Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Clough v Revie

Looking foreward to The Damned United film, if it's half as good as the book it will be OK by me. In the meantime, here's Brian Clough arguing with Don Revie, just after Clough had been sacked by Leeds (The scum).


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l have been telling everyone about Spotify - get it while it is still free. Here's a download of some great songs (not my compilation but there's a lot of good stuff on it)


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The Old days

Been in the Wine Bar (Now Hunters) with Mr F. This was me after he left, talking about the glory years in Lilac Mist


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MP's partners porn

So, Jacqui Smiths husband has watched some (Crappy British) porn while she has been away. Much as l think MP's tax concessions should be tightened up (as l am paying for their second homes and expenses), for fucks sake, l would have more respect for our elected reperesentatives if they were a bit more honest (MP,s - honest!!- l know, l know). If she wasn't such an appalling and brazen little Hitler, I'd feel sorry more sorry for her, but she should have come out with " So my husband watches porn (Crap porn don't forget) while l am away, big deal. He also watched Oceans 13 twice, (and Surf's up) - l would be more woried about that. After the Russel Brand/Jonathan Ross and Manuel incident (And the phone lines rip off), everyone feels as though they have to apologise for everything. Sod that. If she had said "l was was away and he can do what he wants", l would have a lot more respect for her. She should have a lot more backbone (l bet her husband had a lot of frontbone fnarr fnarr). If the MPs are going to rip us taxpayers off for expenses, l would rather it was spent on something decent like porn, rather than furnishings for the second home. l bet her husband (Richard Timney) has had a lot off grief and is now getting no sex, ironically, probably the same kind of situation that made him want to watch (and wank to) porn in the first place.
Just realised his first name is Richard, leaving himself open to lots of jokes about dirty dicks etc - other people can do that, my life is too short to get involved

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Thursday, 26 March 2009


From BBC News Scotland

The Edinburgh home of former Royal Bank of Scotland boss Sir Fred Goodwin has been attacked by vandals.
Windows were smashed and a Mercedes S600 car parked in the driveway was vandalised.
A group angry at bank executives' pay contacted a newspaper claiming to be behind the early morning attack.
Police said they were investigating these claims as part of their inquiry, adding that they took planned attacks "very seriously".

A statement was issued to Edinburgh's Evening News newspaper on Wednesday morning by a group which claimed it was behind the attack.
It said: "We are angry that rich people, like him, are paying themselves a huge amount of money, and living in luxury, while ordinary people are made unemployed, destitute and homeless.
"This is a crime. Bank bosses should be jailed. This is just the beginning."

Get in! Class War at last!!

l am all for it - pity they didn't burn his house down, (although he is bound to be heavily insured). It's about time life was made a bit uncomfortable for some rich bastards. Hope they keep it up

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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Jade is dead

So, Jade has died. Next up, the funeral, followed by Jack: Life after Jade, the launch for the inevitable Jade Foundation, then 'Jack: Six months on and learning to love again'. And so it goes on and on and on. By the way, the above picture was from the Sun - July 3, 2002. Bizarre columnist Dominic Mohan, wrote: "The pig with the biggest mouth on TV has finally been nominated for eviction and now YOU have the power to roast her ... She doesn't deserve to win the £70,000 prize and you can help stop her getting her trotters on it." How they have changed.
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James Brown gives you dancing lessons

What more could you ask for?
I'll be doing the funky chicken next time l am out and about.

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Friday, 20 March 2009

benitez - 5 more years


RAFAEL Benitez has signed a new contract which will see him blame other people for Liverpool’s failures until 2014.

The coach, linked recently to Real Madrid, said his love for the city, for the fans and for apportioning his shortcomings to a varied cast of largely irrelevant bystanders was 'impossible to resist'. After months of wrangling, Liverpool chiefs agreed to new clauses which will allow Benitez to berate one board member a month for the team's failure to beat a recently-promoted Championship side. He will also be allowed to blame Sir Alex Ferguson's eyebrows, the influence of Mercury in Virgo and all refereeing decisions, including those that have nothing whatsoever to do with Liverpool.

One sticking point was the manager's control over transfer budgets, with previous signings including a blind, 80-year old Spanish midget, a large Spanish tomato with a picture of a footballer drawn on it and Jermaine Pennant. It has also emerged that Benitez insisted the negotiations were conducted in front of a large screen showing the recent goals against Manchester United and Real Madrid, as he gestured periodically while muttering 'muchos dineros' to himself.

Owner Tom Hicks said: "I was never worried that Rafa would quit Anfield. We are, after all, paying him four million pounds a year to produce the kind of football that would cause an amphetamine-fuelled Jonathan Pearce to slip into a coma."

Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson also welcomed the new contract adding that he was relishing another five years of attempting to gradually nudge his rival into complete insanity.

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Wednesday, 18 March 2009

1 - 4


MANCHESTER United used text messages to inform fleeing supporters of Saturday's defeat by Liverpool as thousands left Old Trafford early and caught the train back to London.

There's no point spending more time in Manchester than you have to. It is the first time the club has used its new £20 a month subscription service which also includes a selection of talking points, a football 'word of the day' and the names of key players from both teams. Julian Cook, a season ticket holder from Primrose Hill, said: "How ghastly. Does that mean that Liverpool win the big cup? Or is it just the league thingy?"As long as it wasn't the big European whatsit because I've arranged to meet up with some friends in Barcelona next month and do a bit of shopping."
As the final whistle blew on Saturday only three United fans remained in the ground after their wheelchair helpers gave up and headed to the car park. Liverpoool manager Rafa Benitez said: "At first I think Ferguson do this deliberate as some kind of spooky mind game in latest pathetic attempt to drive me insane. "But then I realise that United fans are very busy peoples with Blackberries who no have time to see their team lose."
Meanwhile Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson was banned from giving post-match television interviews after producers decided that the rapidly changing colours of his incandesecent face could trigger thousands of epileptic fits. Speaking off-camera he said: "I felt we were better than Liverpool, although the score doesn't reflect that. I also feel that Ho Chi Minh City is just outside of Knutsford, although the Ordnance Survey map doesn't reflect that."

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Sunday, 15 March 2009

what a tosser

l think l would have nutted him at the end

Sunday, 8 March 2009


The Wine Bar has been getting done out and being re-named Hunters. I understand that this is so it can start again with a new identity and image, but l have already heard people saying they do not like the new look, plus everyone in Catterick will still refer to it as The Wine Bar. I don't care what happens to it as long as it stays open, as it is my local. Must say though, l am one of the people who will still call it The Wine Bar no matter who owns it, or what it is suposed to be called. Get to the pub and spend your money, we will be sad when they all go (although l will be dead by a drink related death by then - bring it on!)


MILLIONS of people across Britain who never go to the pub were last night asking why all the pubs were closing down.

As it was revealed that 2000 pubs have closed in the last year, non-pub goers said their community would not be the same without the local pub they never went to. Margaret Gerving, from Peterborough, said: "I was delighted when the smoking ban came in because it meant I could finally go to the pub without being killed."But then I didn't, mainly because I'm not the sort of person who likes going to pubs. I prefer to stay in with a carton of pomegranate juice and a bag of pine nuts and make long lists of all the things I want banned."Now it turns out that nobody else is going either because quite a lot of the people who used to go to the pub also liked to smoke. But none of this explains why all the pubs are closing down."

Julian Cook, from Devon, said: "Our local pub looks really lovely from the outside. It's got flower baskets and a nice old fashioned sign. Unfortunately it's used by local people with accents who dress differently from me and who are, I suspect, incredibly racist."

Former pub owner Charlie Reeves, from Hereford, said: "We were told that the smoking ban would mean lots of young mums and dads bringing their children in. But that didn't really help because there's only so much Guinness you can pour down a three year-old before it falls asleep."Then there's the added factor that a pub with children in it isn't really a pub, it's a fucking hell hole."

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Wednesday, 4 March 2009



DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.

This week thousands of young boys will be dragged away from their vodka bottles and told to find a willing slut who will get them all in the papers. Angela Reeves, mother of 12 year-old Jason, said: "I've told him not to worry if his tart is already having sex with five other boys because that just means more stories, and more stories is more money. Innit? "My eight year-old is still a bit young for actual shagging so I'm sticking him in an IVF programme. We'll need to use two grand of Jason's baby money, but you have to spend it to make it."

Dr Tom Logan, author of Freak Show Britain, said: "The freaks have finally worked out how to operate the machine. It's been a bit like watching a monkey teaching itself to drive."The newspapers know they are being exploited but they don't care because they also know how much we love to read about the jaw-dropping vileness of the freaks."And when we're not reading about children who are pregnant by other children or being kidnapped by their own mother, we do love to read the sordid details of how they are trying to make money out of it. "I especially love it when the worthless, drug-addled father turns up out of the blue and starts hawking his child round Fleet Street. It's really quite Dickensian."

Dr Logan added: "Of course, there is a serious debate about how we tackle the underlying issues at the root of this problem. Personally, I'd sterilise anyone who lives in a house worth less than £130,000. Or do you think it should be higher? "Meanwhile Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation. He added: "I don't want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."

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