oh what a life

Another busy day today. Watched 'There will be blood', which l thought was excellent (Mandy got bored). Read the Sunday papers, had sunday lunch, watched Peter Kays pisstake of the X Factor, read 'The balcony' by Jean Genet (which wasn't that good), had a bath (miracle!), watches the sunday supplement, listened to some music and l am now pratting about with the computer. Marvelous.

Toodle pip

Birds of Paradise

l'd feel deflated after all the effort he put in - what a bird.

busy busy busy (not!)

This is great. Still only been three days since my knee operation and l already feel as though l have been off for ages. Watched some films and TV (Blood Simple, Green Colour, Brokeback Mountain, Sahara, Life on Earth, Mick Jagger Doc, All you need is Love), been reading loads of magazines and newspapers, just finished Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner (which was pretty interesting) and watched the England game against Kazakhstan (which wasn't).

Listening to podcasts and music, chilling out and hobbling about. Mandy deserted me and went out to Newcastle on Friday night, though l enjoyed having a bath and lazing around (no change there then). Fell asleep with music playing loud through my headphones, made me have some wierd dreams, so l left them on all night. lnteresting when you are in a half dream like state and the music or artist gets incorporated into the dream.

Robbo called round today with some lager, chicken and flowers, wish he would just come out with it and admit he fancies me. The gropes with Mandy are just to save face, l'm sure.

Going to have to sort out some pictures from new York and my brothers wedding and put some up. May do so tomorrow, still haven't seen the wedding ones yet (from last Saturday in Leeds).

Knee is sore but l have taken off the bandages as they were getting on my nerves. Still walking like a pirate with a wooden leg, so that's pretty damn good, a dream come true.

Started watching 'There will be blood' tonight, but a certain girl got tired and wanted to go to bed. Watching the rest of it tomorrow, but l am enjoying it so far. Daniel Day Lewis is one hell of an actor. Talking of actors, also watched Colin Farrell on J. Ross, who came across as vunerable and self effacing, plus looked good and rock star like. Someone else Mandy now fancies (tart).

Anyhows, till tomorrow...

Toodle pip

Palin On Foreign Policy

Dear Lord above - McCain is 72 and has survived four bouts of cancer. If he dies in office, this woman will become president of the most powerful nation on earth.Thing is, there's a good chance that will happen.

Toodle pip

ls this why obama won't get in?

Joe Kinnear's first official press conference

The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference last week - l know it's a few days late but what the hell, it's outrageous


JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
SB Me.
JK You're a cunt.
SB Thank you.
JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.
SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB No, you can listen to who you want.
JK I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB What? More important things?
JK What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...
Other journalist How long is your contract for Joe?
JK None of your business.
SB Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.

There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.

Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?
JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.
Journalist It's only been a week.
JK Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist It's early days for you to be like this.
JK No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist That was it.
JK No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist I don't know.
JK It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist I didn't write that.
JK That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK Yes. Lovely.
Journalist I don't know who's reported that.
JK I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist You know, you know the game ...
JK Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on , let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.


Toodle pip

planet of the apes comic

All the planet of the apes comics from the 1970's online! Download, resize or just read. Excellent stuff


http://pota.goatley.com/marvel_uk.html

knee operation

Northallerton hospital yesterday ( Wednesday ) for an operation ( at long last ) on my knee ( right knee ligaments, since you ask ).

Had to be there for 8am and got operated on at 12.15pm. Good job l had the trusty ipod with me. Anyhows, l now have a huge bandage on my knee with stitches underneath. Mandy picked me up when l was ready to go at about 4.15pm, and l foolishly decided to walk out of the hospital leaning onto her. Pretty sore afterwards, even though we only walked to the car.

Now doped up on painkillers at home, listening to CDs, watching TV and reading for three weeks so there should be a lot more posts on the blog. Been getting a bit slack recently ( ooeer! ) so l had better get back into the habit ( said the vicar to the nun ) while l have nothing to do.

Till then Toodle pip

advantages of being rich and famous

Good to see Peter Crouch being so honest in an interview


Interviewer: "Peter, what do you think you'd be if you weren't a Premiership footballer?"

Crouch: "Um... probably a virgin."

Cool Hand Luke - No man can eat 50 eggs scene.

Nothing to say really - what a cool bastard

Ted

Used to like this monologue/poem when l was younger

strange place

This link will take you to one of the strangest places l have ever seen (when not on drugs)


http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2008/09/most-alien-looking-place-on-earth.html


l would certainly like to visit it

Toodle pip

INDIAN REALITY TV GIRL SLAPPED LIVE

"How can she slap me?"

Christian the Lion *Reunion* !

Don't like the soppy music that goes with this, but it made me cry as well. l need counselling (no suprise there).

knee operation

Seen the consultant (Peter Parker) at Northallerton hospital today about my knee, which needs to be operated on as l have torn the ligaments, amongst other things. He is going to operate on it on 8th October. l will be leaving the hospital that afternoon, but the best news is l will be off work for about three weeks. That's right, three weeks of dossing about, reading, watching TV and Dvd's, listening to music and pratting about on the computer. Result!! Obviously l will be too ill and sore to do any decorating or housework, just amusing myself all day long. l think there may be a God after all.

Toodle pip

Ninja Cat

Here's a ninja cat to cheer me up after the last post.

not heard ac/dc

I was listening to a podcast from the Word magazine, when David Hepworth, a man who writes for them and has worked at Smash Hits and on the Whistle Test, admitted he did not know a single AC/DC song. Fair enough if he had not seen a particular, cult or famous film, as they take anything between 1 - 3 hours out of your life (or more). l am not even a big fan of AC/DC, although l do like their early stuff with Bon Scott singing. It is the fact that he is paid to work in music, commentate on and review music, and should have an open mind about different types of music, at least giving bands and songs a listen, and therefore a chance.

Obviously it is not possible to listen to everything, but this is a band who have had huge International success for many years, have had hit singles (when singles still mattered) and top selling albums.

Instead of just owning up to the fact, and sounding as though he is not going to bother listening to them, he should get off his arse and listen to a couple of them, after taking advice as to what is considered their best songs. It's his fucking job to do so, and if he is too old and blase to take in new sounds and experiences, even though the band may not be fashionable enough to him, he should pack in or get the boot.

If l went for a job on a music magazine and admitted l had never bothered listening to Led Zep, Bowie, Iron Maiden, Westlife, even Gareth fucking Gates, l would be drummed out of the office. At least make time and listen to a couple of songs, then say it's shit and you're not interested. Then you can retire to the safety of your Nilsson albums (who he loves). I bet he would not be slow off the mark if a batch of "World" music came in, or maybe he would just be better off reading war books and listening to documentaries on the radio (which he also loves).

I know l am rambling (what a surprise), but the worst thing is l like a lot of what he writes, read his blog and subscribe to the Word. Just angry and feeling let down by someone l thought was reviewing things with more of an open mind. l am still getting over the fact that sometimes cds are sometimes not listened to properly before reviewing them, ie The Black Crowes, again not one of my favorite bands, but to say "you know what their new album sounds like without listening to it", may be true, but this could also apply to numerous bands. If music journalists can't be bothered doing their job properly, they should piss off and let someone else do it. Not everybody is loaded, so if l am foolish enough to spend some of my hard earned on a music magazine or paper, l at least expect a well informed and rounded opinion. Christ, l wish l had paid more attention in school and could write. Bastards!

Toodle pip

Salvia Trip

l want some of this!!

Foghorn Leghorn

Lived my life as a mixture of Foghorn and Baloo

baloo

re-post as it's so good

Monkey gets a blowjob off a frog

swim little baby

Van Halen - Ruining Jump

This is so bad on every level. Listen to the guitar - the vocals - everything! Its so shit it's unbelievable. It used to be a good song ferchristsakes. l would be first in the line asking for my money back.

new york 2008 plus united v chelsea

Just returned from New York with Mandy, Kerry, Robbo, Dazzer and Louise. Great time had by all, lots of drink (without drugs!!), football and sightseeing. Nearly forgot, lots of food as well. Will sort out some photo's and stick some up. l will have to try and find some where we look attractive, that may take some time. Work again on Tuesday, can't wait for it, as l am sure you can guess. It's about time one of my so called mates or family came into a load of money so l can retire. Can't believe it when people say they are bored when not working. Don't get me started on people winning the lottery and then going back to work. Bastards! They should give the money to me, l would enjoy it (and fill my house with even more junk). Dossing around at the moment, not doing anything, chilling out, relaxing, feet up with a Vodka and Orange, waiting for Match of the Day 2.

Watched Manchester United against Chelsea earlier, happy with a point beforehand but we nearly nicked the three, which would have been great, as it would have ended Chelsea's undefeated home record. Never mind - not playing too good at the moment but l am sure it will come good. Gotta have faith in Fergie!
Also got some tickets for the return match at Old Trafford for my birthday, drinks and train fare included!! Something to look foreward to after Christmas (it's on Jan 10th - the game that is, not celebrating Christmas at a different date).

Off to look at crap on t'internet, will probably post other stuff later.

Toodle pip

rock band documentary from scotland

This has got to be a set up - can't believe it's real, although it reminds me of first forming a band!
Click on the link, as l can't work out how to do it directly

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v149037042GCQpnP9

"Your attitude determines your altitude - how high do you want to fly?"

The Three Little Bops

What a cartoon!

HOLIDAYS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Finished work! Hurrah !! Holidays coming up !! Birthday in a couple of days !! In Manchester tomorrow!! New york on Wednesday!! Life is now sweet.
Off to get some dollars in a few minutes (nothing leaving it till the last moment). Was going to write about seeing the Ian Siegel band in Darlington on Friday night with Powlie and Deb, but can't be bothered (bothered??). Maybe another time. Manchester United against Liverpool on Saturday!! Watching it in New York then off to Harlem!! What a life
Toodle pip

l'm back

Wrote this a couple of days ago at work, but had trouble with my memory stick. Sorted it at last.


Well, it’s happened at last –the blog is back!
Been pretty damn busy recently as l have been trying to download or get every album l have ever wanted before my birthday next week. This has taken many, many lonely and sad hours in front of the computer. More or less cracked it now so it maybe a return to some kind of normal (ish) life.
Also been off work for a week, to use up some holiday leave. You would think l would have done something with my time (apart from turning into super geek), but l didn’t and don’t care. My collection of cd’s and my ipod are bursting with joy.
Went out on Sunday night with Robbo, Kerry, Louise and Dazzer for Robbo’s birthday. Meal out in the Boro, (what a surprise). We went to Joe Riggatonie’s in Linthorpe road, which was really empty. Good thing really as lots of drink was consumed and we (OK, maybe me) would have been loud. Got him an England shirt with J.Cole and number 10 on the back. Wouldn’t want one myself, but Robbo does love Joe Cole. Stopped off at the Wine bar on the way home, then Mandy left me to play pool and prat about, as my sister and other lads were about. Straight to bed more or less when l got in, as l have been staying up late and getting up early for a week or so. Training for New York next week.
Sadly, l am back at work till Monday afternoon, can’t have everything.
Till the next time…Toodle pip

been busy

Been pretty busy with one thing and another so l haven't been keeping up with the blog. Normal service to be resumed in the next day or so.
Toodle pip

Human Jump rope

Amazing

new ipod

What a gay day yesterday was. Out in the Wine Bar with Joseph, then met by Mandy, stayed out for a while with Richie and Ben, then home to the Bunnies, esp Nozzer, the spoilt little bastard. He's not well at the moment, sneezing and not pooing properly (l know, l've checked). Anyhows, got my new ipod through the post, plus a microphone (griffin itouch) for my ipod. The new ipod does not appear to work with the microphone, plus it has some features missing (as far as l can tell at the moment), but the cover flow thingie looks good (plus of course, the memory is much larger). Been playing around with the microphone and it and it does what it says on the tin. Technology is fantastic. Waiting for my new memory stick now, 32gb, which is more memory than most old computers. God knows (just an expression, there is no God) what the future will hold.
Also been listening to Elbow a lot over the last couple of days, forgot how great some of their stuff is, probably a lot better on drugs (then again, what music isn't?). Nice soft songs that build up into a crescendo of noise. Magic.
Also found some clothes that l had forgot about, shorts and a sweatshirt, both good and with tags still attached. All l need now is a bath and hair wash (plus drastic weight loss), so they will look really cool. Maybe l should just go and hide them again. On the other hand. it's bike ride and bath time! Think l will go for that now (the bath).
Toodle pip

legend

happy mondays

Mad for it on Saturday, at Stockton for the Happy Mondays free gig. Drinks and disco biscuits all round.
Went to what we thought was the Green Dragon pub beforehand, but it was a pub just across from it – damn! Still enjoyed ourselves, the girls (and l include Robbo) had a go on the fair rides before the gig. Pretty bleeding mental some of them (the rides l mean, and by rides l don’t mean the girls).
Got down the front for the show and had a bit of a shuffle about (ooer missus), then we buggered off to Teeside park for KFC and burgers. The girls dropped me and Robbo off outside KFC, not realising it had just closed its doors. Asked at the drive by window if there was any food left and was told it served till 12pm from the window. Would not give us anything at the window though, even though there were no cars and we were the only people there. Health and safety issue apparently, we had to be in a car to be served. We then had to hang around for the girls to get back so we could climb into the car and buy food from the same window and person. I blame Gordon Brown.
Back to Robbo and Kerry’s for a drink and chat then bedtime. Didn’t overdo it on the night though, as the disco biscuits were crap, so everyone felt fine the next morning. Good result in a way, crap in another.
I had to go to work Sunday night, and had been out till 2pm on Friday night (with work on Saturday morning) at Richmond Live and J.T’s bar. Glad I felt fine (although a bit tired) but I don’t mind putting in the hours and suffering either. It’s got to be done and it isn’t as easy as it seems. Till the next time..
Toodle pip

cool guy

Brendon Erdhardt, of Northern Territories, Australia was caught by police speeding at 150km/h, while filming himself masturbating at the wheel.

5kg of drugs was in his boot and two cannabis plants were on the back seat.

What a cool guy

Toodle pip

dog sex

A mixed breed and a Labrador, formerly owned by Diane Sue Whalen of Tulsa County, have been accepted by the Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah, said Barbara Williamson, spokeswoman for the animal sanctuary.
The dogs — named Lucky and Buddy — will be taken to the no-kill sanctuary next month.
Whalen, 54, and Donald Roy Seigfried, 55, were charged with felony crimes against nature after Whalen's adult son found more than 150 tapes of his mother performing sex acts with her dogs and a blue heeler owned by Seigfried. Seigfried was accused of filming the acts.
The dogs were placed in the Tulsa Animal Shelter following the arrests. While Whalen relinquished custody of her dogs, Seigfried is fighting for ownership of the blue heeler, named Merlin.

Fancy finding tapes of your mum with the pet dog - good to see that Seigfried is trying to stick by the blue heeler

Toodle pip

george best and noel gallagher

I was listening to the Russell Brand show today (Saturdays show), with Noel from Oasis as a guest/co-presenter as usual. I have always loved Noels sense of humour and some of the things he comes out with, but today's was a corker. Talking about hellraisers and then George Best on the Wogan show, Russell compared Noel (who was drinking) to George. Noel replied he was happy with that as George was cool. When Russell asked how a Manchester City could say that, Noel said "George didn't play for United, he played for the World". Top man.
Toodle pip

bedale and the wine bar

had a great day on Tuesday. Didn't start out so good as l had to go to a work training thingie at the White Rose hotel in Leeming Bar, which didn't finish till about 1pm. Had the rest of the day to myself then, so l went and had a stroll round Bedale, calling in a couple of pubs (wagon and Horses and Oddfellows Arms). The landlady from the Oddfellows had gone off to pick up her new husband from the Gambia (Gatwick actually, but you get the idea). It will never last, l am sure she phoned him the last time l was in and pretended the call was from him. Also said he had a permit already, which sounds dodgy. Wonder what attracted him to a 49 year old divorced woman with money and a pub - can't think of a reason myself.
back to Catterick afterwards to meet Joseph in the wine bar. had a good crack on and he bought in a book for me, Our George, about George Best by his sister Barbara. Made me cry in the second chapter, but the rest of it wasn't that good. Peter fell out with Richie over a game of pool and stormed out, plus l won £10 off Richie (he was drunk and more idiotic than usual). Nice.
Toodle pip

old joke

Jeremy Clarkson goes up to Kate Moss at a Party and says "Hi I'm Jeremy.I do Top Gear"
Kate Moss replies "Go on then,I'll have 2 'E's and a gram of Coke"

Talking of which, Happy Mondays at the weekend - nice one - keep it sweet

Toodle pip

the weather

After the great weekend we had, it was back to clouds and rain on Monday. According to the Observer on Sunday, the forecast for the next six days was gloomy and we should have rain all week. lt rained on Monday, then it was a sunny day yesterday (Tuesday) and it looks good today (cloudy and sunny). l am getting obsessed with the weekly forecasts in the paper as they are generally wrong. As l have always said, anything over three days is just guesswork. Lying bastards getting paid for doing a crap job. Shoot them.

james bond

The new James Bond film is called Quantum of Solace. Eh? One of Timothy Dalton's 007 outings was changed to Licence to Kill from Licence Revoked, because the producers were worried that some of the potential audience wouldn't understand the word 'revoked'. Not sure how they're going to cope with Quantum of Bloody Solace.
Toodle pip