Friday, 5 December 2008

Thursday, 4 December 2008

snow and rabbit


Here's the view this afternoon from our front and back gardens. Guess what? lt's been snowing. Notice the snowman in the garden with no nose (we didn't have any carrots). l had nothing to do with it, Mandy was out in the garden in the morning as she could not go into work because she was snowed in. l missed my appointment with the consultant (they are sending me another one) and l am off work for a couple of days as l have the flu. Hurrah! Life is sweet again. Didn't get up till 11.45am (no great change there then) and have been watching films (Fistful of Dollars, Paris l love you, Son of Sam) all day while Mandy has been doing her college work. Also been bathing Nozzer as he has a matted scab on the side of his cheek after his operation to get his lump removed. That rabbit can't half struggle when he puts his tiny mind to it. it's nearly off now so he won't have to suffer much longer. We should just chuck him outside to get it soaked in the snow. Maybe tomorrow.
Toodle pip

update

God l am getting lazy (er). Have not posted for a while and yet l have not exactly been rushed off my feet. Putting in the hours as usual at work, but had a good night out with Robbo in the Boro on Friday night. Wanted to stay out a bit longer but age is catching up with him, so it was a KFC and back home.
The next day we went with the girls to the Cross Keys hotel for lunch and had a good laugh about Christmas and my inadequacies. Bloody cold though, ice everywhere.
Nothing much else has happened recently, been to the Wine bar, been to work, been shopping with my sister and dossing around reading and listening to stuff (still so so so many things l want to hear).
Meant to be going to see the consultant about my knee tomorrow morning, but if it is freezing cold l may give it a miss and re-arrange it. l'll see how l feel when l wake up. Should just be telling me what he has done already, although hopefully he'll say it needs more work (more time off!!). Ended up being off for five weeks after the last operation, here's hoping for another one!
That's it, better get to bed l suppose, if l have to be up early. Bah humbug.
Toodle pip

christmas advent calander - punk style

http://www.punk-christmas.co.uk/

Sunday, 16 November 2008

children in need

I love Children in Need - its one of the few times I get a chance to review the up to date logo's of all major high street banks and retailers; find out if there's anything on the current BBC schedules I might have missed; listen to new music from the most heavily plugged, mainstream music acts; decide if I want to buy a ticket for a soon-to-open West End musical and...........that's about it I think. All in the name of charity of course which is such a relief.

animation / video on walls and the pavement

This is one of the best animation/videos l have ever seen. Done on walls and the pavement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuGaqLT-gO4


Toodle pip

Reg varney


Reg Varney (born 1916), star of On The Buses has died. He had seen a lot of life. On The Buses ended in 1973 - he did a series called Down The Gate in 1975, then he appeared in Eric Sykes' The Plank in 1979 before effectively retiring to paint and play the piano. Let's praise him with this fact: On 27 June, 1967, Reg Varney was the first person in the world to use a cashpoint machine. The first ever electronic ATM was installed at Barclays Bank in Enfield, North London, and Reg was the first to use it. OK, Here's another. In 1971 (l think, too bored now to look and check), On the Buses grossed more at the box office in the UK than the newly released James Bond film. He was a proper star. Gawd bless him and his turtleneck jumper and his eye for the clippies. (He was already in his fifties when he was chasing those birds with Jack down the depot.) In those happy far away days it was fine to be a sad old bastard without matinee good looks, because all the young tottie (supposedly) loved their bawdy humour and would happily agree to sleep with them (or at least indulge in a bit of slap and tickle) for a couple of milds and a bag of crisps. Now l am a sad old bastard myself l say " Bring back the 1970's". Then there would still be a modicum of hope for me. RIP me old mucker.


PS Watching On the Buses nowadays, one thing strikes you slap in the face...................lt's shit.


Toodle pip

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

funeral

It's not always cool being rock and roll. Went to bed at 12.30am as l have to be up early tomorrow to pick up my car (8am!!!!). l've been listening to podcasts of Steve Jones (from the Sex Pistols) and can't sleep. Still too early for the land of nod so l am now back up and keeping myself occupied by waffling on the blog. Been out to the wine bar early on, talking to some mad drunken (when l left him) 6' 2'' skinhead called Den. l think that was his name, but seeing as everyone is called Den, Del, Dem, Daz, Baz, Maz, Gaz or whatever, l don't bother remembering - l just called him Double D. The boy certainly can't play pool and was lucky l was feeling nice. After betting him and saying we were playing for £20, l refused it when he tried to pay up. Don't mind betting and winning (or losing now and again) , but don't want to take the piss too much.

Also found out that Graham (who used to run the Hildyard Arms) has died. Two of the lads l know are married to his daughters and l used to drink there on a regular basis, so l am going to go to his funeral if l can. He was a lot like Russel Harty but put up with a lot of crap from myself and other people when l was younger and used to drink there. Mind you, whether or not he was gay, l was one hell of a good looking young buck in them days. Hate to admit it but some of my mates were as well, so he may have had ulterior motives for putting up with us.

l would just like to state after that, nothing went on and he was sound, sounded effeminate but was a nice bloke. l still have the pub sign from the 1980's saying no underage drinking (that l stole from there).

He was never the same after the place was robbed and he got a hammer on his head. Kids today have no class. l know the brother of the lad who robbed it and he is a nice lad, a bit like Jim Holton (6' 2'' eyes of blue, big Jim Holton's after you). Don't anticipate him being at the funeral though (no, l don't mean Jim Holton).

Talking about it tonight (the funeral) and realised what old bastards we are. lt used to be you would see lads at Christmas or Bank holiday Monday, now it is funerals and remembrance days. At least everyone wants to get pissed after a funeral, so it doesn't spoil the whole day.

That's it - time to get up to no good (poor little Nozzer) and back to bed (it's taken ages typing this, l'm crap at it).

Vote Obama

Toodle pip

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

bonfire night celebration











We had a BBQ on Friday night, all the family round, setting off loads of fireworks. We then had a visit from a community copper saying it was illegal, as it was not Bonfire night. We were then told (or rather l was, as the house owner) that l may get a fine of £80 if we continue and the sergeant has to come round. Politely told him no problem, bring him round and we will risk getting fined. Luckily this made me into someone who was not scared, rock and roll, and more importantly, did not have to pay the fine as they never came back. Hurrah!
Sadly the gazebo we borrowed got blown over the next night so we have to buy another one. Not so good. Let's hope they're cheap.
Toodle pip

black man given worst job

This was in the Onion - great stuff

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

Saturday, 8 November 2008

arsenal

What a crappy way to start the weekend, losing 2-1 to the Arse. United had some good chances but are not putting them away, mind you, Arsenal could have scored again. Bastards. Highlight of the day was Mandy getting over exited before the game when she saw Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow together (she's off to see Take That next summer). Glad someone in the household was happy. Went and had a bath for 4 hours to read and take my mind off it (l've just got out now). Time to hit the booze.

Toodle pip

Friday, 7 November 2008

waste time

Here's a great game to while away the hours. Drives you up the wall trying to get a good score

http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/

Toodle pip

obama rocks


So it's happened at last, the first black president of the USA (yes l know it's now old news). Must admit l was surprised by the outcome. Even though the polls said he was ahead and should win, things can easily change, especially as people may lie when they are asked who they are going to vote for.

Was in the USA not so long ago (September), which made me think Obama would not get in, as some blacks we talked to who were working class (and don't forget - black), said they were going to vote for McCain (who was very graceful in defeat), as they wanted a strong leader during these times of terrorism. Then again, every time there is an election in the UK, loads of working class people vote for the Conservatives. Terrorism or not. Idiots.
Anyway, glad he has got in, let's hope he does some good while in office. He has loads of support, he should be confident about what he wants to achieve and go for it. l do know he is unlikely to be seeking out my advice on how to run the country, but l am always at the end of the telephone line if he requires advice.
Toodle pip

Friday, 31 October 2008

back again! - Springsteen speech

Wayhay - the blog is back! Had a virus on the computer over the last few days which took a lot of time to get rid off, annoying bastards they are.

Still off work with a sore knee, usual reading, watching TV and listening to music. Looks like l will be back at work on the 12th or 13th of November. Been one hell of a good break though.

Off to get a drink and some food before having to tidy up, as Robbo and Kerry are visiting and stopping tonight. Will leave a speech by Bruce Springsteen from his show at Philadelphia. The boss sure knows how to talk.

I've spent 35 years writing about America, its people, and the meaning of the American Promise. The Promise that was handed down to us, right here in this city from our founding fathers, with one instruction: Do your best to make these things real. Opportunity, equality, social and economic justice, a fair shake for all of our citizens, the American idea, as a positive influence, around the world for a more just and peaceful existence. These are the things that give our lives hope, shape, and meaning. They are the ties that bind us together and give us faith in our contract with one another."I've spent most of my creative life measuring the distance between that American promise and American reality. For many Americans, who are today losing their jobs, their homes, seeing their retirement funds disappear, who have no healthcare, or who have been abandoned in our inner cities. The distance between that promise and that reality has never been greater or more painful."I believe Senator Obama has taken the measure of that distance in his own life and in his work. I believe he understands, in his heart, the cost of that distance, in blood and suffering, in the lives of everyday Americans. I believe as president, he would work to restore that promise to so many of our fellow citizens who have justifiably lost faith in its meaning. After the disastrous administration of the past 8 years, we need someone to lead us in an American reclamation project. In my job, I travel the world, and occasionally play big stadiums, just like Senator Obama. I've continued to find, wherever I go, America remains a repository of people's hopes, possibilities, and desires, and that despite the terrible erosion to our standing around the world, accomplished by our recent administration, we remain, for many, a house of dreams. One thousand George Bushes and one thousand Dick Cheneys will never be able to tear that house down."They will, however, be leaving office, dropping the national tragedies of Katrina, Iraq, and our financial crisis in our laps. Our sacred house of dreams has been abused, looted, and left in a terrible state of disrepair. It needs care; it needs saving, it needs defending against those who would sell it down the river for power or a quick buck. It needs strong arms, hearts, and minds. It needs someone with Senator Obama's understanding, temperateness, deliberativeness, maturity, compassion, toughness, and faith, to help us rebuild our house once again. But most importantly, it needs us. You and me. To build that house with the generosity that is at the heart of the American spirit. A house that is truer and big enough to contain the hopes and dreams of all of our fellow citizens. That is where our future lies. We will rise or fall as a people by our ability to accomplish this task. Now I don't know about you, but I want that dream back, I want my America back, I want my country back."So now is the time to stand with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, roll up our sleeves, and come on up for the rising."

Toodle pip

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Kerry Katona Interview on This Morning

She is really fucked up. Philip handled it well, but that girl needs some help, not to be in TV docs all the time. Why did they even let her out for the interview though?

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

idiots

These deserve all the injuries they get - fucking idiots gethttp://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1222735973/Pane_of_Glass_Stunt_Causes_Huge_Gash

dog tossing itself off

This is something l have never seen before. No wonder they say men are like dogs

http://www.redtube.com/6303


Toodle pip

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Big Mouth

l have got to get out more!

Tongue freak

Christ, l thought Mandy's was big

what a goal

I'll soon be doing that again every Friday

bad planning




BBC 2 on Sunday night at 7pm. Part two of Simon Schama's new series, The American Future, at Arlington Cemetery in Virginia for Veterans Day. He looks solemn.




BBC 1 at 9pm on Sunday night. Part two Stephen Fry In America, at Arlington Cemetery in Virginia for Veterans Day. he looks solemn.

My taxpayers money

Toodle pip

new york pics






weekend news

Right, nothing much been happening apart from Saturday evening when l went to watch the Manchester United v WBA game at the Dalesman with Dazzer. Hobbled round there for a bit then came back home. Only the second time l have been out of the house in the last couple of weeks (great!). Louise came round with Dazzer and then Rook and Deb called round. Guess what happened then? Correctemondo, everyone got drunk (apart from Louise who was driving home) and we had a takeaway. Rook got upset with Deb (as usual, although she had not done anything wrong), then Louise and Dazzer dropped them off home when they went. Forgot to say, Dazzer was on grave digging duties before we went to the Dalesman, burying Sid at the bottom of the garden (as l can't dig at the moment). It's getting to be like pet cemetery down there.

Stayed up to watch Match of the day (which l had taped), but fell asleep on the settee.

Quiet day on Sunday (and Monday), watched films, read, had a bath - usual stuff. Latest stuff l have watched :
Right Now - French film
The Edukators - German film
2010 A Space oddessy (follow up to 2001)
Return of A man called Horse
Knocked up (shit)
Twisted - started watching it but turned it off as it was crap (Ashley Judd playing a copper)
Loads of football and comedies

Also just finished reading :
An American Scream - the Bill Hicks story by Cynthia True
Barefoot Gen - Keiji Nakazawa (fantastic - ordered the next two books in the series)

Bob Dylan's theme time radio hour has just started series three as well - life is sweet!

Toodle pip

injury update



Here's what my leg looked like a couple of days ago, after walking to the letter box round the corner. Looks worse now( and still sore). Still worth it to be off work!

Friday, 17 October 2008

great advert

This is from Dutch TV, shown about 8pm apparantly (those crazy dutch!)

animals




Thought l would put these up as l was just sorting some animal pictures out. In
order they are Tubs and Sid (Now an ex Sid), Norrin, Mowgli and Jack. My money is on Mowgli next, unless Tubs starts pining and refusing to eat. Bloody animals (love them really).
Toodle pip

latest news - Sid




Here's the new update - good and bad stuff.
On the good side, l am still dossing around, doing the usual crap. Latest stuff l've watched :
Superman - Doomsday (animation, it was alright but the fighting went on too long)
Syriana - Very good
Amelia - French subtitled comedy, very good and slightly strange
Some Fawlty Towers - always excellent although dated
Books l've just read :
A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby - OK but very far fetched
Ascent of Rum Doodle - WE Bowman - old fashioned but pretty funny
Safe Area Gorazde - Joe Sacco - fantastic, one of the best things l've read for ages (and it's true)
Plus there's been football, other TV and the lovely lovely computer.

Had a couple of letters to post so l thought l would walk (hobble) round to the letter box and get some fresh air. What a stupid move. By the time l got there, my leg was sore, but walked back and it was then swollen and bruised. Bastard! Still extra sore now, which means l have to sit around more to recover (so it's not all bad).

Talking of bad, the horrible bad news is one of the rabbits has died (Sid). Sid and Tubs live outside and l went out to feed them yesterday, but Sid was not his normal self. He was at the front of his hutch but not diving out of the way, which he normally did when approached. l gave him some food and a stroke for a while as l thought he did not seem OK. l came back out to check on him about 15/30 minutes later and he ran to the far end of his run. That was more normal but he then did not move. When l went over to stroke him again and check on him (only about one minute after he had run to the bottom of the run), he was dead. Couldn't believe it. Have no idea what caused it or what was the matter with him. The other rabbits (Norrin and Tubs) are both fine. l can't even bury him at the bottom of the garden as my knee/leg is so sore. Mandy is going to do it tomorrow (lucky her). May have a few drinks after the ceremony.

Toodle pip

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

capitalism

After all the banking bail outs etc, here's an old poster. Revolution, that's what we need. Eat the rich.

still not busy

Another marvelous day. Watched Fear and loathing in Las Vegas (again), Atonement (not that keen on it although the ending was a suprise), Stephen Fry across America (could have spent longer in the places and explored more), Manchester United v Everton 1985 FA cup final (tight shorts, kevin Moran getting sent off, great result), Manchester United v Benfica 1968 European cup final (David Sadler missing two great chances, Bestie going round the keeper, great result and childhood memories), Leeds v Derby from 1975 (3-2 to Derby, great game, Lee and Hunter getting sent off and fighting as they walked off).
Listened to a few podcasts and cds, been on the internet and done some reading. Bored? No way!

Toodle pip

Monday, 13 October 2008

Forces of anarchy

Genius

THE ALIENS MAGIC MAN

Another great song from those lovable Aliens (l'm a robot man etc). The lp's great as well (if you like tripped out catchy tunes)

l would love this

Jay Walker is an American entrepreneur.He lives in an extraordinary house containing a genuine Sputnik 1 satellite, a model of the moon signed by nine astronauts, and an orginal copy of the first bible translated into English. [ http://icanhaz.com/crikey ] Jammy bastard.

Homer Simpson tries to vote for Obama...

post back up - last one stopped

oh what a life

Another busy day today. Watched 'There will be blood', which l thought was excellent (Mandy got bored). Read the Sunday papers, had sunday lunch, watched Peter Kays pisstake of the X Factor, read 'The balcony' by Jean Genet (which wasn't that good), had a bath (miracle!), watches the sunday supplement, listened to some music and l am now pratting about with the computer. Marvelous.

Toodle pip

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Birds of Paradise

l'd feel deflated after all the effort he put in - what a bird.

busy busy busy (not!)

This is great. Still only been three days since my knee operation and l already feel as though l have been off for ages. Watched some films and TV (Blood Simple, Green Colour, Brokeback Mountain, Sahara, Life on Earth, Mick Jagger Doc, All you need is Love), been reading loads of magazines and newspapers, just finished Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner (which was pretty interesting) and watched the England game against Kazakhstan (which wasn't).

Listening to podcasts and music, chilling out and hobbling about. Mandy deserted me and went out to Newcastle on Friday night, though l enjoyed having a bath and lazing around (no change there then). Fell asleep with music playing loud through my headphones, made me have some wierd dreams, so l left them on all night. lnteresting when you are in a half dream like state and the music or artist gets incorporated into the dream.

Robbo called round today with some lager, chicken and flowers, wish he would just come out with it and admit he fancies me. The gropes with Mandy are just to save face, l'm sure.

Going to have to sort out some pictures from new York and my brothers wedding and put some up. May do so tomorrow, still haven't seen the wedding ones yet (from last Saturday in Leeds).

Knee is sore but l have taken off the bandages as they were getting on my nerves. Still walking like a pirate with a wooden leg, so that's pretty damn good, a dream come true.

Started watching 'There will be blood' tonight, but a certain girl got tired and wanted to go to bed. Watching the rest of it tomorrow, but l am enjoying it so far. Daniel Day Lewis is one hell of an actor. Talking of actors, also watched Colin Farrell on J. Ross, who came across as vunerable and self effacing, plus looked good and rock star like. Someone else Mandy now fancies (tart).

Anyhows, till tomorrow...

Toodle pip

Friday, 10 October 2008

Palin On Foreign Policy

Dear Lord above - McCain is 72 and has survived four bouts of cancer. If he dies in office, this woman will become president of the most powerful nation on earth.Thing is, there's a good chance that will happen.

Toodle pip

ls this why obama won't get in?

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Joe Kinnear's first official press conference

The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference last week - l know it's a few days late but what the hell, it's outrageous


JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
SB Me.
JK You're a cunt.
SB Thank you.
JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.
SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB No, you can listen to who you want.
JK I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB What? More important things?
JK What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...
Other journalist How long is your contract for Joe?
JK None of your business.
SB Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.

There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.

Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?
JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.
Journalist It's only been a week.
JK Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist It's early days for you to be like this.
JK No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist That was it.
JK No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist I don't know.
JK It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist I didn't write that.
JK That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK Yes. Lovely.
Journalist I don't know who's reported that.
JK I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist You know, you know the game ...
JK Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on , let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.


Toodle pip

planet of the apes comic

All the planet of the apes comics from the 1970's online! Download, resize or just read. Excellent stuff


http://pota.goatley.com/marvel_uk.html

knee operation

Northallerton hospital yesterday ( Wednesday ) for an operation ( at long last ) on my knee ( right knee ligaments, since you ask ).

Had to be there for 8am and got operated on at 12.15pm. Good job l had the trusty ipod with me. Anyhows, l now have a huge bandage on my knee with stitches underneath. Mandy picked me up when l was ready to go at about 4.15pm, and l foolishly decided to walk out of the hospital leaning onto her. Pretty sore afterwards, even though we only walked to the car.

Now doped up on painkillers at home, listening to CDs, watching TV and reading for three weeks so there should be a lot more posts on the blog. Been getting a bit slack recently ( ooeer! ) so l had better get back into the habit ( said the vicar to the nun ) while l have nothing to do.

Till then Toodle pip

advantages of being rich and famous

Good to see Peter Crouch being so honest in an interview


Interviewer: "Peter, what do you think you'd be if you weren't a Premiership footballer?"

Crouch: "Um... probably a virgin."

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Cool Hand Luke - No man can eat 50 eggs scene.

Nothing to say really - what a cool bastard

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Ted

Used to like this monologue/poem when l was younger

Saturday, 27 September 2008

strange place

This link will take you to one of the strangest places l have ever seen (when not on drugs)


http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2008/09/most-alien-looking-place-on-earth.html


l would certainly like to visit it

Toodle pip

Friday, 26 September 2008

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Christian the Lion *Reunion* !

Don't like the soppy music that goes with this, but it made me cry as well. l need counselling (no suprise there).

knee operation

Seen the consultant (Peter Parker) at Northallerton hospital today about my knee, which needs to be operated on as l have torn the ligaments, amongst other things. He is going to operate on it on 8th October. l will be leaving the hospital that afternoon, but the best news is l will be off work for about three weeks. That's right, three weeks of dossing about, reading, watching TV and Dvd's, listening to music and pratting about on the computer. Result!! Obviously l will be too ill and sore to do any decorating or housework, just amusing myself all day long. l think there may be a God after all.

Toodle pip

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Ninja Cat

Here's a ninja cat to cheer me up after the last post.

not heard ac/dc

I was listening to a podcast from the Word magazine, when David Hepworth, a man who writes for them and has worked at Smash Hits and on the Whistle Test, admitted he did not know a single AC/DC song. Fair enough if he had not seen a particular, cult or famous film, as they take anything between 1 - 3 hours out of your life (or more). l am not even a big fan of AC/DC, although l do like their early stuff with Bon Scott singing. It is the fact that he is paid to work in music, commentate on and review music, and should have an open mind about different types of music, at least giving bands and songs a listen, and therefore a chance.

Obviously it is not possible to listen to everything, but this is a band who have had huge International success for many years, have had hit singles (when singles still mattered) and top selling albums.

Instead of just owning up to the fact, and sounding as though he is not going to bother listening to them, he should get off his arse and listen to a couple of them, after taking advice as to what is considered their best songs. It's his fucking job to do so, and if he is too old and blase to take in new sounds and experiences, even though the band may not be fashionable enough to him, he should pack in or get the boot.

If l went for a job on a music magazine and admitted l had never bothered listening to Led Zep, Bowie, Iron Maiden, Westlife, even Gareth fucking Gates, l would be drummed out of the office. At least make time and listen to a couple of songs, then say it's shit and you're not interested. Then you can retire to the safety of your Nilsson albums (who he loves). I bet he would not be slow off the mark if a batch of "World" music came in, or maybe he would just be better off reading war books and listening to documentaries on the radio (which he also loves).

I know l am rambling (what a surprise), but the worst thing is l like a lot of what he writes, read his blog and subscribe to the Word. Just angry and feeling let down by someone l thought was reviewing things with more of an open mind. l am still getting over the fact that sometimes cds are sometimes not listened to properly before reviewing them, ie The Black Crowes, again not one of my favorite bands, but to say "you know what their new album sounds like without listening to it", may be true, but this could also apply to numerous bands. If music journalists can't be bothered doing their job properly, they should piss off and let someone else do it. Not everybody is loaded, so if l am foolish enough to spend some of my hard earned on a music magazine or paper, l at least expect a well informed and rounded opinion. Christ, l wish l had paid more attention in school and could write. Bastards!

Toodle pip

Monday, 22 September 2008

Sunday, 21 September 2008

swim little baby


Van Halen - Ruining Jump

This is so bad on every level. Listen to the guitar - the vocals - everything! Its so shit it's unbelievable. It used to be a good song ferchristsakes. l would be first in the line asking for my money back.

new york 2008 plus united v chelsea

Just returned from New York with Mandy, Kerry, Robbo, Dazzer and Louise. Great time had by all, lots of drink (without drugs!!), football and sightseeing. Nearly forgot, lots of food as well. Will sort out some photo's and stick some up. l will have to try and find some where we look attractive, that may take some time. Work again on Tuesday, can't wait for it, as l am sure you can guess. It's about time one of my so called mates or family came into a load of money so l can retire. Can't believe it when people say they are bored when not working. Don't get me started on people winning the lottery and then going back to work. Bastards! They should give the money to me, l would enjoy it (and fill my house with even more junk). Dossing around at the moment, not doing anything, chilling out, relaxing, feet up with a Vodka and Orange, waiting for Match of the Day 2.

Watched Manchester United against Chelsea earlier, happy with a point beforehand but we nearly nicked the three, which would have been great, as it would have ended Chelsea's undefeated home record. Never mind - not playing too good at the moment but l am sure it will come good. Gotta have faith in Fergie!
Also got some tickets for the return match at Old Trafford for my birthday, drinks and train fare included!! Something to look foreward to after Christmas (it's on Jan 10th - the game that is, not celebrating Christmas at a different date).

Off to look at crap on t'internet, will probably post other stuff later.

Toodle pip

rock band documentary from scotland

This has got to be a set up - can't believe it's real, although it reminds me of first forming a band!
Click on the link, as l can't work out how to do it directly

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v149037042GCQpnP9

"Your attitude determines your altitude - how high do you want to fly?"

The Three Little Bops

What a cartoon!

Monday, 8 September 2008

HOLIDAYS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Finished work! Hurrah !! Holidays coming up !! Birthday in a couple of days !! In Manchester tomorrow!! New york on Wednesday!! Life is now sweet.
Off to get some dollars in a few minutes (nothing leaving it till the last moment). Was going to write about seeing the Ian Siegel band in Darlington on Friday night with Powlie and Deb, but can't be bothered (bothered??). Maybe another time. Manchester United against Liverpool on Saturday!! Watching it in New York then off to Harlem!! What a life
Toodle pip

Saturday, 6 September 2008

l'm back

Wrote this a couple of days ago at work, but had trouble with my memory stick. Sorted it at last.


Well, it’s happened at last –the blog is back!
Been pretty damn busy recently as l have been trying to download or get every album l have ever wanted before my birthday next week. This has taken many, many lonely and sad hours in front of the computer. More or less cracked it now so it maybe a return to some kind of normal (ish) life.
Also been off work for a week, to use up some holiday leave. You would think l would have done something with my time (apart from turning into super geek), but l didn’t and don’t care. My collection of cd’s and my ipod are bursting with joy.
Went out on Sunday night with Robbo, Kerry, Louise and Dazzer for Robbo’s birthday. Meal out in the Boro, (what a surprise). We went to Joe Riggatonie’s in Linthorpe road, which was really empty. Good thing really as lots of drink was consumed and we (OK, maybe me) would have been loud. Got him an England shirt with J.Cole and number 10 on the back. Wouldn’t want one myself, but Robbo does love Joe Cole. Stopped off at the Wine bar on the way home, then Mandy left me to play pool and prat about, as my sister and other lads were about. Straight to bed more or less when l got in, as l have been staying up late and getting up early for a week or so. Training for New York next week.
Sadly, l am back at work till Monday afternoon, can’t have everything.
Till the next time…Toodle pip

Thursday, 28 August 2008

been busy

Been pretty busy with one thing and another so l haven't been keeping up with the blog. Normal service to be resumed in the next day or so.
Toodle pip

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Friday, 8 August 2008

new ipod

What a gay day yesterday was. Out in the Wine Bar with Joseph, then met by Mandy, stayed out for a while with Richie and Ben, then home to the Bunnies, esp Nozzer, the spoilt little bastard. He's not well at the moment, sneezing and not pooing properly (l know, l've checked). Anyhows, got my new ipod through the post, plus a microphone (griffin itouch) for my ipod. The new ipod does not appear to work with the microphone, plus it has some features missing (as far as l can tell at the moment), but the cover flow thingie looks good (plus of course, the memory is much larger). Been playing around with the microphone and it and it does what it says on the tin. Technology is fantastic. Waiting for my new memory stick now, 32gb, which is more memory than most old computers. God knows (just an expression, there is no God) what the future will hold.
Also been listening to Elbow a lot over the last couple of days, forgot how great some of their stuff is, probably a lot better on drugs (then again, what music isn't?). Nice soft songs that build up into a crescendo of noise. Magic.
Also found some clothes that l had forgot about, shorts and a sweatshirt, both good and with tags still attached. All l need now is a bath and hair wash (plus drastic weight loss), so they will look really cool. Maybe l should just go and hide them again. On the other hand. it's bike ride and bath time! Think l will go for that now (the bath).
Toodle pip

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

legend


happy mondays

Mad for it on Saturday, at Stockton for the Happy Mondays free gig. Drinks and disco biscuits all round.
Went to what we thought was the Green Dragon pub beforehand, but it was a pub just across from it – damn! Still enjoyed ourselves, the girls (and l include Robbo) had a go on the fair rides before the gig. Pretty bleeding mental some of them (the rides l mean, and by rides l don’t mean the girls).
Got down the front for the show and had a bit of a shuffle about (ooer missus), then we buggered off to Teeside park for KFC and burgers. The girls dropped me and Robbo off outside KFC, not realising it had just closed its doors. Asked at the drive by window if there was any food left and was told it served till 12pm from the window. Would not give us anything at the window though, even though there were no cars and we were the only people there. Health and safety issue apparently, we had to be in a car to be served. We then had to hang around for the girls to get back so we could climb into the car and buy food from the same window and person. I blame Gordon Brown.
Back to Robbo and Kerry’s for a drink and chat then bedtime. Didn’t overdo it on the night though, as the disco biscuits were crap, so everyone felt fine the next morning. Good result in a way, crap in another.
I had to go to work Sunday night, and had been out till 2pm on Friday night (with work on Saturday morning) at Richmond Live and J.T’s bar. Glad I felt fine (although a bit tired) but I don’t mind putting in the hours and suffering either. It’s got to be done and it isn’t as easy as it seems. Till the next time..
Toodle pip

Monday, 4 August 2008

cool guy

Brendon Erdhardt, of Northern Territories, Australia was caught by police speeding at 150km/h, while filming himself masturbating at the wheel.

5kg of drugs was in his boot and two cannabis plants were on the back seat.

What a cool guy

Toodle pip

dog sex

A mixed breed and a Labrador, formerly owned by Diane Sue Whalen of Tulsa County, have been accepted by the Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah, said Barbara Williamson, spokeswoman for the animal sanctuary.
The dogs — named Lucky and Buddy — will be taken to the no-kill sanctuary next month.
Whalen, 54, and Donald Roy Seigfried, 55, were charged with felony crimes against nature after Whalen's adult son found more than 150 tapes of his mother performing sex acts with her dogs and a blue heeler owned by Seigfried. Seigfried was accused of filming the acts.
The dogs were placed in the Tulsa Animal Shelter following the arrests. While Whalen relinquished custody of her dogs, Seigfried is fighting for ownership of the blue heeler, named Merlin.

Fancy finding tapes of your mum with the pet dog - good to see that Seigfried is trying to stick by the blue heeler

Toodle pip

Friday, 1 August 2008

george best and noel gallagher

I was listening to the Russell Brand show today (Saturdays show), with Noel from Oasis as a guest/co-presenter as usual. I have always loved Noels sense of humour and some of the things he comes out with, but today's was a corker. Talking about hellraisers and then George Best on the Wogan show, Russell compared Noel (who was drinking) to George. Noel replied he was happy with that as George was cool. When Russell asked how a Manchester City could say that, Noel said "George didn't play for United, he played for the World". Top man.
Toodle pip

Thursday, 31 July 2008

bedale and the wine bar

had a great day on Tuesday. Didn't start out so good as l had to go to a work training thingie at the White Rose hotel in Leeming Bar, which didn't finish till about 1pm. Had the rest of the day to myself then, so l went and had a stroll round Bedale, calling in a couple of pubs (wagon and Horses and Oddfellows Arms). The landlady from the Oddfellows had gone off to pick up her new husband from the Gambia (Gatwick actually, but you get the idea). It will never last, l am sure she phoned him the last time l was in and pretended the call was from him. Also said he had a permit already, which sounds dodgy. Wonder what attracted him to a 49 year old divorced woman with money and a pub - can't think of a reason myself.
back to Catterick afterwards to meet Joseph in the wine bar. had a good crack on and he bought in a book for me, Our George, about George Best by his sister Barbara. Made me cry in the second chapter, but the rest of it wasn't that good. Peter fell out with Richie over a game of pool and stormed out, plus l won £10 off Richie (he was drunk and more idiotic than usual). Nice.
Toodle pip

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

old joke

Jeremy Clarkson goes up to Kate Moss at a Party and says "Hi I'm Jeremy.I do Top Gear"
Kate Moss replies "Go on then,I'll have 2 'E's and a gram of Coke"

Talking of which, Happy Mondays at the weekend - nice one - keep it sweet

Toodle pip

the weather

After the great weekend we had, it was back to clouds and rain on Monday. According to the Observer on Sunday, the forecast for the next six days was gloomy and we should have rain all week. lt rained on Monday, then it was a sunny day yesterday (Tuesday) and it looks good today (cloudy and sunny). l am getting obsessed with the weekly forecasts in the paper as they are generally wrong. As l have always said, anything over three days is just guesswork. Lying bastards getting paid for doing a crap job. Shoot them.

james bond

The new James Bond film is called Quantum of Solace. Eh? One of Timothy Dalton's 007 outings was changed to Licence to Kill from Licence Revoked, because the producers were worried that some of the potential audience wouldn't understand the word 'revoked'. Not sure how they're going to cope with Quantum of Bloody Solace.
Toodle pip

Sunday, 27 July 2008

what a scorcher - bastard tories

Phew! What a scorcher! Sadly though, l had to go to work at 3pm so it’s not all fun and games. Working overnight tonight (Saturday) and then again Sunday. Must be a sucker for punishment. Think l will take it easy next week, until the weekend at least. Just finished The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell, bit sentimental about the working classes, but at least he sticks up for them and describes in great detail what a crappy life they had in the 1930’s. Then the Second World War followed (for them, not me) – lucky for me, not so for them (I am confusing myself now). He puts foreward a strong argument for Socialism (Good man). There are lots of so called Labour supporters at the moment complaining about George Brown, saying they are going to vote Tory at the next election. Fucking idiots all of them. If you want a protest vote, vote liberal or Green or anything apart from the Tory bastards who must be laughing their socks off every time they get a working (or lower middle) class vote. I would have more respect if people voted for the BNP and stood their ground, saying all they were concerned about was themselves and Britain, sod the blacks and immigrants. Voting for a party that has no time for the working classes apart from using them as cheap labour and getting them to do all the shitty little jobs they wouldn’t entertain lowering themselves to do. A capitalist system needs cheap labour and unemployment to keep profits high - not that the profits are shared out amongst the majority of workers. The working classes as a whole can be narrow sighted idiots, but at least the excuse is they have not an equal footing when it comes to the chances of a decent education. The Tory party as a whole are very well educated and know what they are doing, i.e. taking the piss. Think I have ranted enough about how I hate them (for the moment). The heat must be getting to me. Oh well, suppose l had better do something (l am at work now). Better not forget to post this tomorrow.
Toodle pip

Thursday, 24 July 2008

good ideas

Quote of the day
" A good idea attempted is better than a bad idea perfected"
Don Letts - B.A.D

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

all my loving

Repeating All My Loving at the moment, a 17 part series from (l think) the 1970's. Its great, a bit studious and middle class but some unique footage and interviews. Some of the stuff you may not be bothered about but it can still end up interesting. Listening to an old git like Irvin Caesar, l was originally thinking "yawn", but it was him that wrote 'just a gigolo' forchristsake. Respect to the man. The series also managed to interview stars while they were still reasonably young or before they died (difficult to do afterwards, l grant you). Top stuff
Toodle pip

Bernie Mac - My sisters Kids

Didnt i tell yo punk ass boi he cant get no milk n cookies?!?!?!?! now im telln yo short ass u cant have none so take yo little punk ass up stairs 4 u get yo ass whooped round here

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

knee and northallerton

So l have finally discovered what is wrong with my knee. Went through to Northallerton hospital yesterday for the results of my MRI scan, to be told l have ripped my ligaments, both inside and outside of my knee. Have to wait for an appointment with a consultant, then he will arrange an operation to remove the ripped parts (as they won't heal apparently). Should be ok once that has been done, be able to play football again, run etc.
Afterwards l went round Northallerton to all the second hand shops, buying books. Didn't realise there were so many there, must have been about eight of them. Chatted to some old grannies (pretending l am nice), got my prescription for new hayfever tablets sorted, didn't even have to pay as the young trendy lad in Boots must have thought l was a dolie and just waved me away with the tablets. Bought The Master and Margarita in Watersons to celebrate, already read it but fancy another read and god knows where the other book is. Also got a black pudding, as l have been feeling pretty proud of the working classes recently so l thought l would show some solidarity, stopped short at some tripe, although l don't mind it (not really, just fancied some black pudding after reading about them last week).
Wrote some letters when l got back and listened to cds, read, then headed to post the letters and have a quick pint before returning to watch some family guy episodes. Actually had an early night (for me), went to bed at 11pm and didn't rise till 10am. Must have been tired (or getting old).
toodle pip

Monday, 21 July 2008

another great old advert


busy days, but still off work

Been busy having a rare old time during the last few days. Went out on Thursday to the Wine Bar, met Joe Finnigan and others, stayed out chewed the fat (lots to be chewed) and came home at 9.30pm full of double vodkas and lemonade. nearly got into a fight with some soldiers who took the piss outside JT's. l offered to fight the hardest one out of them all and they backed down (thank fuck). It's important to stand your ground l say, even if it does end up with a beating (won't be the first). Whats the saying - "better to live like a lion for a day, than live for a year as a lamb". Probably slightly wrong but it's close enough.

Friday, went to Robbo and Kerry's in the Boro, then out to the Cross keys for a few drinks. ordered an Indian takeaway on our return, loads too much as usual. Discussing the Universe, Infinity, and whats the point of anything? (you had to be there). Good laugh though.

Came back on Saturday and l put in my 8 hours at work in the evening while Mandy entertained her sister (Deb) watching Rambo and Sweeney Todd. Still crap with no football.

Went out for a bike ride on Sunday and then cut the bleeding grass as it's taking over the garden. Looking better now but still needs strimming. Felt like booting the cats as they had been crapping down the bottom of the garden, despite the fact we have left an overgrown bit of garden for them to poo in by the bird table. Little bastards (the cats not the birds, although little is the last word l would use to describe Jack).
Watched The Libertine with Johnny Depp in the evening, also a film called Bridget, based on the Moll Flanders story and subsidised by a French channel. Both pretty good, although l had already seen the Libertine.
Finished reading Andrew Collins - Heaven knows l'm miserable now, and Stuart Maconie - Cider with Roadies. Prefered Cider with Roadies, life listening to prog, northern soul, punk, and then working for the NME. Also read Blind Faith by Ben Elton, preaches a bit (see what l did there) but a lot of his views are the same as mine regarding faith, ie l don't believe in God or Gods of any kind. Back to the books and cds now! Hurrah!
Toodle pip

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

freedom!

Finished work at 2pm yesterday (Tuesday) and l only have 8 hours work to do till 3pm next Tuesday. Result! Reading Ben Elton's Blind Faith, listened to loads of cds, watched The Twenties in Colour, Beau Brummel (which was way off the truth), some Family Guy and am still feeding cd's into my ipod as l type. Went for a bike ride today (which killed me) and l am now ploughing through Andrew Collins' Where Did it All Go Right? Just put on some food for Mandy and me (sweet potatoes, chicken and creme freshe). Sod work, being off is so much better.
Toodle pip

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

great album a s well

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

the press

Don't you think the hysteria over knife crime is at least partially responsible for the rise in the amount of knife crime? Surely the papers going on about knife crimes makes carrying knives a cool thing to do. Also other people get scared because of the reporting and carry knives to protect themselves from a greater threat.

The coverage of the suicides in Bridgend must also have fueled the problem. Someone looking at the coverage and feeling depressed might be tempted to copy the behaviour and also get some fame.

The papers and TV jump on stories and run them for as long as they sell and are sexy. Remember dogs attacking babies? It will still happen but the media lose interest after a while.

Take everything with a large pinch of salt (l love salt) and remain cynical - it's the only way to be.

Toodle pip

Monday, 14 July 2008

l wanna be like you in Jungle Book

Another top song - love baloo (sadly growing into being him, or is that a good thing?

Bare Necessities

One of my favorite songs ever (and films)

ron wood - from the mail

" A night drinking with Kate Moss ended with him under the table, biting people on the ankles"

What a guy


Ronnie Wood has walked out on his wife and four children to live with a teenage cocktail waitress he met in an escort bar.
The 61-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist has fled to his mansion in Ireland with the 18-year- old Russian blonde.
His wife of 23 years, Jo, is said to have begged Ekaterina Ivanova not to take her husband away from her. The teenager is understood to have told friends that she replied: 'I am not taking him - he is leaving.'
The other woman: Ekaterina Ivanova is said to have run away with rocker Ronnie Wood following an extra-marital affair
A representative of Wood, who has battled a drink problem for years, said the girl began seeing him three months ago when he was at a low ebb, frazzled by alcohol. They have been together ever since.
Wood - who is drinking two bottles of vodka a day - met Miss Ivanova after the London premiere of the Stones documentary, Shine A Light, on April 2 in a seedy escort bar in Soho.
Within weeks the girl from Moscow had grown so close to Wood that she accompanied him back to the home he shares with Jo and their four children in Kingston upon Thames, South-West London.
At the beginning of May, Wood invited Miss Ivanova to join him at his mansion in Clane, County Kildare.
She has been writing about the relationship on the social networking website Facebook, calling Wood her 'boyfriend' and saying she is quickly 'falling in love'.


She also claims to have become Wood's painting muse, posing for him at the Irish house.
Wood's publicist made the extraordinary move of speaking publicly about his curious relationship with the teenager yesterday.
The publicist said: 'She is a drinking partner. When you're an alcoholic and your family are all telling you to stop drinking you simply find someone else to drink with. You can see how it happens, you end up pushing away the ones you love because you don't think straight.
'He met her in a dodgy escort bar at four in the morning when he was boozed out of his mind. I heard she worked there, but doing what I don't know. It was a very dodgy scenario.
'He's fallen off the wagon big time. He's spiralling out of control and every time he returns to his drinking it's worse than before. He's not even clear-headed enough to check himself into rehab.
'He's in a very bad way. His son Tyrone has tried to speak to him briefly, but he's not even waking up until late afternoon. He's very much spiralling.
'He's on two bottles of vodka a day and he has a size 28 waist. He's not a massive man. He's an alcoholic who has worked up his tolerance to that amount. He is in contact with Jo but until he sorts out the booze problem, it's not Ronnie. Nothing can be resolved.
' Wood was absent on Thursday night when the rest of his family went to the first night of an art exhibition run by Tyrone in Mayfair.
Asked if she thought the pair were having an affair, Jo told The Sun: 'They're not boyfriend or girlfriend - not in that way.'
However Miss Ivanova has been telling friends a very different story. One said: 'She is besotted with Ronnie. Whether or not he knows it, she plans a future with him. She has told everyone Ronnie has left his wife for her and they are a full-on item.'
Locals in Clane said that Wood had barely left the house in weeks. He used to frequent a local bar, where he would join in the odd jam session on his guitar, but that closed recently because of a fire.
Wood is estimated to be worth £70million. The cocktail waitress incident is being seen as the latest symptom of an alcohol problem which has seen him in rehab many times.

The first time he emerged from the clinic, fellow Stone Keith Richards sent him a fax upon which he had scrawled: 'Rehab is for quitters.'
Wood, somewhat wounded, fired one back saying: 'Actually mate, I was in hospital.'
He had, he said at the time, been advised that he was only six months from death. He had been daily consuming two or three bottles of vodka, plenty of chilled Guinness and countless Sambucas. 'I suppose I was permanently pickled,' he said.
Richards treated it all as a bit of a joke and found it a nuisance when he lost his drinking partner. It has never been that much of an issue, however, as Wood's periods off the sauce never seem to last very long.
The trouble is that he has always been proud of his epic consumption. There has never been any publiclyadmitted shame, nor has he reached what therapists call 'rock bottom'.
Sure, his friends and drinking buddies have died - Jimi Hendrix, actor John Belushi, his first wife Krissy, comedian Peter Cook - but this has not really given him pause. Even though his wife refers to alcohol as a 'monster' with which he battles daily, he never seems to learn.
The 'affair' is being described by those who know Wood as nothing more than a by-product of his alcoholic compulsion.
'He's not run away from Jo to be with this girl,' said one. 'He's run away from Jo so that he can get ragged on vodka.'
Another associate said: 'I feel really sorry for Jo because she's taken a lot of this like a good 'un. Ronnie is not a lech, I have known him for years and I don't think he's even that interested in sex. I don't think he's had a bunk-up in ten years.
'The problem here is the drinking. He spends a lot of time in Ireland, and you know that when he's there that is what is going on.
'He can't seem to control the drink and he can't seem to control anything in his life either. It's been a series of disasters over money and managers.
'It's the sort of person Ronnie is. He always looks like the kid who didn't get an ice cream. He's kind of helpless.'

Wood believes that he was born to be a drinker. He grew up on an estate near Heathrow, and would go every night to watch his father drinking, partying and playing the piano at a local pub, the Nag's Head.
Young Ronnie would sit on the windowsill with a packet of crisps and a Coca-Cola and watch his Dad pound the keys. At closing time there would be a shout of 'All back to No 8' - the Woods' home - and the party would start in earnest, with everyone taking as much booze as they could carry. After the Woods moved out, the new owners found 1,700 empty Guinness bottles in the back garden.
When Ronnie started playing with the Jeff Beck Group, he developed a fondness for red vermouth, which took the edge off his stage fright. He was, though, fairly indiscriminate in those days, and progressed through alcohol to cocaine and heroin.
It was all part of his appetite for a good time. As he revealed in his autobiography, he had a seemingly limitless enthusiasm for narcotics.
He and Keith would stay up for 72 hours straight on cocaine while the long suffering Jo, whom he met in 1977, was never more than a dabbler. Keith chopped out a line of coke for them both in their wedding car on the way to the reception. Ronnie spent a £70,000 home improvement loan on drugs, and he and Bobby Keys would stay up all day and night freebasing.
In the 1980s, when the Stones gave up touring, Ronnie's cocaine habit became immense. He and Jo were arrested in the Caribbean with 200 grams of coke.
His dealers used to wake him up in the middle of the night so that he could take hits. He ended up losing his home, his nightclub and all his investments, and hallucinating that there were people hiding in the bushes of his house.
What Ronnie really loved was a party. Those who know him say that he will always be the last to leave, even if that means staying up all night. To this day, his supporters say that his frequent departures from the wagon are always when he has been tempted to prove his credentials as a party animal - a misplaced sense of pride which has seen Jo threaten to leave him.
'He is very easily led,' says an old pal. 'Ronnie doesn't eat, he just likes a drink. Jo and the kids get seriously fed up with it.'
This time, he seems to have started drinking partly out of boredom after the end of the last Stones tour. His daughter Leah's wedding earlier this month was, of course, an excuse to indulge very heavily.
But his family have lost patience with him when he drinks, and so he tends to go to his house in County Kildare where he can knock it back in peace.
'I come from a drinking family and I always enjoy the taste of beer,' he once said.
Several of his attempts at rehab were at Jo's insistence.
She told an interviewer: 'I was at the end of my tether, thinking, "I don't know how much more of this I can take." It was every day, all night long, every night.
'Socially, everybody loved him. Ronnie was great. But when he got back home, he was horrible. I used to dread going to parties because I knew we were going to be the last to leave.'
She spoke to Jagger, who told her she had to get him clean for the Stones tour. 'Ronnie didn't agree until the day before he was due to go.
It was very emotional getting him there. It was really tough because you feel as if you're putting him into some kind of prison.' He spent almost a year clean, but in March 2004, he was admitted once again to the Priory after a night drinking with Kate Moss ended with him under the table, biting people on the ankles.
Almost exactly a year later, in March 2005, he checked into an Irish clinic after getting drunk at his wife's 50th birthday party. In 2006, after celebrating his 59th birthday party in typically riotous fashion, he checked into the Priory, in Roehampton, West London, for an intense five-day drying out session.
There were no problems on the Stones' last tour which ended this year. As usual, Jo came along and cooked him egg and beans on a portable stove in his hotel room, and made him coffees and passed him his cigarettes.
It is, of course, possible for a ageing rocker to conquer his addictions, as Eric Clapton has proved. But one of Wood's friends said yesterday: 'I don't know that Ronnie will ever straighten out.
'For him, drinking goes hand in hand with having fun, and he'd rather be dead than be boring. I remember him saying to me when he went into rehab, "The thing is, I don't want to end up being a boring b*****d like Clapton".'

Sunday, 13 July 2008

footie

I know it’s not that long till the start of the new football season and the European championships have just finished, but l’m missing games on a Saturday. It doesn’t feel right without Match of the Day or final score. Manchester United have just played Aberdeen, but that was only a friendly – not the same sort of enjoyment by a long way. Even been on the internet looking for the new edition of the News of The World annual, (now called the Nationwide annual), and that isn’t out till August 7th.
The good news is this has given me time to watch some old games on ESPN. Saw the European championship final from 1988 last night, Holland against the USSR with Van Basten’s volley and Ruud Gullitt playing and scoring, but it seemed and looked so old fashioned. Bring back the footie ASAP
Toodle pip

Saturday, 12 July 2008

milk and honey band

Been trying to paste a direct link to this but it won't work - so heres another - pass my acid

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur9mMWTrBIA

Thursday, 10 July 2008

bedale and true love

Had a fine day in Bedale on Wednesday, had to go and pay for my mums funeral, then went for a look in the second hand shops and butchers. Wandered around some of the pubs, playing pool and reading. Chatted to the landlady in one of them who said she had just married a guy from Ghana. She has been over there 6 or 7 times in the last year or so and said he worked as a fitness trainer in the resort hotel, they really got on, shared the same sense of humour and just clicked etc. She is nearly 50, he is about 30. She said he has lots of girls throwing themselves at him, which he says he does not like. He also apparently enjoys his job, has a visa already for the UK and is in no hurry to move over. The woman owns a pub and rents out a house, she also has savings and is pretty well off. She is not a stunna (as the Sun would have it), so why are they together. call me an old fashioned cynic, but although she is bright, she is about to be taken for a ride (although she said she had already had one, if you get my drift). I would place money on him moving over here pretty damn soon, meeting someone else and then buggering off, maybe with some of her money. l will have to call in again in a few months to see how it is going. Racist views? Her last husband left her and she will be hurt again in the near future, she is on the rebound and fooling herself if she thinks it's love. No fool like an old one - and l should know
Toodle pip

the weather

Trying to find out how accurate weather forecasts are, as l have had an argument with someone about the weather this year. He (Jimmy) was saying it was meant to be a crap August and September, l was arguing that all the forecasts were crap and just guessing, as they cannot predict the weather accurately more than about 3 days in advance. A good example was in the Observer last Sunday, where it said it would be raining here all week. Had a sunny day yesterday and today, maybe tomorrow as well. It's obvious some things with the weather can be forecast, sunny in the Sahara, colder in England during winter etc, but whether it will rain or not in a week is a load of rubbish. The forecasts get changed all the time, and when extreme weather happens, the papers can just reprint an old forecast that was correct. They treat everyone like idiots, and don't get me started on TV detector vans being able to detect a TV, even when it is switched off. Bah!
Toodle pip

dentist - hidden camera

wish my dentist was like this, wouldn't mind going so much

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

sun is shining

Up and about early today as l have to go into work for fire training (don't panic and call the fire brigade). Going to Bedale after to pay for my mums funeral, then the world is mine. pretty nice day at the moment so l may have a pint or two in Bedale, come back to the wine bar for a couple more, then home to cut the grass, before it gets higher than the house. The other half is busy till 8pm, working and visiting her nan, so l've got some peace.
Out yesterday in the pub, playing pool and taking the piss (no change there). another funeral yesterday, didn't go to it myself but there was a lot of drunken lads out that l know. Sure Joe (won't say his second name) is bisexual. l kept taking the piss out of him and getting him to sit on my lap. trying to get him to come out (so to speak) but no joy. Give it time l say. played a lot of pool again but lost some games as well as winning so didn't make much. have to go out more and practise.
Butt naked now so l had better get dressed and ready for work, got to be there for 9.30am. Should be exciting (l doubt).
Toodle pip

Sunday, 6 July 2008

lovely pool

What a great time l had last night. Down the local from about 4pm till 10pm, got very drunk and played pool for money all night. Won every game l played, so left the pub with the same amount of money l came out with. Only left because everyone refused to play for money or drinks any more. Excellent!
Also had a tosser in there saying he was voting for the BNP, as they are for the English and aren't racist, nothing against blacks, gays etc. Obviously l took him to task on this and it looked at one time as if he was going to get beaten up by some soldiers in there. Pity he didn't, l was all for it. People like him make the white working class look like idiots, bad for us all. l told everyone he was bisexual himself and had tried it on with me, just to wind him up and shut him up. probably why the soldiers wanted to kick him in, come to think of it. Nearly worked, better luck next time.
Toodle pip

Kid Rock - All Summer Long

Kid rock looks like a star, acts like one, and l love him a lot

Friday, 4 July 2008

glastonbury

been in the pub all afternoon, drunk and more stupid than usual. Watched (or rather skipped through alll the glastonbury footage we had sky+) and here's the verdict :
the Verve were superb
mgmt - the singer is great looking (bit like bon jovi) but the songs have not grown on me yet
elbow - fantastic but they need to look cooler
reverend and the makers - love them already so anything would be good
jay z - 99 problems and he aint one
the enemy - never that bothered but they have grown on me
the gossip - l know it's not about looks, but what the fuck was beth wearing
duffy - nice pants
neil diamond - great songs but he seems to have lost some charisma
laughing lennie - missed him
thats it for now - bed time
toodle pip

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Elbow - One Day Like This Glastonbury '08

here's another band that would be a lot more popular if they looked like rock stars - great songs though

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

playing for Manchester United

The great God Fergie has been giving evidence on behalf of Ben Collett, a Manchester United reserve who had his leg broken in two places in a game against Middlesbrough, by Gary Smith. Fergie was stating that Collett had a great chance of making it as a professional, and could have earned £13,000 a week until he was 35. This adds up to about 16 million pounds. The case has already been proven, with Middlesbrough admitting liability, it’s just the amount of damages to be paid that is being sorted out.
Collett is still a young man, so to get anything like 16 million pounds, with the majority of his life in front of him, must be great. Obviously l would have loved that myself, but it made me think how much l would rather play for Manchester United, for less money. Decided that l would rather have played for United, say for about £200,000 a year. Let’s face it, it’s still a lot, plus you get to travel the world and do a job you love, with lots of adulation.
Money isn’t everything, but l wonder how many stars of today would rather play than have the extra money, if they had to make the choice. Wonder what Collett would rather have done. He would say he would rather have played when the tribunal was being held, but l do wonder if he would rather have the money now and do something else with his life (travel, start your his business, or laze around with drink, drugs and super models). What a choice, might change my mind about playing.

Toodle pip

tennis

I used to play and watch tennis a lot, now I couldn’t tell you the first thing about it, as I stopped watching when it became about power, serve and volley. Did catch a bit of news about it though, on the radio at work today. Wondering why the English fans are not enamoured with Andy Murray. It’s not exactly rocket science. I’m not a huge fan of the England football team, but Murray wore a Paraguay shirt when England played them, plus has said that he would rather anyone won except England. He also makes a huge thing of being Scottish rather than British, so even though I think a lot of England fans are idiots, they’re not that stupid or forgetful. I also realise that a lot of the fans at Wimbledon will be spoon fed wankers or middle class tossers who might not go to watch the England football team, but they will certainly be protective of their little England. As they are generally wanting a return to the good old days when England ruled the waves over Johnny foreigner, I say we round them all up and send them to Australia, Africa, or anywhere out of my vision or hearing. Sod the lot of them.
Toodle pip

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

The Apples in stereo - energy

love this band - they'd be a lot bigger if they looked like proper rock stars (ie women want to shag them and blokes want to be them)

sun is shining

Sun is shining, weather is sweet, makes me want to move my dancing feet. Unfortunately my hay fever is bugging me and my knee is too sore. Old age - what a bastard. Picking up bikes tomorrow and seeing the doctor on Monday, the health regime starts here. Anticipate being back to my fighting weight in a couple of weeks. Luckily for me my fighting weight is 27 stone.
Toodle pip