot to undermine the post office and make the organisation look pathetically inept and mismanaged, so l won't be upset at it being sold off,  with the belief that things can only get better with new owners.
It is pathetically inept and mismanaged, but then again, just because l am a cynical old cove, doesn't mean l am wrong about their plot.
Bastards

toodle pip

EDIT   The parcel got delivered and l didn't even have to sign for it.  So what happens now if l find the original 'Sorry' card? Especially if l take it to the sorting office and say the parcel hasn't arrived?
I've a good mind to do this next time l get one (pretend l've lost it and then take it up once l've got the parcel).  That will fuck up their precious system.

Once again, toodle pip

university voyeur gets let off

Daniel Steven John, a postgraduate student at Durham University working on Dark Matter, has just been cleared of voyeurism, despite being caught in the act, and admitting he was doing so.
The defence was that he was not seeking a sexual thrill, and because John had been suffering from depression and contemplating suicide, he had been carrying out reckless acts for an adrenaline rush, hence the peeking under and over the toilets and showers of female students. He also said in his defence that he had stolen from colleagues, but then returned the items before they had noticed that they were missing.
Now depression can be a terrible ailment, but going by the newspaper report in The Northern Echo on 17th October, this all stinks to high heaven as far as l am concerned.
Firstly it seems as though there is no proof that he took any of his colleagues possessions, or that he contemplated suicide, as stated in his defence.  OK, he may well have been depressed, but does that excuse the voyeuristic behaviour, as, whether it was for a sexual thrill or an adrenaline kick, the victims still had to suffer, and who knows how many more unsuspecting victims there were? Does that mean that if l am caught drink driving tomorrow, l can blame it on depression and say it was for the thrill of the chase?  Shoplifting? Would l get away with that if l was trying to get a buzz out of outwitting the store detectives?  The list could go on and on, and l could bring up (or invent) all sorts of past misdemeanants that l had done and got away with, trying to obtain some kind of rush or meaning to life because l was depressed and had contemplated suicide (which sane person hasn't?).
There was apparently no fine, community order, suspended sentence, or an undertaking that he must receive treatment (which l bet he started after he got caught).
Methinks if he was not a (probably posh) post graduate student at Durham, and not had a consultant psychologist and a no doubt top lawyer defending him, it would be a completely different matter.
If 'crazy' Bazzer, Mazzer, Gazzer or Dazzer from down our way had done this, relying on their legal aid team (for however long that lasts) the outcome would have been completely different.
Pah!!  Once again, 'If that is justice, l'm a banana'

toodle pip

a woodcut of the moon

A rather splendid woodcut of The Moon, available to buy from tugboat printshop.  A snip at $550.
Rather sadly, l seem to have mislaid my bank card.

toodle pip

benefit fraud

This relates to the year 2011/12.  More benefit remains unclaimed, and don't get me started on the tax avoidance of the rich.

toodle pip

other life forms / possible masters

As l think space is infinite and therefore has infinity possibilities regarding life on other planets, I've also often thought that if we ever get to come into contact with another  life form, they may look like some of the creatures that have evolved on our own planet, that look really strange compared to even the strangest looking human.
Three examples are above.  The top one is a human head louse on a strand of hair, the middle one is a mosquito, and the bottom one a fly.
Just think of how quickly a fly reacts as you try to swat it. One day their larger space travelling relatives may be our masters (and l bet they will be pissed off).
You have been warned.

toodle pip

first day of office training

A novelty day at work today, as myself and another employee provided training for Fire Safety and Safety of Vulnerable Adults.  We had both done in house training before, but this was the first time either of us had to hire an office / training room, and then present the training there, using power-point and white boards.  All went well, and everyone went away brimming with enthusiasm, and with their heads full of knowledge, clutching their hard earned certificates as they disappeared into the sunset, skipping gaily. We on the other hand, went to the pub (I was persuaded to go).
I would however, like to point out that the above training picture IS NOT ME!! (I am much cooler)

toodle pip 

various wagon wheel covers and the early bob dylan 'rock me mama' track

As l stated in my earlier post about Old Crow Medicine Show's 'Wagon Wheel' song, it's rapidly become a classic, and there are cover versions a plenty, so here...fill your boots.



The Bob Dylan unreleased early rough and unfinished version



Darius Rucker (from Hootie and the Blowfish)



Nathan Carter



Matt Anderson (great voice).  I thought my brother lived in Leeds.



Mumford and Sons (with others), having a good time.

toodle pip

the magnificent seven and some of it's foreign film posters

 

 

The Magnificent Seven is an overrated film as far as l am concerned, but seeing as it was just repeated on TV, l got suckered into watching it again.  Although l do like it generally, the main selling point is seeing such huge stars together in the same movie, even allowing for some overacting aplenty (Robert Vaughan and Horst Buchholz, l'm looking at you two).  There's also some cool and measured performances by Yul Bryyner, Steve McQueen and James Coburn, and Eli Wallach is always a splendidly swarthy and sweaty bad guy, but it's pretty slow paced in parts, and the ending seems to drag on, and then finish too suddenly.
The soundtrack is by Elmer Bernstein, which is one of the most stirring of all time, so a couple of hours can still fly by before you can manage to drag yourself up to put the kettle on (or maybe that's just my sloth like laziness).
I've only had the DVD of The Seven Samurai (the film it's based on) for about two or three years.  Maybe l should get around to watching that, as l have never seen it before, and it's meant to be much better.
So little time...

toodle pip.

hiding the elephant - jim steinmeyer

I've been picking up and re-reading Jim Steinmeyer's 'Hiding the Elephant' over the last month or so, a few pages or a chapter at a time, and it's just as interesting the second time around, as he knows what he is talking about, being a designer of  special effects and a magic consultant for the likes of David Copperfield.
Telling the tales of the Victorian (and earlier) magicians who paved the way for the current crop, it documents the original ideas for tricks, and the backstabbing, stealing and double crossing that followed the inventions, plus the intertwining lives, relationships and legacies of the masters.  Some such as Harry Keller, Howard Thurston, John Nevil Maskelyne, David Devant and Harry Houdini became famous and made a fortune, while others were cast aside as their illusions were stolen.
The 'Hiding the Elephant' title comes from an illusion that Houdini (and Jennie the elephant) performed many times at The New York Hippodrome, a place l would loved to have seen magic performed at. The size of it was staggering (the hall, not the elephant).  War battles could be re-enacted on the stage, while below, it held a huge water tank to stage sea battles.  It must have been staggering, especially for an audience years ago. You (or at least l do) also forget that they used smaller mechanical props such as butterflies and blooming flowers, and once they got the hang of using mirrors correctly, could make people appear and disappear. Then they started sawing people in half.
Levitation, ghosts, spiritualism, disappearing donkeys, women and cars, escapology and slight of hand, it's all brilliant stuff, but it has now made me want to read 'Carter beats the Devil' (by Glen David Gold) again. Damn!! You've got to put the hours in!
Here's Houdini and Jennie the elephant (not Nellie. She went to town and said goodbye to the circus)

And here's some old posters

toodle pip